What You Don't See Coming
by butterfly collective
Summary: While Matt's recovering from not dying in a plane wreck with Elizabeth, C.J. faces online harassment but from who? Just borrowing the characters.
1. Chapter 1

Another blurb on a rainy day…maybe I'll update this one…thanks for reading and for the feedback!

* * *

C.J. looked over at Matt who had been hitting the Scotch pretty hard since the news flash came in about the airplane crash that took place somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. Not much was known about what happened but somehow, the plane had lost altitude and plunged nose first into the unwelcoming surface of the ocean where it likely broke up into many pieces.

Over 150 lives were lost including Matt's ex-fiancée Elizabeth. Matt had just ended his engagement to the heiress the day before and she had been jetting to Tahiti on her honeymoon without a groom or a husband. Matt had been awaiting news of a critical merger at the time when the news flash came up on CNN over the ticker tape. The talking head looking appropriately grave in a smart business suit cited the few known facts on the crash and said that the airline would be appearing before the media soon to issue a statement.

Matt had hit the liquor cabinet in nothing flat at the news for days. And the Scotch bottle had been there waiting for him. She knew that he felt grief at the loss of the woman he loved and despair for what could have been.

But what shook everyone up inside the suite that morning was that he also felt tremendous guilt, the kind felt by people who narrowly avoid their own deaths due to some decision they made that sidestepped them away from that fate.

"Houston…you can't think…"

He turned towards her, his eyes reddened.

"I should have been there with her," he said, "I should have gone down with that plane."

She just shook her head at him, rejecting the vision of altered events he had painted. She would never accept that he should have died with the woman who he had just broken up with the day before.

So she held her ground and folded her arms, looking at him.

"No Houston…you can't…"

"Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't think C.J.," he said, "In fact why aren't you happier about this?"

That shocked her.

"Excuse me?"

He ran his hand through his hair and got up and started pacing. But at least the Scotch bottle remained on the table that was a start.

"You were jealous of her from the start, weren't you," Matt said, "You said so yourself before the wedding."

She sighed, not believing where he was going with his tirade.

"Houston…I felt a little insecure at losing you…as a friend…and you set me straight on that and I thanked you for that."

"But…"

She tilted her head, tossing her hair back.

"No Houston…this is not about me wanting a woman you walked away from to be dead along with over 100 people in some tragic crash…so just don't even go there…"

"Why don't you just admit it," Matt said, "You didn't want me to marry her."

She tried to rein in her impatience in light of his grief and his own feelings of guilt.

"_You_ didn't want to marry her," she said, "and rewriting the script of what actually happened isn't going to change anything."

"I'm not…"

She spun on him again, her heart aching at what she had to say.

"Oh yes you are Houston," she said, "And it's been a week and you need to decide what you're going to do. Are you going to wallow here in booze and pointing fingers or are you going to continue to blame everyone around you for something that no one's to blame for."

He shook his head, reaching for his glass.

"How dare you…"

She put her hand up.

"No…I'm not going to listen to this anymore," she said, "You're my best friend in the world and I love you but I can't listen anymore…"

He got up from his seat and grabbing his jacket walked towards the elevator.

"I'm going to take off then," he said, "See you later."

She followed him.

"Houston, you've been drinking…"

Roy came out of his office blocking his path.

"She's right and you're not getting behind the wheel," he said, "You know better than that or you did."

Matt looked between the two of them and then turned around and went into his office closing the door.

C.J. looked over at Roy who just shook his head.

"I'm worried about him," Roy said, "but no one can help him but himself."

She agreed with that.

"I know and that's the hardest part…"

* * *

C.J. headed to her own office, wanting to be anywhere else but only a few yards away from the man whose life appeared to be heading in a tailspin since the news about Elizabeth's plane crash. She knew his guilt tied into his decision not to marry her after they both realized they just weren't suited to fit into each other's lives. Elizabeth wanted a husband who was predictable and kept to a regular routine in his days and that so wasn't Matt at all.

Matt never knew each day he woke up exactly what he would be doing, where he would be how long and whether or not he even would be coming home at night. And even C.J. knew that Elizabeth would have shriveled up inside a pool of neediness before long in that kind of marriage.

Chris had dropped off some paperwork to sign not even wanting to approach Matt in his state. C.J. had smiled and had agreed to do all the signing off for the time being. Damn, Matt had really worked himself into a state of so many complicated emotions intertwining with each other. And she just couldn't go along with his belief that he should have died along with Elizabeth, not if it meant losing the most important person in her life. Didn't he care about those he'd leave behind to mourn him? Right now, clearly not so wrapped up was he in the tragedy.

Matt was the toughest, most rugged guy she had ever known but he had a huge heart and hadn't been shy about showing how much he cared about people, whether it was his family, his friends including here or the women he had been drawn to and his seduction skills…legendary.

And what he said about her being jealous…so untrue…okay maybe a little but she had accepted him getting married because she wanted him to be happy and she thought Elizabeth did that for him in ways that other women had not.

Oh wait, she had told him while they were dodging a barrage of sniper bullets that she had loved him but that had quickly been forgotten about as he continued playing the field for a while and she nearly got snared by smooth talking but calculated killer Robert Tyler.

She remembered biting Matt's head off when he approached her with that news, that the man she loved who had asked her to marry him had tried to kill him and had been masterminding the kidnappings that his coverage had driven him up the ladder in the news industry.

Sighing, she picked up a file and began reading it, trying not to think about the man who she loved who sat in his office, grief stricken and striking out at everyone around him like a wounded tiger.

* * *

The two men met in the commissary inside the prison, both looking around them at all the activity. They were both tough men, who built up considerable muscular strength by lifting weights in the prison yard so they weren't approached unless the person was asked to do so.

"This food rots," one of them named Clyde said, "I can't wait until we bust loose from here."

The other man with a military haircut named Dallas nodded.

"The plan's set in motion," he said, "We'll be free men tomorrow hopefully with a head start of a couple of hours."

"Is everything set up on the outside?"

"Yeah…car and safe house…some money but we're not leaving the joint to play," Dallas said, "We've got work to do."

Clyde smiled.

"I wouldn't exactly call it work," he said, "I'd call it paying a social visit. I can't believe some guy is actually paying us money to take care of something before we can take off."

"Well believe it," Dallas said, "Though I'd do this for free…It's been a long three years and it's time to pay it forward so to speak…You know that guy solicited ads everywhere for the right guys to carry out his plan…and we're it."

Clyde smiled.

"Ah, the wonders of the internet," he said, "And those that lock us up from the world don't suspect that we can still access it."

"Well they won't…because we'll be long gone…once we finish the job in L.A."

With that, they both finished eating, happily aware that it would be their last meal on the inside even if the world around them didn't know yet.

* * *

Matt looked in the mirror and noticed the stubble growing on his face but had no desire to shave it off. He had showered in preparation for taking off on his trip to go visit an old friend. As for packing, he didn't need much because he'd be flying on his jet to Vegas to see Johnny Foster who was doing a show there, after spending the last two years on sabbatical from show business mostly to complete a stint in rehab and rebuild his life which had been shattered by alcoholism and broken marriages.

Johnny had invited him after he had called to check on Matt after hearing about Elizabeth's death and hadn't liked the way he sounded, frankly so he had invited him to come visit him and get away for a little while.

He turned on the radio while he cooked himself up a quick omelet and orange juice without Vodka. No, he had decided he had enough alcohol himself and he just really needed to get away and think.

C.J. had been avoiding him he noticed and he knew he had hurt her feelings, but he didn't think she would be receptive to him trying to apologize right now…maybe a few days apart would be good for both of them. When he had been in the office, she had been quieter; more subdued as well which must have been fallout from their latest argument.

"_This is a KNX newsbreak…the Folsom State Penitentiary has released a statement that two of its inmates have broken out of prison…The escape wasn't noticed by correctional guards until the head count this morning indicated that the two men who were assigned to adjoining cells were missing…"_

Matt went to wash the dishes and place them inside the dishwasher, thinking he would need to get on the road to the airport to avoid traffic on the side streets to LAX.

"_Armed and dangerous…Law enforcement officials urge you not to approach either man but to call 911…"_

Matt caught the last statement, prison escape? It seemed as if they were coming in waves lately. Hopefully no one too dangerous and that people would have enough sense not to try to be heroes and wind up dead instead. He grabbed his suitcase and headed out to his Mercedes after locking up his house.

* * *

C.J. sighed as she showered after having jogged for several miles. She loved running in the mornings because it cleared her mind just in time to go hit the office for a day's work or go out in the field with Matt.

Her heart panged when she thought of him, just as it did these past days and weeks. She had hoped that he would start feeling better, wanting the best for him even if he had been difficult to live with lately. But she knew that his snapping at her and at Roy and even the secretaries had been because he hadn't been able to cope with the guilt he felt. The latest she had heard from him was that he was going to pay his friend Johnny a visit in Las Vegas.

Now she knew Johnny had cleaned himself up and rebuilt his life including his musical career so Matt would be in good hands with a man who had lived through more pain in his life than most people. Hopefully when he returned…well they would have to wait and see if he had started to heal when he returned…whenever that would be.

She had checked her email because she had gotten some strange ones from some anonymous address, someone wanting to get together with her, an old high school friend who might be coming into L.A. for a business trip. But then more emails had arrived from strangers asking her to hook up with them…she had just sent them straight to spam until one of them had said he had seen her photo on a singles' site.

But she had no idea what he had been talking about, because she didn't post her picture online.

She had asked Roy what it could be and he sighed, saying that someone else probably had posted it somewhere for some reason. After several more emails, it had become clear that she had very little if any clothes on in the photos and that baffled her even further. But she had no idea where to look for them because none of her "admirers" had mentioned the location of the Web site. Because if she did find out that someone had done that, she would definitely pursue legal action to get them removed. After all, it was certainly illegal, right?

"I can't believe someone did this Roy…god, it's so infuriating…but I have no idea where to look…just these emails talking about my…"

Her face flushed and she felt self-conscious at talking about these things with Roy but his professionalism and concern for her put her more at ease. But his look now was serious, as if he were about to broach a difficult subject.

"C.J…is it possible that this could be someone you dated...or had a relationship with who's doing this?"

She sighed knowing immediately what he meant because the photos…if they were genuine, they had to come from somewhere right? She tried to think because she had been in several relationships and a couple of shorter, more intense vacation flings in the past several years. But as far as she could recall, none of her lovers had taken photographs of her.

"Roy…I had several boyfriends but none of the breakups were too acrimonious," she said, "Mostly it was because his life…my life or both just got very hectic."

He nodded.

"I'm saying…"

She interrupted.

"I know why…I feel like someone's either playing a bad joke on me…and maybe…but I feel like it's invasive like…"

"Being stalked," he finished, "I know that's what happened to you and Christian Dean a couple of years ago…and that it had been a nightmare."

She shook her head.

"No…this can't be stalking," she said, "That's when you get phone calls and unwelcome gifts…you get followed, or someone breaks into your house or…"

She sighed, still feeling the loss of her boyfriend Carl, the casualty of having been stalked by a megalomaniac like Dean. This…this was just some unwanted emails…spam really and the photos…maybe they existed and maybe not.

"Maybe you should talk to Hoyt about it," he said, "He can give you more information on what's been happening because it sounds like someone's harassing you only over the internet."

She sighed, putting her hand through her hair.

"But what's the big deal Roy," she said, "It's just online…not the real world…if I had to; I could just stay offline and whoever was doing it, would get tired and go away."

Roy didn't sound so sure.

"What about Matt?"

She looked towards his empty office.

"He's got enough on his mind," she said, "I don't want to bother him with something that's silly…"

She had made that comment several days ago and she knew he had planned to go to Vegas and probably had already left.

"It's not…"

Chris interrupted them with a stack of paperwork which she handed off to C.J. She turned to leave and then stopped.

"Oh there's a guy on line four who wants to, how shall I put this, get together with you later for drinks because he loved your…picture."

C.J. just looked at Roy, thinking it was already getting to be a very long week.

* * *

Matt's plane landed in Vegas in brilliant weather, blue skies and sunshine caressing his shoulders. Vegas was one of the world's most popular playgrounds and maybe it was time for him to do a little of that. If only to relax a bit and not think so much about the past month, and Johnny said the hotel where he stayed had plenty to do.

"Come on, let's go get something to eat," Johnny said, "There's a great steakhouse actually on the fifth floor."

Matt followed him, feeling better already.

* * *

Dallas and Clyde remained holed up in an aged motel on the Sunset Strip laying out their plans. It had been facilitated greatly by an unanticipated break they had received which had left their quarry wide open.

"Any more instructions," Clyde asked, looking over Dallas' to the laptop he had booted up taking full advantage of the free wireless.

"He said that that the best entrance is the French doors facing the backyard," he said, "Just slip over the fence, use the standard all-purpose key and we should be in."

"That's good…easier to do it there than arranging a kidnapping…one less charge if we get caught."

Dallas shook his head at the very idea.

"We're not getting caught," he said, "I have no intentions of going back to prison and besides, our boss has arranged transport for us over the border."

"He must be very well connected," Clyde said, "to be able to pull all this off."

"Oh he's got his…fan base that's keeping him well oiled," Dallas said, "but like I said, the escape is enough for me, what's ahead is a bonus…I've sat in jail and waited for this day."

"You really enjoy…"

"Hell yeah…this person's most definitely got it coming," he said, "Now all we have to do is wait…."


	2. Chapter 2

Another update is up, thanks for reading and for the feedback!

* * *

Matt looked at his poker hand and decided he definitely could use a few more cards. He looked over at Johnny whose face revealed nothing, and Matt knew with his skill, he could be one card short of a royal flush or holding nothing. He envied him that skill but Matt's own card playing skills were lower on the list than a few people including C.J. who could even give a guy like Johnny a run for the money.

He sighed, as he sipped his ginger ale wondering how she was doing. He hadn't called the office since he'd left for Vegas knowing that everyone there could handle both of his businesses while he was gone. Murray had left a message or two on his voice mail but surprisingly enough had not pushed for a return date or even to return his call. He seemed to understand or others told him that Matt had decided to leave town to get away from everything.

"You want a card," the dealer said and Matt nodded, taking one but not liking it much.

They had been playing this particular card game for several hours with some retired Navy Seals and even a colleague or two of Matt's from military intelligence. Johnny and he had been doing some card playing and seeing the sights of the tourist trap town in between his musical performances. Matt had watched him in action twice and had to say that his friend had truly conquered his demons and had parlayed that into a hot selling act and an album racing up the charts.

But the guy hadn't quit all his vices and poker took the top position on his list. And like Matt, he had kept his drink of choice, carbonated. He had told Matt the first night after his show how he had struggled with going to rehab but that episode where he had been blacking out and coming to with dead show girls around him had been an eye opener, as was nearly being charged for murder. If it hadn't been for Matt and C.J…he might have been in prison believing that he had killed them all.

That thought of what could have been kept him from ever picking up a drink again.

But Matt tried to focus on the poker game and found it difficult to do so. His mind kept going back to L.A. where he had left his family and friends behind. The words that he had said to them…he wished he could take back. That's what some serious time spent thinking had made it clear to him. But he couldn't take them back just like he couldn't undo the tragic plane accident that had killed Elizabeth.

The woman he would have...no he had walked away from her and she from him because they couldn't live together not with their conflicting lifestyles not to mention value systems. But that didn't mean that he had wanted anything bad to happen to her, he had wished her a happy and fulfilling life even if it wouldn't be with him and she had smiled amid her tears and wished him the same.

But her life had come to an abrupt end not long after that and had left him believing that if he had been on that plane…like he could stop it from crashing? Did he really believe he could do that, he thought.

"Would you like another card Matt," Johnny asked.

And this time Matt answered.

* * *

C.J. looked up at Hoyt folding her arms at him, listening to him rhapsodize about how there wasn't much the police could do to trace the person or people responsible for harassing her online. That perhaps the best thing for her would be to just avoid the internet and thus cut the conduit that some unknown party was using to do that. Something along the lines of out of sight, out of mind she guessed. But she was having a harder time not thinking about it.

She had gotten more phone calls at the office from men asking her when they could drop by her house for a drink and a date. After the first couple phone calls, she had them sent to voice mail so that they could be collected for evidence she supposed. Though from the way Hoyt sounded, there wasn't much if anything that could be done. Which was exactly what she had told Roy earlier, but it was beginning to tick her off and she just wanted whoever had been doing it to stop and go back beneath the rock they had been hiding under. She wondered who it could be, especially after Hoyt told her that it may or may not be. In fact, it could be entirely random and the perpetrator might not have even met or spoken to her in real life.

Real life, she repeated to herself. What did that mean, if people were calling her on the phone to discuss something read online then how was that any different?

"Hoyt…"

He sighed.

"I know it's not what you want to hear C.J. but it would take contacting multiple ISPs through subpoenas and that can only be done with criminal activity and this might be more of a civil matter."

"What…okay you're right…" she said, "As long as I stay away from the internet…but wait I do my research on it and if someone's posting information about me, or my photo then I think that might be a crime."

He sighed again.

"That's a difficult one to call," he said, "It's mostly the FBI that deals with these kinds of harassment issues when they're criminal because most internet transmission crosses state lines…sometimes even international too."

She rubbed her eyes feeling tired from a day's worth of work which involved also reviewing and signing business agreements because Matt had left town.

"Well thanks anyway," she said, "I'll see you later…"

Hoyt shrugged and left to go back to the station and she packed up ready to leave and go home, picking up some takeout on the way. Damn, she had so much work to do even with having spent all day at it. Still she knew that Matt had really needed to get away to come to terms with the tragedy that had ripped through his life. Roy had left earlier to have lunch with an old army buddy

She walked into the garage to her car and heard her footsteps echo in the enclosed space. She didn't like walking through it at night by herself and many times she and Matt or Roy had left together at the end of the day.

But the lighting in the garage cast more shadows than it dispersed and when she finally reached her car and clicked to undo the alarm before unlocking it, she breathed a sigh of relief. She drove out of the parking lot thinking about how all this had unnerved her, including the fact that she had no idea who might be doing this to her…because she had a feeling that it was someone she knew.

It had to be…it couldn't be a stranger. After all, the last time she had been stalked, it had been someone that she knew who came after her because of some bizarre fixation that he had with her going back year ago when both had attended high school. Only she had barely even noticed him except in passing…maybe it was the same situation here. But really, could it be another person from her past with the same obsession, hardly likely. She had a background in investigation and should be able to find out…Matt certainly could help her…but he wasn't around because he had left to get away from L.A. and everyone in it.

Even her, and she even thought especially her. She didn't know that the words she had dug out from deep inside herself to share with him would hurt him. That he would turn around say what he did about her…she couldn't even think about it. His diatribe had come from a place of great pain and guilt but that didn't make what he said right.

Still if he returned to L.A. and wanted to discuss it, to clear the air, she would because she loved him.

Her driveway looked inviting as it had been a long day and she parked there and went to grab her mail from her box. And her house looked dark with just an automatic porch light on. She unlocked her door and walked inside her living room, flipping the light switch almost thinking…but now everything remained in its place as it should and she shook her head at what she had been thinking as she went to the kitchen to get some beer to drink with her takeout.

Her work awaited her but she didn't really want to face it, she wanted to just kick back and relax, maybe watch a movie or read a book which she seldom had time to do. But instead, she checked her email and sighed, as she saw more emails that looked as if they were from strangers. She glanced at the content and saw more requests to see her and go out for drinks and more and she recoiled in disgust. Who did these men think they were, they didn't even know her? All they knew was what some anonymous person posted about her online without her knowledge let alone her permission.

Then she got to the most recent one from someone who said that when he arrived at her house, he wanted her to be wearing a black dress, only one that the writer described in great detail. A chill unfurled inside of her as she realized she had a dress just like that. She had worn it numerous times…but not in a while. Okay before reading too much into it, she had to realize that there were probably hundreds of dresses out there that looked like that one. She could have been photographed at a charity event wearing it and then appeared in one of L.A.'s many newspapers.

But then again…she picked up the phone and started to punch up Matt's cell phone number before placing the phone back down. No, she wasn't going to do this, she wasn't going to go running to him and drag him back to L.A. from his vacation in Vegas one he sorely needed, just to deal with some cyber weirdo. She leaned back in her couch and took a few deep breaths, then decided to go soak in the bathtub, light a few candles and maybe some wine…that would make her feel much better.

So she walked into her bathroom to do just that and then her bedroom but she frowned when she saw one of her curtains rippling. She walked over there and found that the window had been ajar. Frowning, she thought back to whether she had made sure it was locked the last time she had opened it and thought yes. Because she always locked up her house.

She closed it and then drew the curtains around it and headed back to take her clothes off for her bath. The water with bubbles that wafted of lavender felt heavenly and the tension from her day slipped away quickly enough. She closed her eyes to relax.

* * *

The two men stood in the backyard of the house in the brush, watching the light turn on in the bedroom and they knew that she had arrived home and was settling inside for the night.

"You think we should," Clyde asked.

Dallas shook his head.

"We wait…and I told you to close the window…"

"I guess I forgot."

Dallas frowned, his eyes deadly.

"You can't…forget," he said, "We're getting paid enough money to set up base outside the country for the rest of our lives but this has to go according to plan."

"She's so pretty," Clyde said, "Damn shame."

Dallas turned to him.

"Why…she put us both in prison…" he said, "She should have handled our cases but she quit the public defender's office in the middle…to work for that millionaire."

Clyde remembered that well.

"She got on me for lying to her once about my whereabouts," he said, "Threatened to tell her supervisor."

Dallas sighed, looking back at the house.

"She did worse to me…and she's going to pay for it."

They both looked back at the house as the night continued to count down the hours until morning. As did the two men before they would launch their plan in action.

* * *

Matt woke up the next morning, feeling better than he had since he arrived. The poker game had really been great, it provided some time for him not to think about himself and to spend time with friends he hadn't seen in a while.

But his first thought that morning had been about calling the office to see if everyone there was doing fine and to try to catch up with C.J…he really had to speak with her, to make it okay between them because he knew she had been upset by his behavior towards her.

Johnny had said he would get up that morning and take a run to and from a local park several miles away, did it every morning and it left him feeling great and ready to face the day. Matt changed into some workout clothes and then went down to meet him. Johnny saw him coming into the lobby and smiled at him as they took off towards the park. Some degree of competitive spirit between the two led to them jockeying for position which changed constantly.

Johnny had been an athlete in his younger days before he took up singing and Matt had to work hard to be able to lead him down the street into the dirt trail surrounding the natural park.

"You're cheating," his gravely face said.

Matt just glanced over at Johnny and dug deeper.

"Come on, I run after people every day…well almost and you mostly stand around and sing…no contest."

Johnny laughed at Matt and the two finally stopped after sprinting the final hundred yards through a grove of trees and then stopped by the covered picnicking area. Matt waited until his breathing settled down and then looked over at Johnny.

"How do you feel Matt?"

"I feel better…it's been great coming out here and spending time here…away from L.A."

Johnny wiped the sweat off of his face.

"Well you're welcome any time, you know that."

Matt nodded, grateful for the invitation which had come at a good time before he drove himself and everyone else crazy back in the city.

"A couple of days more," he said, "Then I'll head back."

"Did you go to her funeral?"

Matt sighed.

"No I didn't…her family never liked me much…and I suspect they think I broke her heart…I just didn't think it was a good idea to show up."

Johnny nodded.

"It might have been awkward," he said, "but you need to say goodbye to her."

Matt rubbed his forehead.

"I think I already did…I just couldn't handle being alive when I should have been…"

"Matt, you lived, she died, life's like that and you know that can't be controlled," Johnny said, "That's your problem, you want to control everything, to stop bad things from happening and you just can't. No one can."

Matt listened, knowing his friend spoke the truth but easier said than done he realized too because he wanted to protect the people around him, and when he couldn't…the guilt had threatened to overpower him. But Johnny was right after all, he had to rein that part of himself in or he would never be able to move forward.

* * *

C.J. worked hard in her office all day, with Murray on the phone with her a couple of times but she finally reached the bottom of the pile and decided to return earlier…that and the fact that the emails had kept on coming and a couple of them…they were just getting worse. Someone had clearly been posting intimate information about her at one or more sites and these creeps were accessing it, which sent a chill inside of her that nothing would alleviate. She thought about talking to Roy…calling Hoyt but no, it wouldn't do any good. If she pursued any options, they would have to be civil in nature like a restraining order…but without knowing who needed restraining?

She sighed as she headed on home not knowing what awaited, because at first when she walked up to her home, unlocked the door and walked inside, it looked as if always did.

And then it changed.


	3. Chapter 3

Another update up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

Matt sat and watched Johnny perform during his show which as usual, attracted a crowd of people clapping and cheering as servers passed around drinks to lather up those in attendance to hit the casino afterward.

He didn't drink, having sworn off of it since he left L.A. because he could think about things better without scotch, bourbon and all their assorted friends. Johnny had certainly come a long way from the days when he boozed it up between shows and then blacked out in between them. He now worked out ate healthy and Matt noticed that he appeared to be enjoying life a lot more than he had in his days of fame and infamy. He still had a lot of fans and no longer needed the money; he could just focus on his talent and using it to make people happy.

They had been out hitting the golf course, where Johnny teased Matt about his putting skills which had gone rusty. Matt found his game coming back after they hit the ninth hole and the game resulted in a tie between the two of them before they went to the clubhouse to get something to eat.

Matt could never live in a city like Vegas that seemed to be based more on weaving fantasies to tourists than in anything approaching reality. But it had been a nice place to travel to get away from what had happened to get more clarity on his life. One more day and then he would phone the office for his messages and promise to return by the end of the week.

Several women approached him dressed in shimmering outfits but she politely told him he was just there to watch a friend. He sipped a club soda and lime as Johnny moved on from ballads to faster paced music and Matt knew that he had tapped into some of the more painful areas of his life. His way of working through them, Matt figured, even as he tried to navigate this own feelings about what the loss of Elizabeth and his own survival that had happened only because the wedding didn't.

That's what it broiled down to, the decision that had saved his life had been to walk away from Elizabeth and neither saw what followed coming because you couldn't see everything after all.

It hit him cold and hard like a sledge hammer when it was defined like that, but he had to accept it somehow and move forward which meant going back home.

The police officers lined up beside the front door before trying to break into the house. They had responded to a report by a neighbor of gunshots fired inside the residence that had disrupted the quietness of the street.

"It looks like it was double bolted," the officer said, "Send some officers around to try the back but be prepared for anything."

About a half dozen of them went through the side gate into the backyard. They put themselves in formation and braced for any type of violent response at their arrival.

"Police…open the door and keep your hands away from your body."

But nothing happened; the house remained darkened and quiet. One officer ran from behind.

"The French Doors are broken," he said, "but there's no sign of anyone."

The other officer, a sergeant sighed.

"No response here either…god I hope it's not a suicide or worse."

They proceeded to the double doors which were indeed broken, a window shattered while others covered the other doors. They put themselves in formation to go through the French doors taking care to protect themselves.

"No one in the bedroom…but it looks like there was a struggle of some kind…"

The furniture including the bed were in disarray and was that blood on the floor? An officer knelt to examine it more closely while others guns still drawn issued verbal orders to appear and surrender.

But nothing happened until they stepped out into the hallway which was dimly lit and they saw a man lying sprawled on the ground dead in a pool of blood.

"He looked deceased…gunshot wound it looks like…"

That put the officers on high alert because the gunman could still be around or hiding in the closet.

They proceeded into the living room and that's where they found her.

Matt didn't do much gambling after the show because that had never been his thing; well save for a business deal or two when he had been younger. Johnny had been signing autographs after the last show and would meet him there to find another floating poker game. Neither wagered major dollars but played mostly to relax with a congenial crowd some distance away from the more serious card games.

"Most of the folks are up top on the roof patio watching the lunar eclipse," Johnny said, joining them.

Matt just looked at him.

"The what…?"

"It happens once every 40 years," he said, "but poker's more relaxing than looking at the sky for stars and the moon in the middle of the Vegas strip."

True, Matt certainly thought because he'd grown up gazing up every night at the ranch at a sea of stars, where so many were amassed in the clear night sky, they seemed to touch one another.

"What's your hand," Johnny asked, getting some cards.

"Could be better, could be worse…want to trade cards?"

Johnny smiled at him.

"We'll see about later in the game…"

Matt actually won several hands including that one and accumulated another pile of cash to add to the previous day. He played the game well though not as well as C.J. did, who could do everything a player needed to win including bluff, though occasionally she failed at that if he looked at her a certain way.

Damn he should have called her by now, this was the longest they had gone without speaking in years, even when he had been on the run after being framed for murder he kept in touch with her. He reached to pick up his phone intending to sit the next hand out while he gave her a call.

"Matt, this guy here he's a football player," Johnny said, "He remembers your Cotton Bowl win."

And so he spent some time answering questions from someone who turned out to be an alumna of Rice University who had attended a few years before his own arrival there. He had gone into engineering and watched the sports from the sidelines whereas Matt had gone to the business school and balanced that with playing first string quarterback by his junior year.

Another man stopped by to sit down at their table and took some cards.

"Thanks for telling me about the game Sal," he said, "It's good to sit back and relax with a Scotch and a good hand."

Johnny looked over at him.

"You work for the police department there in L.A.?"

"Yeah just flew in a couple of hours," he said, "so I'm officially off-duty for the next couple of days."

Matt couldn't argue with that having had friends who had been in law enforcement, some of his closest friends like Vince and Hoyt who were always flirting with stress which manifested in them in very different ways. Vince through ulcers and hypertension which ultimately pushed his retirement ahead several years and Hoyt had watched those he worked with die not long after beginning to collect pension checks.

"L.A.'s just running with violence as usual," the officer said, "Just when my plane landed I heard about another homicide."

Another man rolled his eyes.

"What else is new…who killed who this time?"

"Dead guy found in a woman's house…shot to death," the officer said, "Maybe domestic violence…prowler breaking in…no one knows."

"Was he there alone…like a burglar who got caught in the act," another person said, "or someone walking in on what their husband was doing?"

Matt just listened knowing that they could only guess what happened without more factual evidence, eye witness accounts, ballistics and forensics including patterns of blood splatter or stifling indicating the fatal shot came from close range. These investigations were more complicated than most people knew but he did because of his professional background.

"Was the woman there," he asked.

The officer shrugged.

"That's the part that wasn't clear," he said, "Who she was for that matter…whether she lived there or not but they found someone else there alive and with a gun."

Okay, Matt thought that both narrowed down and widened the possible scenarios of what could have taken place.

"Was the house broken into?"

The officer raised his brows at Matt.

"I see you know how to ask the questions," he said, "There were signs of damage to one of the entrances but it's not clear whether that was made coming or going…"

Now Matt frowned.

"What do you mean coming and going," he said, "Weren't all the people involved at the scene?"

The officer sighed.

"Maybe not…it's too early to tell," he said, "I don't have a lot of information on what happened and I'm sure they've learned more since the phone call…I picked the right time to leave now let's start dealing some good hands…"

Matt remained frozen on what had just been discussed. He had known his share of excellent homicide cases and in fact, Vince had supervised that unit for several years before he was moved into special assignments. But many of them had retired at the same time that Vince had and others had been transferred from other divisions to replace them.

"Probably some wife who caught her husband doing something…"

The officer looked at the man who made that comment.

"No way to know until we get all the facts…but it sure required a lot of units after the 911 call came of shots fired."

With that, they settled back into dealing cards and playing poker because there was no stopping the violence in the world.

* * *

She sat there without the gun which had been removed from the situation when she had been ordered by police officers who charged in the house with guns and had let them take it from her.

It had been in her lap while she had sat on the floor, her back resting against a sofa while waiting for them to arrive and take the dead man away. When they had the gun, they started asking her questions about him, while she wrapped her arms tighter around herself not really giving much in the way of answers.

Her body hurt once the adrenalin started wearing off but her mind just watched what went on around her.

"We need to take you to the station," one officer said.

She looked up at him and by his reaction, well she hadn't seen herself.

"Am I under arrest?"

He looked at her a moment and then shook his head.

"Just for questioning…we need to find out what went on here."

She just looked over where they were processing evidence in the hallway with the dead man.

"I think I killed him…the other…"

The officer frowned.

"The other...what do you mean?"

She looked down at her hands.

"He left…he got away."

So many feelings had rushed through her when she had pulled the trigger, she remembered but since then, the feeling of numbness, of lack of feeling which followed overwhelmed them. He reached over to touch her shoulder and she pulled away. He looked at his partner and then back at her.

"What happened to you…is there anything you need to tell us before we leave?"

But she just looked at him, her heart beating somewhere in her chest. She had just been fighting to get away, would they understand that? After…her head began to hurt along with everything else. Had she hit it, she couldn't remember.

"Come on…let's go…" an officer said.

She felt herself getting up, her muscles aching and following him.

"You need a jacket or anything?"

She just looked at him and then went to the closet to get a sweater. Her clothes didn't match she knew that but she figured they had other things to worry about and she hadn't cared what she put on.

They led her outside to the police car not far from where her neighbors had congregated to watch. Why had they done that, she wondered, some of them she had never seen before.

She got inside the front seat of the police car and they drove away from her house that no longer felt like hers.

* * *

Matt thought about after he had come home from his military stint, without his cousin who was believed to have been killed in action. A belief he had carried around for years while telling himself that he should have done more to prevent his cousin's death even though he had been stationed many miles away from him, in a totally different assignment. Really it was like blaming himself for living in L.A. while his cousin died in Chicago or something like that. But then he realized that he tended to blame himself for many things including those he couldn't be expected to control.

Elizabeth's death had been just like that. Johnny had told him over late night coffee that he had the same problem when his family died, or when his old singing partner got behind the wheel and was killed two blocks away from where he left Johnny by a drunk driver. Life delivered all kinds of surprises, they both know, good and bad and controlling most of them was a myth that people often carried around to feel less helpless about what it doled out.

He had actually called C.J. on her cell phone but hadn't received an answer the night before but then again the poker game had ended really late and she probably had turned in for the night…he hoped she would call him back but he knew he had hurt her feelings before he left. He hoped she would forgive him for that but he planned to apologize. She was his best friend who had always been there for him and he had no right to treat her like that…even in his own grief. He just needed to figure out a way to make up for it.

He had gone running with Johnny again earlier this morning and then had eaten breakfast with him back at the hotel and then read the newspaper. Not much going on except for a Senate vote on some communications bill that Murray had been following and tensions between two countries in South America erupting into a border squirmish.

And the homicide in L.A. where a man identified as Clyde Darwin was shot to death inside a woman's home, but she hadn't been identified for some reason. Clyde had been 35 years old and had been identified through fingerprints. Police were checking out leads that the man had escaped from a prison up state along with another man. Maybe a husband escaping from prison who broke inside a woman's house to rob it and then got shot for his efforts.

His cell phone rang and he discovered it was Murray.

"Hi there…this is Houston."

Murray seemed almost surprised he had answered the phone.

"Oh Houston…I hope I'm not disturbing you."

Matt's brows had to rise at that never having ever heard his corporate president say those words in all the years he knew him.

"No…actually I was going to call you…I know you're worried about the Senate's bill but my ex-girlfriend you remember her, Christina, her husband is pulling for a quick and favorable vote…so everything's going to be just fine there."

Murray breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh you can't understand how much better I feel now," he said, "That company we purchased last year is going to be making the product and it could be a financial boon…"

"Murray…that product is going to be made to help people…especially lower income people…not for profit."

"Yeah…I know…sure…whatever you say big guy…"

"Anything else," he asked.

"No…no…everything's fine…except it's just me and the secretaries…"

That didn't surprise Matt because Roy and C.J. were probably out handing cases out in the field for the investigative firm in his absence.

"Okay…well I'm going to be coming back to L.A. in a day or two," he said, "So I'll put in some extra time at the office to get everything caught up."

"Houston…you don't have to…I know you're going through a difficult time."

Matt sighed.

"Yes I am…but I'm not going to let the company or firm suffer over it," he said, "I'm coming back and I'll be ready to work."

"Well that's great then Houston…talk to you later."

Matt said goodbye and clicked off his phone.

* * *

Roy looked at Hoyt, as they sat in his office at the police station.

"How long are you holding her?"

Hoyt just sighed at him, wondering why the older man had to look at him like that. It wasn't his fault after all. They had certain legal procedures to follow when investigating homicides even those that might have been in self defense. He knew C.J. was no killer but she had just shot a guy to death and didn't seem to have much to say about it.

"Just for questioning…I hate doing it but it's procedural…we need to have a case to send to the DA and it's probably going to be justifiable homicide but we need a more detailed account than she's provided."

Roy tilted his head.

"Is she okay?"

Hoyt just looked back over at him, his eyes serious.

"No…she's not…in fact they should have done this over at the hospital…she's pretty banged up…maybe from struggling with the man."

Roy shook his head.

"It's just some random burglar that she caught in action?"

Hoyt seemed very uncertain to Roy but then they were probably in the process of getting more information. Cases like these often started slowly and then mushroomed as bits and pieces came in and they started getting put together.

"He's Clyde Darwin…he escaped from prison with another man…Dallas Royce…we don't know where he is…or if they were together…"

"Did you run their names," Roy said, "to see if there's any connection between them or her?"

Hoyt just sighed.

"We're in the process of doing that, it's still early," he said, "and believe it or not Roy, my men and women do know how to do their jobs."

Roy didn't doubt that but he knew that this wasn't a random burglary not with everything that had happened lately.

"You know she was being harassed by some unknown person…"

"Of course I do Roy," Hoyt said, "but that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with what happened in her house last night…that was online…they may not have even known where she lived."

"They knew her phone number and email information," Roy said, "You know how easy it is to get confidential information about someone online."

Hoyt put his hands together on the desk.

"Yes I do…but there's no evidence that's what happened here," he said, "though we will be looking into that as part of the investigation."

Ah, Roy thought now that there was a dead body in C.J.'s house dead by her hand, they would be taking a look at the harassment she had experienced. But he couldn't be too hard on Hoyt for the limitations of the handling of cyber harassment.

"Does Houston know?"

From the tone of Hoyt's voice, Roy knew he dreaded Matt even finding out about it and Roy knew there was good reason for that. Because once he did…the police would have to deal with him trying to take control of the investigation by doing his own. But if the man were dead anyway…

"I don't know…no one's called him," Roy said, "He's still back in Vegas and Elizabeth's death hit him very hard but I'm going to call him."

Hoyt nodded knowing that Matt was like a force of nature when his family and friends were endangered most especially C.J.

"We'll be ready for him," was all he could say to Roy.

* * *

C.J. sat inside the conference room while the detectives conferred outside. Both men had been parlaying back and forth with her, one being "nice" and the other not so much so, more aggressive. She recognized it from experience as a lawyer and working with Matt that they were engaging in "good cop/bad cop" behavior but she hadn't told them very much. She couldn't. She had shot the guy who broke in her house, end of story.

Her chest had been hurting very much, a dull aching pain which occasionally stabbed at her when she moved around and it became difficult to breathe. The detectives gave her water which she sipped at carefully because her mouth hurt too, it burned when the water passed over her lips, probably from when she bit her lip. Her wrists and arms were reddened earlier and now began to turn purplish. Her body had betrayed her with pain after her heart had resumed a more normal rhythm and her breathing had slowed down, muscular aches and bruising pains. She wished she could lie down somewhere and they would leave her alone.

That didn't seem to be on the itinerary as far as the men were concerned. Because they didn't like her account but what was there to say, she shot the man in her own home…and then she had asked why they didn't ask her about the other.

The two men had looked at each other.

The other, they each thought to ask remembering the memo that it had been two men who had escaped from prison. But only one of them had turned up in her house…dead…where was the other?

She looked up at them when they asked her about it, something hard welling up in her throat threatening to cut off her breathing so she just tried to slow herself down so she could think, but her mind kept racing, images filled it which she pushed away.

"I don't know…"

The "bad" detective sighed.

"Why don't you…why do you think they chose your house out of all the homes in your neighborhood…the city?"

The other detective smiled.

"What he's trying to ask not so gently is this doesn't look random…were you involved with either of these two men…you know jail house affair or something like that…I mean you are an attorney?"

Now neither of them seemed "nice" to her.

"Are you going to arrest me and put me in jail?"

They looked at each other after she had asked that question. A woman knocked on the door even though it was open and asked if it were okay to come in. The detectives looked at her and nodded. She appraised the woman they were questioning.

"Are you okay…do you need anything?"

C.J. just looked at her and didn't respond. The woman, Julie looked at the two detectives.

"Did you get her checked out at the hospital first?"

"No…," one of them said.

She sighed and folded her arms.

"Look at her…she's clearly been injured and she needs to be checked out…"

But they wouldn't budge.

"We need to find out what happened," one said, "Why she shot a guy dead in her house."

Julie shook her head.

"That can wait you know…come on, we're going to get one of these nice officers to get you to a doctor…as soon as I get the forms."

C.J. just shook her head.

"I don't need a doctor…I need to get out of here…"

Julie sighed.

"They're still processing evidence at your home…it's overcrowded with busy people and it's cordoned off."

C.J. shook her head again.

"I'm not ever going back there."

Julie just nodded in response to the vehemence in C.J.'s voice.

"Okay…we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," she said, "I'm Julie by the way, I'm a victim witness advocate."

C.J. tentatively took her hand and Julie saw the bruising and looked at the two men.

"Has she been examined?"

The two men looked at each other and back at her again.

"Oh you mean…no…why?"

Julie just shook her head at the two men and then helped C.J. up.

"I'm ending this interview…for now," she said, "You can call my boss at county D.A. We'll keep in touch."

And with that C.J. got up and left the room with her to go to the hospital, her legs feeling rubbery as part of her watched her leave with the woman from someplace else.


	4. Chapter 4

Another update is up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

C.J. put her clothes back on after her exam. They had run some X-rays on her chest and one of her wrists and had examined her head carefully, where she had a good size bruise from striking it on something she didn't remember. The doctor hadn't returned from reviewing the films yet and she had some cuts cleaned up by the nurse, the smell of the antiseptic used on them which made them sting badly reached her noise. But at least she could feel the pain on her skin because inside, she felt so numb as if all feeling had been shut off. She looked at her arms covered with bruising around her wrists and she didn't really feel them though it had hurt…no she didn't feel them at all.

But what had been worse than that had been the exam. The one that they conducted to collect evidence that a crime had been committed against her…Julie had asked and she just hadn't felt like answering…the dam inside her had been close to breaking and she couldn't let that happen because…so she lay back and pretend it to be just a medical exam. Julie stayed with her not that she really needed her there or anyone.

"I need you to be still…"

She bit her lip and just tried to think of something else, closing her eyes but instead she just saw them. Someone reached out to touch her and she flinched.

"I really you to be still so I can get through this and you'll be done."

Julia sighed.

"Could you be a bit more sensitive doctor," she said, "She's a victim you know, a person…"

He looked up at her.

"Look I know my job and that's to find any signs of sexual activity…that may or may not be a crime. That's up for you folks to decide."

Julie rubbed C.J.'s shoulder.

"He's almost done…just a few photos…"

Something flashed into C.J.'s mind just then…a camera…someone laughing…then her mind went blank again…

"Are you seeing someone?"

She looked over at the doctor, startled.

"What…?"

He sighed.

"Have you had sexual relations with anyone in the past 48 hours?"

Her mind didn't work well right now but she knew that answer.

"No…I don't have a boyfriend…it's been…no I haven't…"

He finished his exam, and C.J. felt her body relax and that's when she knew how much tension had flowed through it, so many times she had wanted to just bolt, to get off the table and run away.

Only there was nowhere to run.

They were inside her head still and she couldn't get away or make them go away. Only if she kept her eyes open all the time…maybe…

"Okay we're going to run the gambit of tests for sexually transmitted diseases…it's too early for some…diseases but we need a benchmark and then we'll retest."

C.J. nodded…not even thinking about that but something else…

"What about pregnancy?"

He furrowed his brows at her.

"Any chance of that…were you using anything?"

She struggled to sit up after the exam and not feel so damn exposed in the paper gown. Julie handed her some new clothes.

"Sorry…they need what you put on for evidence..and any other clothing back at your house."

C.J. closed her eyes and nodded again.

"I'm on the pill," she said, "but it's not always reliable…"

The doctor looked at her.

"It's 99% effective…if you've been taking it as instructed."

Of course she did, she knew she did, at the same time every day so she should be okay but…

"Look if you think there's going to be a problem, we can use Plan B up to 72 years after sexual intercourse."

C.J. rubbed her forehead and Julie just looked at her and the doctor.

"Okay…she might get back to you on that."

The doctor nodded, made some notations in his file and he had left. C.J. watched him go, realizing that he had a job to do but was glad he was gone.

"He's just doing his job," Julie pointed out, "though he could more sensitive about it."

The nurses came back and then the other doctor, the one who had examined her for injuries.

He flipped open the chart after having slapped some X-ray film on the wall and examining it.

"Okay…you've got a couple of cracked ribs…nothing broken but we can't do much about them except put you on pain medication."

She nodded.

"No concussion…or hematoma…wrist is sprained and it can be lightly wrapped…it's important to x-ray wrist injuries because navicular fractures are more common than sprains and they need special treatment…You've got a lot of bruising and it's going to hurt so I'll give you a script for it and some prophylactic antibiotics ."

She nodded again.

"Any questions," he asked.

She shook her head this time.

"We're going to discharge you but we understand you can't go home because…the police…do you have anyone to stay with?"

"I…"

Julie turned to her.

"We can make some arrangements if necessary."

C.J. nodded, feeling suddenly very tired and sore. She had noticed that at some point it had gotten very light outside and then she realized morning had arrived. The doctor left and Julie smiled at her.

"Well you made it through the exam and that's no small thing," she said, "Let's hope they can find something that will help…but if he's dead…"

C.J. rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"He's not…he left…he's out there somewhere."

Julie looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes, the first emotion she had seen in the young woman.

"There was someone else there…with the other man?"

C.J. nodded, clinging her clothes to her.

"Can I change?"

Julie nodded.

"I'll make sure you have some privacy."

C.J. got up off the table.

"Thanks…and thanks for the clothes…"

Julie shrugged.

"They're sweats but they should be comfortable…unless you can get out of here."

Julie left her and C.J changed out of the horrid gown that left her feeling so exposed when she just wanted to hide away somewhere. She noted that the bruising extended to her rib cage and her thighs. She stroked the bruising there and winced, the skin being awfully tender but that came when…she sighed thinking she would just focus on one thing at a time beginning with one item of clothing at a time.

She hoped the police wouldn't be back, that they would just let her be, to go find a hotel to stay in for a while…maybe outside the city by the beach. The ocean and its waves breaking on the shore had always soothed her, made her feel secure no matter what went on around her. She would just call Chris at the office and explain she wouldn't be in for several days.

Julie returned and smiled at her.

"There's a man here waiting to see you…"

Fear etched inside of her along with other emotions that threatened to smother her.

_Matt?_

Had someone told him what had happened? Nausea threatened to overtake her and she put her hand to her mouth. Julie looked at her in concern.

"Do you need to…?"

But C.J. shook her head.

"Who's here?"

"Two gentlemen, one older and one younger," Julie said, "They're related…"

Oh god, C.J. thought, Matt and his Uncle Roy were waiting to see her…like this…when all she wanted to do was bolt in the opposite direction. Shame felt her for feeling that way about men who were like…no were family to her but she couldn't deal with them right now. She had to focus on getting to a motel by the beach after promising Murray she would make up for her absence at the office when she returned.

"They can't see me here…"

Julie sighed.

"They're worried about you," she said, "The older one; Roy was at the police station until they told him we got you to the hospital."

"Do they know about…"

Julie shook her head.

"That's confidential information between a patient and her doctor unless you decide to do something about it," she said, "though the police are going to want to follow up especially if he's still out there."

* * *

Matt answered the phone on the third ring because he had been caught napping after breakfast probably from not being able to sleep after the poker game…the exercise this morning.

He had looked on the phone and seen it was Roy.

"What's up," he said.

The tone used by his uncle who always had been calm and collected about everything scared him.

"It's C.J…you need to come back to L.A."

Fear continued to permeate like ice through his body…he paced while on the phone.

"What the hell is going on?"

"She shot and killed a man in her house," Roy said, "Some escaped convict who broke inside."

"Is she okay?"

Roy paused.

"No…she's not…you need to come back."

Matt didn't need to be asked twice and in fact, he had already gotten his suitcase out and started packing up in a hurry, by rote as he had much practice doing because he had to get home…as soon as his uncle hung up, he had called the pilot to get the Lear Jet prepared for quick takeoff and sensing the urgency in his voice, Samson had said he could get it done in under two hours.

"Johnny I got to go back…it's C.J…something's happened to her…that homicide in L.A. that was here."

His friend looked stunned.

"Then you got to go," he said, "If there anything I can do…just name it."

Matt couldn't think of anything as his mind worked rapidly except one.

"Just pray…"

Matt had gotten to the airport thinking too much about what could have happened to her. She had just used the gun that he had helped her select and purchase for self defense on a man inside her house. Why, he wondered, had it been a burglar…wait the man had been an escaped convict…had he picked her house randomly…had it been just bad luck? Had it been because of a case they had been working on together…so many questions jammed his head that he had to force them back to focus on his driving through the crammed streets between the Vegas strip and the airport.

The cars ahead of him just wouldn't move fast enough…couldn't they pick it up and why did the lights take so long to change anyway? He thought about pressing on the horn but decided it wouldn't do any good. It wouldn't get him there faster.

Why had he left anyway? Oh yeah, because he had to get away from his life there to get away from his own guilt, or any reminder that his escape from death.

The light turned green and traffic started moving again but of course not quickly enough.

* * *

C.J. walked out into the lobby of the hospital and saw Roy…and his son Will standing there waiting for her.

"I…they're finished and I'm leaving to head to a motel…"

They just stood there and she felt like she was stammering in front of them as she pulled her hair out of her face.

"You can come and stay with me," Roy offered, "at least until you feel like going back home."

No, she didn't think that day would ever come and she didn't see that it would but she thought him nice to offer.

"I don't know…"

He smiled.

"You can be alone if you want…but you shouldn't be all by yourself right now."

She heard the gentle prodding in his voice and she knew that he was right. She felt torn either way, not knowing what she wanted. She wanted to hole up some place and not face anyone…yet part of her felt so lonely already.

"Okay…," she said quietly.

They walked out to the car, with her moving quite slowly, not really looking around her until they reached Roy's car. The day had already warmed and she felt it on her skin…a little bit but inside she still felt cold.

Matt had headed to the hospital as soon as his plane landed at LAX practically leaping out of it before it had finished taxiing. His car awaited him in its parking stall near the hanger and he drove quickly away from the airport.

The traffic proved to be mercifully quicker her for some reason and he finally reached the front entrance and just parked his car in the first spot before getting out and walking quickly inside.

A woman greeted him at the front desk and he gave C.J.'s name and asked where he could find her. She looked on the computer.

"She wasn't admitted, she was treated and released," she said, "That's all I can tell you unless you're family."

She didn't have any blood relatives but he had known her most of her life, and he really needed to find out what was going on.

"I need to know…is she okay?"

The woman pursed her lips.

"She was treated for some injuries and released," she said, "That's all I can say…"

Matt sighed and looked around the lobby for anyone who could tell him anything. He saw a couple of detectives talking to a woman.

"We're going to have to question her you know that," one of them said.

"I don't know if she's ready yet…she's in shock and it might be a while…"

"If there's another guy involved…"

Matt approached him and they looked at him expectantly.

"Excuse me…I was wondering if you could help me here. I'm searching for a woman wo was treated here earlier…she shot someone in her home."

The two detectives looked at each other and nodded.

"She was here earlier…we're assigned to that case."

"Did she leave?"

One of them nodded.

"Some friends took her with them," he said, "before we had a chance to question her further."

Matt noticed the woman looked impatient.

"Just let her be for now okay guys," she said, "She's been through enough already."

Matt's focus turned to her.

"Who are you?"

She smiled and extended her hand.

"I'm Julie, I'm her victim advocate…"

"Her…what?"

"I'm assigned to her case to help her through the process," Julie said, "Unlike these two guys, I know who the victim is here and I don't think it's the dead convict with a history of drug sales and violent crimes."

Matt's eyes widened.

"You know more about the guy she shot…what was he doing there?"

One detective cleared his throat.

"We don't know that…and we won't until she answers our questions."

Julie just shook her head.

"You should be out looking for the other convict," she said, "He's clearly a very dangerous man."

"We're looking," one of them said, "We've kept in touch with the corrections division where he came from which is investigating his and Clyde's departure."

"They probably had inside help," Julie said, "which means they need to look at their own…who's opened up a big credit line lately."

Matt looked at her.

"Are you an investigator," he asked, "Because it sounds like these two gentlemen need all the help they can get."

They didn't like that at all.

"Listen bud, we're doing all we can but she's not saying much," one of them said, "and she's got a couple questions to answer herself."

Julie sighed.

"She's in shock can't you see that," she said, "No, you can't because you're men."

She started to walk away and Matt followed her, concern etched on his face which she saw when she looked at him.

"Who are you?"

"Oh I'm her friend, Matt Houston; I've been out of town for a while and just heard what happened."

She sighed.

"Okay…she's gone with some folks…it's been a long ordeal for her and it's just starting."

"What happened?"

She just looked at him a long moment.

"I can't tell you…she needs to do it and I don't think now's the right time."

Matt's mind swum with all the implications of her words. His thoughts took him places he didn't want to travel. Okay so he needed to do like he did when investigating cases, await until he learned the facts but this wasn't a case…it was his best friend.

One he wanted to see very much.

"She's been given pain meds for her injuries and to help her sleep," Julie said, "That's what she needs right now.

Matt sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Thanks…for taking care of her."

Julie just looked at him.

"Oh I just stayed with her as for the rest of it…I don't think she's going to let anyone do that."

Matt watched as she walked away and headed back to his car. His phone already started ringing and he saw Hoyt's landline number at work.

"Hoyt what the hell is going on here?"

"Good morning Houston," he said, "C.J. shot and killed a man in her house last night."

"I know that…where is she," Matt said, "Are you going to charge her?"

Hoyt sighed.

"No…it looks like justifiable homicide but we're waiting back from ballistics and forensics to have enough in the report to send to the D.A."

Matt started up his car to pull out of the parking lot to head…he didn't even know where because he still didn't know where C.J. was staying.

"So she's out of custody?"

"Yeah…she left us contact information that's Roy's so my guess is he's staying with her."

Matt turned onto the street to head off towards his uncle's house.

* * *

C.J. settled in the guest bedroom and sat on the bed, dizziness coming over her because Will had gone to the pharmacy to get her prescriptions filled. She felt very tired but anytime she thought about closing her eyes…no it didn't work for her to do that because then the images…sounds and the smell of alcohol. She felt the need to run away again.

But instead she sank onto the bed, curled up and tried not to think so much. To try to get some rest without closing her eyes, though the medication caused her eyes to flutter…no she had to keep them open but it were as if weights had been pressed against them.

The aches of her body including her ribs receded to be replaced by a pleasant unawareness of them. She curled up even tighter, grabbing onto the plush spread with her fingers, to have something to hold onto while she rested. Her fingers felt cramped now, their muscles tight with fatigue.

The medicine made her mind float a bit no matter how hard she tried to anchor it. She had to keep it away from certain places.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Here's some more blankets," Roy said, placing them on the bed.

She looked up at him.

"Thanks…"

"I'll be out working on some paneling if you need anything…"

She nodded and he left her alone again. Her eyes struggling hard to stay open, it took her strength to do that but they didn't seem to want to obey. Damn, she felt herself sliding away as if she were being pulled away and she wanted to fight, to struggle but her body didn't move. The light streamed through the curtains on the window and threw shadows on the wall.

They grew larger as her eyelids fluttered and then closed, the world slipping away.


	5. Chapter 5

Another installment is up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

Matt pulled up at his uncle's house and parked his car before getting out and heading towards the door. His uncle answered looking at him with his brows raised and then let him inside.

"Where is she," Matt asked.

Roy sighed as they went into the living room.

"She's in one of the bedrooms trying to sleep," he said, "the doctor prescribed medicine to her for anxiety and pain which will help."

Roy sat in a chair and after a moment, Matt joined him.

"What happened," he asked.

Roy just looked at him.

"We're not sure yet…she shot some man who escaped from prison some days earlier. The police aren't sure what he was doing there."

"I talked to two detectives at the hospital but couldn't get much out of them," Matt said, "but there were two men who escaped and they both were there."

Roy nodded.

"Makes sense…means one of them got away and he's still around out there."

Matt rubbed his neck.

"Was it just bad luck or is there something else?"

Roy paused.

"I think it's something else," he said, "She might have known them in some way or they knew her."

Matt leaned forward.

"Why do you think that?"

Roy looked towards the hallway to the bedrooms and then back at Matt and Matt knew something had happened after he left L.A.

"She had been getting harassed…through email and phone calls," Roy said, "It had something to do with what happened on the internet."

Now Matt felt confused.

"The what?"

"Someone was posting things about her that led to people contacting her and asking to get together."

"So…how did that lead to this?"

"They were graphic messages if you understand me..Not the kind that she wanted to receive."

Matt understood that but still it might be a bit of a stretch to blame the internet for what happened off of it.

"Were any threatening?"

"She felt that way…but no one threatened to kill her or do harm that way…but someone did Matlock."

Matt thought about her sleeping in the other room probably exhausted after what had happened the previous night.

"Was she hurt…"

"Depends on how you define that," Roy said, "I would say yes…and beyond the injuries."

"Did she say anything?"

Roy shook her head.

"Not very much at all that that says a lot."

Matt knew what he meant, as C.J. had always been rather outgoing with people she knew well anyway but overall very friendly and many of their clients they had investigated cases for had been drawn to that.

"I need to see her."

Roy considered that carefully because he didn't think she had really seemed all that interested in seeing anyone right now.

"You might have to wait for that," he said, "She's not really feeling up to it and we need to put her first."

Matt felt frustration fill him.

"I understand that but she shouldn't be alone right now…she needs her friends."

"I agree…but you're going to let her define the terms," Roy said, "She needs to feel like she has some control over what happens with her. She just had that ripped away from her."

Matt nodded.

"Okay…"

"Matt…this isn't going to be easy for you…I know that already…you like to control situations and that's not going to work here…it will push her away if anything."

"I know I can't control things that happen Uncle Roy," he said, "I realized that with the plane crash too."

Roy softened as he saw the flash of pain on his nephew's face. He knew that Matt hated seeing his loved ones get hurt or face tragedy and he hated how helpless it left him. Matt's father had been the same way and so had Roy…until he thought his son had been brutally taken away from him and it took him a long time to learn the valuable lesson of knowing when to act and when to just let things go.

But he knew Matt would struggle with that same lesson. Just by looking at the expression on his face, how rigid he sat in his chair and his hands…clenched. He knew that he already wanted to go beat the stuffing out of the man who had hurt his friend…and one of them was still alive out there somewhere. But the police needed to find him and apprehend him to send back to state prison with additional charges filed against him.

And hopefully the police could explain why she had been targeted for the attack. Whether it had been truly random or related to the harassment she had been experiencing.

"She's in the second bedroom down the hallway," Roy said, "I've checked on her a couple times while I've been doing some renovating."

Matt nodded and then left his uncle to go down the hallway. The door was mostly open and Matt walked inside and saw her lying on the bed.

* * *

C.J found herself walking in darkness suddenly, which fell around her like a cloak, only one that threatened to suffocate her. She had been talking with one of her friends…only she was supposedly dead but she appeared as if in light and they had been talking about not much really.

Then she looked around, trying to peer through the shadows and she saw a shape moving towards her, his face hidden.

"What do you want," she had asked breathlessly.

His eyes didn't change but bore right through her, his mouth turned up in a smile. He reached out to take her arm.

"You know what I want darling…"

She pulled away from him and started running down a hallway that appeared to grow even longer with each step, the doorway at the end getting further and further away. Laughter followed her, crackling like wood burning in a fire place. She sped away hoping that it would recede behind her but it followed as did the shape etched in darkness. She looked behind her and then when she thought she might have finally reached the end…then he stood in front of her and she tried to push him away and off of her.

"It's not me that's here with you…"

Matt walked in there and saw that she had tossed her comforter off of her and then the bruises on her face. Anger filled him then not at her of course but anyone who could have done this to her. Enough so that part of him wanted to hunt the man down himself but that would have to wait. But if he did find him…no when…the man wouldn't be walking away from him for what he did. How in the hell had he gotten out of a tightly secured prison anyway, who was responsible? The police didn't appear to know that any more than they knew who had broken into her house last night.

He heard some movement and a gasp from her and saw that her brow had furrowed and her arms had wrapped around herself more tightly.

"C.J…"

But she didn't respond though her face twitched and so did her body, she must be dreaming he thought.

More like a nightmare.

He went over to her and pulled the comforter back over her body. She had been dressed in faded sweats with a Colorado State shirt on, clearly clothes she had borrowed.

"Hey it's okay…"

Mostly because he didn't know what to say only enough to know that wasn't true at all. But at least she was safe now though he couldn't figure out why the police didn't have the location staked out in case the convict out there still had designs on making sure she didn't identify him.

She moved a bit more and he reached out to stroke her face when she jumped up.

"Get away from me," she yelled.

Matt didn't know if she even saw him but he grabbed her shoulders to calm her, a huge mistake as he found out.

"Get your hands off of me," she said, pulling away and wrapping the comforter around her.

"C.J….it's me…"

She gazed at him, confused and he wondered if she were even aware he was there.

"Just get away…."

He backed away from her as she looked up at him, still enclosed in the comforter and her eyes finally seemed to register enough to let him know that she finally saw him.

"Oh Houston…I'm sorry."

"That's okay…"

She sighed, her eyes looking up at him.

"I thought…"

"You've got nothing to be sorry about," he said, "I know I must have startled you out of sleep."

She looked puzzled.

"I guess I was asleep…I must have been dreaming. I don't really remember."

Matt remembered his own restless nights when he had been seized by night terrors including as a child, waking up terrified in his bed but not remembering his dreams.

She looked exhausted still…and her body shook beneath the comforter. Her sleeves had slipped down her arm and he saw more bruising. A sick feeling passed through him but he didn't show it.

"It's been a long night," she said, "and I guess the medicine makes me sleepy."

"Then you should get some sleep," he said, "You're safe here…I'm here and Uncle Roy and Will make sure of that."

She sighed.

"I'm only staying here for a little while."

"You're going home then…after the police leave?"

She shook her head.

"I'm not going back there…not…"

He sighed and took a couple of steps to approach her.

"C.J…I think you should stay here," he said, "for at least a few days…"

She just listened to him and he saw her bandaged wrist. There wasn't any way that she should be by herself while injured especially with one of the men responsible still loose in the streets.

"I'll think about it…that's all I can do and I can't even do that well right now."

He sat down on the edge of her bed and she didn't move but watched him.

"No one expects you to do too much right now," he said, "You can get some rest."

She shook her head.

"I don't think I can close my eyes, yet I can't keep them open," she said, "but I have to get some sleep because I missed work today."

He blinked at that.

"C.J. don't worry about work," he said, "Take some time off."

She shook her head again.

"I can't do that…I need something to do…I can't sit around all day."

He saw the struggle that was going on in her face. She wanted life to be normal again and she thought working and following her routine would do that but Matt knew from his own experience that was easier said than done.

"Okay then…we can talk with the doctor…"

"Houston, I'm not a child, I can decide for myself what I can and will do."

"C.J. you're injured, a few days can make…"

She sighed and sat up straighter mindful of her ribs.

"A few days isn't going to make any difference," she said, "What's done is done."

Matt reeled a bit from the inflection in her voice, not sure what to say or how to talk to her. His best friend…who seemed like a stranger now to him…even in her voice.

"I just want to get back to my life," she said, "and focus on my work."

He chose his words carefully, already feeling as if he were in a minefield.

"There's no rush for that," he said, "It can wait…"

"I don't want to wait…I'm not going to let anyone stop me…"

He sighed, after hearing the resolve in her voice amid so many other emotions.

"Okay…then but for now, you should get some rest," he said, "or you won't have much energy to do the rest."

She looked at him and then nodded slowly, lying down again. He helped wrap the comforter around her and stayed to watch her drift off to sleep fitfully again.

* * *

Matt left her room and walked out to see Roy working on his living room, and he sat down by the laptop and booted it up.

Roy looked over at him.

"You are going to work?"

He knew he didn't have to ask that question but he did so anyway. Matt clicked on his browser and started doing some searches. Roy walked over to join him and saw that Matt had started a search using special software on Clyde Darwin, who had spent his entire life since youth engaging in criminal activity.

"He's been busted for auto theft, then armed robbery as a juvenile, got it partially sealed and then when he turned 18, he went on a crime spree and robbed convenience stores and was picked up soon enough and sent to prison. He's been in and out ever since."

"Not surprising to hear is it?"

Matt shook his head.

"He had some earlier cases in Texas…Houston to be precise," he said, "About five years ago, when we still lived there."

"You and C.J.? left not long after that?"

Matt nodded and entered some more instructions.

"She worked for the public defender's office for a while after she passed her bar exam," Matt said, "when this guy went through. Maybe there's a connection."

"Could be," Roy said, "She could have crossed paths with him at the courthouse, gotten his attention, even been assigned to handle a case of his at some point."

"I'll have to call them in Houston to find out," Matt said, "I could ask her but I think she's weary of questions right now."

Roy agreed.

"What about the other convict that's still out there?"

Matt entered his name in the computer database he had accessed. Much information popped up on him indicating a lengthy criminal record as well.

"Stole cars and committed assault with a deadly weapon when he was younger," he said, "Did time in youth work camp and graduated when he turned 18 to assaults, robberies…rape…and attempted murder."

Roy looked at the screen.

"He spent time in Houston too...About six months apart from his buddy Clyde."

Matt thought about it, maybe they both had their cases handled through the public defender's office and since they both wound up in prison, they likely lost those cases and went straight to prison. Which gave them nothing to do but sit there and allow resentment to build against any target but were either of them bright enough to concoct a plan to escape from prison?

"I wonder who helped them…"

Roy looked over at Matt hearing the anger in his voice…and knew that perhaps only distance protected any accomplices from him heading up there and administering his own brand of justice. He knew the anger in his nephew bordered on rage but he had to control it or he wouldn't do C.J. any good. She needed him here not locked up in jail himself for assault charges or worse.

Matt gazed at the computer screen for a long time and Roy knew his mind worked the entire time trying to come up with a strategy to find those responsible and deal with them. If the police didn't get to them first then Matt could get them.

The phone rang and Roy picked it up and the realizing it was the police, he put it on speaker phone.

"Is Houston there," Hoyt asked.

"Yes and he's listening right here," Roy said, "So I hope you have some good news."

Hoyt sighed.

"Still no sign of the other escaped convict," he said, "and Clyde's been autopsied and blood and DNA samples taken for testing."

"Are they still interested in arresting C.J.," Matt interjected.

"Houston…they brought her in for questioning…that's standard procedure," Hoyt said, "No one's out to get her, they want to find the other man responsible but he's probably the wilier of the duo."

Matt paused.

"The question is if he's wily enough…"

"What do you mean?"

Matt knew Hoyt wasn't going to like what he had to say but it had been gnawing at him for hours now.

"Meaning if there are any accomplices," Matt said, "I'm talking about in the area of planning this scheme. These two men are violent criminals who both had cases back in Houston when C.J. worked for the PD's office."

That gave Hoyt pause.

"You're kidding…they did…how did you…"

Matt sighed.

"I'm betting she met up with the two of them when they were her clients on some cases before getting prison sentences."

"Damn…I'll have to tell the investigators that."

"You do that Hoyt…so they can shift their focus towards catching the criminals."

"Houston…they are doing that and if you stay out of their hair, they'll find this guy."

Matt knew he could never do that because when someone went after someone he cared about, that was as good as a declaration of war. And he would issue them a quick response, one that they wouldn't soon forget. Prison would be the better alternative than facing off against him. And he wasn't about to let any of the police stand in his way. Hoyt grew silent and he realized that his friend knew this about him.

"Houston…you're not going to go vigilante on me are you?"

Matt couldn't make any promises so he didn't.

"I'm going to do what I have to do to make sure anyone that hurt her directly or indirectly pays for it and they will pay for it."

He could tell Hoyt didn't like the sign of that but too bad. This Dallas character was going down when Matt found him. Hard and final.

"Julie called my office," Hoyt said, "She's found a counselor for C.J. if she wants one…someone to talk with who can help her."

Matt ran his hand through his hair.

"That's not a bad idea…I'll tell her."

"Julie also chewed out the two investigators and their supervisors," Hoyt said, "But that woman's as tough as they came. She's on a mission it seems."

As long as she could help his friend, Matt didn't care what she did. Matt picked up his jacket and headed towards the front door.

"Where are you going," Roy asked.

"I'm going to hit up some sources on the streets," Matt said, "Old friends of Too Mean's to see if they've run into Dallas in case he's trying to make contacts."

Roy watched Matt leave and knew he wouldn't stop until the men paid for what had happened to his best friend. He hoped he would stay out of jail.

Matt headed to his car, got inside and after firing up the engine, headed on downtown.


	6. Chapter 6

Here's another update, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

C.J. sat in the breakfast nook of Roy's house with Julie who had dropped by with some of her clothing from her house that C.J. had wanted. Her house was still cordoned off by police who were collecting evidence. She didn't really care about that because she had no desire to return there. Roy had made them both cups of coffee and they sat as the sunlight streamed through the window.

"So you're staying here for a little while," Julie asked.

C.J. nodded.

"I don't know how long or where I'll go next," she said, "I just can't go home."

Julie reached out to touch her hand.

"That's okay..It's natural you know to be afraid of where you were a victim of crime and in your own home, that's especially difficult for many women."

"It's just a reminder…like looking at myself in the mirror."

Julie nodded.

"Bruises fade…ribs heal but some injuries, the ones you can't see or x-ray take much longer."

C.J. looked away when she said that because she didn't want to wait until longer. She wanted her life back the way it was right now. Why did that have to be taken from her?

"Investigators are trying to figure out why these men targeted you," Julie said, "It just doesn't seem random."

C.J. paused for a while, looking at her mug of coffee, her hair spilling over her face.

"It wasn't…I knew them…both of them."

If Julie were surprised by her admission, she didn't show it.

"Okay…was it back in your past somewhere?"

C.J. nodded.

"I handled some criminal cases for them back in Houston some years ago," she said, "I told both of them to plead guilty…for a lighter sentence. They didn't like that much."

Julie sipped her coffee.

"I imagine not…so what happened?"

C.J. paused longer this time.

"I think they both lost at trial..I didn't handle the cases and they both went to prison for a while."

"Okay…so they did and they might have been angry at you…"

"Why…I did my job…I tried to look out for them to get them the least punishment…which is what I was supposed to do."

"I know that…but these are hardened criminals who may have hoped they could have gotten off entirely. Some of them just have that sense of entitlement that they can do whatever they want…even if means hurting people."

C.J. considered that, having met more than her share of people like that through her work. The cultists and gangsters who had shot her, the psychotic millionaire and vengeful terrorist who kidnapped her, not to mention back when she clerked for F. Lee Bailey and worked in Houston.

"I guess I'm paying for it now…"

Julie looked at her suddenly.

"Oh no C.J. it doesn't work that way," she said, "You're not to blame for what happened, it's all on those men and the choices they made."

"Why doesn't it feel that way then?"

Julie softened.

"Because it's normal for people to blame themselves when something happens to them because it's a safety mechanism actually against facing the reality that things happen beyond our control. Blaming ourselves is our way of saying that we had control, we made the wrong decisions."

C.J. digested her words and she thought they made some sense but if she hadn't just walked into her house where they had been waiting having breached her security somehow…if she had just been more proactive about the online harassment. She could go on all day doing the blame game, she knew.

"Maybe I'm being too hard on myself," she said, "but I had gone home that night after working hard and looking forward to settling down and relaxing with some good food and enjoying the end of the day."

Julie nodded, listening.

"When I drove into my drive and saw my house, I smiled. It's been difficult lately with Houston taking off…"

"Houston, wait a minute, I think I met him," Julie said, "Tall, great looking guy with dark hair?"

C.J. nodded.

"He's my best friend only his fiancée was killed in that plane crash after they broke up instead of getting married."

"Tough luck," Julie said, "but tragedies happen often when least expected."

"He just left and I don't know where but I know why," C.J. said, "and I don't want him to get hurt or wind up in jail looking for this guy."

Julie sighed.

"C.J. you're going to have to stop worrying about him," she said, "You need to focus on taking care of yourself because you're going to have to do that to get you through this. I'm not going to lie to you or pretty it up with platitudes, you're in for a difficult time."

"I know…right now I just can't think about that…I just want to be able to function again."

Julie nodded.

"I know that but you're going to have to allow yourself some time and not force it," she said, "You're a strong woman with a lot going for you including a good supportive network…you'll need to remember that."

"I called the therapist to make an appointment but I don't know…"

Julie smiled in encouragement.

"Miranda's the best in trauma psychology," she said, "She'll help you help yourself work through all the feelings that you're experiencing."

C.J. sipped her coffee.

"I just can't believe in my own home…it happened before with a stalker who came after me and killed by boyfriend…he got in my home, my bedroom and startled me awake and he…well Houston knocked on the door then and I grabbed my gun…"

Julie said.

"You shot at him?"

"Yes…but I missed," C.J. said, "He came at me again at Houston's mountain cabin and I had to kill him to stop him."

C.J. fought to keep the well of emotion out of her voice because she had only done what she had to do in self defense.

"But I couldn't stop him this time," she said, "I couldn't get to my gun…I don't usually carry it with me…it's just for home protection."

"C.J. it's okay…"

"It's not okay…if I had taken my gun with me…I could have defended myself before…"

She slumped placing her hands on her head.

"If…"

Julie reached over to touch her arm.

"You can't blame yourself for what they did," she said, "and one of them didn't walk out of there."

"Clyde didn't…He and the other had gone outside the bedroom to talk…I could hear them and they were going to kill me as soon as they were finished…they were talking about how to do it…and something about…I don't know…"

Tears sprung in her eyes but mostly out of frustration because even getting the words out proved to be difficult.

"But they didn't kill you," Julie pointed out, "Because you wouldn't let them and you're right here now."

C.J. nodded, conceding that but she wasn't sure that life was what she wanted but Julie read her quickly.

"And no, death is not a better alternative than living," she told her, "I know it feels that way sometimes but believe me, every day you spend alive in this world is a victory."

C.J. knew she meant what she said, but why didn't it feel that way?

* * *

Matt wandered down the streets of downtown, the seedier part of it near the bus station and Skid Row. He hoped that perhaps the man was low on cash and had bused out of L.A. after leaving C.J.'s house. He brought a stack of impressive bills to soften some memories of those who hung out around the terminal and inside of it. But so far, not much to go on as no one had seen them. So he hit up some of Two-Mean's sources including a young man who had once been a junkie.

Sam Ling, brother to the late Connie Ling who had been murdered by the Chinese Triad that had controlled much of Chinatown and the drug trade until Matt and Two-Mean had shut them down along with a corrupt DEA agent named Harry Carter who was now doing some serious time at Pelican Bay up north in isolation of course.

Sam had quit drugs in rehab, had gone back to school and in the meantime, was working at a restaurant in downtown though he still spent a lot of time digging up information and listening to chatter including that among what was left of the gangs hanging out there and plying their trade.

But like everyone else, he didn't know much about this Dallas guy nor had he seen anyone matching the APB description.

"Man I wish I could help you," he said, "If it hadn't been for you and C.J…I'd be dead now."

Matt rubbed his forehead feeling frustrated that his investigating which he had been at for hours throughout downtown hadn't yielded much in the way of information.

"Wait…I think Tony might be able to help you," Sam said quietly, "He handles requests for you know…name and background revision."

Matt nodded, knowing he meant dealing with people who dropped cash or other valuables on him to provide them with a new identity which made sense in this case. Dallas would want to be able to slip out of L.A. and towards his new life probably out of the country…if he had the cash or collateral. Not a given, because his background had come back with him not owning much, and most of what he had, he had lost gambling.

This made Matt wonder certainly not for the first time, if he had a benefactor who was better padded than him, someone who had orchestrated this whole thing. It sounded farfetched on its face because both men had reason to hate C.J. and want revenge against her on their own but how had they managed to get together and plot a successful escape from a secured institution? That he didn't know yet.

He left Sam and drove to the address he had provided to look up Tony in some nondescript apartment on the fifth floor of a former hotel that had clearly seen better days. He got off the elevator which shuddered to a stop on the right floor and went to drop in on him. When Tony answered the door finally, Matt could see he had been interrupted at work, with all kinds of fake ID information sitting on the hardwood floor.

"Are you looking to change your name," Tony asked, warily, "because no one notified me that you were coming and I try to be very discreet."

Matt nodded and looked around the apartment.

"You've got quite a place here," he said, "and I heard quite an operation. This is your lucky day because this can go one of two ways. You tell me information I want and I'll grease your earnings…you don't and I'll call in some friends of mine in the LAPD to shut you down for a long time."

Tony just looked at him, trying to look unfazed but Matt knew he had him.

"What do you want," Tony said finally after going to the frig and getting himself a beer.

"I need to know if you know a man named Dallas," Matt said, "just over six feet tall, muscular frame, brown hair, a mustache and some tattoos on his arm."

Tony thought about it.

"Do you know how many guys I get in looking like that," he said, "and why should I tell you even if he was a customer. I'm not a snitch or a rat."

Matt rubbed his forehead.

"Because I will slam you against that wall so hard if you don't before I call the police."

Tony's eyes widened because he could tell Matt meant what he said, but business would sour if potential customers knew he finked out one of his clients. He had some gambling debts to clear with his bookie not to mention a loan shark dropping in on him regularly for payments so he couldn't afford to lose his business.

"I might…he might have dropped by inquiring about my services."

"Go on…"

"Well a man like that with a wad of cash did drop by asking for a new identity," Tony said, "Mean hombre too…like a scorpion with a bad attitude. Obviously a graduate of the joint."

"Did you help him?"

Tony glanced at him warily especially after Matt clenched his fists.

"No…not yet anyway…he left to take care of some business," he said, "I think he's planning on leaving the country because he asked for a fake passport."

"Is he planning on coming back here?"

Tony shrugged.

"Can't answer that," he said, "He seemed rather volatile to me like one of those inmates that had been caged too long and just sprung out."

"He's very dangerous Tony," Matt said, "and I'm looking for him."

"What did he do anyway," Tony said, "because he was loaded with dinero."

Matt pursed his lips and remained silent.

"He escaped from prison and attacked a friend of mine," Matt said, "and if you're harboring him or you help him…"

Tony shook his head.

"Man that's too hot for me," he said, "I don't want no trouble from the police."

Matt leaned forward.

"Then you better help me and contact me here if he does drop by."

He handed Tony a business card and his eyes widened.

"I heard of you as some rich businessman," he said, "Why are you down here in the slums where you don't belong?"

Matt didn't hesitate in his response.

"Because a woman I care very much for was brutally attacked last night by this scumbag and his partner," he said, "and if I find you're holding out on me and protecting him, I'll put you on my list of people to go after and it won't go pretty."

Tony laughed.

"I'll keep that in mind…"

Within a second, Matt had lunged forward and grabbed his throat, forcing him against the wall.

"You'll do more than that," he said, "You will cooperate with me fully and you'll be rewarded but if you don't…you'll live to regret it."

"You are threatening me?"

Matt let him go and dusted him off, before preparing to leave him.

"No, that's a promise and a Houston never breaks his promises."

With that, Matt left the apartment and the no-count, two-bit hood in his wake.

* * *

Roy picked up the phone and found himself talking with an irate Hoyt.

"Where's Houston?"

Hoyt paused.

"Out."

"I know that, but where is he now?"

"I don't know," Roy said, "and I didn't ask him when he left here."

"Word from some informants say that he's been tearing through downtown trying to track down that other convict."

"Maybe…"

Hoyt sighed and Roy could tell he was frustrated as well as angry.

"You know that's just going to get him in a ton of trouble," he said, "There are some dangerous players in downtown and if he rattles their cages…"

"He's dangerous too…especially when it comes to anyone hurting her," Roy said, "and those men should pay for what they did to her…not slip through the system again."

"The police are out looking for Dallas," Hoyt said, "No news yet but the man can't hide forever."

"My nephew will find him first," Roy said, "and he'll take care of him if you don't."

Hoyt's patience blew right then.

"That's vigilantism and I won't have it in my city not even from him," he said, "I know he cares about C.J. but how's it going to help her if my guys have to lock him up for assault or murder."

Roy remained cool.

"Then you'd better find Dallas first and take him off the street," he said, "Because if Houston gets a crack at him first, he's an excellent shot."

"That's murder…he'll get himself in serious trouble if he does that."

Roy sighed.

"I don't think he cares at this point," he said, "They declared war on him when they went after her and he's not going to back down or back off. You'd better get your men out there busy looking for Dallas if you want to stop that."

"That's not going to be easy…"

"Nothing's easy…we don't live in a society where a young woman can be safe in her own home…and they picked the wrong woman to go after."

Hoyt knew that too, he just didn't like it. Matt was a close friend of his who hadn't stopped at anything to rescue his daughter Kathy when she had been kidnapped by a pedophile. And despite the police, if it hadn't been for Matt…Hoyt closed his eyes just at the thought.

But someone had to stop him before he confronted Dallas because it could be him that wound up dead at his hands if he were armed. And in L.A. it was easy enough for a criminal to get his hand on a stash of guns if he had money.

"Well if you see him, give me a call," Hoyt said finally, "I'll do the same."

"Talk to you later Hoyt."

Roy clicked off his phone and though he understood what led Matt to go off hunting Dallas, he realized that Hoyt was right. If Matt killed Dallas in cold blood, he would wind up in prison for a long time.

C.J. had told Julie she would make her appointment with Miranda but she didn't know how a shrink could help her now. What she needed was to just be able to slide back into her life as if it hadn't been interrupted. She needed everyone to stop looking at her as if she were a child…or a victim. She wanted to be able to go outside and move unfettered among the other millions of people in L.A. but out there…he was lurking somewhere and maybe he would return.

More likely her rational side told her, he would flee the country and go where there was no extradition arrangement. But the fear…it crept through her anyway…strange that was the one emotion she could sense within herself. The rest of her, well it remained shrouded in what felt like impenetrable fog.

She had gone back to the bedroom to try to sleep but she kept dreaming herself back to last night so she awoke alone in the bedroom, shaking and breaking out into a cold sweat. She had no idea where Matt had gone and she hoped it hadn't been on her account but she knew better. Finally she got out of bed and went into the living room.

Roy looked up and smiled.

"Hi…I'm just finishing the varnish here," he said, "so it might smell for a while."

She sat down in the chair and tucked her feet beneath her.

"That's okay…I couldn't sleep…"

Roy nodded.

"I understand how that it is," he said, "I used to have bad dreams when I returned from the Korean War…or police action."

She remained quiet for a moment.

"They don't last forever," he told her, "They fade with time and what helped me was having someone at the Veteran's hospital help me."

"I've got an appointment with a woman tomorrow," she said, "I'm not sure what to do."

Roy looked at her.

"Just talk to her and let her listen," he said, "That's a start, it's better than keeping it to yourself."

She sighed.

"I'm afraid to say anything…especially to Houston," she said, "I don't know what he'll do and I don't want him to get hurt or into trouble."

That worried Roy as well she could tell but he smiled.

"It's hard to rope him in once he gets going," he said, "But he's very angry at who did this and he's doing what he feels he needs to do to…"

"Control what happens," she said, "But he can't Roy, anymore than he could stop that plane crash."

"He's got to figure that out too," Roy said, "but he does very much care about you and your wellbeing."

C.J. knew that and Roy's words resonated with her somewhere deep inside, but still she worried about him, which carried a mixed blessing because then she didn't have to think about herself and what had happened.

And she didn't have to remember.


	7. Chapter 7

Another installment up, thanks for reading and thanks for the input!

* * *

C.J. chopped up tomatoes in the kitchen at Roy's house working alongside him to prepare dinner. They had put their heads together and decided that pasta and salad, along with roasted potatoes cooked in rosemary would be a perfect meal. She relaxed in his presence because Roy never engaged in conversation simply to fill in silence between him and someone else. He sensed that she didn't want to talk about very much at all and so they worked together quietly.

Matt on the other hand, his entrance into the kitchen after he returned would certainly change the dynamic because she sensed how angry he felt towards the men who attacked her. She knew he was out there in the city somewhere tracking them down through his entire source network, exhausting every avenue. But what would he do when he caught up to Dallas? She didn't want Matt to go to prison for murder or get killed himself because she now knew just what Dallas was capable of doing.

"This sauce is going to be lovely," she said.

"It's a recipe I picked up during a stint working undercover at a diplomat installation in Milan."

She knew that he could prepare a wide variety of cuisine, from having worked as a covert operative in many of the world's countries. Some of the best times she had enjoyed since he had moved to L.A. were evenings like this one where they spent time cooking in the kitchen, he teaching her some new recipe and then enjoying the fruits of their labor with some fine wine. Matt would often join them and they would have a lively evening of discussion and laughter, often in front of a fireplace in the winter or on Roy's deck in the warm summer nights.

But tonight she just felt frozen inside, even as her body went through the motions of preparing the meal that they would be eating when Matt returned. She almost watched herself working from someplace else, her body almost feeling alien to her.

"There's even some gelato in the freezer for dessert," Roy said, "I remember the months I spent in Milan…Rome and Florence…the most romantic spot on earth. Flo and I used to spend spring there sometimes and there was nothing prettier."

She watched him reminisce and remembered her own experiences in Italy, where she had gone with a boyfriend between college and Harvard Law School for a month. The relationship had flourished in the summer and faded with the leaves on the trees of autumn. But eating in outdoor cafes in a country which came to life after the sun finally set had produced great memories for her that lasted beyond that relationship.

After slicing the tomatoes, she moved onto the cucumbers for the salad, which would be accentuated with olive oil and Italian spices. Doing a repetitive task like that allowed herself to focus on the present and not linger to places she didn't want to go. The clock on the wall ticking the time before Matt's return, she braced herself for it and then scolded herself because she knew how much she loved spending time with him. Matt had always been physically demonstrative with his affection for those in his life. Whether it was hugging or holding hands with him, in times of happiness or while he stroked the hair off of her face while she lay recovering in a hospital bed, he had always made her feel comfortable and secure.

But now she feared him without even realizing it. She didn't want any man to touch her for any reason. Part of her just wanted to run off and hide far away from anyone who knew her, where he would never find her…and yet she still felt that incredible loneliness even in a room with her friends.

She remembered what Julie had told her about the long road ahead of her and she didn't know how to take that first step.

* * *

Matt had left Tony and felt like he had run out of options at least for the day. He had been running around from one end of the downtown to the other and into the boundaries of Hollywood without much luck. Dallas had to be holed up somewhere and he had to have enough money to hide as well as enough to change his identity before taking off and possibly leaving the country.

But Matt was nothing if not determined and a very skilled investigator to boot and he wouldn't stop until he caught up with Dallas and if he reached him before the police, then the man was going to pay and so would anyone who helped him as an accessory after the fact.

Word had clearly gotten back to Hoyt about what he had been doing because he received two phone messages from him before returning them. The harried lieutenant cut to the chase right away.

"Houston, I just got a phone call that you've been muscling people in downtown L.A. looking for that other escaped convict."

Matt didn't deny it, seeing no point to it. He made it clear that he wasn't going to let the guy get away with what he did to his best friend.

"I just paid a couple of visits to folks who might be able to provide information on a case I'm working on."

Hoyt tried to rein his exasperation at Matt because he knew what C.J. meant to him but the police really were the ones to handle a dangerous criminal like Dallas who was not the focus of a manhunt.

"I know what that case is Houston and all it's going to do is land you in trouble."

Hoyt knew that Matt wouldn't quit until he nailed Dallas and he admired that persistence, that stubbornness inside the man because those qualities had helped rescue Hoyt's own daughter Kathy from the clutches of a pedophile. If it hadn't been for Matt, Hoyt might have done more than just flirt with stepping outside the boundaries of the same laws that governed his behavior for years. He might have ended up in prison himself and he had to stop Matt from heading in that direction.

"Hoyt, there's no way that thug is going to get away with what he just did," he said, "and I would expect that the correctional institute will do an investigation to find out who was paid off to look the other way while these two men escaped."

Hoyt sighed.

"You're levying some pretty serious allegations; have anything to back them up?"

"Oh come on Hoyt, you and I both know these men are violent sociopathic lowlifes who have spent their lives hurting people but they don't have the combined sophistication to plan something like this let alone the money to pay off guards, to hide on the outside and to elude capture."

Hoyt remained silent for a moment, clearly thinking about what Matt had just outlined and he knew that he might be right but how were they to find out if anyone else was involved? One thug was dead, the other on the run and a person who might go down swinging. If that happened, then they might never know if a conspiracy of some sort was involved.

"You know I'm right about this," Matt said, "and when I catch up with Dallas before I clean up the floor with him, I'm going to get it out of him."

"Houston…"

Hoyt's voice had a warning tone in it but Matt didn't care. If they wanted to save Dallas' miserable life to ship him back to a prison he had escaped from, they would have to reach him first.

Hoyt hung up after that and Matt continued on back to Roy's house feeling frustration reaching deep down into his marrow. He had hoped he would at least get a lead on this guy. The streets were pretty empty at this time of the evening in the direction he drove so he made good time back to his uncle's home and parked his car. He ran into Will on the way up to the front door.

"Where you been," Will asked.

Matt looked over at his cousin who looked a healthier now than when he and Roy and rescued him from the death camp where he'd been held prisoner for so long with the world including his family believing he was dead.

"Out."

"I can see that Houston," Will said, "Care to elaborate cousin?"

"I thought I might get a lead on the convict who's still out there running around."

"Did you?"

They reached the front door.

"No…I ran into a guy he tried to buy fake ID papers from and he said he's call me if he saw him again."

"And you believe him?"

Matt just looked at his cousin.

"I told him what would happen if he didn't."

Will just shook his head at him.

"I know you want to get this guy but you've got to give the police a chance," he said, "but I know you're not listening."

Before Matt could respond, Roy opened the door and let them inside.

"Dinner's almost ready," he said, "I thought we'd eat out on the deck tonight."

A great view Matt thought, looking out into a wooded glen area and a small pond that was fed from a stream. Roy had been smart to move to the canyon above Malibu.

"Smells great," Will said, "Italian tonight?"

Roy nodded.

"I'm trying the new sauce," he said, "It was created by an old buddy of mine from the service."

They walked inside and Matt watched his uncle and cousin interact as if they fully appreciated being reunited after so many years apart. They spent a lot of time together even though there was talk that Will might be heading to Reno to work in construction on a new project there. Matt thought it was a good line of work for Will while he went back to earn a master's degree in engineering at night school.

He went to the kitchen and his eyes widened when he saw C.J. standing there in her faded jeans and shirt stirring the sauce on the stove, her hair off of her face and a clip in it. The bruises on her face would fade soon enough he thought as she heard him and turned around, the ladle still in her hand.

"Hi there…"

She tried to smile and succeeded a little bit.

"I heard you've been busy."

"Hoyt called you?"

She nodded.

"Only to tell me that you were caught running around downtown L.A. on some leads and that there's no sign of…Dallas."

Even mentioning his name brought that look in her eye of a deer trapped even though she tried to force it away.

"It sounds like you've been busy too…and it smells good."

Now she smiled and looked over at Roy.

"He's a great chef," she said, "I told him he should open up his own place…you know like Mama did."

Matt smiled.

"I think the hard part would be for him to settle on one type of cuisine," he said, "He loves them all."

"True…

She started to get out the plates and silverware and Matt reached for the glasses for the wine. C.J. opted for juice instead because the wine didn't go well with her medications. But she set the table for them outside and although she moved slowly, she didn't seem like it pained her much.

"How are your ribs?"

She grimaced at that.

"Sore…but they'll heal up," she said, "You broke yours and didn't rest as I remember but they mended."

Matt made a face.

"After they put me under house arrest," he said, "and made me restrict my activities for several weeks."

* * *

C.J. remembered that quite well because he had been a bit irritable until someone suggested he could relax down at a friend's house in Acapulco. He had come back fully healed and ready to go back to work. But she knew that her own ribs were the least of her problems and she wanted so much to return to work, to a normal routine.

As if nothing had changed.

They all went out to the deck and sat down to eat, enjoying their food. Even C.J. found it delicious and she could almost forget that it wasn't just another evening that the four of them had spent together as a family.

Matt looked over at her, noticing that she still tensed up even as she ate dinner and her smile to what something said, didn't hide the mix of emotions in her eyes. When he looked in her eyes, he saw someone else he didn't recognize.

"The salad's great," he said, looking over at her.

"Thanks," she said, looking back at him.

Roy soon told them stories about how he had picked up recipes here and there and tried them out and Will had stories about some group of high school classmates he had gone river rafting with in Montana, the first time he had been able to go to a high school reunion since he graduated.

C.J. started clearing the table, suddenly needing some space and standing over the sink in the kitchen washing dishes, she felt herself feeling better. Sometimes she had found herself feeling as if she was hyperventilating for no reason and then her heart would skip beats. She had to take deep breaths to keep herself centered, to keep from wanting to run.

Matt brought in some dishes and she looked at him.

"I guess Uncle Roy's going to hit the gelato but I think I'm stuffed."

She nodded at that and kept washing dishes.

"So you're going to stay here for a few days?"

She finally looked at him and nodded.

"I'm not going back home," she said, "I just can't."

The pain in her voice sliced into him and he saw how her body shook just from him standing next to her. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable around him.

She finished rinsing the dishes and put them on the dish rack to dry while Matt got out some bowls and they both scooped gelato in them. She took her dish and sat down to eat it in the kitchen while Matt served both his uncle and cousin.

C.J. focused on the sweet yet minty flavor of her dessert closing her eyes trying to focus on it and nothing else. When she opened her eyes, she saw him standing in the doorway.

For just a minute, leering at her, her first sight upon entering her house that night.

"Long time gone without seeing you…," he drawled and he approached her as she stood there stunned.

And then he showed her the knife. She flinched and her eyesight adjusted.

"C.J…"

Her breathing came fast again and her heart pounded, sending tingling sensations into her arms and legs.

"Are you…"

She focused on him and the image of Dallas faded and she saw her best friend again, looking at her with concern in his eyes.

"I'm…okay…"

But he saw the sweat that broke out on her face even as she sat there. And for a man as confident as he was in how to relate to people, he had no idea what to say to her.

"I want to go to work tomorrow," she said finally breaking the silence.

He almost protested that and then he saw how much it mattered to her to do that, to try to bring some semblance of normality back into her life. So he nodded instead.

"Okay…but I don't want you working too hard," he said, "You're injured you know…"

She looked up at him again.

"Yeah I know…"

She then got off the chair and rinsed her desert dish in the sink almost by rote and then she smiled at him and left the kitchen. He didn't follow her knowing better that it hadn't been an invitation. Roy and Will still sat talking on the deck laughing at a story one of them had told. Matt joined them but didn't say anything.

"You know you shouldn't take it personally," Will said, "that she's acting so distant."

"I don't…I just wish I could help her."

Will sipped his wine.

"Houston…she's been through a terrible ordeal and we both know what happens when you face the unimaginable…it shocks your system, makes you more on edge, more sensitive for a long time after."

Matt knew that, about the mind and body's own defensive mechanisms for dealing with those types of experiences. He had been through it himself and he recognized it in her along with something else.

"Yeah I know," he said, "She wanted to come back to work and I couldn't argue against it."

Will nodded.

"It'll do her good," he said, "to know there are areas of her life she can control."

Roy concurred and Will just shook his head.

"Damn it's unfair what happened to her," he said, "and I know what it feels like to have our life in the hands of ruthless people who hold it and everything else you hold precious over your head to keep you their prisoner."

Matt had undergone prisoner of war training in basic but he had never experienced it himself like Will had for years on end and he could never face what C.J. had in her own home. Because for a moment when she had looked at him in the kitchen, she had seen the man who had victimized her in Matt and she had barely stopped herself from panicking.

"She's seeing a counselor starting tomorrow," Matt said, "A woman who's supposed to be the best in the area. I hope she can help her."

"She can give her the tools Houston," Will said, "but only C.J. can determine her own outcome and she's strong and determined enough to get through this with time and support from us."

Matt thought about what his cousin said as they talked into the night, as the pale moon lit the sky overhead.


	8. Chapter 8

Here's another update, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

After dessert had been served, she left the men to talk among themselves on the deck and went back into the living room. She had talked Chris that afternoon over the phone into dropping off some files that Murray had left on her desk and she began to review them. She tried to focus on the legal contracts, but it was difficult for her to keep the words from swimming all over the page. She hadn't taken a pain pill in a while though she kept on taking the antibiotics.

But seriously she should be able to review and sign contracts and merger forms in her sleep, not that she did much of either anymore now that she spent almost all of her time working for Matt's investigative firm. When she walked into the office tomorrow and into her office, it would be just like normal. It had to be…because she couldn't keep facing days like this one…where she didn't feel like herself in her own skin.

She brushed her hair out of her face and the words finally seemed to flow together properly. The terms of the contracts appeared pretty sound and she should probably just sign them and send them back to him. But then Murray would get back to her on the phone and argue over some of the details and she didn't feel like getting into it with him right now.

Matt walked into the room with a mug in his hand and gave it to her. She saw it was some herbal tea.

"Thanks," she said, "I think I need this right now."

She sat beside her.

"What are you doing," he said, "Murray sent you more paperwork?"

She nodded.

"A couple of contracts," she said, "They're good by the way if you want to read them."

She handed them over to him and he perused them.

"Murray's done a great job with the business end," Matt said, "He seems to really enjoy it."

She smiled.

"Some people do get a lot out of working in business and that's great," she said, "He makes a great president, not that you didn't but your heart's elsewhere, that's all."

He couldn't disagree with her observation because he had known Murray for years since he had hired him out as a CPA and had found his energy both refreshing and unnerving.

"I can't argue with that," Matt said, "I love what I do…what we do."

She turned pensive for a moment and he wondered what she was thinking. He knew she had really enjoyed building up the investigative firm with him the past several years minus a few gunshot wounds of course.

"So do I…," she said finally, "I don't want to give that up."

He heard the trepidation in her voice.

"C.J. you don't have to and I hope you don't," he said, "You just need to heal those ribs up first. It shouldn't be that long."

But she looked at him, not wanting to tell him that the thought of returning to investigation thrilled her but terrified her too. Because out there, were dangerous people including those who had grudges against them.

"I know…and I've got plenty to do at the office to keep me busy."

And when Matt looked at her then, he knew that was what it was all about with her. Keeping busy so she wouldn't think because to think was to remember what happened. As for him, his investigations of cases on file would be put on hold until he tracked down Dallas and found him. He hoped that Tony would call him back with good news so he wouldn't have to go down for a repeat visit.

"C.J. you're going to get plenty of rest," he said, "You know you can get some sleep there if you need it."

She just looked at him strangely.

"Houston, I'm fine really," she said, "I'm going to the office in the morning and I'm putting in my hours like everyone else."

The determination in her voice made him smile but that look in her eyes…saddened him too. As soon as he found that lowlife, it would be over in the sense that a dangerous man would be off the streets…one way or another.

She watched him then, looking at her kindly, dressed in his field investigative wardrobe of choice, jeans and a shirt from Rice University's football program.

"We'll start tomorrow with a lighter load and we'll see and if you're in any pain or get tired, you're going to rest…you don't want to return to the hospital."

She made a face.

"God no…but that won't happen," she said, "I'll mind my ribs which are just cracked a little not broken and I'll take breaks."

He knew just how important it was that she returned to work…her only way she believed of feeling somewhat normal again…if that were possible.

And he would do whatever it took to help her in that journey no matter how long it took.

* * *

C.J. slept better that night and had planned to go to work at the office after she met with Miranda for her therapy appointment. She dressed in her business attire but wore pants instead of a dress and drove to the medical center. Julie had told her about Miranda's credentials in trauma counseling but C.J. wondered how this woman could help her. She didn't need it anyway; she was doing just fine now that she had returned to work.

She drove down the street towards the office, and traffic was light. She turned on the music and listened to it humming to herself. Maybe if she completed work early in the afternoon, she might take some time off to check out some sales in the nearby shopping area. She really needed a new winter coat and she had seen some nice looking ones in the window last time.

Then suddenly the song changed and she froze, the chill returning once again even before she remembered when she last heard that song. She had been in her bedroom, the stereo turned on to the same station…she saw the knife, the light reflecting it from the lamp and curtains...wafting in the breeze. Her dress…it had been ripped open in the front and the scent of tobacco and alcohol hit her…how could that be inside the car?

"Just lie still for me, or I'm going to cut you," a man's voice said, "You know this is what you wanted…what all women want…"

A voice inside of her head screamed anyway and her face felt the blow that followed from his fist and then his hands moved over her bra and his knife moved towards it.

She blinked her eyes and felt the sweat on the back of her neck and noticed she had stopped her car. The light had been red and traffic swept in front of her. She breathed quicker and her eyes blurred, then as her breathing slowed when she took deep breaths, her vision cleared again.

"It's okay," she told herself over and over again until the light turned green again and she kept driving.

* * *

Matt didn't see any messages from Tony and figured he would give him another day but he went down to look up Slick the owner of a bar whose daughter Matt had freed from extortionists who kidnapped her after he stopped paying protection fees to them.

He caught up with him cleaning up inside the bar after what appeared to have been a lively night.

"What do you want," Slick asked gruffly.

"I need to talk to you," Matt said, "I'm looking for someone, an escaped convict…"

Slick held up his hands.

"Now hold on…you know I'm more selective about my clientele than that."

Matt pulled out his billfold.

"I can help pay for last night's damage if you'll help me find this man."

Matt produced a picture of a grainy mug shot he had pulled off of Dallas from the internet and showed it to Slick who looked at it scratching his head.

"I don't know him…"

"I didn't ask if you knew him," Matt said, "I'm just wondering if you've seen him. He's been downtown looking for fake ID."

Slick shook his head.

"Maybe Bruiser, he's my bouncer can help you," he said, "You know I don't close this joint at night…I'm strictly on banker hours now that I'm getting old."

Matt looked at him, agreeing that the years of boozing and a drug addiction earlier in his life had aged him somewhat.

"Okay where can I find this Bruiser," Matt asked.

"He's in my back office," Slick said, "But he's not in the best of moods this morning, so go easy."

Matt's just eyed him directly.

"Well neither am I so we've got something in common."

Slick caught that look and his brows lifted.

"What the hell's going on here," he said, "You sound like you're on some kind of mission with this con."

"He brutally assaulted a friend of mine," he said, "You know C.J. don't you?"

Slick nodded.

"Yeah nice woman, pretty looking," he said, "Why would anyone go after her?"

Matt sighed.

"I don't know…he was a client of hers back in her PD days but I'm not sure why he did it."

"Revenge probably…a man who's locked up like this guy's been according to the newscasts, we'll he's had plenty of time to store up a lot of anger and figure out how to use it."

"He was locked up for some years this time…nearly three…"

"Well then he's going to cause some serious damage before the law catches up with him," Slick said, "Go talk to Bruiser and let me do my work."

Matt walked to the back office where he saw a huge looking man, bald with an earring who looked up at him.

"What do you want?"

"I was hoping you could help me…I'm looking for a man named Dallas…he…"

Bruiser nodded.

"He escaped from prison…I heard about him on the news. Mean SOB."

"You know him?"

"I know of him," he said, "A bouncer under me did time as a guard up at the same prison before retiring last year and Dallas is one tough mean guy, did time for attempted murder and rape…lots of assaults."

"I got the rap sheet too."

Bruiser tilted his head.

"You after him for some reason…because he's meaner than a rattlesnake and twice as deadly."

"He hurt a friend of mine," Matt said, "and I want to make sure he pays for that."

Bruiser shook his head.

"I'm sorry tough break…but you should let the police handle him, they'll need to send out those guys with battle armor and guns that can blast a whole through a man."

"Well the police are looking for him and so am I."

Bruiser leaned back in his chair.

"Well good luck…but if he wants to hide, he'll be tough to draw out…though I can't figure out where the cash is coming from."

That caught Matt's attention.

"Yeah I can't either," he said, "He's got to have a benefactor somewhere."

"Maybe…someone on the outside or someplace else…another prison…"

Matt furrowed his brow considering that. It could be someone who went to prison because of some case they handled, or another that she did but then that person had to have access to money and probably wouldn't have needed a public defender.

He handed Bruiser his business card.

"If you learn anything else, give me a call," he said, "Pass on my number to your bouncer."

Bruiser nodded.

"I hope they catch this guy but it won't be easy…"

Matt didn't care about that. Easy or hard, the guy was still going down as far as he was concerned.

* * *

C.J. waited in Miranda's office, looking at the certificates of her training on the wall. She had been to UCLA for her training and had gone to many seminars and received recognition for papers she had presented on PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as it was called and for trauma counseling.

Surely this was more than she needed, she thought. She didn't have anything like PTSD or another disorder. She wasn't crazy after all.

Miranda returned with some tea, and handed C.J. a mug before sitting down. She dressed casually in jeans and what looked like a multi-color shirt out of a Jackson Pollack inspired collection. She had crow's feet when she smiled and some salt in her peppery hair.

"So you made it here," she said, "That's a very important first step."

C.J. shrugged.

"I thought maybe it would help me sleep," she said, "The medication makes me groggy but it's hard to relax enough to sleep."

Miranda nodded.

"That's not uncommon," she said, "It sounds like you've been through a very traumatic ordeal, one that you had absolutely no control over…and that can be quite a struggle for many women to face who've been raped."

C.J. blinked her eyes at that.

"I…well he…"

Miranda smiled and leaned back in her chair which made it squeak.

"I know it's hard even to say it to yourself, let alone deal with what happened," she said, "And I understand the man responsible is he dead?"

C.J. paused and then shook her head.

"No I shot the man with him," she said, "the one who…attacked me got away."

Miranda made some notations on her pad before looking back up at C.J.

"After the man who escaped had…finished…the other man wanted to…but they went out in the hallway for a brief moment and that's when I was able to get my gun and shoot."

Miranda listened quietly.

"I should have gotten to it sooner…I don't usually take it with me but I should have had it. If I did…"

"You wouldn't have been terrorized in your own home by two men and raped?"

C.J. tilted her head and nodded.

"I could have stopped it from happening and I didn't…Dallas, he got what he wanted…I defended him once when I was a PD back in Houston and he would…make these comments."

"That made you uncomfortable…"

C.J. nodded.

"And I asked to be removed from handling his case," she said, "and after they found some writings in his cell, they agreed and assigned him to another attorney."

"And he got convicted and went to prison and he blamed you?"

"Yes…I guess he did," she said, "He didn't talk about that when he was in my house…just that I should know why they were there and what they wanted from me…he said that to me when he grabbed me and pinned me against the wall…before they took me to the bedroom…my bedroom…"

C.J. paused there to take a breath. Two breaths and she eyed the Kleenex box but didn't touch it.

"It's okay C.J…that's why you're here isn't it, to talk about it in a safe nonjudgmental environment."

C.J. pursed her lips.

"I couldn't move when he had me against the wall…they were both there laughing…calling me things…Dallas, he ripped my dress on top and grabbed my breast…it hurt…and I told him to let go..To go away and I wouldn't say anything…but he laughed again and said he wanted me like this…he had waited long enough."

Miranda looked at her and C.J. read understanding in her eyes.

"Do you really think you could have stopped them…there were two of them…were they armed?"

"Dallas had a knife…he held it against me and then later used it to cut my bra..."

C.J. fell silent then and the images threatened to overwhelm her.

"So you've been dreams…nightmares since?"

C.J. nodded.

"Yeah…I don't always remember them when I wake up but when I close my eyes…I see them there…they're inside my head and they won't leave."

Miranda nodded.

"We can work on making them go away," she said, "But it's going to take time…time and investing the work are good healers."

"What I need is some way to get back to my normal life…"

Miranda leaned forward.

"You'll get there but I'm not going to lie to you, it won't be easy because it's quite a long process."

C.J. nodded.

"I know…but I want people to not treat me differently like something that's been broken…"

"You have a good support unit?"

C.J. smiled.

"My best friend and his family have been helping me," she said, "I haven't been able to go home..since that night and I'm staying with my friend's uncle."

"That's good…It's often hard to go back home when you've been attacked there…and you need to be somewhere where you feel safe."

"I do…most of the time but my friend he wants to find this guy, he's a private investigator and I'm afraid for him."

"It's probably his way of trying to have some control over something that he couldn't control anymore than you could."

That made sense to C.J. because she knew Matt had struggled with that when Elizabeth had been killed in the plane crash, something beyond his or anyone's control.

"I just don't want anything to happen to him," she told Miranda.

* * *

Matt walked down the corridor to the police station where he would be meeting with Det. Perkins one of them assigned to C.J.'s case but he ran into Hoyt in the hallway.

"Houston, what brings you down here?"

"I'm here to talk to the investigators on C.J.'s case," he said, "I want to find out what progress they have made."

"Houston, you can't do that."

Matt folded his arms.

"Why not Hoyt…there's a dangerous man out there, a rapist and someone needs to get him off the streets."

"That someone's going to have to be police Houston, you know that."

But Matt had no intention of backing off in his pursuit of Dallas and when he found him…and then he saw Hoyt looking at him and knew that the lieutenant knew that nothing he said would stop Matt from doing what he believed he had to do.


	9. Chapter 9

Another update up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

C.J. sat in her office, reading some files that Murray had put on her desk. She had left her appointment with Miranda feeling better, as if she had an ally who could teach her the skills she needed to get back into her life. She had told her some details about what the men had done that she hadn't told anyone.

And no one had really asked her any questions. In fact, everyone skirted around the issue of what happened to her as if she were made out of china and could crack easily before shattering. She couldn't blame them because even she couldn't really share anything with anyone until Miranda. The counselor had given her a simple notebook filled with lined pages and told her to start a journal, to write down the thoughts and feelings she had that made her anxious or scared, to capture them in just a few words. C.J. agreed to try that exercise so she carried it with her.

Her ribs still ached so she moved about carefully. Matt hadn't arrived at the office and she knew why. She knew he would be out looking for Dallas, the man she had wanted so much to kill herself for what he did…the one who had acted as if his violation of her was a favor he had done, as if she had wanted him. Just the thought…she took her mind off of it and tried to focus on her work.

But he was out there somewhere and if Matt confronted him…Dallas might get the upper hand on him and if Matt were hurt or killed. She closed her eyes just at the thought of that, until the feeling passed.

Chris had ducked her head in with a mug of tea. C.J. had sensed the secretaries had heard bits and pieces, enough to know something bad had happened to her and were unsure of what to do or say. Chris checked up on her but in a way that didn't make C.J. feel cornered.

"How much work has Murray got you doing," Chris had asked.

C.J. shrugged, with a smile.

"About a half dozen files," she said, "it's okay really I can't do field work anyway until the ribs heal."

Chris gave her an awkward smile back and C.J. knew she felt as if she were navigating through a minefield.

"It's okay," she said, "I can handle it. It'll do me some good to be busy,"

"Well let me know if you need anything," Chris said, before leaving.

C.J. sighed feeling that night stand between her and her friends including at work. Before it happened, life at the office had been serious but not without its informal moments because everyone in the office felt a real affection towards one another.

But now…it had all changed and because of the actions of others…she looked at her wrapped wrist and flexed it, noticing some stiffness but that it felt better. She could type with it on her computer and she then started working on some briefs.

Matt and Roy sat inside a car doing a stakeout for a client but Matt's mind clearly focused elsewhere even as he went through the motions of keeping an eye on the empty storefront.

But his mind kept returning to C.J. who he knew to be back at the office trying to work and hopefully not pushing herself too hard. He knew why she felt the need to do it but she still needed to recover from her injuries and without someone to keep an eye on her she might forgo her breaks if she was busy on an assignment.

That's why he had called up Chris that morning and asked her as a favor to check up on C.J. to make sure she was doing okay and to call him if she noticed any serious problems.

So far no phone call so he breathed a little easier.

"Matlock, you can't focus on the surveillance, you really shouldn't be here."

He looked over at his uncle.

"I am keeping an eye on the mark," he said, "and nothing's happened yet."

Roy picked up the binoculars to check.

"And nothing might happen but you have to keep an eye on it in case it does."

Matt knew the drill and he had done it so many times already but what C.J. had just been through…he couldn't push his mind away from it. Overnight, she had changed, in so many ways…her eyes didn't sparkle…she hardly even looked at anyone and more often than not her body appeared rigid, as if ready for flight or to fight. He sensed that she wanted people to keep their distance from her even him. He knew what had happened to her, he just couldn't say it.

Because then he really would break down and have to accept the truth. He couldn't do that because she needed him to be strong, and he put on a good presentation he thought while his insides churned with rage towards one man who still ran loose out there.

"Matt,.."

He snapped back at his uncle.

"I can do the stakeout," he said, "I can keep what happened to her separate from my work."

"I can see that…"

Matt picked up the empty coffee cup and crushed it in his hand.

"But that doesn't mean I'm not going to find the animal who did this to her," he said, "and if I do, I'll hand off what's left of him when I get through to the police."

Roy's eyes grew serious.

"You can't do this," he said, "You'll get arrested and you could wind up in prison."

Matt just looked at his uncle.

"I can't let it go…I have to find him so she's safe again."

Roy sighed.

"It's going to be a long time before she ever feels safe again," he said, "No matter if this guy's locked up or dead…she's completely lost her sense of security, those men ripped it away from here."

Matt had seen that in her eyes at his uncle's house. When they had been in the kitchen together or talking in the living room, when relating to the woman he had known for years had been like walking on eggshells. What could he do to help her when she looked at him sometimes and saw someone else? The men who had hurt her in the place she thought she'd feel the safest.

"She's at the office," he said, "I'm having Chris keep an eye on her."

"That's good," Roy said, "It's going to be rocky there for her for a while but she's got something to prove to herself, to show that she's in control of her life and not the man who took that away from her."

Matt knew his uncle was right, and he wished he could make it easier for her but he knew that his own role had to be limited so she could find her own way back. And he had to focus on his work to get this assignment done so he could spend the rest of the day hunting for Dallas.

So he picked up his binoculars and focused on the storefront.

Det. Perkins had shown up at the office just after lunch. C.J. had with the secretaries ordered some Thai delivery and they had sat in the entertainment area in the back on the sofa and floor enjoying it and talking casually.

She had looked up at him when he had worked his way back where they sat eating and when he said he needed to ask her questions, she agreed to go with him into her office. She looked at him warily because so soon after she had shot Clyde, they had treated her like a suspect in a murder investigation and though she realized that was routine procedure in these cases, she had still felt under a microscope.

C.J. sat behind her desk and the detective in a nearby chair. He had a notebook and a recording device.

"Why are you here," she asked.

He put the recorder on her desk.

"I thought you might be more comfortable talking here than you would at the station."

She rubbed the bridge of her nose before glancing up again.

"Did you catch him?"

Perkins shook his head.

"No...we haven't," he said, "There's an APB and the feds have been called into assist."

She nodded.

"Okay…then what do you want?"

He paused.

"I need you to answer some questions for me about that night," Perkins said, "We got some results in forensic evidence collected from you during the rape kit exam."

"And…?"

"There were numerous motile spermatozoa in the sample collected and the sample came back as a B secretor…meaning he is type B and that antigen appears in all bodily fluids…makes our job a little bit easier than if he wasn't."

"So what does this mean," she asked.

"Well there was some swelling noted and inflammation," he said, "and with the semen sample collected which matches another sample found your bed spread that you engaged in rather vigorous sexual intercourse with one individual within a certain time frame."

"Excuse me…"

He looked taken aback at the anger that threatened to erupt from inside of her already present on her face.

"Ms Parsons…"

"You think I wanted him to do that to me," she said, "That I consented to having sex with an escaped convicted with sexual assaults in his jacket in front of another convicted criminal who was waiting for his turn at me?"

"Well, you did have a history with him."

She sighed in exasperation.

"Yeah we did…I represented him on an assault case back in Texas when I was a PD," she said, "I asked to be removed from the case because of how he treated me."

"You told your supervisor your personal feelings would interfere with your ability to act professionally as his counsel."

"Well yeah…he told me when I visited in jail, he wanted me to…"

God, she didn't want to continue this conversation and tell Perkins what sexual act Dallas wanted her to perform on him back then. It looked like they were building up her interactions with Dallas, past and prison as some kind of sordid interlude.

"How many times did he…force you to have sex that night?"

She just stared at him.

"Twice and in between…"

He took notes.

She felt lightheaded suddenly and realized she had started hyperventilating again, but she concentrated on keeping herself calm not wanting the detective to see her reaction to his questions.

"He was going to kill me if I didn't…he would slit my throat…I tried to stop him…he's so strong and he wasn't alone…and even after they talked about how to get rid of me so I couldn't talk."

Sweat broke out on the back of her neck and she swallowed painfully to keep the images from flooding her mind again.

'"I hated what he did," she said, "I hated myself for not being able to stop him..."

"You shot one of them," Perkins countered, "so you weren't exactly defenseless."

She stood up in her desk and pointed to the door.

"Get out of here," she said, "I'm done answering questions…"

Perkins refused to budge.

"I have the right to ask them as part of the investigation."

She shook her head.

"I'm done with your questions," she said, "so you might as well leave now."

He looked at her a moment and then left her office. C.J. felt her body start shaking harder and in a rush, she pushed everything off of her desk onto the floor and wrapped her head in her hands, trying to stop her heart from pounding inside her ears.

Then she looked at the mess on the floor and knelt down there to clean it up again.

Matt and Roy left the stakeout after a couple more fruitless hours and headed back to the office. He hoped that C.J.'s first day back at work had gone smoothly and he hadn't heard from Chris so…

"Matt, you're speeding," his uncle noted.

So he slowed the car down a bit and still made good time. They went up to the elevator but when he entered the lobby, Chris gave him a grave look.

"What's wrong Chris," he asked immediately, "Where's C.J.?"

"She took off in her car Houston," Chris said, "Right after the detective came to talk to her…she appeared fine before then."

Only Matt knew she hadn't been fine…not since that night just acting the part to push away what happened and so no one else would worry.

"She didn't even look upset," Chris said, "totally expressionless but she didn't respond to our attempts to talk with her."

Matt ran back to the elevator.

"I think I know where she went," he said, "I'm going to go find her and talk with her."

Chris nodded and watched as Matt left the office as quickly as he had arrived.

C.J. stood by the dun mare, stroking her nose while the mare butted her head against her chest eager for attention. C.J. smiled.

"Ow…a little more gently on the ribs…"

The mare nickered and C.J. scratched her behind the ears. She loved horses so much and when Matt had his ranch…well she spent a lot of time there riding and taking care of them. Matt still kept some of the older ones there and the new owner had been more than happy to allow him to drop by and take care of them, being a close friend of his from their football days.

But this mare had been rehabilitating from an injury at this equine center close to Malibu and C.J. had spent her free time checking up on her progress. It would be a while before she could return to the ranch but C.J. hadn't wanted her to get lonely.

Now the mare had helped soothe her own loneliness.

She had stayed in the office as long as she could stand it, but the detective's questions had triggered the images again and everything they carried with them. The two men dragging her into her bedroom and Dallas getting hold of her wrists as she struggled while Clyde encouraged him…she didn't even want to remember his crude words. She had shaken her head to clear it but it hadn't worked…and it wouldn't in the office.

So she finally left, got in her car and sped to the stable to find her way back to calmness.

And her heart returned to its natural rhythm as she stroked the mare's mane.

Matt parked at the rehabilitation center, outside the barn that housed the mare recovering from surgery. He knew C.J. had spent a lot of time here in the past couple of months, sometimes he had joined her. Her car had been parked there already when he arrived so he knew his instincts about where she had gone had been correct.

But he also knew how much she had been traumatized by the detective who Hoyt had explained in a phone call Matt had made to him on the way over had just been out there to ask follow up questions.

He walked up into the stable totally unprepared of what to say to her but knowing that it mattered what words he chose.

And when he saw her standing there alone with the mare, he felt even more at a loss.


	10. Chapter 10

Another update up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

C.J. stood there stroking the mare, not seeing him at first. Her hair hung loosely around her face in gentle waves, a glimmer of gold erring showing. She had changed her clothes into jeans and an even worn out tee-shirt. Not that it made her look less lovely to him.

He watched her talking gently and softly to the mare who responded by closing her eyelids and leaning against her shoulder. She had been one of his favorites but had needed medical care to save her and had faced an uphill climb to recuperation. He and C.J. had come to check up on her and spend time with the mare while she recovered until the day she could return back with the others.

She heard him approach, he could tell the way her body suddenly tensed but she didn't look at him or say anything, just focusing on the mare.

"She really likes you," Matt said.

C.J. shrugged a bit and kept stroking the horse.

"She's always been my favorite, just don't tell the others."

He smiled.

"Your secret's safe with me."

She looked sideways at him, and he saw a trace of tears on her face. Not that she wanted him to look. He wasn't all that sure she wanted him there with her. But he stood silently as she talked gently to the mare who responded by pricking her ears. He saw the emotions work on her face, her love for the horse, her patience and gentleness intertwined with emotions that tore through her to steal what was left.

And that made his own heart ache.

"I don't know if anything's ever safe," she said finally, "Not like I thought."

He didn't know what to say to that because the frustration that he couldn't have been there to protect her had stayed with him.

"I heard you had a tough day at the office."

She sighed as if part of her believed he would say that he told her so but she knew Matt would never think to say that. But her own mind had done that on the drive to the stable, her time with the mare had been one way of turning that voice off at least for a little while.

She just knew she felt like the biggest failure, like she should have been able to pull it all together to go to work and to be just like everyone else or at least to be herself again.

"I guess you could say that," she said, her voice trying not to break in front of him.

"C.J…it's going to be tough for a while," he said, "but you've got people who care about you."

She sighed.

"I know that…but I spent today feeling like I was walking on egg shells, as if everyone had to treat me with kid gloves, afraid I'd break down or something."

Matt thought about that.

"Listen I know, they're just concerned and they don't…well they don't know everything…so they're left guessing."

He wanted so much to reach out and wrap his arm around her shoulder, but he read enough in her body language to know he couldn't do that.

"I know it's awkward for them," she said, "I tried to make it easier…and then I thought how can I do that when everything's gotten so hard?"

"You don't have to be anyone but yourself," he told her, "I think everyone will understand."

She scratched the mare beneath her jaw and was rewarded by a soft rumbling.

"And you don't have to tell me or anyone else anything unless you feel like it…"

She nodded at that.

"I saw Miranda, the counselor today and she seemed nice," she said, "I felt like I could talk to her at least a little bit…and I felt better about that…but then Det. Perkins showed up."

Matt grimaced.

"Yeah I heard about that," he said, "Hoyt told me."

Her brow furrowed in question.

"How did he know?"

Matt sighed.

"Chris overheard part of it and she wanted to give him a piece of her mind but she told me instead and I called him up."

She rubbed her face.

"Why…why did you do that?"

He guessed it hadn't been the right move but he had felt that the detective's behavior had been so far out of line, if he had been there when it had happened, he might have thrown him out of the office.

And maybe opted for the exit 14 floors down from the helipad.

"Because he had no right to say those things to you," Matt said, "after what you've been through."

She looked at him then, her eyes looking into his own intently.

"How do you even know?"

"I don't have to…I know you and I can see what this is doing to you," he said, "and I hope they find this guy."

"You mean you hope you find him."

He sighed, unable to deny it. She looked at him sadly.

"Houston…I don't want you to do that," she said, "If anything happened to you…I couldn't take that."

"C.J…"

"No…you don't understand…I can't be responsible for what happens to you…if you catch him up and he either hurts you or he forces you to kill him."

"The world doesn't need a guy like that," he said,

"No, but I need you to be okay…so that I don't have to worry because I can't do that right now…I can't do anything…I can't even work at my job without running away."

He heard the pain in her voice and the fear and he believed that a lot of it might be for him but he just couldn't let Dallas get away with what he had done to her. He knew he would catch up to the guy soon enough.

"C.J. maybe you need some time off," he said, "Maybe being at the office isn't the best thing right now."

He expected her to maybe disagree about that rather strongly but she instead paused and then nodded.

"Maybe you're right," she said, "what am I going to do instead, I can't spend all day thinking about what happened to me and what might come next…because the police seem to think I asked for what happened."

He heard the weariness in her voice and knew she had enough of the investigation being conducted and the questions that were being asked. And he gave it some thought but the idea came to him quickly enough.

"I'll tell you what, maybe you could do me this incredible favor," he said, "I'm looking for a very special person, the right person for the job."

She tilted her head.

"Okay I'm listening…what is it?"

He smiled softly and patted his mare's neck, which led to her bumping her nose at him.

"I need someone to spend some time one on one rehabbing one of my favorite girls here," he said, "It would have to be someone who really cares about her, knows horses and had a lot of patience and some serious time…know anyone like that?"

"Maybe…"

"I do…and I'm looking right at her."

She looked over at the mare.

"Okay maybe you are," she said, "but I'm a little banged up right now."

"That's okay, so is she…you should get along fine."

C.J. looked up at the mare and believed that they had more than that in common but she knew that the time spent with the horse helping her along the road of recovery might allow her to stop thinking much about herself.

"Okay…I'll do it."

He smiled at her and she did back at him, a shadow of her usual smile but it warmed him up inside anyway.

Matt left her with the mare to give her some space, and so she could begin deciding on a rehab program for her after discussing it with some of the veterinarians and therapists here. They had up to the latest in technology geared at helping injured horses including an aqua-therapy which C.J. decided might help her charge. Her leg had mostly mended from the surgery and she bore weight on it but she had spent much of her timely in her stall and there had been some concern about founder but so far nothing had happened. She went to get the shank from the tack room and hooked it up to her halter after leading her out of her stall.

They walked the shed row back and forth while the mare's ears flickered inquisitively and C.J. enjoyed the sights and smell of sweet alfalfa and liniment as she and the mare walked around checking out the scenery. The mare limped slightly but then C.J. moved rather slowly herself, mindful that even breathing too deeply would make her ribs hurt.

There were other horses in their stalls or getting bathed or tended to and the mare seemed to know most of them already, nickering to check out her favorites and C.J. stopped to oblige her and talk to some of the people with the horses. None of which seemed fazed at how she looked.

Matt got back in his car, after stopping at the bar to check in with Bruiser to see if he'd gotten any information from his bouncer. Bruiser hadn't been in but a young guy with a goatee and who was built like a bull turned out to have some useful information having run into Dallas.

"I think I saw him," Barney said, "He was in the bar…for a few hours with another guy…shorter…wiry than him."

Matt pulled out a mug shot he had of the currently deceased Clyde.

"Like this guy?"

Barney nodded.

"Yeah…kind of, could be him," he said, "The bigger guy was surlier than hell and he had been playing pool for some cash with some of the regulars and a fight nearly broke out over a bad shot and that bigger guy threatened to ram a cue stick down someone's throat."

Matt could believe it.

"Sounds like he's got a real temper…"

"Oh yeah…I and another bouncer named Larry we separated them but then the big guy had to leave because he threatened Larry."

"He never returned?"

"Neither of them did," Barney said, "Not that they were missed."

Matt thanked him and went back to his car. He figured that Dallas and Clyde might have hit a few watering holes before they attacked C.J. because they had been out of prison for a few days and if they had been given a script to carry out then maybe they had some extra time to get themselves into trouble.

He looked at his phone and noticed that Roy had called him so he returned that call.

"Uncle Roy…what have you found out?"

"That Dallas and Clyde might have killed someone to steal a car in Fresno…three days before the attack…a young man too, who just was in the wrong place at the wrong time when they needed to trade vehicles."

"How do they know it was them?"

"Surveillance video showed the vehicle a day later in L.A. with a man like Dallas getting out of it."

Matt thought back, because they had escaped from a penal institution up north then traded cars at least once leaving a dead body behind and they were in L.A. not long after that.

"Okay so now we've got a trail for them," he said, "Only Clyde's dead now and Dallas is still out there somewhere possibly changing his appearance and his identity."

"Tony call you back yet on a sighting?"

"No Uncle Roy, nothing back from him yet," he said, "but there's plenty of places to shop for a new life."

"Are you coming back to the office," Roy asked.

"Yeah…C.J.'s going to be with the mare for a while longer," Matt said, "and then she'll be back at your house."

"I was thinking of Mexican cuisine tonight," Roy said, "I've found a new enchilada recipe."

"Sounds great," Matt said, "I'll see you later."

He clicked off his phone and headed back to the office.

C.J. rubbed down the mare after her brisk walk around the stables several times and then put her back in her stall with some feed and fresh water, before hanging the shank back in the tack room and heading back to her car. She felt better than she had all day and somewhat more relaxed. Being around horses always made her feel good, and she had missed having them around her.

She headed back to her car and back to Roy's house. He had phoned and told her he would be fixing enchiladas tonight and she offered to help him make some salsa and guacamole, recipes she had worked on since her college days. Matt would be eating over after he finished some office work.

While driving she received a phone call from Det. Perkins. She almost didn't take it but decided to do so mostly because she knew she couldn't avoid him for long.

"What do you want," she said, simply.

If he noticed her lack of greeting, he didn't say.

"I just called to say that I'm sorry for what I said earlier today," he said, "I didn't mean to imply that you invited what happened…but those questions however insensitive they might seem are part of the standard procedure…"

"I know, you don't have to tell me," she said, "They're part of the procedure to treat a woman like she can't be raped unless she's a nun, or wearing modest clothing or never had sex…I know all about that…I worked as a public defender and I had to ask those questions when victims were on the stand."

"I see…"

"No you don't," she said, "I hated doing it. I knew it was my job, it was part of providing a vigorous defense for my clients but I saw what it did to those women and I took that away with me…and now I know personally…"

She almost lost the determination in her voice at the end of her statement because she had understood how sharp the pain had been until she had been on the receiving end of those questions from a detective. How much it would hurt and make her distrust the same justice system she had worked under.

"I felt like those questions you asked me were almost as bad as what he did to me," she said, "I'm a woman and you made me feel like a whore."

"That wasn't…"

"It doesn't matter does it," she said, "I'm not helping you anymore not until you treat me with respect and give me any good reason to trust your intentions and your investigation."

She felt emboldened by her own words but her afternoon spent with Matt's mare had filled her with something positive, reminded her that she was more than just the sum of one tragic episode.

"Unless you have something to say that is actually helpful to finding him, I don't want to hear from you," she said, "because I've done nothing to be blamed for or ashamed of, I'm not the one who committed the crime here."

She heard him sigh.

"Okay…if you don't want to help, then there's nothing I can do."

"You haven't done anything anyway…"

"I…"

"Goodbye," she said, before clicking off her phone.

Hoyt might not be too happy with her for dismissing one of his investigators but really the man had to learn how to treat women with more dignity and less blame. She had no intention of being treated as if she invited what had happened from anyone.

Even as she struggled with her own feelings.


	11. Chapter 11

Another update, thanks for reading and the feedback!

Matt had to smile a little bit when he heard from Hoyt how C.J. had read the riot act to one of the detectives on the case. It saved him the trouble of having to set him straight on a few things.

"Hoyt…I'm with her on this one," he said, "He had no right to treat her like that…like she did something wrong instead of those lowlifes."

The lieutenant sighed.

"Houston…he's just doing his job," he said, "C.J. should know that some of the questions women in her situation are asked are going to be uncomfortable."

"Put another one on her case," Matt said, "that is if you can find one who understands who the criminal here is and who's not."

"Don't tell me how to conduct an investigation," Hoyt said, "My investigators are professionals."

"Well my secretary Chris was about to deck him over some of those questions he asked C.J."

"What did C.J. have to say about it?"

Matt sighed.

"Nothing…she's not going to complain, she'll just not cooperate…she'll shut down eve more and then what will you get?"

There was a pause on the other line for a moment, then another sigh.

"I'll have a talk with Det. Perkins," he said, "but we're never going to be able to get this guy and put him away without her help."

"Then earn it Hoyt," he said, "Show her that you and your investigators are worth putting that kind of faith and trust in."

Matt clicked off his phone after that conversation had ended and hoped that Hoyt would have a talk with Perkins so that he wouldn't have to do it.

He sat in his car looking at the apartment where Tony had set up his shop but there hadn't been any real activity involving it. Matt had hoped that he would spot Dallas returning but realized that maybe the convict had simply gotten his new identity elsewhere.

Matt knew as soon as he did that, he'd be as good as gone perhaps from the country which went back to the theory that he had been working for someone else. But if so, who and why?

The street remained fairly quiet with some cars driving through it but none stopping because it wasn't a place you wanted to stop at for long. He had called the office and Chris said that everything was fine there and Roy had been handling a couple of business meetings. C.J. of course hadn't come back but had been spending her time at the stables, with the mare.

They were trying a longer walking routine and some aqua therapy and C.J. had a couple stable workers there helping her with that. Matt had planned to drop by to check on the mare and to make sure that C.J. was doing okay without her knowing that was what he was doing, not easy in her case.

She had been doing okay at Roy's helping him eating breakfast with Roy there before heading off to the stables, which were located against some foothills on plenty of open acreage. At night, she returned to help Roy cook for themselves or for Will and Matt and they would all eat their dinner on the deck.

C.J. had been healing from her injuries with her bruises fading and the ribs mending so they didn't hurt as much. She still attended therapy twice weekly which she didn't talk much about. Matt had run into Julie once and had asked him how things were going and she hadn't said much to him but said that C.J. appeared to be really working at her therapy with Miranda.

"She has to come to terms and deal with what happened to her," Julie said, "and then face the ordeal of going through the criminal justice system if this guy's caught and charged."

Dallas still hadn't popped up anywhere in the past two weeks, obviously lying low and in some money. Matt had hit the internet trying to find any connections between Dallas and Clyde and anyone who could be pulling both of their strings. But not much had turned out, so it would be time to look through C.J.'s background to see if any of her old enemies had reemerged.

The trail of internet harassment hadn't left them much to go on. They still couldn't find the Web sites where information on C.J. including photos had been posted and that could provide major clues to whether or not another unseen player had engineered the attack.

Roy had talked to several of his old contacts but hadn't retrieved much information out of them…it seemed like Dallas had just vanished into thin air but Matt knew that not to be the case.

Because he would turn up and Matt would be there waiting.

C.J. had been combing out the mare's mane when she got the phone call from the police department to come over and meet with them. She said no, until Hoyt got on the line and told her that Det. Perkins would behave more professionally and so she agreed to get in her car and get on down there.

She parked her car next to the square shaped building and walked inside to check in and wait until the detectives called her back.

It didn't take long when Julie came and met her and they went back to a conference room with no windows and sat down across Perkins and another detective, with Hoyt standing in the background. C.J. knew that as long as he and Julie were in there, then the detectives likely wouldn't behave as if she had done something wrong.

Det. Perkins glanced at her as she walked into the conference room and sat down. Someone asked her if she'd like some water and she said no.

"What's going on here," she asked.

They looked at each other and then one of them cleared his throat.

"Have you found Dallas?"

Perkins shook his head.

"We found something else," he said, "Something maybe you could tell us about."

When she heard that, C.J. felt her body tense.

"What are you talking about?"

Perkins and the other detective looked at each other.

"We found a Web site," he said, "One about you…"

She narrowed her eyes.

"What do you mean about me?"

"Like I said, it's all about you, information, photos…some very private photos I assume and it was put up about six months ago…"

C.J. felt disbelief rush through her and didn't know what to say.

"It has to be someone you know who started it if it wasn't you."

She shook her head.

"I have nothing to do with it," she said, "I didn't know anything about it."

"Well someone close to you then," Perkins said, "because of the nature of some of these photos."

"Where are they," she said, "Someone posted them?"

Perkins just looked at her.

"Did you ever anyone take photos of you," he said, "any boyfriends, lovers?"

She just looked stunned.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, "Nothing ever happened like that…at least as far as I know."

Perkins looked at the other detective.

"How do you know it's even me," C.J. said, "Maybe someone created it using some software?"

"The woman who looks like you had a tattoo on her hip," Perkins said, "of a frog."

C.J. sighed, as a whirl of emotions hit her at once. She had a tattoo like that which he had gotten after Matt had returned from being a fugitive framed for murder. She had gone through a period of wanting change in her life after her declaration of love for him had gone unanswered.

But not very many people had seen it. A couple of boyfriends maybe but as far as she had known, no photographs had been taken. And if so, why would anyone create such an online site?

"Do you know anyone who would do this, take photographs with you assuming you really didn't know…"

She gave him a steely gaze.

"I didn't know…"

Perkins nodded.

"Okay then they were taken without your knowledge or permission," he said, "Who would then post them on a web site like the one that was created about you?"

C.J.'s mind locked while trying to consider the possibilities…she was still trying to process the news about the web site.

"I don't know…I have no idea…"

God she just wanted to get out of there…what the hell was going on and why would anyone do such a thing? And what did it have to do with Dallas and Clyde?

"We're keeping an eye on it but there's not been any recent activity on it."

She just sat there, her mind spinning and she felt faint, her arms starting to tingle. She fought to control her breathing before she started hyperventilating. Julie placed her hand on her shoulder.

"Come on…let's go out in the hallway…"

C.J. got up out of her chair and the two women walked out. As soon as they had left, C.J. turned to Julie.

"I had no idea what they were talking about," she said, "or about this web site…and those pictures…"

"It's okay," Julie said, "We'll find out what's going on and whether there's a connection between that site and what happened to you."

"How could there be…Clyde and Dallas…they might have been angry at losing their cases in Houston and blaming me…but the harassment and the web site, how could that be connected? They were both in prison in the last six months…they couldn't do a web site."

Julie went to the vending machine to get them both a soda and they went to sit in the lobby while the detectives continued their discussion in the conference room.

"It's just sickening though...the thought that someone took pictures…intimate ones and I didn't know…How could they do such a thing?"

Julie sighed.

"I know it's very hard when the people we trust turn out to be something different than we thought," she said, "but whoever took those pictures and posted them, it might be important if they were connected to those two convicts."

C.J. pondered that as much as her mind would allow. She didn't feel like dwelling on the convicts and the harassment…it had seemed to have been just that…though it had been very unnerving.

"It would have to be someone I was with after I got that tattoo," she said, "and the only one who would have motive to do anything like that was Robert and like those men, he was in prison during that time."

"What about the others?"

C.J. took a deep breath trying to think through the tangle of emotions that she felt.

"I don't think…I don't think so…they were shorter relationships, not all that serious."

Julie nodded.

"I know you're frustrated and more than a little bit frightened by this," she said, "but if the police can use any of that information to find out if there's a connection."

"They don't seem interested in doing anything but finding a way to blame me for what happened," C.J. said, "I don't trust them…"

"What about your friend, the investigator?"

"Oh Houston…god, he's so busy trying to track down Dallas I'm so worried he's going to get hurt or worse."

"He seemed to care about you a lot," Julie noted.

C.J. brushed her hair out of her face.

"I know he does…but it's so hard to be around him sometimes…because for a split second when he comes into a room…or says something, he's someone else."

"I know for a while you're going to be seeing a lot of the man who raped you," Julie said, "That's just natural."

"But I don't want to hurt him in the process…he's not like that at all…and he blames himself I think just like he did when Elizabeth was killed in that crash."

Julie nodded.

"Some men think they can stop tragic things from happening if only they try hard enough and if they don't they feel responsible."

"Yeah well…I can't deal with that right now," she said, "I can't worry about him."

Matt walked up to Tucker the bookie who had hired him to find the guy that tried to kill him and the older man smiled when he saw him.

"What's up Houston," he said, "I know you're not here to bet."

Matt smiled.

"How's business been?"

Tucker sighed.

"Not as good since the economic downturn," he said, "but I guess most my customers figure that living day to day is enough of a gamble."

"Yeah well people are still hiring investigators apparently," Matt said, "but I'm trying to track down someone…he's been known to throw some money around on a bet…"

Tucker leaned against the building.

"Okay maybe I came across this guy."

"That's what I'm hoping," Matt said, "He goes by Dallas and he escaped from a prison up north about a month ago."

Tucker frowned.

"You run with some crowd," he said, "I assume you're not friends with this guy."

Matt shook his head.

"He and another man broke into the house of a friend of mine and attacked her," he said, "she killed a man named Clyde."

Tucker nodded.

"Oh yeah I heard about that," he said, "That's how I knew it was him when I saw him."

Matt's brows lifted.

"You saw Dallas?"

Tucker pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

"Yeah…not for very long…he placed a bet at a bar the other night and fortunately he won."

"Where?"

"The Glass Tiger," he said, "It was on a pool shot and he won about $1000…I remember thinking I hoped he landed the shot because he looked like he was as mean as a snake."

"Did he leave after that?"

Tucker searched his memory.

"He had a couple ladies hit on him…but he left alone," he said, "And he never came back as far as I know. He looked like he could have done some time but I never suspected he skipped out early."

"Anyone else who might have seen him," Matt asked.

"I don't know...I imagine other people there…or at other places he dropped his hat in."

Matt nodded and thanked Tucker and knew that he had other places he had to check out before he called it a day.

C.J. had gone back to the stable, after leaving Julie to check on the mare. She fed and watered her and then sat by her while she ate happily. She thought if she returned then she could forget what she had heard at the police station but she just couldn't imagine which one of her boyfriends was responsible for harassing her online but still…how could this person be connected to the two thugs who showed up at her house?

Then she remembered Dallas had said to her while he had her on the bed grabbing her wrists in one hand to stop her fighting. She had known at that moment that she couldn't stop what would happen next.

And that's when he said the words that had slipped her mind from the sheer volume of images she carried from that night, but now she remembered them and then she knew.


	12. Chapter 12

The latest update is up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

Matt sat outside the Glass Tiger, watching the traffic mill in and out of it. Happy Hour would be starting in a few minutes and last until closing time after midnight. The place had been located in a rather seedy district south of downtown L.A. and Matt witnessed a drug transaction taking place on the corner. Hoyt had told him some time ago that a new cartel had moved into the area, possibly Russian and that the department's special task teams had been doing a lot of surveillance. So all Matt knew about this bar was that a couple of vice teams had worked with narcotics to stake it out almost on a regular basis.

He finally got out of his car and walked inside to see a bartender selling drinks to several patrons dressed in motorcycle attire and a couple of pool tables in the back next to a jukebox machine.

The bartender cast him a disinterested look as he returned to talking with one tough looking guy with a worn jacket and a bandana on his head. Matt walked over to order a Scotch which he hoped would loosen the man's tongue.

"I haven't seen you before," the bartender said, handing him his drink, "You're not one of them are you?"

"One of who?"

"A narc…or vice or whatever unit is spying on us hoping for a bust any given week."

Matt sipped his drink.

"I don't work for any of the above," he said, pulling out a business card, "I'm a private investigator and I'm looking for a man."

The bartender looked at his car not all that impressed but he pocketed it.

"We don't kiss and tell here at this establishment," he said, "And we don't keep track of our customers and what they're doing. So if you're looking for a snitch…"

Matt pulled out his wallet and several hundred dollar bills.

"Will this help convince you otherwise?"

The man looked at him, eying him and the money.

"Who you looking for," he asked.

Matt pulled out the mug shot photo and he saw the man's eyes widened slightly.

"You know him don't you?"

The man looked at him cagedly.

"I might have seen him."

Matt replaced the photo back in his wallet.

"I head he won a wager here not too long ago," he said, "Won quite a bit of money then left."

The man sighed.

"Yeah I remember that," he said, "Drank a lot, surly guy and nobody hassled him."

"His name's Dallas, he escaped from a prison about a month ago," Matt said, "Quite a few agencies are looking for him."

The man looked at him.

"And why are you looking?"

Matt looked at his glass, for a moment.

"Because he broke into a house with another convict and raped a woman."

The bartender folded his arms.

"I can tell by looking at you, it wasn't just any woman."

"She's a close friend of mine," Matt said, "And I'm going to find this guy."

The man shook his head.

"If he doesn't want to be found, it's going to be tough," he said, "He didn't seem to talk very much about himself."

Matt sighed.

"He's going to turn up somewhere," he said, "And if he comes back here to your watering hole, give me a call."

The man just watched Matt as he walked out back to his car. Matt had figured that Dallas would have shown up in various haunts over the city but no one had noticed that he resembled the photo of an escaped convict that had been flashed on the news and posted online and in newspapers at least all over California.

But the type of people who frequented the places where Dallas had surfaced probably weren't people who trusted the police or had anything to do with them. He looked at his watch and decided to head back to the office to see if any messages had come in while he had been running around chasing leads.

* * *

C.J. sat under a tree while she watched the mare graze on some grass having put her on a long lead. The sun still felt warm on her skin and she looked around at the meadow which began where the pastures ended. A grove of trees ran along the edge of a small lake where ducks paddled about and swam.

She thought about how good it had been to come down here each day to work with the mare and how much brighter the horse's eyes looked and she had developed better muscle tone from her daily exercise. C.J.'s own body felt less achy where her ribs had been cracked and she had lost the wrap she had worn on her wrist.

Her mind had been filled with images, ever since she had met with the detectives at the police station where they had told her about the web site and what had been posted there. She hadn't wanted to look, it wouldn't make any difference anyway and the only thing she had felt like doing was coming here.

She had gone to meet with Miranda where she sat on a comfortable couch and sat, sharing what she had written to herself in her notebook.

"So how did it make you feel when they told you that?"

She looked over at the counselor.

"I don't know really…so many things at once," C.J. said, "I don't know why someone would do that…post pictures like that on the internet…for what reason? What did I do to this person…and if it's connected to what those men did…I don't know how to feel about that."

Miranda nodded.

"I've heard of cases like that," she said, "Where people have been harassed on line…stalked really…"

"What do you mean," C.J. asked, "Stalking is when someone comes after you in real life like happened to me a couple of years ago."

Miranda went to her massive bookshelf and pulled out a book handing it to C.J.

"It's called cyber stalking," she said, "and it's getting increasingly common as technological advances are made with computers and the internet."

"What do you mean?"

"There have been cases similar to yours," Miranda said, "Offensive or threatening emails or instant messages, starting web sites purposely to harass a person and in some cases, engaging in harassing, even criminal conduct offline."

"So it could be all related?"

Miranda nodded.

"It's possible," she said, "There have been cases where ads were placed about women on dating or relationship forums where they're soliciting sex without their knowledge."

C.J. digested that, wondering if that's what had been done in her case but Dallas' words came back to her again and she closed her eyes.

Then when she opened her eyes, she shook her head.

"No…that couldn't have been what happened with me…They came after me because of what happened back in Texas…they were angry about what they thought I had done."

Miranda listened to her thoughtfully.

"They told me…Dallas told me he had waited years to…and the way he had acted when he was my client…that's why I wanted to be taken off of it."

"How did you feel about having represented him in that case?"

C.J. thought about it, she had felt like she had been just doing her job, what she had been hired out of law school and paid to do. She knew that some of her clients were innocent of the charges, but many were guilty of some criminal offense if not always the one they had been charged with committing. But even though she wrestled with the seriousness of some of the crimes, she believed that the criminal justice system needed defense attorneys like her to function properly and in a way that embraced the ideals of the Bill of Rights. Still with Dallas…

"I had felt awful," C.J. said, "The crimes he committed against those two women…were awful and when I saw the photos of how they looked, their faces…I guess I took it home at night…and he got off on them, wasn't sorry at all and he was coming onto me in a disgusting way…trying to get under my skin I think."

"So you dropped the case," Miranda said, "Your supervisors were fine with it?"

C.J. nodded.

"I made it clear that I didn't even want to be in the same room with him, let alone representing him…Another attorney took the case all the way to trial, he was convicted of raping the two victims and he went to prison."

"And what happened after that," Miranda asked.

C.J. just looked at her hands.

"He tried to get some inmates who were leaving prison to come by and visit me."

C.J. thought about that conversation when she sat watching the mare enjoy being outdoors and nibbling on the grass around the trees. She looked up and saw him walking towards her dressed in his jeans and checkered long sleeved shirt.

"Can I join you?"

She looked up at him and smiled.

"Sure…I've been bringing her out here at the end of the day after her aqua therapy and exercise," C.J. said, "I think she enjoys it…she spent months being cooped up in her stall."

"No sign of founder or any other complications."

She nodded.

"Her legs are doing nicely and her circulation's good," she said, "She might be able to handle a rider soon."

"Are you up to it," Matt said, "How you feeling?"

She stretched her arms.

"My ribs are doing a lot better and my wrist is mended," she said, "and the walking with her has helped me."

Matt knew that C.J. looked forward to the day when she could ride the mare again even after everything that happened. He sat down next to her under the tree and she glanced over at him.

"So I should be able to handle myself with her just fine."

"C.J. you're a greater rider and have always had a way with horses," Matt said, "I think she'll do good with you."

They sat together in companionable silence for a moment. She gazed at him sideways, he looked comfortable sitting there, enjoying the time spent outdoors.

"Houston…"

He looked over at her.

"What?"

She bit her lip as she tried to find the words she wanted to stay.

"I don't want you to do it…I don't want you to confront him."

His brows rose.

"C.J. he's running around out there somewhere," Matt said, "He's got to be caught and sent back to prison."

He heard her sigh heavily.

"Don't you think I know that," she said, "I thought I wasn't going to make it that night…they talked about the different ways they would kill me to stop me from talking…I was lying there listening to that…trying to think about how to live."

"C.J…"

She put up her hand.

"No…you weren't there…you don't know what that man could do. I wasn't even sure I wanted to live…until I thought I was going to die…without, without seeing the people I love…without seeing you again."

He sighed.

"I can't rest until he's caught and I don't know if the police are going to find him," Matt said, "They seem more intent on giving you a hard time."

She couldn't deny that she had often felt that way especially when having to deal with Perkins but he couldn't just go out and look for a man who would kill him without blinking an eye.

"I just can't face losing you Houston," she admitted, "and I know if anything happened to you, if he did anything, I don't know if I could ever get through it…I'm struggling now to get through each day…just to have to do it all over again."

He heard the anguish in her voice, even though her words were soft.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said, "I'm not leaving you anytime soon I promise."

"You can't make that kind of promise," she said, "If you go after him."

"Hoyt called me earlier," Matt said, "He said that you met with the detectives."

C.J. just shrugged.

"They just wanted to pass along the information that they found some web site that someone made about me."

"Do they know who did it," he asked.

She shook her head.

"There were pictures…private pictures…I don't know when they were taken or by who or how they wound up there…but who would do something like that?"

She struggled to keep calm, to keep her heart from pounding, her breath from getting away from her. Matt wanted to reach out with his arm and embrace her but he knew she didn't want that.

So he sat quietly with her instead.

* * *

Roy looked up to see C.J. walk towards him in the kitchen. He had been working on a new fajita recipe and had grilled some onions and bell peppers, a couple different varieties and smiled at her.

"It smells great," she said, "You've been very busy."

He added some more onions to the mixture, and they sizzled in the pan.

"I finished with my meetings early today and headed back," Roy said, "I see that Matt was very busy investigating leads downtown."

C.J. went to pour herself some juice.

"He must have been in every bar and nightclub down there," she said, "He did get some leads on Dallas but I told him to just let it go, let the police handle it."

Roy sliced up some tomatoes and she went to go help keep an eye on the pieces of steak that would serve as the meat.

"You know him C.J.," he said, "We both do and it's going to be very difficult for him to let this go because of how much he cares about you and how much he hates it when his friends get hurt."

She sipped her juice.

"I know…but if anything happened to him…I don't know what I'd do…and Dallas doesn't fight fair..if he has a chance, he'll take him out."

Roy looked over at her.

"Matt could do the same to him and that's what worries me more."

C.J. sighed because she didn't want him to wind up arrested and charged with Dallas' murder. That scumbag wasn't worth the loss of Matt's freedom or his life.

"I know…but I told him how I felt and he just said he'd be careful…I guess that's just going to have to be enough."

Matt had also sat with her and watched the mare happily enjoy her time away from the stall and they didn't talk much but then they never had to do that. It felt nice just to have him there with her, just his nearness made her feel better. When the sun started to set and the air to cool, they took the mare back to her stall and fed and watered her before they headed back to their separate cars to head back to Roy's.

"I need him too…I don't know if I can do this by myself…I just need my friends…and I know I don't always show it."

"You've been through something terrible," Roy said, "It's only natural that it's affected you so profoundly."

"I just don't want it to affect how I react to him," she said, "and I think it has and I don't know what to do."

Roy scooped the vegetables so they'd cook evenly, sending an aroma into the area that was delicious.

"You just have to give yourself some time and some space," he said, "and don't be too hard on yourself and you'll find your way back to where you want to be."

Matt walked in then, having heard the conversation and she looked up at him, searching for understanding and finding it.


	13. Chapter 13

Another installment up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

C.J. sat in Miranda's office for another appointment, after having left the stables. She hadn't returned to working at the penthouse suite since that day she had left but she had been spending most of her time working with the mare and taking her out on longer and longer walks on the generous spread to allow her to spend more time relaxing in natural surroundings.

Something that turned out to be beneficial for the both of them as it turned out.

Because there, sitting beneath the tree while the sound of water flowing over the rocks in the river nearby soothed her even when her thoughts tried to run wild inside of her head, the only place in her world that did. She enjoyed taking the mare out on a long lead down worn dirt trails that meandered through groves of trees and across meadows where the grass grew high enough in some places to nearly hide a person. They often spent hours out there where no one followed, and any guilt that C.J. felt by not going to work was quickly assuaged within a few minutes of arriving at the stable each morning.

She often packed her own lunch and kept food in a refrigerator in the groom's room adjacent to the stable and even some books which she occasionally brought with her to read during her time spent outdoors.

It had been so nice to be able to carve out a space in her day when she didn't have to remember what had happened to her, when she could feel almost normal, almost like the person she used to be again.

But inside the office with her counselor wasn't included in that part of the day. But at least she sat in a supportive environment when she confronted some of her memories and the powerful feelings they evoked.

"So Matt's still out trying to find this man," Miranda said, "and you're worried about something bad happening to him."

C.J. nodded from where she sat on the couch.

"Yeah…He hasn't found him yet, no one has, but if he does, Dallas is ruthless and he's going to kill him if he gets the chance."

Miranda processed that and her brows knit.

"Matt's going to have to be the one that decides his own actions," she said, "Your worrying about him isn't going to help him and it's just going to wear you down further."

C.J. narrowed her eyes.

"But I don't know what else to do," she said, "When he goes out there, I'm scared for him and I'm so relieved when he returns but what if he doesn't?"

"I'm not saying it's not okay to be worried about him, but while I think the fear is partly about that, it's also a way of not thinking about your own fear about Dallas and what he did to you."

C.J. stopped to think about that.

"Well I'm afraid he might come back after me," she said, "Even though I know it's not likely now that he's gotten what he wanted."

"What I mean is that you're just as much afraid to process your own feelings about that night…there's parts of yourself that are very scary to think about and concentrating on your concern about your friend means you don't have to face that."

Anger filled C.J. and her body grew rigid.

"What the hell…"

"C.J…"

"No…are you saying I'm self-centered?"

Miranda smiled.

"No I'm saying you're human…"

C.J. relaxed a little bit but looked at Miranda warily.

"But you think I'm using my concern for Houston to avoid facing how I feel about what happened to me?"

Miranda nodded.

"Yes to a certain extent I think you are…C.J. you were brutalized by those two men who broke into the place where you felt the safest, your own home and you killed a man in self defense and the other one's still out there….there's nothing wrong with being very scared about that."

"But fear just paralyzes you…"

"Sometimes…but it can also embolden you," Miranda said, "Fear's a part of our makeup to make us aware of danger so we can act to preserve ourselves or another person."

C.J. listened to her silently.

"Have you even been back to your house since this happened to you?"

C.J. shook her head slowly. No she hadn't and at first it had been because her house had been closed off as part of a crime scene investigation but even after that, she hadn't gone back. She had friends bring her clothes to Roy's and had neighbors looking after her garden and plants.

"I can't go back…I know when I step inside, I'll see and I'll feel it all over again…looking up and seeing those men and how they grabbed me…said all those things…and their hands all over me."

"That's normal…there's ways therapy can help change that…it's called desensitizing a person to associations in a place with a traumatic event."

"I can't stay at Roy's forever," she said, "I have to go back."

"You will when you're ready," Miranda said, "but if you feel comfortable and safe where you are now that's really good."

C.J. looked at her hands.

"I do…most of the time except when I sleep," she said, "I dream about Dallas a lot…I couldn't believe that I let him say those things to me back in Texas for so long before I complained."

"You probably tried to ignore the harassment, to try to be professional."

"I think I did…but I didn't want to be in the same room with him and that meant I couldn't provide an adequate defense for him…he blamed me for that even years later."

Miranda looked at C.J. closely.

"Do you blame yourself because of that?"

C.J. blinked her eyes back at her.

"No…but I did defend a man charged with raping two other women," she said, "If I had stayed on that case, I would have cross examined those two women on the stand to find weaknesses in their accounts of the most traumatic experiences of their lives just to exploit them for my client."

Miranda wrote something down on her notepad.

"What does that make me," she said, "God, what was I thinking? To make them relive it to try to defend a rapist."

"So do you think that you deserved what happened to you because of that?"

C.J. had wrestled with that question herself without ever wanting to admit it even to herself.

"No…but sometimes…I do wonder why this happened…why…I was so careful…I locked up my home…I got security…I have a CCW and a gun and I know how to defend myself…but it didn't make any difference did it?"

Miranda leaned forward.

"You're alive C.J. and I think that makes a huge difference…you didn't do anything wrong…this happened to you and you did what you had to do to survive it."

She nodded slowly.

"and that's better than death because as long as you're alive, there's so much out there to experience that's wonderful even in the face of tragedy."

C.J. knew that to be true but some mornings she woke up wondering if she could get up and face another day. If she hadn't had the stables to go to, maybe she wouldn't have been able to get up at all. Because she spent her nights dreaming of Dallas and Clyde coming after her and when they grabbed hold of her, Dallas' voice in her ear and what happened in the bedroom.

Her doctor had asked her if she wanted sleeping medication or that for anxiety and she had said no…he had accepted her answer as he had told her that all the tests she had undergone for STDs had come out negative.

She sat on the couch with her head in her hands.

"That's what I used to think," she said, "I even thought I could find a way to get away from them…before they dragged me into the bedroom, into the darkness."

* * *

Matt and Roy sat in the Porsche in front of the restaurant where they would be meeting a client.

"Are you up to this Matlock?"

Matt looked over at him.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you're still thinking of where next to look for Dallas," Roy said simply.

Matt didn't bother to deny it but continued to keep his eyes focused on the Italian eatery. A pale comparison to that owned and run by Mama Novelli but still a convenient spot for meeting with potential clients who wanted to meet in more discrete locales.

"What kind of case is this anyway?"

Roy picked up a piece of paper and showed it to Matt.

"Missing heirloom…it didn't turn up with the rest of a shipment with the other property owned by our client which was shipped across country."

Matt looked at his watch.

"He's running late."

Roy looked over at him.

"Just a few minutes…probably hit traffic...are you sure you're up to this because I can handle it on my own?"

"I'm fine Uncle Roy, ready when you are," Matt said.

They both got out of the car and walked into the restaurant to check in with the waitress who led them to a corner booth to wait for their client. Matt ordered a beer and Roy a glass of wine and after about 15 minutes of waiting, they looked up and saw their client, a bespectled man with a mustache and goatee arrive carrying a briefcase.

"Are you Mr. Houston?"

Matt stepped out and stuck his hand out.

"Yes I am and this is my uncle and partner, Roy Houston."

"I'm Steve Byerly," he said, "I called you about the missing heirloom, a necklace that belonged to my late mother."

"The one that's missing," Roy asked.

Steve nodded.

"Everything else showed up as delivered except it."

Matt half listened to the account provided by their client but his mind still remained on Dallas and figuring out where he had been hiding out. The convict had resurfaced in different places unable to stay hidden for long.

He knew if he didn't act quickly enough and find him then Dallas would find the means to leave L.A. and maybe drop out of sight or out of the country for good. He thought about C.J. spending her days taking care of the mare and knew it was good for her to have something positive to focus on, a goal so she could find the means to deal with what had happened to her.

"So what are you going to do first," Steve asked.

Roy looked at Matt who focused his attention back on their meeting.

"We can check the pawn shops and dealers both official and black market," he said, "Maybe something will turn up there or they'll keep an eye out for it if there's financial incentive."

Steve nodded.

"That sounds like a good idea," he said, "But what about checking with the shipping line?"

"Didn't you do that," Matt asked.

Steve sighed.

"I was on hold for two hours and then got disconnected."

"Okay we'll do that too," Roy said, "and I've got some contacts I can ask to keep an eye out for it."

Matt nodded and Steve left them and headed out of the restaurant. Roy picked up a menu.

"I've heard about this place," he said, "Wonderful pasta primavera."

"I think I'm up for some food," Matt said, "It's been a long day."

They ordered off the menu and Roy related how he had found out about this case, through some old contacts of his from back in the day.

"I hope we can find it, but it's going to be a long shot," Matt said, "Sounds like an inside job."

Roy nodded.

"I think we can get some friends of mine to put the freight company under surveillance and see what turns up…check into other missing shipments."

"That'll help," Matt said, "I've been thinking of hiring some more investigators for our firm…to keep up with the caseload."

"You mean to help you out when your attention on other things like finding Dallas?"

His uncle sure knew how to cut to the chase.

"That too," Matt admitted, "I can't believe that there's been no sign of him since that night, only the sightings that we've uncovered."

Roy lathered butter on some garlic bread.

"He can't stay hidden forever Matlock," he said, "He'll show up again and he'll mess up. He's not very smart, and he sounds as if he's driven by impulses."

"And when he does slip up, I'll be right there."

Roy heard the determination in his nephew's voice and knew that he meant it. He also knew that Matt knew how to protect himself from just about anything the escaped convict might throw at him.

"She worries about you, you know."

Matt nodded, sipping his beer.

"I know that…but I just can't sit around with him running around loose, not after what he did."

"She's trying hard not to show how much she's scared that something will happen to you."

"Nothing's going to happen…I'll bring him to the cops in some form and if he tries anything…then he's going down permanently."

"Matt…"

"He's already gotten away with too much," Matt said, "And he's taken too much…it's time for him to get what's coming to him."

"That day's going to come," Roy said, "He's brought way too much attention to himself."

Matt stroked his jaw.

"Yeah…why go through the trouble of escaping from a high security prison and then attract attention to yourself by attacking a woman in your past?"

"Sounds like he might have acting for someone else," Roy said, "Maybe someone else is behind that breakout."

"That's what I was thinking," Matt said, "But who…who would have ties to both of them, the means to spring them and tell them to target C.J.?"

"It might tie back to that Web site," Roy said, "The police have located it, and I think maybe it's time to check it out when you get back to the office."

Matt had plans to do that although he wasn't looking forward to it. After that, he would meet C.J. at the stables and surprise her with some dinner. He knew that she would return there after her counseling appointment mostly to decompress and try to relax before she headed back to Roy's. to settle in for the night.

* * *

C.J. left Miranda's office and headed back to the stables to feed the mare her dinner with a lot to think about from her session. She had been offended at first when Miranda had told her she was using her concern about Matt's safety to stop from thinking too much about her own emotions about what had happened to her. But when she thought about it more, she saw a grain of truth there. But how was she going to deal with those emotions when to think about that night generated a rush of images that she felt powerless to stop? Not to mention all these emotions that followed them, too much and that scared her.

She hadn't thought about that night in its entirety since it had happened. She dreamt about it but her body jolted awake in the middle, just as it did when she experienced what Miranda identified as flashbacks during her waking hours.

As she drove to the stables, she parked her car next to the barn and headed inside, not knowing the sedan that had parked underneath the tree with the man sitting inside it.


	14. Chapter 14

Another update is up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

He watched her go into the stable from inside the sedan, the woman that for an all too brief period had belonged to him. That night when she had been at his mercy, lying on the bed had filled him with pleasure, her pleading with him to stop inconsequential in him getting what he had wanted for so long. She had been beautiful, her hair spread around her head on the mattress, her body perfect, the only thing that marred it had been that he had looked into her eyes and they had looked past him.

His attempts to cut out of L.A. had taken longer than planned. It was easier now that he didn't have an accomplice to be found who could sing on him but while he had all the money he needed, he realized that he had to take great care not to try to make his escape while the dragnet out there waited for him to do just that and make a mistake. That left him with some spare time to hit a couple of bars and indulge in some of his pastimes like drinking hard whisky and tossing money on the table to gamble and winning even more in return. There hadn't been enough fighting for his tastes to test his body that had been honed to a fine edge by spending hours getting physically fit and building his skills for the day he'd hit the fence.

His contact had gone awfully silent since he had sent the attachment on that email to the intermediary who would then make sure the man who paid him would see it and know that the job had been done. The job he had been unable to do locked up in maximum security for the rest of his life. Dallas only knew bits and pieces of the story of why his benefactor had targeted this woman for repayment for some betrayal enacted against him. He wasn't one to pry and besides, he had his own reasons for opting to take on the job. He had gotten what he wanted and freedom plus plenty of funds to boot, so far it had been a win-win for him.

As for Clyde, not so much but he hadn't opted for Clyde to help him for his smarts but because of his shared history with C.J. and his willingness to do what he was told without being asked twice. Clyde hadn't suffered too much for his death and he had gone, after fulfilling his purpose and before he became too much of a liability.

He got out of the car and followed the path of the woman towards the stable. It had been his second day he had been here, watching. Not much else for him to do until his ticket had been punched to leave this city and the country behind for an all-expenses paid trip to Argentina, where it would be difficult to find him and even more so to bring him back for prosecution. He would be a free man and with his bank roll, a power player soon enough in his new country.

He would just watch, not touch her but as he watched her walk in her faded jeans and her red sweater, he remembered when his hands had marveled at the smoothness of her skin beneath. The sweet tear of her shirt under the blade of his knife and the softness of her body once she realized struggling was useless. Her skin had smelled nice, her hair like honeysuckle when he had pressed her against the bed.

He crept up to just outside the stable row because she had gone inside and wouldn't see him there. She'd spend an hour or so just preparing the mare before bringing her outside into the morning sun. If he didn't make a sound, she would never know he stood just feet away from her.

The sense of power at that realization rushed through him, because once again he was in control even if she didn't know it.

* * *

C.J. stroked the mare softly as the horse nuzzled her shoulder. She had fed her some of her favorite bran mash and the mare had eagerly eaten it up with some whinnies tossed in between each bite. She had eyed the confirmation of the mare critically and had noticed that no leg bore more or less weight than another, which meant she no longer favored the injured one. Good news, meaning that the likelihood of her foundering at this stage had dropped considerably,

She got the lead shank and had taken her out of her stall and in the spacious area in front of the entrance. Grabbing a curry comb, she ran it through her mane and tail, and then rubbed her body with a brush. The mane and tail were a darker brown than most of her body except the area a blanket might cover which was spotted.

"Come on, let's go get us some sunshine girl," C.J. said, gently tugging on the rope.

The mare didn't need much encouragement as she neighed and stepped out of the barn in to the area in front of the paddock. C.J. looked around her noticing that there hadn't been many of the other workers around this morning. Some of them had driven up to a horse sale yesterday and wouldn't return for a couple of days. She didn't mind much being nearly by herself as she started walking the mare around in a circle to warm her up before they would start off with a gentle job with C.J. alongside her out towards their favorite area of the spread.

She planned to just sit out under her favorite tree and relax, to not think about anything or anyone except the trees that were around her and the waist high grass in the nearby meadow. The mare no doubt would occupy her time by nibbling on some of the newer growth. As they both jogged out on a dirt path which would merge seamlessly into downy grass, she thought about what Miranda had been saying to her about shifting her focus towards Matt and his dangerous search for Dallas rather than on dealing with what had happened to her. She had been cross at the counselor for a few moments until she saw truth in her words. Worrying about Matt and his safety came naturally to her because she had done it often enough because of the risks associated with his work. It almost felt familiar to her and because of that, she felt assured focusing on it.

Better that than in the dreams that still woke her up at night and when she opened her eyes, for a split second, seeing the outline in the darkness of a man standing over her bed. Quite a few screams had died in her throat when she realized it had just been her imagination and then her heart would gradually stop pounding inside her chest, the flow of her blood racing like waves crashing in her ears. She had no idea where Dallas had gone in his escape or where he was now but she felt him still around her. She expected him to jump out and startle her into silence and she saw him on when strange men approached her.

At least she had stopped seeing him in Matt. She felt like to do so hurt him but he hadn't seemed offended at all by her scared reaction to him in the beginning, he just did whatever he felt he needed to do to help her feel better.

She continued down the path with the mare not knowing that the man who still haunted her followed just behind.

* * *

Matt drove his car to the stables after finishing some business meetings, figuring he might catch C.J. there. At least he hoped he would find her there with the horse and that she would be happy to see him. He had talked with Hoyt who told him that they were trying to determine any ties between the site that had been used to harass C.J. and Dallas and just as importantly whether either of these elements tied back to any individual who might have a grudge against C.J.

It would have to be an awfully big grudge, Matt figured because who out there would do such an evil act? It was bad enough if lowlifes like Dallas and Clyde had gone after C.J. like they did out of their own feelings of revenge but acting on behalf of another person who remained in the background pulling the strings?

Almost unimaginable.

But it could be a cruel world sometimes and all kinds of bad things could happen in it. Matt knew that from his own experiences and knew that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't prevent them all…not the ones that impacted the lives of his loved ones including C.J. She might spend the rest of her life recovering from what had been done to her.

But Hoyt said that if the site could be used to find any third party involved in what happened, then finding and arresting Dallas wouldn't be enough to end it. But they could use leverage against him to get him to spill on who had hired him to carry out some act of revenge and then got him and Clyde out of a maximum security prison. The Department of Corrections had been doing an inquiry of its own into the escape and had already discovered two guards who might have been involved in aiding and abetting the breakout. Both of them had suddenly come into quite a bit of money and one had booked a cruise to Mexico in the past week. When confronted by their bosses, both guards had quickly clammed shut and hired lawyers to do their talking for them.

Matt had gone through a roster of anyone who might hate his best friend enough to hurt her like this and there were quite a few names because of the success of their investigative firm. Hoyt had flagged some names for investigators already like the con artist Jonathan Renfield who had hired hit men to kill her and her sorority sisters to cover up a prior murder he committed along with Carter, the disgraced DEA agent who had been in collusion with a Chinese gang in selling drugs and in a string of murders which nearly included C.J.

But then Matt thought of the pictures which had shown up on the site and wondered how either men or anyone of their ilk would have gotten hold of them. That didn't make sense. It had to be someone directly or indirectly related to someone she had been personally with at some time.

He turned into the stable and parked near the barn where the mare stayed. He saw C.J.'s car and one other parked nearby. He got out and walked to the barn hoping he would find her there but it was empty.

* * *

Dallas moved closer to where C.J. sat beneath the tree looking so damn pretty. Her face appeared devoid of the bruises he had left on it. That had been her fault for giving him a hard time when he had grabbed her. If she had just done what he had wanted…her skin would have remained unmarred but she had fought him at first. He had hoped showing her the knife would be enough but it hadn't deterred her.

He crept even closer and then he put his foot down and a twig crackled beneath it and he saw that she heard it. Her head had gone up, her brow furrowed and her body tensed.

She thought she was out here alone and that noise had been caused by a small animal but she was wrong. He smiled at that and then stepped from out of the brush.

"Hello C.J…"

The voice, so familiar caused her heart to skip a beat even before she recognized it. She looked up and saw him standing there and she waited for him to vanish just as he had when she'd woken up or at least he would be someone else.

But nothing changed, there he stood looking straight at her and she knew that it was him.

She tried to get up on her feet but remained crouched low to the ground as she eyed him.

"Why are you here?"

He chuckled then.

"You know why,.."

The blood turned ice cold inside her at his words and the smugness that served as their undercurrent.

"Stay right there…don't come closer," she said, reaching for her gun.

She never went without it these days although she didn't think she would need it here. But he ignored her and took a few steps closer to her.

"You know I couldn't stop thinking about you and that night we just spent together," he said, "I had to see you again before I left."

She felt like vomiting as the nausea uncoiled inside her.

"Get away from me," she said, "or I'll…"

He kept moving closer to her, a cruel smile curling on his lips.

"You'll what…I'll tell you what…you'll do what I want you to do and you'll be better at it this time."

She took one step backward, carefully, reaching behind her and then she pulled out her gun and pointed at him. If he appeared shocked, he didn't let on.

"The only thing that will happen is you'll be dead this time," she said, "like your buddy Clyde."

His eyes widened a bit and he stopped moving.

"Now you don't mean that honey," he said, "We had such a good time together…So worth waiting for…why would you want to ruin that?"

Her aim remained steady. No way would he be getting any closer to her, she decided. She clicked the safety off and prepared to shoot if he took one more step.

* * *

Matt saw that the barn had been empty and thought he knew where she and the mare had gone, where they had gone every day at around this time, to the grove of trees which C.J. favored.

So he headed off in that direction, looking forward to seeing her. But when he reached the trees, his eyes widened at the sight in front of him, and he stopped in his tracks.

Not what he had been expecting at all.


	15. Chapter 15

The next update is up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

She looked at him standing there and she so wanted to shoot him. To pull the trigger and watch him fall down in front of her, dead on the ground.

But she saw in his eyes that he didn't think she had it in her to end his life. He had walked up with a swagger in his stride, a sly smile on his face and in his eyes…she knew that he saw her as she had been that night.

"You don't have it in me to pull the trigger," Dallas said, "You just needed a man to show you how it could be."

Bile crept up into her throat at those words and she blinked her eyes to force the dizziness out of her, the kind that could sweep over a person so quickly and shut them down, rendering them helpless. As she had been that night, once he had forced her onto her bed and controlled her whispering words into her ear about how good it would be once she stopped fighting him.

Her body did but her mind still resisted. Just as it did now that she had the advantage on him with a gun in her hand, the safety clicked off and ready to rid the earth of this vile creature. After all, she had shot and killed his accomplice Clyde and she no longer saw him on her dreams, laughing in the background or grabbing hold of her so that Dallas wouldn't have to, would have his hands free.

She swallowed what tasted like blood in her mouth and realized that she had bitten her lip; her body had gone rigid right down to her grip on her gun. The one she had used to shoot at another stalker, Christian Dean when he had broken into her bedroom. The one she kept with her all the time now.

"Now put it away before you hurt someone," Dallas chastised softly.

She shook her head and waved at him.

"Stay where you are," she said, "or I will kill you."

He didn't look impressed and in fact took another step towards her. She just aimed her gun at his feet and fired it. The dust kicked off on the ground which would have bore his next footstep and he looked up at her stunned.

"Why you…"

"I told you not to move," she said, "The next one goes straight through you."

He hesitated then, reading something in her eyes that told him she meant it, that she would kill him.

"You wouldn't…"

"Oh I might anyway…for what you did to me…because I can't stand to look at you right now."

His eyes scanned over her, drawing on memories or trying to find a weakness, a break in her armor that she had put around her.

"You took something of mine that doesn't belong to me and I can never get it back."

He looked smug at her words.

"We didn't do anything you hadn't done already."

"You don't understand do you," she said, "Maybe you should die…Prison's too good for you."

His eyes widened as she raised her gun at him and he knew she was seconds away from willing herself to pull it, the trigger and blow him off the face of the earth.

"You wanted it baby…all you women wanted it…you just don't know it and I gave it to you…"

The gun trembled slightly in her grip.

"Damn you…"

Dallas started laughing and she felt murderous rage pass through her but then within that turbulence she heard something else.

"Do what she says you piece of scum," a man's voice said, "You're going away for a long time, but if you move, your trip to Hell will be a lot quicker."

C.J. recognized Matt's voice from out in the meadow and she looked up and saw him slowly move forward, his own gun raised at Dallas. With two well-trained weapons on his head, he knew he wasn't going anywhere. Matt got his phone in one deft movie and punched in 911 to call for police reinforcements.

"I'll hold him until you arrive but get here quickly…"

He looked over at C.J. who still had her gun aimed at the man who had victimized her, even now in her dreams he imagined. He saw her breathing unevenly and she blinked her eyes.

"They're on their way C.J. and then they'll take him off of our hands."

She nodded slowly.

"They'd better hurry before I change my mind."

Matt heard the ragged emotion in her voice which told him she was serious. She was closer to firing the trigger than she ever had been. The police had better hurry.

"The police are coming to pick up your sorry ass Dallas and they're taking you off to jail," Matt said, "You'll be back with your friends in prison before too long."

Dallas laughed.

"I escaped once, I will again and I'll be back…"

C.J.'s skin crawled at his words and the creepy confidence behind them and she had to focus to keep her gun trained on him.

"No you won't," Matt said, "We both know that someone paid to get you out of prison and someone paid you to go after C.J."

Dallas smirked.

"No one had to pay me to do that," he said, "to go after prime tail like that, I'd do it for free…Don't have much of that where I came from."

Matt tensed knowing that Dallas was trying to bait him, searching for any signs of weakness to exploit to his advantage but Matt knew he was right about the origins behind Dallas and Clyde's departure from their prison cells.

"Now it had to be someone who had the means to contact you in prison…and someone who knew C.J. enough because of the content on that web site the police found."

Dallas nodded.

"It's great isn't it," he said, "I can't take credit for it but doesn't she look magnificent in those photos?"

Matt gritted his teeth, dying to squeeze the trigger but knowing he couldn't do it. He heard sirens approach the stables in the distance and knew that the police had arrived. Just a few minutes longer…

"Looks like they're coming to get you," Matt said, wishing that the man would do something stupid to give him the excuse to go after him. Even without his gun, Matt could pummel him quite good before the police arrived, the man deserved it. But Dallas just stood there staring at him even as police came behind him and quickly apprehended him until Matt could lower his gun. He glanced over at C.J. noticing she still had hers raised.

"Hey it's over…they're taking him in…"

She just stood there and her eyes didn't change.

"It won't ever be over…"

He walked over to her and she finally lowered her gun and put it away, her body shaking from the released tension. He went over to her and pulled her into his embrace and she fell into it, as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. She sank against him as if the adrenalin had just left her body.

After a moment, he put his arm around her and took her over to where the mare still ate grass unperturbed.

"Ready to go back," she said softly to the mare who raised her head and nickered in return.

And so the three of them headed back to the stables.

Matt paced back and forth at the police station not too far from where the investigators were interrogating Dallas inside one of the conference rooms. He wore handcuffs and shackles and had apparently appeared willing to talk one moment and then the next, had called for his attorney and had told them he would no longer answer questions. That ended the interview and Hoyt along with Det. Perkins came out to explain that to Matt and C.J. who sat quietly in chairs in the reception area.

"It started promising but then he had second thoughts and is demanding counsel…which he's entitled to have."

Matt shook his head.

"That's all well and good but he's playing with you guys," he said, "He's working for someone else and that individual engineered this whole entire thing."

Perkins looked at him doubtfully.

"That's a theory but just that," he said, "The two men hated her enough and bore enough of a grudge to act alone let alone together."

"That's my point, they acted together…why," Matt said, "Dallas could have made it out on his own. He didn't need Clyde."

"So you say," Perkins said.

"No…there has to be another person involved," Matt said, "because if it's tied to the web site, then Dallas and Clyde couldn't be acting alone because they couldn't have set up the site…"

C.J. listened for a little while and then tuned them out. She thought she would feel something when Dallas had been caught and taken into custody, if not joy, then perhaps relief? But she felt nothing at his arrest, in fact she didn't even want to be here, but wanted to leave. She got up to go get something from the soda machine because her mouth felt so dry.

"You know that we can't be sure they didn't act alone," Perkins said, "Now that Dallas is in custody and Clyde is on a slab somewhere, this case might be heading towards the next stage…"

"Which is…?"

"Investigating the case to send it forward with recommendations that charges be filed against Dallas, kidnapping, breaking and entering and rape…then it's up to the D.A."

"I know that's part of the process but what about any accomplices?"

"We'll keep an open mind on any other…theories…but we've got a case to put together here and C.J. hasn't given us very much to go on."

Matt rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'm not surprised given how you've treated her…like she is responsible for what that man did."

Perkins bristled.

"I did no such thing," he said, "I just asked her the questions that I need to do the investigations. If this goes to trial and she gets on the stand, the defense attorney will have near free rein to try to discredit her."

Matt knew that much and that was why cases like C.J.'s were difficult to prosecute and even more so to win but she wouldn't be alone, he and his family would be right there with her when she needed them. But this detective had caused her to distrust him and the police and he had to do his part to make that right.

"Well you can't blame her for not wanting part of this after your implication that she enjoyed being raped by this prisoner who she enjoyed working with so much on his defense years ago, she asked to be removed from his case."

"Now you don't have to be difficult…"

Matt sighed, feeling some of the frustration that C.J. must have felt earlier. He remained determined to find out if anyone was responsible on his own time, regardless of what the police decided to do on its end.

"And don't even think of interfering with our investigation Mr. Houston…"

He looked directly at them.

"I wouldn't think of it," he said, "I'll leave you to it."

He looked around the lobby and saw C.J.'s chair was empty so he went to look for her. He found her removing a drink from the vending machine and when she saw him, she smiled a little, but he knew she didn't feel it. They walked together towards his car in the parking lot. Matt had Roy and Will pick up C.J's car and taken it back to Roy's house so she got inside his own car quietly and then turned her head to look out the window.

"Where do you want to go," he said, "We could go back to Roy's for dinner."

She looked down at her hands as he watched her think about it.

"I don't know what I want to do Houston," she said, "I thought I'd feel something…but I don't…He's locked up now but I don't think he was the only one."

Matt started the car.

"Me neither and that's why I'm going to keep investigating."

She looked at him, reading the determination on his face.

"I don't want you to get hurt over this," she said, "I want you to be safe."

"I can take care of myself…I'll be fine and if anyone else is involved, we'll find him."

She sighed and looked out the window again.

"I think I just want to go away for a while," she said, "Some place I can forget about what happened only I can't…it's not something I can walk away from."

"No…I suppose not….I wish it were."

She knew he meant it and she thanked him for the words.

"Being at the stables with the mare has helped me a lot," she said, "We both enjoy our walks out on the spread…I want to go back tomorrow…I don't want to lose that because he followed me there."

"Okay…you can do that…and if you ever want any company?"

She smiled.

"Maybe I will…I don't mean to push you away from me," she said, "It's just so hard sometimes."

"C.J…it's okay you don't have to explain."

She sighed.

"I just feel like everything's so different now…the way I see things…the way I feel…about…"

She didn't want to say it out loud but he guessed.

"I understand and I don't take it personally," he said, "It's just something you'll be going through for a while until you heal but you're a strong woman and you'll get where you need to be and I…Uncle Roy…Will and your friends will help you any way we can or you need…"

She looked at him for a long moment, quietly savoring his averment and then she took his hand in her own and squeezed it.


	16. Chapter 16

Another update, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

Roy watched Matt as he paced in the kitchen. They had eaten a delicious dinner with Will and C.J. on the deck and the two of them had drawn dish washing duty so they had collected them from the tables and come back inside to do the washing.

"Houston…go easy there…"

Matt looked down at the dishes in his hand.

"Sorry…just have a lot on my mind."

Roy nodded.

"You really believe that someone else pulled the strings with Dallas and Clyde?"

Matt nodded back.

"Yes I do…and it has to be someone C.J. knows pretty well…given the photos on that site…maybe a boyfriend."

"You going to track them all down and check them out," Roy asked.

Matt didn't hesitate in his response.

"If that what it takes…whoever did this is going to pay for it and what he did…I never have seen her like this Uncle Roy…and"

"You don't know what to do to fix it," Roy said, "That's a common theme with you and tragedies that happen to other people…like Elizabeth…you do know that there's no way you could have stopped that plane crash."

Matt handed a dish over for Roy to dry.

"I know that…There's a lot I can't fix and I accept that but this is different…I do felt I should have been here."

"You are here now and that counts," Roy said, "She's been hurt badly by this but she trusts you and she's really trying and she needs our support but you're the most important person to her."

Matt knew that their relationship had always been tight, a constant through good times and bad ones. Many times he didn't know what he would have done without her there with him, serving as a rock of support, he didn't hesitate to do the same for her. Not that his girlfriends were always that understanding about it, but if they weren't they didn't stay in his life.

"Her counselor's supposed to be very good."

Roy nodded.

"I heard about her…and C.J. is working hard to get her life back but it won't be easy…"

Matt grew somber.

"I know…when I went through counseling after my military experience and losing Will…it was a very long road to where I didn't feel consumed by guilt."

Roy sighed, having gone through his own difficult journey to accept the loss of his son only to find out he had alive all that time. Even with Will in the other room, he still felt like he could lose his son at any time.

"I've enjoyed having her here," he said, "She's really embraced working with me in the kitchen and I think it's helped her."

Matt couldn't argue that the food hadn't been great and tonight, she and Will had whipped up a nice pasta dish, working happily enough together.

"She's done great at the stable with that horse," he said, "Fast forwarded her recovery plan quite a bit."

Roy shook his head at his nephew.

"Is that the mare you never named?"

Matt looked sheepish.

"Well nothing's sounded right so far or fit her well."

Roy sighed.

"So who do you think is responsible for this," he said, "I know you have some suspect."

Matt started in on the silverware.

"I have several…I have to check them out further."

"That's what I thought," Roy said, "You can do some background on them before you drop in on them."

Matt planned to do that, starting on the internet, doing identity checks and then delving further into background. So many questions remained in his mind that needed answers.

* * *

C.J. sat and sipped her wine on the deck enjoying the warm night common in the city while Will still seemed to treat quiet evenings like this one as a novelty. She didn't blame him for that at all considering his harrowing experience in the prison camp for years.

"So how you holding up," he asked her.

She bit her lip thinking about just the right answer. Should she be polite and tell him everything was just fine and she had been thrilled by Dallas' arrest or the truth that she felt that changed very little?

"C.J. I understand some of this better than you think," Will said, "I was going crazy when I came back. I mean everything had changed so much since I left home to go in the military and I knew after what Matt and Dad and god, Too-Mean a man I never met did to spring me, I should have been so damn happy and grateful. And I was grateful to be free and back with my family, but I wasn't happy…"

No he hadn't been because at one point he had gone suicidal threatening to jump off of a building but he had moved on from that and had made inroads into rebuilding his life from scratch. How had he done that?

"Therapy saved me C.J. along with my family's support…yours," he said, "I didn't know about PTSD…post traumatic stress disorder and how it could destroy a person…just how much it can change your makeup so that you're like a different person."

She listened to his words because they resonate with her. She felt like a part of her had died and that the vitality of that part of her that she had once embraced felt numb instead, devoid of all feeling. Though even the numbness had been interrupted by bouts of rage and fear that seared so deep inside of her she thought she'd split in half.

"I've started seeing this nice woman…it's helping but I still feel that I've lost who I am…I even look at myself and I don't know who I am anymore…"

Will sighed.

"That sounds familiar…I felt the same way, to survive I had to be someone else and when I came back to this world here, I felt like I'd lost touch with myself."

"How did you do it, how did you find your way back…?"

He sipped his wine.

"I'm still searching…and working at it but being around my family has really helped so much and my friends too…but therapy's a lot of work and I know it's going to be a long journey for me but it's gotten somewhat easier."

"It just looks so long…I know the men that hurt me can't do it anymore but I still feel it…as if they will never leave…I see them everywhere I go, mostly Dallas…even when I look at…"

She stopped talking unable to continue but took another sip from her wine.

"When you look at my cousin?"

She gazed at Will and then she nodded slowly.

"And that's awful considering how concerned he's been about me since he came back."

Will sighed.

"I can't pretend I understand what it's like to go through what you did," he said, "I was tortured many times until I wished I were dead but what happened to you…I can't imagine."

C.J. looked down at her glass.

"It just, it's like being at someone else's mercy…they decide whether you live or die at any given time…they talked about it in front of me…before Clyde was going to do what Dallas did…I already felt so broken by then, disconnected from what was happening like I was watching it."

Will nodded.

"That's disassociation," he said, "Your mind does that to protect itself from severe trauma. It's a really unsettling feeling by itself."

"Yeah…but when Dallas was…well I felt myself trying to pull away from him even though I couldn't move…he had me pinned down with his body and my hands…I couldn't use them…I never felt so helpless… I never thought I could feel that way…that someone could do that to me, taking away all my control to be in control."

She struggled with her words then.

"I don't know how to get it back," she said, "I still feel like I'm watching myself from someplace else, that I have no control…only when I'm with the mare."

Will leaned towards her.

"That's something that will come with a lot of work…I know because I'm testament to that…every day and night I was captive, every part of my life was decided by someone else. Whether I lived for died, but also whether I ate or didn't…whether I slept in a hole filled with bugs or in the cage…whether I got medicine or stayed sick…all I could do was to have some small part of myself that remembered who I was keep hold of that as long as I could."

His heartfelt admissions of his own painful experience moved her and she found herself brushing back a tear or two, the first she had shed in a long time.

"I'm trying to do that too…not that I always succeed but it helps me get through the day."

Matt interrupted them and Will handed him the wine bottle.

"We're just having some words on some things," Will said, "are the dishes done?"

Matt sat down and after getting his glass, he filled it with wine again. He looked relaxed there in his jeans and long sleeved shirt rolled up to his elbows despite the day they had just finished.

"He's been helping me with figuring a few things out Houston," she said, "and it's been helpful."

"Just sharing some things that got me through my own experience," Will said, "But she's one strong and determined woman."

Matt sipped his wine.

"Yeah she is…and I called the stables earlier…the mare has settled in for the night and is doing great…seemed what happened out in the meadow didn't make a big impression on her."

C.J. nodded, clearly relieved.

"I had been worried about her," she said, "She's made great strides in her rehab and I won't her to go backwards."

"She might be ready to return to the ranch," Matt said, "and I was thinking of spending some time getting her settled."

Matt had sold his spread but still kept his horses there and use of the guest house, which was very nice, with three bedrooms, a spacious living room with fireplace and a hot tub on the back deck, secluded in privacy but which offered a breathtaking view including of the sky.

C.J. smiled wistfully.

"That's nice…I'll miss her though."

"I figured you might so I'm inviting you to stay with me while we get her settled," Matt said, "in the guesthouse just for a few days."

She furrowed her forehead thinking about it.

"I don't know…"

"It'll be fine…You can do whatever you want when you're there…you can spend time with me or you can tell me to get lost, okay?"

She smiled despite herself.

"I don't think I'd be that rude about it," she said, "but I don't know if I'm the best person to be around right now Houston."

He shrugged.

"That's okay…my mare loves you and you can set the pace for what you want to handle," he said, "You know how beautiful the ranch is especially where the guesthouse is and we can go riding…"

Her eyes lit up at that. She'd missed riding horses since they moved into the city.

"Okay…I think I can handle it…except…"

"Except what…?"

She looked at Matt and Will then rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Never mind…it's no big deal…"

Matt raised his brow.

"It's okay…you know you can tell me."

But she didn't think she could, the fact that she couldn't sleep very well and that more often than not she had nightmares that shook her awake in a deep sweat trying to stifle a scream. She didn't want him to have to worry about her bad dreams.

"Maybe…later…"

He nodded, looking at her and thinking that this time spent with him on the ranch which had produced so many happy memories for both of them would be just what she needed. It would only be a few days sandwiched between counseling appointments and any requests to be interviewed by police or prospective prosecutors and he felt if she could spend more time in a rustic setting, it would help her find her way back towards her life.

"Okay we'll go this weekend and go from there."

She nodded and then got up to take the wine glasses into the kitchen. Will looked up at Matt.

"She's doing about as best as can be hoped Houston," Will said, "but it's going to be a tough road."

Matt knew that Will understood that in ways that he didn't and he appreciated that Will had spoken with C.J. while he had been washing dishes. He had heard portions of the conversation but hadn't interrupted it. But his heart ached at her admissions to his cousin and the pain etched in her voice.

"I think that this will be good for her," Matt said, "She's always loved being at the ranch and I think we both miss being there…spent way too much time in the city."

"Closer to your work," Will reasoned, "though you can always go back for a little while."

Matt planned to do just that and knew that somewhere on the ranch would be the means for his best friend to find her way back as well.


	17. Chapter 17

Another installment is up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

They settled the mare in first when they arrived at the ranch. They took her into the barn and put her in a spare stall surrounded by the rest of Matt's horses who stayed there. He had called the overseer ahead of time alerting him to her addition. C.J. unpacked the mare's things and put them in the tack room and then the two of them headed onto the guest house.

It boasted any amenities but what drew them there was that it was separate from the main house. C.J. brought in her bags and placed them in a spare window that was furnished nicely and had a view out into a meadow with a line of trees in the background which were fed by a small stream which flowed into the lake. They had gone to a grocery store to supplement what was in the kitchen.

Hoyt had their phone numbers and promised to reach them only if it were absolutely necessary. Dallas had still clammed up and had gotten his legal representation. Matt said they should use the fact that he worked for an unknown accomplice as leverage to make a deal.

Under any deal, Dallas would still land serious time on top of what he had already been serving but it might help C.J. obtain at least some closure with the legal side of what had happened to her.

So far Dallas wasn't cooperating. His attorney had been doing his talking for him and so far there hadn't been much to say. Matt and C.J. got the groceries out of the car and put them away in the kitchen. She had taken her time perusing the produce section for salads and several vegetable recipes that Roy had given her.

"That should hold us for a while," Matt said, as he put the dried pasta away.

She nodded.

"I'd like to try out some dishes that Roy said taste great and _they'll_ go well with the steak and potatoes you love so much."

Matt grinned, because that was the truth, not that he didn't enjoy many different cuisines. He resembled his uncle in that respect. But he knew that cooking relaxed her and that was the most important thing. They had picked up some wine and beer as well as milk and juices. And plenty of eggs and fixings for some serious omelet cooking for breakfasts, to fuel them up for hiking or riding horses or whatever they chose to do.

C.J. looked happy enough to be back at the ranch and had pointed out parts of it that had changed in their absence. Some trees had grown taller, their branches more fuller and the spring rains had produced plenty of greenery as well as blankets of flowers of different colors and varieties including on the foothills.

"I think we could do fajitas tonight," she said, "There's some bell peppers of different types in the garden and the owner said we could help ourselves."

That sounded like a plan to Matt and they both had arrived at the ranch in casual clothing perfect for spending in a herb and vegetable garden. They headed on down to the garden following a dirt path carved into a meadow and then crossed a pasture where some cows munched grass with calves alongside them. The bovines glanced up at them in curiosity but remained pretty focused on eating. Matt had raised some cattle, primarily Herefords for beef but had sold his stock off when he had sold the ranch.

They reached the garden and C.J. walked among the rows of tomato plants and beans wrapped around their support poles and reached the pepper section. She knelt contently next to them and began sizing up the reds, the oranges and the yellows which held the most sweetness inside their flesh. Matt had been content to sit in the tomato section and check out the succulent fruit on those plants before picking some choice ones. Tomatoes were versatile enough so they could be used for practically anything, in their raw and cooked form.

C.J. loved the red peppers best and picked plenty of them along with some of the others and then went to check out the spicier fare like cayenne, Serrano and Jalapenos. She knew Matt wanted to at least try his hand at chili and that he had the recipes that had been handed down to him through his ranch hands, Bo and Lamar who were watching the old family spread back outside of Houston.

She inspected the smaller chilies and broke open a couple that she picked to test their mettle on her tongue. And oh, how they packed a punch, just perfect she thought as she started picking them.

Matt walked on over, his shirt holding some tomatoes and he placed them gently one by one in a bag that she had brought with her and then sat beside her.

"This is quite some garden."

She nodded, pleased.

"Yeah sure is, I always wanted one like this some day."

"You're planning on moving then?"

She looked over at him and nodded.

"I'd love to, just outside the city and have a spread like this one," she said, "With animals, horses of course and lots of room for fruit trees and vegetables."

"Sounds great…there's still plenty of good land in these parts," Matt said, "Or are you thinking of going back to Texas."

She shrugged, really not sure.

"I don't know…I guess it partly depends on whether I'm alone or with someone else."

That perked his interest even further though he had assumed that like him, she'd get married and have a family some day.

"Won't be for a while," she added, "Maybe a long time…"

Sadness had clouded her vision of her future, he noticed, and she wiped the hair off of her face and maybe a tear.

"Maybe not so long," he said, "You're a great woman and you usually achieve what you set out to do."

"Maybe…but this is different Houston," she said, "Everything's different now."

The resignation in her voice struck something inside of him. He had hoped that what Dallas had done wouldn't strip C.J. of what she wanted in her future but apparently it had. But it couldn't be permanent, could it?

"Okay…for right now but you deserve the best that life has to offer."

She sighed.

"Maybe…maybe not…"

He looked directly at her, capturing her gaze with his own.

"No maybes about it."

She looked away from him.

"Even so, life doesn't work that way," she said, "It rewards those who fight to get what they want in life and I don't know if I have that in me anymore."

"I think you do…I don't think that ever goes away," he said, "I think right now you're sorting through so many things that it's overwhelming but you'll get through this and find the other side."

She felt hope when he put it that way because she was nothing if not determined and maybe a little bit stubborn but…

"If that part indeed still exists."

Matt thought about what she said, and thought of how to respond. It wasn't easy because the importance wasn't lost on him but he did think she was being hard on herself.

"Tell you what…why don't you just let the future go for a little bit and concentrate on each day as it comes for a while?"

She smiled at him.

"That's what I try to do," she said, "I don't want to think about the future at all but sometimes it slips through anyway."

* * *

They stood up with their bags of pickings after a while to head back to the ranch house, the sun starting to get warm on their shoulders. She loved the summer months because even when it really heated up, the shade by the trees was ample and provided plenty of coolness. She had gone riding a lot and after reaching the lake she had often tied her horse up to a tree and sat on the portions of the bank dappled with shade.

They reached the house and they rinsed the vegetables and put them in cool storage. C.J. started to get the fixings out to make them sandwiches while Matt booted up the computer to do some research on the web site that someone had posted about her. He had seen it and didn't wonder why C.J. had felt so uneasy about the mere existence of it. The photos taken of her had to have been taken by someone she had been in a relationship with given the intimate nature of them and she had said that she didn't know when they had been snapped let alone by who. She had been shocked to learn about them and had told investigators she didn't even want to look at them. Matt noticed some articles posted about achievements that C.J. had made in her life since college including some from Lawyer Weekly that had been published within the past several months.

It looked almost like when she had been stalked by former classmate, Christian Dean because when the police had broken into his motel room they had found pictures of her taken beginning in high school and then later on, including one that had been cracked down the middle, perhaps deliberately.

But this site had been different because there had been comments on several threads written about his best friend and some of those were quite disturbing even misogynist in nature, and he knew that quite a few of these were done by people who didn't even know her.

He also knew that was the nature of anonymity. That creeps were embolden to come out from beneath their rocks and spew online. Not much could be done about it except to ignore them and hoped they'd get bored from a lack of reaction and go away.

His eyes caught an announcement that a video would be posted soon and wondered about that. Because they still didn't know who had started the site, they had no idea what was in store for it. Matt glanced over at C.J. who was approaching him from the kitchen with two plates of sandwiches and two beers which she balanced deftly.

"I thought we'd eat these out on the deck," she said, "Beautiful day for it don't you think?"

Matt looked back at the screen and the ugly comments which dominated it and then nodded to her.

"Let's go…"

And he joined her, only too happy to leave his computer.

* * *

Later, after they had dined on delicious fajitas which they had made together while engaging in comfortable chit chat, they had settled on the couch to watch a movie, a comedy which they both enjoyed. C.J. had been able to focus on the loosely plotted tale of two friends who had gotten themselves caught up in some sort of caper but in her mind, she thought about the night ahead. When it would be time to go to sleep or at least try to do that. She knew she wouldn't be out long before the nightmares returned and she didn't want him to know about that. He might worry about something that couldn't be changed.

She glanced over at him smiling at the screen comfortable on the couch in his sweats and a tee-shirt, his hair still wet from a shower. She had opted for a quick shower herself, eying the bathtub which was sunken into the floor and looked divine but since the attack, she felt vulnerable without clothes and getting through a shower without an anxiety attack had been difficult enough. She didn't really want to think about her body much because it had felt alien to her and she remembered every inch of it that Dallas had claimed.

She had changed into some slacks and a knit sweater top when she had joined Matt with some popcorn to watch the movie.

"You tired?"

She shrugged.

"Not really…And I never really feel enough to sleep anyway…"

He read the expression on her face and sighed.

"You know if you're having trouble sleeping at night, you can tell me and maybe I can help."

She looked back at him, shaking her head.

"I don't know if you can or anyone," she said, "Even when I fall asleep, all I see is Dallas…until I wake up suddenly…I think I force myself to wake up before he…"

She fell silent, clearly frustrated but her voice laced with fear as well.

"I can stay with you until you fall asleep and I'm just in the other room," he said, "I'll keep my door open."

She sighed.

"I can't make you do that," she said, "No point in us both not being able to sleep well."

"It's no problem at all," Matt said, "and I can cook up some of my daddy's warm milk and cinnamon drink guaranteed to help produce a restful sleep."

Her eyes filled with tears, which she didn't want him to see but he reached out with his fingers to brush them away and she didn't flinch like she thought she might. His touch reassured her and made her feel safe.

"Okay…I'll give this a try but the minute you start not feeling worn out…It's okay."

He smiled at her.

"I can handle it," he said, "and I want to help you in any way I can."

She looked at him softly.

"Just being here with you has done that," she said, "It helps me remember the nicer things that life brings and helps me focus on them."

He reached out to stroke her face and she closed her eyes while he did it, remembering how much she had always enjoyed that, how it had relaxed her during other difficult days. The best friend she could possibly had, one who would listen to her and never judge her.

She thought she might tell him as soon as she found the words.


	18. Chapter 18

Another update up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

The dream hit her not long after she fell asleep, just as the others had done since the night it happened. Darkness surrounded her like a fog and she heard the sound of footsteps and a man's laughter, a sound that caused the chill of fear to seep through her body, out every pore. She quickened her step or she tried to but suddenly her legs wouldn't move as if she were slogging through thick mud. She felt the men, visible only as the outlines of their shapes approach closer and she tried to push forward more quickly but the more she tried…

And then suddenly like an icicle, she felt one touch her and then grab hold of her pulling her toward him, only he stood about twice her height and had sharp claws. She pushed against him and he kept pulling…

"This isn't me," a voice whispered, "You know who sent me…"

She sat up, drenched in sweat having awoken from her sleep trying so hard to stifle her scream, to remember quickly as she became alert that she wasn't alone. Matt had gone to sleep in his bedroom and she didn't want to wake him. Because if she did, he'd come rushing in and there wasn't anything he could do to help her. How could a man who sat in a jail cell reach her if but through her sleep?

She lay back on the bed, her heart thudding in her ears and her breathing threatening to get away from her. Damn, not another panic attack as she felt her body began to shiver violently even though the room felt warm. The tingling started in her shoulders and trickled down her arms and she squeezed her hands to make sure they still worked before the numbness would settle in, sending her into an even greater panic. No, she had to stop it in its tracks, if she closed her eyes and counted to herself, counted the deep and even breaths she needed to take, inhalations, one, two followed by exhalations where she needed to count to four. She concentrated as hard as she could on this task to bring her body down from an adrenalin rush.

Then the door opened a little bit and Matt dressed in sweats and a faded university tee-shirt stuck his tousled head inside.

"Another bad dream," he asked gently.

She opened her eyes more fully and she knew she could do nothing but nod back at him. Yes, it had been one of those nights again and she couldn't hide it from him. He walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. She didn't feel like looking at him just then.

"I'm okay now…really…it's not like it's not happened before."

He figured as much because he remembered what his own dreams had been like, nightmares really without much substance that he could recall but he woke up like she probably had, gripped by terror and his body poised to fight or flee. She still looked as if she were deciding which action to take, her muscles had tensed and her eyes, they still looked as if the dream world lingered.

"I can stay here as long as you like," Matt said, "You don't have to be alone."

She tilted her head, brushing the hair out of her face.

"Houston…you can't jeopardize your own sleep," she said, "After all, you've been through your own shock of what happened to Elizabeth."

And within his gaze at her, she saw some of that pain of that tragic event and the mess of emotion it had elicited lingering there. But he smiled back at her to reassure her anyway.

"Then maybe I shouldn't be sleeping by myself either…in case I have nightmares."

That got a smile out of her and her face softened; Matt knew her body had begun to relax, her breathing to lessen. He guessed she had been on the verge of panicking and that she had reined it in before it ran off with her, a feeling he knew all too well back in the days when he had been a child who had been kidnapped for ransom.

Then to his surprise she nodded.

"Okay you can stay awhile…"

He looked at her again and she sighed.

"Houston, there's plenty of room for you here…it's okay."

And she knew when she had said those words that it would be so, for some reason that only her instincts understood, she felt safer with him there than by herself. He pulled the covers away and slipped in the bed beside her and she felt his warmth immediately as she felt his body brush hers.

"Feeling better?"

She nodded, moving even closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her slowly and gently. And as they lay like that, she closed her eyes and felt herself drifting off to sleep again.

* * *

She opened up her eyes and found him asleep next to her, his breath flowing easily and the hint of shadow on his face. She settled in to just relax, watching a pale stream of sunlight slip through the curtains in the bedroom. It looked like it would be a beautiful day with skies the shade of a robin's egg and the warmth embracing the land., in other words a great day for a hike. She hoped he would be up for it and they could head up one of the winding trails up a hill nestled within the mountain range to check out the plethora of brilliant colors carpeting the land. It would be nice to just take up some lunch and hike up, check out the scenery and then relax under one of the trees for a while, to not even think of anything really except the beauty of the day.

Matt stirred next to her and opened his eyes looking up at her.

"How'd you sleep," he asked.

"Pretty good…How about you?"

He smiled back at her.

"Much better…"

He sat up and she started to get up, to go to the kitchen and fix up some breakfast.

"Want an omelet," she asked.

He nodded and rose to join her while she grabbed a robe.

"I'll join you," he said, "Maybe we should finally see who's the omelet king here."

"You mean queen don't you?"

His mouth turned up into a smile.

"We'll see about that," he said, "I'm eager to experiment with those hybrid chilies that were growing."

Ah yes, the ones that combined sweetness with spice, a great combination C.J. thought and she would definitely include them on her creation. They worked alongside each other in the kitchen issuing commentary on each other's productions and then when finished, C.J. poured them both glasses of some juice and they settled in at the breakfast table.

"What do you think we should do today," Matt asked, "Can't waste all that sunshine."

C.J. couldn't agree more as she chewed her food thoughtfully. No, they had to find a way to enjoy it and so she proposed hiking.

"I'm taking my camera up to get some shots of the flowers up there," she said, "Remember how we used to do that when you lived here?"

Matt couldn't forget those days when life in the city had slowed down enough so that he could enjoy his spread and more often than not, C.J. and he had taken off either on horseback or on foot to explore the surrounding hills and mountains.

"We can take some food," he said, "And eat it near the stream…"

She smiled at the idea nodding her head.

"I just really want to get away from here for a while and hiking has always been great exercise."

He knew what she meant, knew that it had been so damned difficult for her to forget what had happened to her even with Dallas now in custody. He hadn't been charged with anything yet but being as he was an escapee from prison, he would be kept locked up tightly until they decided how to proceed with him.

"Houston, you think you're up to it?"

He looked at her critically.

"You saying I'm not," he said, "because we could have a race and whoever gets to the top first buys the other dinner."

She chuckled, imaging how that would go, the two of them pushing hard up the switchbacks on the trails trying to inch ahead of each other. Because though he was stronger than faster than her, she somehow could more than keep up with him on the trails having a lot of stamina.

"Maybe next time…I want to have some energy to take pictures when we get there."

After breakfast, they showered and got ready to leave on their hike. She made some sandwiches and he packed some drinks and other snacks in their small packs. They set off at a comfortable pace, one where they could talk.

"I'm glad Murray's still in Singapore," C.J. said, "or he might find some way to fax some work here."

No doubt, Matt said, he had spent so much time trying to convince his workaholic corporate president that there was more to life…than the time spent at the office or whatever country he flew to in any given week to broker a business deal. But all that time had apparently been wasted and no doubt, even with Murray being so far away, they would return to the house with messages to return.

* * *

The sun caressed their shoulders and it felt really nice while the two of them began to climb up the winding trail watching as the squirrels and rabbits skittered away from them into the brush. Around a couple bends, the flowers began to appear, first in small clusters and then in larger blankets over the arid ground. C.J. stopped and took out her camera to capture them.

"They're so beautiful," she said, "and yet so fragile but they've survived so much just to show off their colors."

Matt watched her face light up as she focused her camera on clusters of pink, yellow and purple flowers, both small and larger, joining together in one tapestry. She knelt down in the dirt to get close up shots, after reaching out with her fingers to brush them gently and they yielded.

They continued up the trail which veered sharply up in some spots, causing them to push harder then it flattened or sloped more gradually and they looked at the groves of trees around them, as they walked in their midst. They had to keep an eye out for bears or even mountain lions though they rarely roamed these parts though they had seen deer grazing on occasion. The flowers continued to weave their way up the mountainside, different species than those found lower so C.J. discovered more to photograph to place in an album. Matt noticed that when she took pictures of them, she appeared to forget everything else, her eyes sparkled and her mouth smiled as she flipped her hair back when it got in her way.

She had dressed perfectly for the hike in a pair of worn jeans, a long-sleeved light shirt and hiking boots that were well broken in.

C.J. loved to look around her as she hiked, the sights of the bright colors and how they contrasted with their surroundings not to mention the sounds of birds singing and little critters skittering, the smells of nectars and resin from the pine trees around them. It all served to relax her much more effectively than anything else could do that. Being surrounded by such quiet beauty made the distance between her and the man who sat in jail for hurting her further and at least in the light of day, she could relax a little bit.

The two of them reached the top and the sound of water hitting the rocks like a favorite melody met them and they tracked the noise to its source and sat down beneath a tree on a grassy bank next to the bubbling stream. Matt pulled out the sandwiches and tossed her a soda. She popped the top and guzzled it gratefully, because she had worked up quite a thirst.

"It's been a while since I've seen all this," Matt said, "when I sold it, I didn't know how much I'd miss it."

"Yeah…me too," C.J. said, "I like living in the city…most parts but I think I'm a rural girl inside."

That had been the way the two of them had grown up and they had wonderful memories of their experiences including their rich friendship which had started when they met up at her first day of school beginning in junior high. They had seen each other mostly in passing since then even though they lived on neighboring ranches as both of them had been so busy.

"You haven't been in a while," he noted, biting into his sandwich.

She looked into her hands and sighed.

"I guess not…I just…I just think so much that if I walk through the door, I'll be back to that night."

Her voice weakened slightly at the end though she tried to hold onto her emotions.

"I looked through the door that night…you know like I always do just to be sure but I couldn't see them until I closed and locked the front door. They were so quiet until Dallas broke that silence. It took me just a second to recognize his voice and I almost froze then."

He listened to her talk about what had happened when she first walked inside the place she had considered her sanctuary, the one that she hadn't even been back to in over a month. Would she ever return?

"You know it's okay if you want to stay with Uncle Roy as long as you want," he said.

She smiled.

"I know…he's been great but I have to face the fact that going back there terrifies me," she said, "and I love my house, I'm so…angry that those men took that from me."

Among what else they took, she thought, her mind breaking so her voice wouldn't..he looked concerned enough and this was supposed to be their vacation.

"C.J…I think that those feelings won't go away over night…but they'll lessen over time and you'll know when it's right to return…and until then you have Roy and you've got me and I've got plenty of space at the beach house."

She nodded, feeling her eyes sting. She wiped them and he watched, her pain affecting him more than just about anything. As he looked at her, he knew he had to find some way to help her deal with that too.

Just as she had often done for him.


	19. Chapter 19

Another installment, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

C.J. clucked to her mare, Charisma as they rode up the narrow and gradually steepening trail, tucked in between tall trees on both sides, conifers of different species mostly but also some oaks and Eucalyptus older growth that left branches hanging over in some areas. She ducked her head as Charisma picked her way up the hill, her stride comfortable and confident.

The two of them had taken off alone that morning because Matt had to drive back to L.A. to deal with a business issue with Murray that had risen up suddenly. He had asked C.J. if it would be okay to leave and had been very reluctant to do so and she had just nodded and said she would be doing for a ride on one of the horses. He had driven off and she had headed to the barn where she had picked Charisma who had always been one of her favorites for her gentleness along with her spirited nature. Matt had picked her up at an auction when one of his father's friends had sold off his spread along with all this stock, including some very nice horses. C.J. had helped him sort through the group of horses standing in the three corrals and had warmed up to the chestnut mare right off. Matt had watched her stroking the mare's coppery mane talking to her softly and had added her to the list.

C.J. still came out and rode her occasionally but the workload in the city…had made that very difficult. But when she tacked up the mare and got in the saddle, it had been like the two of them had never been apart. Charisma had danced in excitement, a combination of speed and strength waiting to be unleashed. And when they left the ranch and headed across the meadow to the trails, C.J. let her go. Charisma had the smoothest of gaits especially when she galloped, her neck stretched out and her tail waving. C.J. enjoyed the freedom of riding a fast horse on a beautiful day, as she often did when she needed to escape a difficult day or period in her life.

She had awoken that morning alone, not having woken up during the night from a nightmare and had gone to the kitchen to make breakfast finding Matt there and dressed already. She had just pulled a robe over some pajamas and had gravitated immediately to the refrigerator where she pulled out some eggs and began cracking them into a bowl and stirring the contents. Matt had started in on some bacon and toast and after they were done cooking, they grabbed some coffee and took their food to the table underneath the sky light to enjoy it.

That had been a peaceful breakfast where they sat mostly in companionable silence and she had felt relaxed, even when he told her that Murray had called and needed his assistance at the office.

She knew that given the circumstances of their vacation, Murray wouldn't have asked him to come if it hadn't been very important. She had offered her legal skills but Matt told her that Murray had consulted others on the staff and that she should enjoy the day and not worry about work. This was fine with her because now she and Charisma were out together working their way up a steeply climbing trail to enjoy the scenery at the top of a small mountain.

Charisma nickered and C.J. tried to focus on her mare and to keep out some thoughts that threatened to intrude as they always did, the flashbacks were kept at bay more successfully than earlier. Whenever she felt them nudge into her awareness, she focused instead on the scenery around her, peaceful and rustic. The smell of the flowers releasing their nectar into the air and the coolness of the breeze against her cheek, that and slowing her intake of breath helped her keep calm and centered.

And the promising vision that would await the both of them at the top beckoned to her.

* * *

Matt drove his car into the garage at the building that he owned and the one that housed his penthouse suite at the top, complete with helipad. He grabbed his things when he got out of the car knowing that Murray would be impatiently waiting for him to discuss the issues that had brought him to L.A. this morning removing him from his idyll on the ranch.

Chris met him and handed him some files for him to brush up on during the 20 foot walk to the meeting room where Murray and a couple of lawyers would be sitting there to go over some contracts.

He hadn't really wanted to come all this way and leave C.J. alone back at the ranch but figured he would be in and out of here quickly enough and then on his way back for them to prepare some dinner that they could eat outside on the back deck. He knew she would be fine with Charisma for a few hours, and time alone, away from everyone else might help her.

Roy looked up at him from where he sat by the wet bar reading the newspaper.

"How's everything?"

Matt smiled, grabbing a glass of juice.

"Just fine…I'm here to fix a problem with a business merger and then I'm heading back …to more rest and relaxation with C.J."

"It's been good for her?"

Matt nodded.

"She's been able to relax and we've been spending time hiking, working in the garden and just taking it easy…she's out horseback riding today."

"That's good for her…Hoyt left a message for you here…did he call you there?"

Matt hadn't checked his messages for the past several hours, but he'd give the lieutenant a call back.

"I've got to deal with Murray but it will just take a few minutes…"

Several hours of long discussion and some debate over a 25 page contract, Matt finally surfaced for air and headed back out to the wet bar to pour a Scotch this time and to call Hoyt back.

"Hello Houston…"

Matt noticed that he didn't sound too thrilled to be talking with him.

"Hello back to you…what's going on?"

"You assume something's wrong because I called?"

"I suspect there's been a development in C.J.'s case," Matt said, "Only you can tell me if something's wrong with it."

Hoyt sighed.

"Not much to report but Clyde's body has been claimed by a half brother of his who wasn't close to him but will take him back to Texas for burial…"

"What about Dallas?"

A pause met Matt's question.

"He's retained a crack attorney Houston," Hoyt said, "and he's not speaking…except to say he's innocent and he's been framed…"

Matt rubbed the back of his head.

"You're kidding…"

"No I'm not and his lawyer's threatening to sue the city."

Matt sighed, knowing that the news would upset C.J. but at least she was away from the city at the ranch at this time.

"Houston…it's not going to affect his case that much," Hoyt said, "Remember he did escape from prison so he's got added time in addition to his time he's got to serve on his priors and then this new case."

Matt felt relieved about that, about Dallas spending the rest of his life in prison most likely hopefully locked up inside a more secure facility than the one he escaped.

"How long will he be in your custody?"

"Until C.J.'s case is resolved," Hoyt said, "We're holding him in the county lockup under very tight security."

"It couldn't be tighter than inside that prison and he escaped that."

"It's much tighter and he won't be going anywhere Houston."

Matt sighed, knowing that C.J. was better off at the ranch for a while longer and he would protect her certainly if Dallas did escape and went looking for her. He got off the phone with Hoyt and left the office to head back to the ranch.

* * *

C.J. gazed at the blue sky that settled over the valley below the mountain where she stood while Charisma grazed on some succulent grass that had benefitted greatly from the latest rain storm. She had tied the mare's reins loosely to a tree and then walked over some rocks so she could stand perched almost as if she were suspended in the air. Heights had never bothered her, nor being out alone surrounded by wilderness, in fact she preferred it even right now.

At least at the ranch she could gain some perspective about what had happened to her in the city, inside her own home just when she had smiled to herself that she was back safely and after relaxing a bit, would head off to bed. But since that night, she had never gone back and didn't think that she ever would but what could be done with her house then? Would she sell it, lease it out and then where would she live, where would she feel safe again? She couldn't keep living with Roy or Matt, would she buy another place? Money wasn't exactly an object for her but she felt saddened at the loss of the home she had loved so much, she had made her own through renovating it and then outfitting it. Damn, how could she have let those two monsters take that away from her? Yet they had done that to her and she didn't know how to find it again.

She sat on the edge of the rock, dangling her feet and watched as a lone hawk soared on the thermals around the valley, so effortless in its flight. She wished that could be here and she could leave everything behind on earth.

The sun began to move towards the horizon so she got off the rock to fetch her horse and head on back down the mountain back to the ranch.

* * *

Matt had gotten to the ranch house and had found that C.J. hadn't returned yet from her ride. He figured she would be coming in pretty soon before dark and decided to start up some dinner. Steaks would be nice, medium rare for both of them and some baked potatoes. She would insist on doing one of the vegetable recipes that Roy had given her.

He started the preparations for the dinner when the door suddenly opened and she walked inside. She brightened when she saw him.

"How's your ride?"

She smiled and went to the refrigerator to bring some food out to prepare alongside him.

"Lovely…the mountain view…I forgot how wonderful it all looked and how small you could feel just by standing there in the midst of it."

"Yeah, I used to ride up there a lot when I had a lot on my mind," he said, "I always felt better when I came on down."

"I do…I feel better," she said, "I guess being away from it all for a little while at least has allowed me to spend more time rediscovering myself…the way I was before…"

He brushed shoulders with her as he rinsed the potatoes which would need a while to cook.

"That's good," Matt said, "I know it's not going to be easy for you, what happens next…"

She didn't look up but focused on peeling some vegetables.

"You mean the court process right, if they file charges against him?"

He leaned against the counter.

"The DA will file C.J.," he said, "How could he not, after what Dallas did?"

She sighed, trying not to let her spirits drop.

"Houston…that's out of my hands and yours," she said, "Anything could happen…but hopefully he won't get away with it."

"He's not going to C.J…I'll…"

She held up her hand then in front of him.

"No, it's up to the DA to decide what to do, based on what the police recommend," she said, "and I haven't been much help to them."

"They haven't made it easy for you…"

She looked away suddenly.

"It can't be that way," she said, "It'll never be like that again."

He reached out and stroked her back thoughtfully and he felt her muscles relax while he did that.

"I know…and I don't know what I can do about it…"

The emotion in his voice hit a chord in her and she tilted her head to look up at him.

"You're here with me," she said, "and that's enough…thank you."

Matt nodded, but he knew he wouldn't be anywhere else…than standing in a kitchen together with her as they prepared their dinner.


	20. Chapter 20

Another update is up, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

The sun had set, but had brought clouds with it which soon drenched the ranch and the valley with rain. Some thunder crackled in the distance and they had headed inside after dinner. The weather often changed quickly here, the sun could be blazing down one minute, then within an hour the sky would cloud over and the rain would follow. The streams would become rivers and the lake would reach up further across the shore. But when the clouds pulled away, the air would smell so crisp and sweet, drenched with nectar from the flowers and trees.

C.J. enjoyed the rain even now and it did its magic on her as it always had done and she felt more relaxed as they sat on the couch, listening to the rain clatter on the roof above them. They were drinking some wine after having eaten a most delicious meal and they were fully prepared if the power went out but it rarely did.

"It's really coming down," she said, "I'm glad it didn't decide to pour while you were on the road."

Matt looked at her and he'd been glad that he had made it back too as he had been stuck a time or two during storms while driving through the mountain pass into the valley behind it.

"Yeah…"

She had noticed that he had been a bit subdued after they had caught the news while cooking dinner. There had been an announcement from the National Transportation Safety Board on the investigation into the plane crash that had killed Elizabeth. Sabotage and terrorism had been ruled out and the focus had turned to the last time the plane had undergone what had been called its "C" inspection at the airlines' hanger. Matt had watched and she knew that as a pilot he had been thinking of his own close calls and if it had come down to being a maintenance error…She had just stroked his back with her hand like he had often done for her.

"Houston…it's okay to be upset about it you know…"

He looked back at her and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I'm not…"

Her brows rose.

"Oh yes you are," she said, "Don't tell someone who's known you almost forever that you're not upset at those mechanics right now….but that's okay…"

He sighed and put his head in his hands.

"I know I couldn't have stopped it…these things happen every day but sometimes I can't stop thinking…that I could have done something…If I had been there…"

"You'd be dead too Houston…the crash wasn't survivable and no, I wouldn't be okay with that…neither would your family."

He nodded enough so she knew that at least he had heard her and she stroked his back again.

"But…."

She moved closer so she could look him directly in the eye.

"No buts…she's dead and you're here…and I know that's the way Elizabeth would have wanted it because she loved you and you loved her…"

The expression on his face then tore at her because she knew that he had been reminded of the other women he had lost to tragic death. A fiancée to a serial killer, another woman to the same man and then there had been Andrea…she had been with him when they watched her die.

And now Elizabeth…

She knew the pain having lost the man she loved, Carl to a psychotic stalker. But she had grieved with Matt at her side just as she had been with him and life continued onward. They couldn't stop living because those they loved had died.

"I didn't even go to her funeral," he said, "I was too busy over myself…"

She stroked his face then.

"You were too busy hurting and that's okay," she said, "I believe wherever she is, she knows that you love and miss her."

Matt nodded again and sank against her as she wrapped her arms around him and he finally cried for the woman he had lost.

* * *

The rain still fell over the valley and C.J. had gotten up just to get a comforter or two to spread over them while they lay on the couch. Matt had quietly thanked her for listening to him and she had shot him a look and said there was no need to thank her. After all, they were both going through difficult crises right now and at least they had each other.

C.J. had received a phone call on her cell from Det. Perkins and Matt knew it was him by the expression on her face. She really didn't have many nice feelings about the investigator assigned to her case but he had seemed better behaved since Hoyt had talked to him. Dallas had been scheduled for arraignment on burglary and assault charges but not…

"They're not charging him with the rapes," she said, getting off the phone.

That elicited an immediate reaction from Matt.

"Why the hell not…?"

C.J. just looked away, trying to form the words to answer his question, the same one she had asked on the phone.

"They don't think they can win it…it's my word against his and that's not enough."

Matt wanted to jump off the couch and do something active…like get into the car, drive through the storm to the police station and have some words with Perkins.

"It's not his fault Houston," she said, "I haven't told them enough about what happened…in detail…and Dallas implied we had a prior relationship which never happened."

"What about the evidence?"

Oh yeah, that which had been collected from her body which had become a crime scene as far as they were concerned only now they didn't believe that a crime had been committed.

"It's inconclusive…the blood type matches…the DNA will match too but what will that prove…only that sexual intercourse took place."

She covered her face with her hands and then she shrugged.

"It shouldn't matter…he's going back to prison for the rest of his life anyway…thought that's what they said the first time."

"It's not right for them to treat it like it never happened," Matt said, "I'm going to call Hoyt and have a word with him."

C.J. shook her head.

"Houston…don't do that..I'm not sure I want to go through a court trial…if he's going back to prison anyway."

"But C.J…after what he did to you…"

She sighed.

"I can't change what he did," she said, "But I don't know if I want to do a trial Houston…I've been a defense attorney and I know what they do in cases like this one."

He heard the tightness in her voice that told him that she was holding back on her emotions, as she had been doing. Separating herself out from what had happened to her when she had the opportunity to do so.

"They put you on the stand and the first part when the prosecutor asks you questions about what happened. ..That's difficult enough because it takes you back to that time…but that's nothing compared to when you get cross-examined by the other side."

Matt had some idea of what happened then. Essentially the victim would be the on trial and face personal questions about other areas of her life before the rape. If she'd had sex especially outside of marriage, what she had been wearing…whether she had drank alcohol or how many relationships she had been in…all these things were used to paint the victim as if she had asked for what happened.

"I know it can be rough and the way they do it it's not fair…"

She sighed.

"But it is, Houston…after all I did it a couple times at rape trials when I worked for the PD's office for a while. It's part of making sure that the person on trial gets a rigorous defense."

He watched the emotions working on her face.

"It's just different being on the other side of it," she said, "I never thought…"

She fell into silence then, just sitting on the couch with a comforter around her, and he knew her mind had taken her back to that night.

"I never thought something like that could happen in my own home," she said, "I had a good day and was glad to be home. I was thinking on the drive back that maybe I would do some redecorating on the patio…but I don't remember what my last thought was before I saw them standing there."

Matt didn't know what to say so he just listened to her, her voice became hesitant; she wrapped her arms around herself.

"The last time I was myself…and I don't remember."

Anger filled him at her words because she had felt that she had lost sight of who she was, who she had been before she encountered Dallas and Clyde.

"I always thought I had what it took to deal with anything that happened…even with Carl…but now I don't know…It's hard just to feel like myself, to figure out who I am now."

She picked up her wine glass and sipped from it, her hand a bit shaky.

"I spent hours…I listened to them talk after Dallas…well they were planning to kill me, they argued about how to do it so no one would know…I had been lying there not moving…preparing myself and then it hit me…I didn't want to die…I didn't know if I wanted to live at that point but dying wouldn't give me a chance to even find out."

Hearing the rawness in her voice, etched with pain that she kept hidden most of the time from the rest of the world including him.

"What about now," he asked.

She didn't hesitate in her response.

"I realized that life was what I wanted, even if it means struggling," she said, "There's a lot of beauty in it. I realized that when I went riding this morning up into the mountains. It was so gorgeous, so peaceful at the top looking down on everything."

Matt knew the feeling, because some of the best moments had been spent on the back of a horse and that included when those moments emerged from the toughest times. He knew that she would survive this and find her way back, and that her friends would be there when she needed them.

"And you and Uncle Roy and Will and my friends have helped me so much," she said, "I don't know where I'd be without that."

He moved closer to where she sat and he slipped his arm around her and she leaned against him just like he had leaned on her earlier.

"It's going to be okay…not now maybe but there'll be a time when it gets better," he said, "That's what someone once told me."

She smiled at him, because she remembered saying that to him when both had been children after he had been kidnapped for ransom and had been traumatized by it for years. She had been one of the few he allowed close enough behind the star jock persona to see that part of himself.

They remained there in silence, listening to the staccato beat of rain on the roof.


	21. Chapter 21

Another update is posted, thanks for reading and the feedback!

* * *

Dallas had returned in the dead at night at least in her dreams. Tall, shadowy and always there, he had grabbed her and dragged her into her bedroom, her feet stumbling on the floor, trying to stall his process. But he had been too strong for her and he made that clear when he pushed her on her bed, the one where she had spent a couple of days visiting specialty stores to find the one she liked best. The spread had been a gift from a close friend, the pillows, one of them had been sewn by Julia before her death.

Not that she had never known fear there, waking up one night from a restless half-sleep to see Christian Dean standing etched in the darkness, leaving her too shocked to move…not until she heard Matt knock on her front door and call her name. She had reacted then by pushing her stalker off of her bed and had grabbed her Magnum and fired shots at him even as he broke through her window to get away.

But this time no one had been coming to help her, no one called her name while knocking at her door. She hadn't waited for anyone to rescue her this time, she just couldn't get him off and away from her. His weight on her own body had been solid, unmovable muscle, his hot breath against her face stunk with whisky and while he pressed his forearm against her neck enough to steal her voice, his other hand had been tearing her clothing off, caressing her skin.

She had closed her eyes at some point; she remembered when she had realized she couldn't get him to stop. And she had found herself someplace else because what he had done to her next had happened to someone else, not her.

A couple bullets from her gun had killed Clyde but Dallas had escaped and hadn't been seen since but every night he returned to taunt her whenever she tried to escape from him.

As he did now.

"You never had a real man before, I can tell," he drawled, "Well you got one now and we've got all night darling until I figure out what to do with you..Because you'll run off and report me if I let you go."

She forced herself to smile even as her body shook.

"No…I won't…I promise…"

He smiled and shook his head and pushed aside a lock of hair with his fingers, in a way that didn't comfort.

"You know I can't let you go…but it will either be quick or slow depending on how happy you make me…You see it's been a while for me and I've been thinking about what I would do when I saw you again."

She had seen his eyes and knew he meant it; he was going to kill her to avoid getting caught and punished for his crimes. And she would never see anyone she loved ever again…this night would be her last memory of life on earth. When she had woken up this morning, dying before the next morning hadn't been on her mind, hadn't been her reality…what had she been doing? She couldn't remember as it seemed a lifetime ago, one that belonged to someone else.

"Just like he'd been thinking about what he would do if he saw you…"

C.J. awoke with a start, her heartbeat thudding in her chest and she knew she wasn't alone…someone's arms were around her. So she struggled to get away, she had to get away before…her breathing remained uneven and she started to focus her energy even as her vision blurred in the darkness.

"C.J…"

The voice froze her…it sounded familiar and then she remembered. She must have fallen asleep in the couch with Matt earlier.

"I…"

He heard the terror in her voice and relaxed his grip knowing that if he didn't, her fear would mushroom into panic. A feeling he had grown all too familiar with himself during traumatic episodes in his life.

"Hey it's okay…it's me…we both fell asleep from the sound of the rain last night," he said, "We're in the guesthouse at the old ranch and you're safe here."

She focused on him, his voice until she could make out his face, and the features she knew so well. Just that brief period when she had been close to bolting in a panic had made her weary again so she settled her head against his chest again not sure it was the best thing to do but tired of the adrenaline rushes controlling her life. She felt him rub her back gently.

"You dreaming?"

She nodded against his chest.

"I guess you could say that…it never stops…"

He heard the resignation in her voice and he had felt her struggle.

"That's going to happen for a while…but what you'll find is that you'll become more active in your dreams at confronting what scares you…as you work through what's happened."

What he said made sense in fact her counselor had told her that too but in the meantime, her dreams still terrified her and left her feeling helpless, not empowered. And when she woke up, it didn't seem like much separated her dreaming from her daily life.

"I know…but I go to sleep hoping not to think about what's happened and it's right there waiting…he's there waiting."

He stroked her hair off of her back.

"He can't get in here," he said, "I won't let him."

"I know…but it's not just him that scares me."

"Who else," he asked.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to relax.

"There's someone else there," C.J. said, "Not physically there but somehow…something that Dallas said…that was in my dream…someone else was watching…"

Matt heard the certainty in her voice now, etched with fear.

"Who do you think it was?"

She shook her head.

"I don't know…he didn't tell me," she said, "but that it wasn't just him…"

Matt had wondered if someone else had been behind the attack because the Web site that he believed was connected to it had been constructed while Dallas and Clyde had been locked up in prison…before their escape. He thought back to an earlier time when he had been the target of three hit men who had been broken out of different prisons and paid to kill him by a psychotic serial killer he had crossed paths with at one time and had tracked for months.

What if the same plan had been launched against C.J. by someone seeking revenge against her, it had to be someone she knew quite well at one time based on the photos which had been published on the site. He had questions for her but knew it wasn't the right time to ask them. She needed something else from him besides his investigative skills, which was his friendship.

"We're going to figure all of this out," he said, "but in the meantime, you need some sleep…it's not morning yet."

She yawned at that which meant she had relaxed enough to maybe slip back to sleep soon. He gently squeezed her tighter to him and she nestled into his warmth. She didn't know if she could go back to sleep but she knew she could rest in his embrace.

At least until morning.

* * *

She looked at the mare who she had led out of her stall and outside into the warmth of the morning. The rain had dried up and though there remained a hint of dampness in the air, she knew the afternoon heat would evaporate it. She had put a long lead on the mare's halter and began walking her around the barnyard before she would jog her gently along a dirt trail to the meadow where she could enjoy her morning by the creek.

Matt had gotten up at the same time she had when the sunlight slipped through the curtains into the living room and they had eaten breakfast together. She knew that he was busy on the computer trying to find clues to what Dallas had meant when he said someone else had been there. She couldn't think of whom that might be, she had enemies plenty of them unfortunately due to their line of work but most of them were out of commission, whether dead or locked up in prisons across the country.

The mare nickered happily as they continued on the bumpy trail and reached the first meadow where a gate opened that they could slip through to continue on towards the creek. The shade there would be enough so that they could remain there even in the heat of the afternoon. She still felt a bit tense that morning from the nightmare and she felt that surrounding herself with nature would be the one thing that would help her.

They walked through the tall grass and headed towards a glen of trees and C.J. smiled at the beauty surrounding her.

Matt pored over the online information he had drawn up to try to determine which person from C.J.'s past had returned into her presence through the two thugs who had broken out of prison and come after her. He had looked at some obvious suspects again like the Duval father and son and any relatives from any of the men and women they had been sent to prison because of their investigations. But no real red flags shot up and Matt ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He remembered how helpless he had felt when that trio of hit men had come after them and one of them had wired up a bomb in a birthday present for him nearly blowing up one of his ranch hands, Bo. And it had been up to him and C.J. to find out who had been masterminding this plot against him, from behind the secured walls of a mental institution as it turned out. He wondered if anything similar had been taking place here. After all, if someone had a ton of cash, then nothing could stand in their way of exacting revenge against someone, as Matt had discovered more than once.

Maybe that's what happened here. Clearly it had to, since the two men who attacked her were locked up in a maximum security prison and had inexplicably been sprung or had sprung themselves. How had they pulled that off, given that Clyde didn't have much for brains and even Dallas on his best day wasn't smart enough to pull off an escape, let alone have enough money to change his identity before leaving the city. Hoyt had told him that the police had staked out a few places he could have gone to do that but had no activity or even sightings of Dallas to report.

But who could be pulling the strings, who could be that well padded financially and hate his best friend that much, to seek out two other men who had grudges against her including a serial rapist. Matt wanted to find out so he could beat this person to a pulp before handing what was left of him to the police to arrest. Hoyt had warned him more than once not to go vigilante and Matt had no plans to run off rashly but he had no desire to see Dallas and whoever bought his services getting away with it either.

After perusing some possible leads on the internet, he decided to check out the site that had been focused on her and he saw that some changes had been made. He was just about to click the media link when his cell phone rang. He pulled it out and saw it was Hoyt.

"What's up," he asked.

Hoyt sighed.

"Dallas' attorney filed a motion for discovery but that's not unusual."

"When's the arraignment," Matt asked.

"He had a hearing this morning on whether or not he'll be sent back to prison while this case is being prosecuted and the judge said, he's staying in county jail."

"I thought that had already been decided…"

"Me too Houston but the lawyer saw it as his client getting fewer days off for good behavior which would shorten his sentence if he remained in county lockup."

Matt sighed.

"You're kidding…this guy can never get out of prison."

"I agree but the rape case would have helped," Hoyt said, "and we've only got a partial statement from C.J."

"You make it seem less like you're putting her on trial and maybe she'll fill in your gaps."

Now Hoyt sighed.

"Houston…we're not doing this to make it worse for her," he said, "It's necessary to build the best case for conviction."

"I know…but she's having a hard time with this…and there's something else…someone else involved here."

Hoyt's silence greeted his assertion.

"Hoyt…you still there?"

The lieutenant grumbled on the other end of the line.

"I'm still here…what do you mean?"

"That someone hired these two men to break out and go after her," Matt said, "This wasn't a random breakout Hoyt."

"And you know this how, or should I even ask."

"These men had grudges against her that go way back but neither of them are sophisticated enough to put together a plan to break out of that prison."

Hoyt paused.

"I think you're right about that but if someone hired them…who's that person and why did they do it?"

"It has to be someone that knew her very well," Matt said, "Maybe he didn't always hate her but he does now."

"Yeah…well the detectives will consider that during their investigation."

"No they won't Hoyt…that Perkins is not interested in even finding Dallas."

"Houston…you don't know that," Hoyt said, "He's been in investigations for over a decade, he's well decorated."

"He's alienated the woman he needs to help him bust Dallas and anyone else involved," Matt said, "and that makes him lousy in my book."

"I agree he could have handled things better," Hoyt said, "Look thanks for the update, I'll talk to you later."

Matt clicked off his phone and put it aside, returning to his computer, where he clicked the media link on the site and waited for it to download but he wasn't prepared for what appeared in front of him.


	22. Chapter 22

Matt waited for Hoyt to pick up the phone after he had punched his number in on his own cell phone.

"Yes Houston, what's up?"

Matt thought he had heard a hint of wariness in the lieutenant's voice and he knew that Hoyt had picked up something in his own voice.

"Have your investigators been keeping an eye on that Web site…the one that's focused on C.J.?"

"Yes they have…but there hasn't been much new activity on it beyond the inflammatory comments by anonymous visitors."

Matt paused, trying to rein in his anger.

"There's something new…from the site's administrator…it's a promo for some video that's going to be added soon."

"Hmm…my men didn't catch anything like that," Hoyt said, "Must have been put up within the past hour or so."

"It looks like it's going to be encoded…which means not everyone might be able to see it," Matt said,

Hoyt remained silent for a moment.

"Okay…I got the site up on my computer," he said, "I guess we'll have to wait to see what it is when it's posted."

"Is that all you can do Hoyt," Matt said, "Maybe your investigators can find out who's behind the site…and how it connects to what happened to C.J."

Hoyt sighed impatiently.

"Houston…we've got procedures and rules to follow even if you don't…we can't circumvent them or it would never hold up in court."

Matt knew that or at least his rational side did but in his opinion, Dallas had been running around loose for too long and needed to be brought in, even if it were dead.

"Houston…I don't like that silence," Hoyt said, "Are you going to be out there doing anything I should worry about?"

Matt sighed, not wanting to give too much of his game plan away which was that he was going to find Dallas and also find out who had hired him and Clyde while masterminding their jailbreaks.

"I'm not going to sit around…"

Hoyt grew exasperated.

"Houston, this is police business…"

"What has the police done except interrogate her about her history more than they're interrogating him?"

Hoyt remained silent this time.

"And Dallas comes after her again and shows up at the stable…"

"We had no idea where he was hiding out and that he would do anything like that," Hoyt said, "We thought he'd be too busy trying to leave the city."

"Well maybe whoever hired him gave him some additional instructions."

"Houston, that's a theory you have…one that's probably right but that's all the more reason to be methodical and do it by the book."

Matt could see his friend's point of view only now he didn't want to, he just wanted Dallas put out of commission so that C.J. didn't have to live with so much fear. He thanked Hoyt and then hung up before deciding to go out to the stable where C.J. had been working with the mare.

* * *

C.J. gently tugged on the mare's lead as they headed on back to the stable so that she could brush the horse down and put her back in her stall with some feed. The mare had been making amazing progress and her leg had been moving much better since she had been returned to the ranch and more familiar surroundings. She had been eager to eat her meals and had been in much better spirits now that she was back home. Soon, she might be able to be able to support a rider on her back if her healing and rehab continued to go well.

They reached the barn and she saw Matt tending to a bay gelding and she tied the mare's lead to a post and went to get her grooming supplies. She returned and started gently rubbing the mare's body.

"How'd she do today?"

C.J. smiled.

"She's looking a lot better since she's come back here and she seems happier."

"That's great," Matt said, "You know for a while I was afraid I was going to lose her."

C.J. remembered that day when the vet had told them that they might have to consider putting the mare down after her injury but after some discussion and some further testing at an advanced equine care center, the vet became cautiously hopeful that the mare might be saved but it would be a long difficult journey back to wellness for her. C.J. had tackled the challenge and Matt knew that it had been her determination along with that of the mare that had gotten her this far.

"Where you been," she asked.

"I was on the phone with Hoyt."

"Oh…what did he have to say?"

Matt paused.

"I told him about some new activity that I noticed at that Web site," he said, "Whoever started it is planning on adding some video, possibly encoded."

C.J.'s brush stopped in its tracks.

"God, it makes me feel so helpless knowing someone can just put stuff up like that on the internet," she said, "It's worse not even knowing who's behind it."

Matt sighed, stroking the gelding.

"I know…but they have forensics people trying to find out who's responsible," he said, "and the FBI has a unit assigned to it."

She shrugged.

"Even if they found out who did it, how could they stop them," she said, "The site's not a crime as much as a violation as it feels."

"It is if it's linked to the attack and after what you told me earlier, it might be our best chance of finding out who masterminded Dallas and Clyde's escapes."

"Someone with money and connections," C.J. said, "and someone who hates me an awful lot to do something like that."

He knew what she didn't say that it wasn't a short list for her either, because both of them had plenty of enemies in and out of prison. She knew Matt and Roy had both started working on her own list of people who might strike against her.

"We're going to find whoever's responsible," Matt said, "and that person's going away for a long time."

She nodded, but inside she didn't know if she really believed it and it had nothing to do with believing in him. She trusted him to do his best but the justice system had to do its part too and that she no longer trusted.

* * *

Later, Matt and C.J. hosted Roy and Will for dinner at the ranch. She had been working in the kitchen trying out a couple of recipes which Roy had given her, and improvising with what she had to replace what had been missing. Matt had been outside barbecuing some steaks when the two of them arrived. Roy had gone into the house to help C.J. while Roy had stood guard over the grill so Matt wouldn't inadvertently turn any of the steaks into charcoal.

Matt had handed Will a beer from the ice chest and Will opened it up and swallowed it on down being thirsty from the commute from the city. He had started working in construction on some projects which allowed him to work outdoors and then he had gone back to school at night to finish the degree which had been interrupted by his stint in the military and the missing years that followed. Matt had been happy to hear the latest update from the cousin he was just getting to know all over again and that Will had continued being counseled after his horrendous ordeal.

"How's C.J.?"

Matt checked the steaks with his fork.

"She's been out taking care of the mare's therapy program," he said, "and I think it's been really good for her."

"Dad told me about the latest on that creepy Web site," Roy said, "Wish they could just shut the damn thing down."

"It's important from an evidence standpoint," Matt said, "Whoever's behind all this might slip up and reveal too much and it's likely to be done on that site."

Will sighed.

"She's been through enough…but she's strong and she's tough so she'll get through it," Will said, "and she's got us and her friends."

Matt reached for his own beer and took a long sip.

"She's still getting nightmares and having trouble sleeping," he said, "I remember what that's like."

Will chuckled without mirth.

"So do I…it's the gift that keeps on giving," he said, "but time and therapy will help and putting this animal away."

Matt sighed.

"It's more than one," he said, "Someone masterminded what happened and that person constructed that Web site."

"Who do you think did that?"

Matt shook his head.

"I've got no idea," he said, "I've checked a few names out from some of the cases we handled but nothing's come up."

"It might be someone who doesn't have anything to do with work," Will said, "It could be someone she knew personally…maybe an ex boyfriend?"

Matt rubbed the bridge of his noise.

"I've considered that but most of them have checked out too," he said, "Except…"

Robert Tyler, the name came to Matt suddenly. He had considered whether or not he might have been involved but he didn't know whether he had the financial resources or how he would have been able to create a Web site while locked up inside prison.

"She doesn't even want to go back to her house," Matt said, "I don't know if she'll ever feel like it."

"I think she will…later on down the line," Will said, "A lot of what drives fear when something traumatic happens is the lack of control you have over your own fate. It's hard to face that your life is under the control of someone else and there's nothing you can do about it."

Matt knew that Will had struggled with that even after Matt and Roy had launched a mission that freed him. At one point, he had even been suicidal at one point and both C.J. and Matt had tried to talk him out of taking his own life.

"I'm not sure what to do or whether being here is helping her."

Will sipped his beer looking at his cousin thoughtfully.

"Then keep doing what you've been doing, being a friend to her and giving her plenty of space to process everything…that makes a lot of difference."

Now those were things that Matt could definitely do and he could also find out who had masterminded what had happened to her.

* * *

C.J. checked the vegetable dish to make sure just enough water had evaporated while cooking them.

"I thought this recipe would survive the most ingredient substitution," she said.

Roy nodded, smiling.

"It smells delicious," he said, "I picked up this one while in France holed up in the beautiful valley where there were vineyards. A farmer's wife gave it to me."

"The cooking's really helped me relax a bit in the evenings," she said, "that's one of the hardest times."

"It helped me for years when I thought I'd lost my son," he said, "and it's helped me when I got him back."

She listened to the emotion steeped in his voice and thought what it must be like to believe your child was killed and then suddenly learn that he was alive. Even though the situation with Will had both saddened her and then proved to be the most wonderful of surprises, she wondered what it must be like to be the parent in that situation.

"Houston's been so wonderful…I haven't made it easy on him but he's so patient."

"He cares about you a lot," Roy said.

"I know…but I'm worried he might do something dangerous to bring in whoever hired those two men and I don't want him to get hurt."

Roy began work on the salad that would go with the meal.

"My nephew can take care of himself," he said.

"I know…but I still worry…if anything did happen to him…"

She didn't finish that sentence and Roy patted her shoulder.

"I'll keep an eye on him in case he does plan to do anything," he said, "but I think when he finds out who's responsible, it's going to be the perp who's in trouble."

The conviction in Roy's voice did help reassure C.J. as she and Roy finished the preparations for dinner before joining Matt and Will outside.


	23. Chapter 23

C.J. pulled her sheets closer to her again as she tried to catch her breath. And her heart had been thudding in her chest. She looked around the room only to find herself alone on it…he had disappeared when she had opened her eyes again.

Dallas…the man who had been close enough so that she felt his warm breath on her skin, the hint of tobacco and whiskey striking her senses. She had hoped so much that he wouldn't return in her dreams after the lovely evening she had spent with Matt and his family. She had helped him wash the dishes with him after Roy and Will had left and they had engaged in light chitchat. Making plans to go riding the next day together up the hillside the way they had done when he had lived there, she had fallen asleep as soon as her head had hit the pillow.

But not long did it take for Dallas to reappear and she closed her eyes at the thought of what she had experienced again and again. Her breathing finally slowed and her heart hit some palpitations on its way to finding its normal rhythm. She rubbed her eyes and still felt on hyper-alert so she climbed out of bed and reached for her robe, heading to the kitchen to make some chamomile tea to help her get back to sleep before morning. The hallway loomed darkly but she felt her way down it until she reached the kitchen and started to heat the kettle to steep the tea bag which she retrieved from a package in the cupboard. She leaned against the counter waiting and trying not to think too damn much.

Because then she might remember and she so much wanted the dream to recede into some corner of her memory where it might remain but could be quarantined by herself to keep from being revisited. If she had just taken her gun with her when she had left the house then she…no she couldn't think that way…it served no purpose except for her to felt guilt where none should live. The gun hadn't been in her purse, it had been in a dresser drawer only several feet from where Dallas had pushed her onto her bed, his own skin slick with sweat as he forced her…her eyes had wandered over to the dresser and she thought if she reached out her hand, if it hadn't been pinned and she could, she might be close enough to brush it with her fingertips.

But he had made sure she couldn't move beneath him, couldn't even struggle against his greater weight. Clyde had helped Dallas force her into the room but she didn't know what he had been doing while Dallas had been busy with her…parts of what had happened blurred, while other moments…she had to force her eyes open because if she closed them…she might live it all over again.

The whistling of the kettle made her jump and she realized the water had reached the boiling point, perfect for her tea. So she poured it over the bag in the mug and waited for it to reach the best strength to help relax her so she could get back to sleep. And she sipped it carefully then, to allow it to seep into her body, so that her muscles would unclench themselves, her mind would stop racing. Her counselor had explained to her about the panic attacks that she had been experiencing and had said she could get prescription medicine to help her with them but she didn't want that. Instead, she received strategies on how to lessen their impact when they did happen. They still terrified her for the minute or so it took her to figure out that it was fear and nothing more causing her to feel so awful.

But she knew she couldn't live like this…waking up in absolute terror feeling as if she were going to die. Even when she didn't remember her dreaming, just the emotions that had fed her nightmares, the ones that had robbed her of sleep. She sipped her tea thoughtfully, thankfully finally feeling its calming effects.

C.J. had been drinking a lot of the tea lately and Matt had made sure that he kept it in stock. She took her mug and went into the living room, turning in a small night light which cast the area of the room where she sat on the couch with a soft glow. Trying to be quiet so she wouldn't awaken Matt, she pulled her legs under her and reached for the soft comforter.

"Hey, I thought you might be awake…"

She looked up and saw him dressed in faded sweats and an old tee-shirt as he approached her.

Shrugging, she sipped her tea and just watched him for a moment.

"I couldn't sleep…I thought I wouldn't have those dreams again…but…"

He nodded.

"They can sneak up on you when you're not expecting them," he said, "How's the tea working?"

"It's helping a lot…I think I'll be ready for sleep soon," she said, "I didn't want to wake you."

He moved closer to her to wrap the comforter closer around her and she let him, taking the comfort that he offered with that gesture. He stroked the hair off of her face as he moved her mug aside on the table and he sat on the floor, resting his back against a nearby chair.

"Houston…you can't be comfortable there…"

"I'm fine…I can fall asleep standing up…from my days in the military," he said, "or sitting down with a beautiful woman."

She smiled at that as he continued to stroke her hair, gently.

"The tea really does help…it's just the waking up part I can't stop…my dreams just…it's like it's happening all over again."

He just sat there listening to her as she spoke to him.

"I was so scared Houston…and I couldn't do anything…I couldn't move…even after he left me…I knew he would be back…and I just felt so numb, like a part of me something so integral had died…and then when I heard them talking about how they couldn't let me live…I got angry…I didn't want to die…I didn't ask for them to be in my house violating me like that and then to kill me there."

He heard so many emotions in her voice then, felt tears on her face but he knew the tea had been working its magic on her. Her eyelids had begun to drift closer to shutting and her face became more relaxed. But watching her, he felt himself wishing again, so hard that he could have been in L.A. and somehow stopped this from happening, he didn't know how he could have done that but he still struggled with his need to have had that chance. And he had to work even harder to keep the anger that filled him at bay, to keep from leaving in the middle of the night to go try to hunt down whoever had hired the two thuggish convicts to do something so despicable. Who could harbor such hatred to do such an evil act?

He wanted to do whatever it took to find out and hunt that individual down and if it came to a chance to snuff that person out, would he stop himself from doing it? Would he let the police take over from there? He had to keep his breath from becoming ragged and his hands from clenching into fists just thinking about it. His thirst for revenge that threatened to override his logic but he couldn't go down that road because this wasn't about him and what he needed or wanted, it was about her and helping her find her way back again.

She began to breathe easier and he sensed if not asleep, then she was pretty close and he tucked the comforter around her closer while she snuggled in response. Then he watched over her while she slept.

* * *

Matt had started the coffee up bright and early when she joined him after having showered and changing into casual clothes perfect for a day of riding.

"I'll start some eggs while you get ready," she offered, "I feel so much better after having some sleep."

He smiled at her.

"I might take you up on that…I won't be long…"

She studied him carefully.

"Houston…did I do all the sleeping last night?"

"No…no I nodded off after you did," he said, "I'm just fine, ready to go riding though."

She nodded and started looking for eggs to scramble and bread to toast for the two of them. And she had breakfast mostly finished by the time he came back dressed in jeans and a chambray shirt, his hair still damp from his shower.

"I'll make some sandwiches," he said, "We'll get some soft drinks and some of that cake that Roy brought over last night."

She thought that sounded good and she helped him with that and about an hour later, they were out riding up the trail towards where the mountains would afford them an incredible view. A stream wound down from the mountain and the spring which fed it, cascaded over rocky facets which created a waterfall effect.

They tied up their mounts not far away from there and walked over to look out down at the valley far below where the stream had turned into a river with several small lakes along the way, like stones that a giant could step on to span the distance. She leaned against him a little bit as they both pointed out some of the most popular landmarks, Mustang Lake and a cluster of boulders that lingered outside a forestry zone.

"I could spend all day here," she said, "and never miss the rest of the world."

"Me too…I used to come up here a lot when I had to think about everything that was happening…whether or not I could make it apart from my daddy…pursue this investigating…how to win that chili cook-off."

She smiled remembering how much he had wanted to win that paint filly so he along with Bo and Lamar had worked long and hard for three days on creating the perfect entry into the competition which he of course won. Then he had thrown a huge shindig inviting all his friends to come and enjoy eating it while listening to music and enjoying fireworks during the evening.

"I guess all this beauty helps me to forget…just for a little while," she said, "but it's like a sharp pain when I remember…and I can't escape it."

"C.J…you're safe here where he can't get you…but that doesn't mean you feel safe in your dreams," he said, "That's not going to come right away…it takes time."

She nodded, thoughtfully.

"I know…and being here with you has helped me a lot. I feel less afraid and thanks for listening to me."

He reached for her hand and closed his own around it.

"I'll do that as long as you want," he said, "and any time you want, day or night…"

She tilted her head.

"Houston…at 3 a.m. you need to sleep…"

"I'd rather be up with you so you don't have to be alone," he said, "I can always catch up on any sleep later on."

She digested that and knew that he meant it, and she knew that she could talk to him about anything, it's just that sometimes hearing the words that she wanted to say, prevented them from being expressed. That part of facing her ordeal…she had to figure out what to do but she believed that her counseling would help her find her way toward doing that.

They remained together, where they stood looking at the expanse of the valley below them, both feeling more at peace.


	24. Chapter 24

The ranch really had begun to work its magic on her the more time that she and Matt spent there, hiking and riding in the mountains and working with the mare who had made great progress under C.J.'s patient tutelage. The two of them worked in the garden and planted more rows of peppers, which they would harvest when Matt had the yen to start working on his chili.

Bo and Lamar still kept in touch with him and C.J. even though they had moved back to Texas some while back, working on Matt's father's ranch. And they certainly would listen when Matt called them for advice on which chili's worked best to give his latest concoction the most kick.

"Houston…I think it tastes great," C.J. said, sampling it.

She had watched as he had been working on it all morning, mixing the Serrano and the cayenne with the little banana ones. Matt smiled at the expression on her face as she tasted it. She had poured them both some lemonade she had freshly squeezed using a recipe that Roy had emailed her.

The phone had rung and she had made a face when she found out that the police detective, someone besides Perkins wanted to come out and interview her. She had pretty much given up that the police would do anything with her case, given that the DA had filed only assault and burglary charges against Dallas.

But she didn't feel like talking with any of them right now. Not until she called up Julie to ask what she thought.

"Det. Greene is much more enlightened than Perkins," Julie said, "He'll listen to you and not interrupt you with a bunch of preconceived notions."

C.J. paused.

"I don't know if it matters…they're putting Dallas away on other challenges…not to mention what he'll get added on for the escape…"

"Well that might be…but even if they don't file additional charges based on what you say…at least you'll have said it…on the record that you were raped."

C.J. still reacted when she heard that word especially associated with what had happened to her that night but that's what had happened…Dallas had violated her in the worst of ways and there was no hiding from that…certainly not in her sleep. And sleeping through the night had still been hard…even with Matt right there. She wondered if he would ever get tired out because his own slumber had been impacted but he never showed it and never said anything…he was just always there when she woke up screaming.

"The dreams…I can't make them stop…the days I can get through…I can even almost forget for a little while but at night…"

Julie sighed.

"Talking about it might help that..but mostly time and the tiny steps that you're taking to reclaim your life…take back what was taken from you."

"Yeah well Dallas can't hurt anyone else again if they lock him up."

"But he hurt you C.J. and that's already too much."

"I know…I don't know how he could have escaped…from a penal institution with maximum security…but they think someone paid some guards to help them…and we still don't know who did that."

"Dallas isn't talking about any accomplices even his dead one."

C.J. had heard as much from Julie when she had updated her earlier. At least the police were beginning to think that she and Matt's theory just might be right. Because the site that some unknown person had started on her had been started when the two men were in prison and had been active in recent days, hinting at some future posting of something on it and she didn't even want to think about what that meant.

"Do you want me to be there…when she arrives…"

C.J. took a deep breath to collect herself.

"No that's okay…I'll be fine…thanks though."

"Okay…if you're sure…but we can talk about it later if you want."

"Sure…"

She didn't know what kind of shape she would be after talking to this newer detective. After clicking off the phone, she went back to the kitchen to check on Matt who was gazing intently at his vat of chili bubbling on the stove.

"How's it coming along?"

He looked up at her, smiling.

"Great…I'll serve some up for lunch with that bread you were making earlier."

That sounded great…it had been an experiment which she had attempted mostly to get her mind off of things and it had worked out okay. And with chili, it would make a good meal.

"Det. Greene's coming out to ask some questions…if that's okay…"

"It's fine…is this about what happened?"

She nodded, knowing what he was really asking…in that would there be an officer who would not be a jerk. Someone who might actually listen…rather than put her on trial through questions.

* * *

Greene showed up a couple of hours later and though dressed in a way that let everyone know he was a cop, he smiled and shook their hands as he walked inside the guesthouse. Matt went to get some ice tea while C.J. led him into the living room.

"How are you doing?"

C.J. just shrugged. The bruising had faded on her face and her ribs…they still felt a little sore sometimes but she lived each day as it came and difficulty sleeping at night where Dallas waited despite being locked up in a jail cell in L.A.

"They're trying to decide whether to keep him in the jail or send him back to prison and deal with him there."

"He doesn't seem to stay there very long…how do you know that he won't get out again?"

Greene sighed.

"He'll be in the maximum security ward of another institution up further north…he won't be able to escape."

"Someone had the money to help pay guards off to get him and Clyde out the first time."

Greene didn't look like he felt very comfortable about that but he nodded because after all, that's what happened.

"Those responsible are facing discipline including termination and possibly criminal charges."

"Did they tell you who paid them?"

Greene shook his head.

"No…but they will…it's just a matter of turning one of them against the other…self interest will win out in the end…Usually does in cases like this."

C.J. sighed thinking that might be the case if their own greed led to them taking the money to help two dangerous criminals escape. But if the ringleader were powerful enough…

No, she would still never feel safe until his identity was uncovered, she knew.

He took a tiny audio recorder out putting it on the coffee table and said they should get started. C.J.'s heart threatened to race again but she took deep breaths. Matt had left her alone with Greene but she knew that he'd be in there if she needed him.

"Well…I was at home after having spent some time with friends…and I wasn't thinking of anything dangerous waiting for me in my own home…Everything seemed fine from the front…security system didn't given any signs of being disrupted, the door was locked. The house was dark when I walked inside."

"When did you notice something was wrong?"

She paused

"When I saw them…"

"They were in the house?"

She nodded, wrapping her arms around her.

"I didn't know who they were at first…just that they didn't belong there and then one of them spoke and I remembered the voice…it had been a while…years but you never forget a lowlife like that…"

"So what did you do?"

She sighed.

"I was so shocked…I couldn't act…I had locked the door behind me but still…I don't know why I didn't…but Dallas…he sounded a bit like he'd been drinking or something…he was the leader…Clyde mostly did what he said."

"And what happened next?"

She grew quieter then, her mouth going dry.

"I told them to get out…that I wouldn't say anything if they just left…I knew they were supposed to have been in prison…but Dallas shook his head, and he smiled and said he wasn't leaving until he got a piece of me…said that he hadn't been with a woman since he'd been locked up and that he had been thinking about this night for so long…he wasn't leaving…until he and Clyde…"

She sipped her root beer.

"He moved towards me and before I knew it, he grabbed my arm and slammed me against a wall. I thought…he started kissing me…it was disgusting…the way he smelled and tasted…he pressed me against the wall with his body…he's very strong and I thought…when he…I told him no, to get away from me and that's when he ripped at my clothes…and my top…the buttons fell off and I..I felt so exposed and his hands…"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her body still marked where his hands had been.

"Do you need to take a break?"

She shook her head quickly at that, knowing that if she stopped, she might never want to finish her story.

"Well I tried to fight him but he was so strong, like a wall of muscle. And he hit me several times on my face…told me that it was going to happen, I might as well enjoy it…and him."

"And…"

She took another deep breath.

"That's when he dragged me into the bedroom…I knew if he got me there…so I tried to fight him and Clyde came over and grabbed me too…Dallas kept saying nasty things about what he was going to do…and I was so scared…his touch made my skin crawl…his words…but then I remembered the gun…"

"The one you had a CCW for?"

She nodded.

"But it was where I couldn't get at it easily…I should have carried it with me…I do mostly but lately…he forced me on my bed and Clyde, he made sure I didn't move…while Dallas unzipped his pants. He was um…ready…and he…it hurt a lot…but then I stopped feeling anything at all. "

She put her hands over her face. Greene looked up from where he took notes.

"How many times did he rape you," he asked.

She forced herself to clear her mind of the memories so she could continue.

"Twice…In between he wanted me to…so he pulled me off the bed and forced me on my knees…but I don't remember much about that…it's a blur…he got angry and that's when…but for a while he and Clyde were talking…while I lay on the bed…and I just couldn't move for a while…They argued because Clyde wanted his turn and Dallas just told him they couldn't stay…one of the neighbors might call…and that I needed to die…but Dallas he wanted to be sure that the other guy they mentioned had a good look…I didn't know what he meant because they were the only two there."

Greene nodded as he continued writing.

"That's a good start…but do you have any idea who this other guy they mentioned might have been…we know that someone had to help them escape…two guards were implicated in their breakout."

She shook her head.

"In my line of work…I have so many enemies…and it had to be someone who knew me very well, who had access to a lot of money and who somehow knew the right people to break out to come after me."

"Meaning Dallas…and you had a history?"

"Yeah…I represented him on a rape case when I was a PD back in Houston and he was nasty back then…He wanted me to…perform a sexual favor on him and I refused, dropped off the case not long after and he threatened me when he was found guilty that he would send someone after me to get what he couldn't…"

C.J. felt so tense at this point that her shoulders started to hurt so she tried to relax where she sat.

He asked some more questions which she answered, though she had to sip her drink mostly to give her that few seconds to collect herself. And to force Dallas back away…she didn't know how a man locked up behind bars could still have so much freedom to dominate her mind as she had her body. Greene thanked her and she managed a smile because he had been much easier to talk to than Perkins.

* * *

Matt saw him out because C.J. just felt she couldn't move from where she sat…she felt immobilized again and hated it. Afterward he fixed some chili and some bread into some bowls and brought it out to her.

"I think I finally figured out how to balance out the chilies just right…want to give it a try?"

She nodded and he settled next to her, handing her some napkins.

"It smells so delicious but I…"

And she just dropped her head in her hands and her shoulders shook. He moved closer and stroked her back with his hand which seemed to help some.

"I'm sorry…Houston…"

"You don't have anything to be sorry about…you just do what you need to do and lunch can wait a while."

She leaned towards him then and he wrapped his arm around her and drew her closer.

"I told him…I told him what happened the best that I could…"

"That's good…I think they needed to hear it…to remember what that man did."

She nodded in his embrace and he held her for a while, thinking not for the first time that the system had already gone too easy on those responsible…Dallas and whoever hired him.


	25. Chapter 25

When he pushed her on her own bed, the act had angered her, but all she could do was bite her lip until it bled. His spittle as he whispered those evil words, struck her face, his breath made her want to vomit. He had pressed her to the bed, slipping one hand beneath the remnants of her blouse, stroking her breasts, squeezing them while she tried to move away from him.

Damn he was so strong…in the other room he had slammed her against the wall, his muscular frame too formidable for her even with the defensive skills Matt had taught her. He had tried to force her legs apart there but she wouldn't let him so he smacked her face instead. It hurt, fiercely, fading to a sting when her vision cleared again.

"I'm going to give you what a bitch like you wants," he rasped, "but not out here."

She looked around wildly and she knew where he wanted to take her. No, god now, if he got her inside there…wait she had her gun…close by her bed, think…don't lose it no…keep it together…until you get the gun.

He dragged her, even as she tried to become dead weight to him into her bedroom, to rape her. The one word that terrified her more than perhaps any other, the one she thought she'd never have to face. She'd come close when she'd been amnesiac in that car accident in the Arizonan desert and the sheriff who falsely arrested her had kissed her and when she had resisted had pushed her on the couch in his office. She had fought him but his bulk had made it impossible to push him off. If the deputy hadn't walked in right then…she hadn't wanted to think about it and once she put that ordeal behind her she didn't have to think about what could have happened at all.

Matt had hunted for her relentlessly and had crashed the party where she was to be a whore for a member of the state's correctional board. But he was miles away dealing with his own tragedy while she faced her worst nightmare. God, she hated the man above her, the one who had ripped her blouse wide open with the knife and placed his stinking mouth on her skin…the parts of her she had allowed only her chosen lovers to know. The other man, Clyde, where was he, she heard him laughing somewhere in the room while Dallas sucked at her breasts biting them.

She couldn't fight him…her only hope was getting to her gun but it was too far away…she'd have to bide her time and since he was stronger, that meant getting raped. She had to survive what he did to her and ground herself enough to act when she had the chance…the best time for that was after he'd gotten what he wanted out of her…then maybe his attention would lapse enough for her to go for the gun. But it was like forcing yourself to drown in icy water in the hopes that maybe someone could revive you later on, before your brain died. How did one push their face beneath the icy water and take that first lethal breath, the rushing pain, the terror of facing one's mortality…they said drowning didn't hurt, it seduced its victims especially in icy water where hypothermia often soothed the body it lured to death, by making that person feel intense warmth for the last time before numbness took over.

Then she felt calmness as she repeated quietly, she was going to have to drown to save herself.

She lay back as he trailed saliva all over her breasts, he bit at them again and she tried not to scream. She tried to push back but he rammed his forearm against her throat and shoved her dress up to her hips, while she tried to stop him. He ripped her underwear off her legs, hard so that her legs stung, and then forced them apart with his knee, as he pinned her to the bed. If he opened her up, then all he had to do was slide between and she couldn't fight back. He shoved himself between her thighs, the fabric of his pants skimming across her bare thighs.

"No….."

That's all she had was her voice, only with her throat pinned; only a gasp came out. She felt him fiddle with his own pants while he lay on top of her, and she tried to move her head…god…she had to stop him but the gun…no somehow she had to find a way to survive what she couldn't even imagine.

And then she felt the hardness of his erection against her through his pants, and a tear slipped out of her eye, frozen on her face. She tried to buck him off of her but he slammed her down and the knife…she could see it out of the corner of her eye. So close to her throat, if he slit her, she'd only have a minute to live. If she let him rape her, he might walk away from her.

She so desperately wanted to live, her fingers clawed at him, but he forced them back onto the bed, so they grasp the spread while he pushed against her harder, his breath hot and nasty in her face.

"Stay still bitch…or I'm going to make it hurt."

He pulled his pants down and she felt his penis rub against her, she froze then because she knew that once he pushed it inside of her, a part of her would forever shatter. Dallas had taunted her years ago that he would have her, that he would own her body and taken what he wanted. She had hated him as she had feared him and now…she hated him so much, the bile rose to her throat…even as she trembled beneath him, praying to herself silently that he'd stop short of…he was just trying to scare her that he'd never break her this way. But when she caught the expression on his face, her blood turned to ice. She knew that he might not stop with raping her.

He might also kill her.

She couldn't let him do that…the faces of all the people she loved…including the one she loved most of all flashed in front of her face temporarily blinding her to Dallas. She tried to breathe through her constricted throat; she just had to find something deep inside of her to survive what he'd done to her. She had to survive being raped.

He moved against her, and she braced herself, closing her eyes tightly, anticipating his invasion, but when he thrust inside of her, she hadn't been prepared for the pain, the sharpness as if the knife had cut her instead. He pushed harder, tearing at her and she cried out so he slapped a palm against her mouth as he started thrusting against her again and again. Much different than had he been a lover, infusing affection and tenderness instead of hatred and rage, and at that moment, she felt cut off forever from the act of lovemaking. She hadn't known a man could so twist something that she had loved into a weapon that terrorized her, leaving its mark forever.

But she wanted there to at least be a forever.

God she wanted to live through this…but she felt herself wanting to die…and her mind…it went fuzzy and she started watching what he did to her…he slammed against her and he whispered about how much he'd wanted her and this moment. She counted each thrust, every withdrawal from someplace else until the one that would end it, when he ejaculated his DNA inside of her, that which was uniquely his own brand, he had burned into her.

* * *

"C.J….C.J…"

She woke up on the couch, terrified looking up into a man's face but it wasn't the one who had been her rapist.

"Houston…"

She leapt up into his embrace, holding him so tightly, seeking out his warmth against what still chilled her.

Matt knew she needed him badly now, her face etched with fear and pain. He held her just as tightly as she dampened his shirt with her tears, coming hard and fast….she couldn't stop them from flowing. She sobbed, ragged, her breath harsh and painful. He lay down carefully on the couch pulling her with him, her head fell on his chest and still she cried wordlessly.

He wiped her tears away, whispering to her soothingly, like he would a wounded animal. He didn't even know what he said, the words just flowed and she seemed to relax a bit against him.

His heart broke for her, but inside there was a love deeper than any he had ever felt for anyone…she was his closest friend and she had been his rock when he needed to hold onto someone tight fleeing his own nightmares.

"I had to let him…to get the gun…"

He listened to her not understanding what she meant only that she needed to say it.

"You did…and you're alive."

"I hated it so much Houston…that I didn't have a choice."

He stroked her even as he ached for her. She had faced the worst nightmare to live and then had tried to put the pieces back together…but they didn't fit anymore. He whispered back to her.

"I'm here and I'm not leaving and we'll stay here together as long as it takes."

She nodded slightly against him, he felt it and knew that she trusted his words as she trusted him.

"I didn't want to die…I kept seeing all your faces…and I wanted so much to live…even if it meant…"

She couldn't finish, she just lay against him.

"You are alive…and I'm so glad about that…You did what you had to do to survive and we're all here, me, Uncle Roy, Will and your friends to help you get through this as long as it takes."

He meant it and she knew it.

"I don't know if I can…I never thought that far to what survival would be like."

He sighed.

"It's about struggle and not being alone with it…I learned that and Will's learned it. But there's good parts too that tell you how much it's worth it…like you."

She smiled as she snuggled against him, hearing him and also the steady rhythm of his heartbeat below her head.

"Thanks Houston…"

"Anytime…now just lay back and rest."

She murmured against his chest.

"What about dinner?"

"It can wait a little while," he said, "I kind of like having a woman who's my best friend to hold onto for a while."

She closed her eyes, thinking that sounded nice, as he continued to stroke her back until she fell into a dreamless sleep. He watched her eyes flutter and then close, as she settled against him. He lay awake while she slept in his embrace, wanting so badly to take a piece out of Dallas and whoever lingered in the background pulling the strings on the convicted who had raped his best friend.

He had to put together a plan to shake the guy who hated C.J. enough to master this plan against her so he could seriously make him sorry.


	26. Chapter 26

Matt couldn't sleep much that night, so filled was his mind with trying to figure out who had masterminded the plot against C.J. He knew that it had to be someone that she had known very well in her past.

They knew that the two convicts had grudges against her because they blamed her for their prison sentences, but someone had manipulated them to do his work. Similar to how the horrific serial killer Castanos had recruited three hit men to go after Matt a couple of years ago. At first he had thought that one of them in particular had targeted him because he had been instrumental in sending him to prison. It was only after he had punched around some union racketeer for a while that he figured out who had been the puppeteer behind the stage.

So must be the situation with Dallas, Clyde and the man who had controlled them. But who had that been and where was he now?

Clyde's death hadn't told them very much and Dallas refused to talk about it. The Web site they found yielded some clues but not enough to offer any definitive means of identifying this unknown person. So his inquisitive mind that had gotten him through many an investigation to its end continued to work hard at it, keeping him awake.

C.J. had fallen asleep holding onto him. He had talked to her until she had drifted off, which hadn't taken that long once she had drained herself of emotion. It would be a while before she woke up again.

What if it had been one of her boyfriends, someone she had once trusted and even loved? The thought of that tore inside him.

Suddenly she stirred and her face turned towards him, her eyes open.

"Houston, what are you doing still awake?"

He tightened his own hold on her.

"I was asleep…"

"Liar…"

He had to smile, because she knew him so well but he didn't want her to worry about it.

"I'm fine…just thinking."

She settled against him.

"About Elizabeth," she asked, "You know that's okay. You can't keep that to yourself Houston."

"I wasn't thinking about her," He said, "I know she'd want me to live my own life and be happy. We were able to walk away still friends."

"I know she cared about you," C.J. said, "We had our discussion about that before the wedding."

Matt had known about that because Elizabeth had mentioned about it to him. He knew that she had bore some insecurity about his friendship with C.J. Even though he had insisted that there was nothing else between them.

"I know I was rough on you before I left town," he said, "and I made some very unfair allegations."

She sighed.

"Houston, you were hurting, I knew that when you said all those things," she said, "I never held it against you."

"I still shouldn't have said them."

She nestled against him.

"It doesn't matter know," she said, "When I've really needed you to be there you were Houston…like a couple hours ago."

He heard the emotion steeped in her voice and he knew she still felt raw after having her pent up feelings come to a head.

"How're you feeling now?"

She paused.

"I feel better…I don't know what got into me," she said, "It's the dreams but it's just that I feel helpless and cut off from myself. I can't seem to find my way back some times."

He listened to her, and her body trembled a bit when she talked, so he stroked her back.

"It's bound to be like that for a while."

She nodded against him.

"Like you felt when you were kidnapped," she said, "God you went through hell all that time…I saw how it hit you and the fear…I wanted to take it all away but I couldn't…and then I got shot."

He heard the reproach in her voice against herself because he knew that she blamed herself for that because he had been arrested delivering her to a hospital until his close friend Hoyt had let him go.

"C.J…that wasn't your fault," he said, "When Andrea got shot, that almost stopped me from doing anything but when I saw you…that galvanized me into action."

They had escaped from the building against incredible odds with gunfire all around them, with one bullet striking her in her shoulder. Adrenalin and their lives being on the line had kept her from feeling the agony that came later when they reached the hospital.

But not all of it was physical, most of it was from her emotions which couldn't tear themselves away from him and his absence from her life for another few weeks demoralized her. The only thing that had made a difference was her role in trying to help clear his name.

This had happened in the end when he'd tracked down his uncle who had been a covert operative with contacts and skills enough to help him bring down the mastermind behind the plot to brainwash him. She had watched him put the pieces of his life back together after all that time away, to reacquaint himself with his only living family and to get back into the thick of investigating.

"It's nice staying here," she said, after a bit of a silence.

He agreed.

"Sometimes I wonder if I should have sold this place," he said, "but the commute, it just got to be too much."

"Houston, you made the decision that you had to make," she said, "Don't blame yourself for it."

"Maybe I'll buy another one."

She smiled at that. After all, he had grown up on a ranch just like she had and she never cottoned him for being much of an urbanite no matter how many tailored suits he wore to business meetings and other events. No, she knew he felt more comfortable in a pair of jeans and shirt and on the back of a horse.

"I've been thinking about it," she said, "Maybe just moving away from the city."

"You thinking about selling your house?"

She paused.

"Yeah…I just don't think I ever want to live there again," she said, "I mean I haven't really been back."

Matt listened to her voice, hearing the mixture of uncertainty about taking such a big step, with sadness that she couldn't return home. He knew she wouldn't feel safe there especially with the man who orchestrated this against her still on the loose somewhere. Hiding behind anonymity where he couldn't be gotten too…yet.

But that wouldn't be forever because Matt had every plan on hunting him down. As long as it too, by whatever means necessary, the guy might be hiding now but Matt knew he'd trip up soon enough.

Thugs like this always did at some point and Matt would be waiting for him. He had been content to let the authorities deal with him because he knew his friend needed him with her. And moments like this one…he wouldn't be anywhere else.

She began to move against him.

"I'd better get up," she said, "I'm going to check on the mare. Give her some exercise today."

"You'd better get some breakfast first, how about an omelet?"

She brightened.

"I got some peppers left to add if you'd like."

He just smiled and she knew she had her answer. They got up and she went to shower and get dressed. Matt thought she looked better this morning than she had been, like some of the weight had been removed from what she carried with her. He went to check his phone and saw a message from Hoyt. Punching in the buttons, he had the harried lieutenant on the phone.

"What's up?"

Hoyt sighed and Matt braced himself.

"There's more stuff showing up on the sight including the video that was promoted last week."

"What's on it?"

More hesitation from the veteran cop.

"Houston, it's what happened that night," he said, "Someone filmed what Dallas did…probably Clyde."

That shocked Matt into silence but he recovered quickly.

"You mean it's on the internet?"

"In Technicolor," he said, "The FBI's already notified the server that they need to subpoena the original or any trace of it."

"You know who even owns the server?"

"It's a company that's a bit smaller than the mainstream," Hoyt said, "and so far they've been cooperating."

Matt sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"At least It's evidence," he said, "So they should be able to amend the charges to include rape?"

"Yeah…and I'm wondering if that's the way it was set up," he said, "If whoever's in charge here is tying up his loose ends with his accomplices."

Yeah Matt thought, one shot dead and the other now with evidence to put him back in prison until they carted him out in a box.

"Any leads on who this guy might be?"

"None…I'm thinking it's someone C.J. knew very well."

"I agree…I'm going to be looking at ex-boyfriends," he said, "Ones where the breakups didn't go well."

Hoyt sighed and Matt recognized the message behind it.

"Houston, you need to let the police handle this…"

"Hoyt, they wouldn't even listen to her at first," he said, "They almost arrested her."

"It would have never come to that," Hoyt said, "I never would have allowed it. How is she anyway?"

"She's doing better…she's been spending time with the mare and I think that's what she needs…besides feeling safe in her own home."

"We'll get this guy Houston."

Matt had heard that mantra before often enough and he trusted the sincerity of his friend but they were bucking some serious odds because time had passed since the assault and the trail was going cold.

Time to heat it up…he could start with his computer here while C.J. spent her time with the mare.

* * *

So he booted up his computer and then went to join C.J. in the kitchen to help her with the omelets. She was dressed in some old jeans, a light long sleeved shirt and wearing her hair loose. To call her beautiful had always been an understatement to him, because she was much more than that, even when she downplayed her looks, wanting to look more serious.

"I'll get the juice," he said, going to the frig.

She nodded content to focus on the eggs. He was the more skilled of the two in omelets but she had gotten some practice in and it helped keep her relaxed.

He also brought plates and they took them to the table, to eat with the sunlight coming through the window, it proved to be a peaceful environment. He didn't want to tell her about what Hoyt had told him…at least not yet. Better to do some more research first.

She sipped her juice thoughtfully.

"So you up for a ride later on," he asked, "I thought we'd go up to the ridge and check out the view."

She nodded.

"I'd like that…how Murray is with you not being at the office?"

Matt hadn't talked to him yet but he knew with Roy and Will holding down the fort, that Murray's nerves probably wouldn't be too frayed. C.J. needed the time away from everything to deal with her feelings because what followed was bound to be hard enough.

Not that she'd be facing it alone, he'd make sure of that.


	27. Chapter 27

C.J. took the mare out of the barn for exercise, some walking at first and then light jogging. She seemed to enjoy getting out of the confines of her stall and nickered in delight as they followed the path around several pastures. C.J. kept her focus on how the horse moved, whether she ran even or favored any of her legs but as far as she could tell, the mare seemed fine. Maybe able to be ridden sooner than later, she thought as they exercised. Matt would certainly be pleased about that.

She remembered what it had been like to be held by him, to just feel his strong arms around her while she let go of all of the emotions she had built up inside her for so long. He had been so understanding, and she had felt safe with him. If she had been back in the city, she'd have been looking around every corner for an unseen enemy, the one who had tried to destroy her life. She had been working hard to rebuild her life since the attack to bring her life back to where it had been before…but then again, there had been that conflict between herself and Matt after Elizabeth had been killed. She understood where he had been coming from, lashing out in pain and this perception of guilt for her death.

He had his own demons to work through after all.

She knew how it had been for her after Carl's murder by a man who had been stalking her. Grief had nearly torn her apart and oh, the guilt because if he hadn't been in love with her, he'd still be alive today. It had taken her a long time to work through those feelings that had erupted after she had lost him. She knew Matt well enough to know he'd experience that same struggle.

The mare stopped and C.J. patted her on the neck. The sun shone brilliantly on the ranch and she enjoyed its warmth on her face as they turned direction and she led the mare back to the barn. She settled her down in her stall with some more food and then went back towards the house.

She hit the garden to go pick some peppers, where they still grew in all different colors. You could never have too many spicy peppers to work with when preparing meals.

* * *

Matt sat by the computer doing some research but not really getting anywhere, or any closer to identifying the one who had directed the actions of the two escaped convicts. He had gone through C.J.'s history and had researched her boyfriends, friends and any other significant people who might have an axe to grind. He had already gone through people they had put away in prison through their agency and had drawn a blank.

A couple possibilities had arisen including a couple ex boyfriends including the one in prison.

Robert Tyler, former news anchor turned kidnapping killer.

Matt had started out trying to find information to help Robert during a perplexing kidnapping case in L.A. and had then began to suspect him of orchestrating the entire thing to further his career. When he passed along his suspicions, suddenly some man appeared out of the woodwork trying to kill him. He had tried to gently break the news to C.J. that the man she loved was a fraud and she had rejected what he said and walked away.

He had gambled everything on her realizing that he spoke the truth and that had been harder when Matt witnessed Robert shooting an accomplice to death. But he had been right about C.J. and when she did return, she helped him and Uncle Roy bring down Robert.

The former anchor had been sent to prison on a fast track and he'd been angry enough at Matt but probably C.J. as well because she had played a key part in his downfall posing as the widow of a man who tried to blackmail him. C.J. had stood there in her disguise listening to Robert talk about what he had done to the woman's husband who he had killed. Matt had listened to the emotions that ran in her voice when she spelled out the man's fate for Robert, finishing his threat. He hadn't known of course it was her who he had threatened, until she pulled her disguise and confronted him.

Matt had thought for an instant that she would be in his crosshairs as his next victim anyway because she knew too much but instead in an act of angst, he had thrown the gun at what he believed to have been a mirror. But it had been glass which allowed him and Roy to film the entire encounter. That had caused Robert to take off in a flash and run around a marina until Matt caught up with him and dunked him in the water.

He had deserved far more than that for the crimes he had committed and for breaking C.J.'s heart. Jail and eventually prison had sufficed for his illegal actions but it had taken a couple of dinners at C.J.'s favorite eatery to soothe her intense feeling of betrayal. She's gotten over it and him eventually because time healed broken hearts but what had been going on with Robert even behind bars? Had he somehow been able to hatch such a heinous plot against her, to destroy her life in retaliation for her role in ending his freedom?

Matt knew that Robert had the talent to be a major journalist but he didn't think in retrospect that the man had ever had the drive to do it the right way. After all, Matt and C.J. had always bailed Robert out of difficult situations while they'd been in college together.

Maybe if they hadn't, Robert wouldn't have chosen the path he did…but then again, he acted like a sociopath without remorse for those who he hurt to get what he wanted. And if he had gone on a quest for revenge, would he have it in him to be behind what Dallas and Clyde had done?

They had to have money to get out including to pay some correctional guards to either help them or look the other way and to be able to move about on the outside, not to mention Dallas being able to try to create a new identity and look before he got caught. Matt didn't know if Robert had those kinds of assets because he made great money but he spent a lot of what he earned. And a fair amount of what was left got paid off to blackmailers before he killed them.

It would take more than money but he would have to be able to have some way to set up the Web site that Matt knew had to be connected to the attack against C.J. After all if the video, and it made him sick to think about it had made it on the site, then that meant that Dallas and Clyde definitely had an accomplice or mastermind who ran that site.

He sighed as he moved away from the computer to go make some lunch for him and C.J. to take on their ride up the mountain. The door opened on the kitchen side and she joined him, carrying her peppers wrapped up in her shirt bottom like a sack. She put them on the sink to be carefully washed and then put away.

"You've been busy…"

She looked up at his smiling face, and she mirrored it.

"So have you…sandwiches look great."

"Yeah, well it's quite a good ride and we can eat them looking out at the view," he said, "I'll go get some bottled teas."

She watched as he went and finished putting the peppers away so that they could use some of them for dinner. When they bagged the lunches, they carried them as they walked outside into the sunlight, his arm wrapped around her waist. She leaned against him and felt his solidness, she could remain there forever she felt some times. Always when she'd been scared or troubled, he was there to keep her grounded.

One of the ways she had loved him, as a friend and even wondered if it were greater than that. She had told him she loved him but even she didn't know why she said it. Bullets had been flying; she was so convinced they'd both die together without saying anything so she squeezed those precious words in before their escape. But once she said them…she felt vulnerable and he had never really answered back. That had been a while ago and they'd been through a lot since then including engagements and relationships, troubling times and unbelievable discoveries.

Now, she felt so torn apart by what had happened to her, numb still in many ways except while with him like now. But her feelings…they were so mixed up and raw sometimes she was almost afraid to show him.

The sky loomed a bright blue, the kind they both favored that carried some memory of summer in Texas as they headed to the barn to get the horses to go riding up the switchback trails to the very top.

She loved the view, and he stood there beside it and shared it with her, watching her carefully to make sure she was comfortable. Her hair blew softly in the breeze around her face and she sat on a rock with him eating their lunch while they both watched some hawks circling on a thermal high above them, reigning over the valley in its patchwork of green, blue and brown below.

"It's lovely isn't it," she said softly.

"Sure is…I could stay up here forever."

She smiled at that.

"Maybe we should," she said, "We could pitch up a tent until we built a house and a lean to for the horses."

He sipped his tea, looking over at her.

"It's not as scary up here as it is down there is it?"

She looked at him but she kept her face steady including her smile.

"No I guess not…I know that Dallas is locked up…but in my head he's still there."

"We're going to do our best to make sure he goes back to prison and whoever's giving him orders."

A silence met him and he wondered if she were thinking about who in her past that might be. A very scary thought because of the cruelty of what had been done to her, but it must be hard not to linger on that.

But as he looked at her looking steadfastly out at the view, he knew that he wouldn't stop until he found this guy and put him away.


	28. Chapter 28

They had spent time up on the ridge until the sun started to set and then they got back on their horses and headed back down the switchback trail. The warmth of the breeze steaming through the valley felt so good on her skin, that she just allowed her horse to feel her way along the trail.

Matt rode alongside her and looked over at her. The days that they'd spent together at the old ranch had done wonders for his friend. She had smiled a lot as they checked out the view from way up high and when they got back to the guesthouse, they would cook up some fajitas and settle down to watch a movie or two. He hadn't heard back at all from Hoyt or his uncle or anyone else, including on whether or not any leads had been uncovered on who either ran the Web site or who had masterminded the attack on C.J.

He had his own suspicions of where he wanted to look but today, he wanted to spend his time with her.

"These flowers are so lovely aren't they?"

The hillside had been all decked out in wild blossoms of different hues.

"It's the best time of year for them."

She gazed at him as their horses continued down the ridge. They reached the flatland and picked up their speed, galloping across the meadows like they used to do when he'd lived here several years ago. C.J. could almost picture herself back then when life had been simpler it seemed. Matt had bought the ranch not long after they have arrived in L.A. from Houston and they'd both fallen in love with it. When he'd moved to his beach house in Malibu even before he'd sold the ranch, she felt the loss of that old life, the last piece that they brought with them from a much different life.

Now everything had changed so quickly, she didn't feel she had a home she felt safe in anymore and she didn't know if she even wanted to go back to L.A. even though she knew she had the criminal justice system to face with the arrest and charges filed against Dallas.

She didn't know if she could face all that though she knew she had to, not necessarily to ensure that Dallas never left prison again but to move forward with her own life. If she didn't want him to control her from the inside of a cell, she knew she had to stand up to him at least inside a courtroom.

That meant testifying on the stand at some point. Being asked direct questions by the prosecutor who would be presenting the case and then being ripped apart by Dallas' defense attorney on cross-examination, just like she would do if she were his attorney. Somewhere she had to find the strength to be able to stay seated for hours on end on the witness stand.

She tried not to think about that as they reached the barn and dismounted from their horses.

They led them into the barn to unsaddle them and rub them down before returning them to their stalls. C.J. combed her horse's mare thoughtfully, after rubbing her dry from her exercise.

"That was some riding we just did."

She smiled at him.

"I think mine made it ahead of yours by a whisker."

He nodded.

"Okay so I guess that means you get to pick the movie then."

She tilted her head at him.

"It doesn't matter," she said, "I just want to get some of that garlic popcorn and some iced tea and just settle in for the evening."

"So that means one with plenty of action?"

His brown eyes looked at her hopefully and she almost chuckled, because she knew he did that to make her feel better.

"Sure does."

He put his arm around her as they headed back to the house. They hit the kitchen where Matt got ready to barbecue some chicken for the fajitas while C.J. took out peppers and onions to sauté for the mixture. Fajita beans and rice would cook up easily enough she decided. They worked together on their dinner, and soon enough, delicious aromas filled the kitchen.

"This is really nice," she said, mixing the peppers together.

"Yes it is and I think I know where to find some sauce for the rice."

She let him go fetch it as she took her vegetables to be fried and then mixed with the chicken.

"I don't know if I'm ever going to be ready to go back."

He looked sideways at her catching her face.

"I think you'll know when it's time," he said, "and in the meantime, you can stay here."

"But what about your work, you can't leave it for a long time."

To be honest, Matt hadn't been thinking about his work once he had made sure that Dallas had been taken off of the street and put behind bars. He had been more than content to actually slow the pace of it down to spend time with her.

"Don't you worry about a thing," he said, "I'm enjoying this time together. It's been a while since we've had it."

That was true, she thought and she'd often wished they could halt their busy lives for a while to spend some time chilling out, but not under these circumstances.

They ate dinner together in the nook and the food tasted delicious, the peppers from the garden adding just the right touch. She knew for sure that wherever she would up living she wanted to have a similar garden of her own.

Then they took some garlic popcorn and lay on the couch together to watch a couple of movies together. Matt had picked out an action thriller with a slice of humor so C.J. found herself getting caught up in the plot. But she loved the way his arms wrapped around her, making her feel warm and secure even more.

* * *

C.J. and Matt looked over at Hoyt who had taken out some Rolaids, popping them into his mouth before listening to Matt's theory about some possible suspects that could be connected to the orchastration of what happened to C.J.

She listened to the men speak but tuned part of it out. Although she knew how critical it was to the investigation, it still felt raw to her to even consider that someone she probably knew very well even intimately could have led something so horrible against her. It made her physically ill, and her stomach roiled with nausea just from listening to them talk about it. Uncle Roy and Will had been in the kitchen making lunch for all of them and she had been glad that they had dropped by the guesthouse as well.

Hoyt suddenly gesticulated with his hands most likely at something Matt had just said. C.J. realized she should probably pay better attention.

"Houston, you don't know if any of those men were responsible," he said, "Robert Tyler's in prison himself and some of these other suspects are in prison or dead."

Matt sighed, his muscles tensing where he sat. C.J. knew that a big part of him wanted to go out after a specific target and he couldn't yet find one. But now he just looked at the lieutenant.

"Hoyt, I'm not saying it's definitely one of them," he said, "This is just a possible list. There might be others to add to it."

Hoyt looked over at C.J.

"Any more ideas?"

She just stared at him, biting her lower lip. Her own body tensing up as it often did with little provocation. She shook her head, and then got up to go into the kitchen. Matt's eyes followed her.

"C.J…"

She put her hand up.

"No, it's all right," she said, "I'm fine, just going to get something to drink."

She left them and Matt turned back to Hoyt.

"I'm looking closer at Tyler. After all, she was key to setting him up and putting him away. The threat of her testimony probably got him to give it up."

Hoyt sighed.

"Maybe but some of these others," he said, "Maybe they have relatives that aren't too happy with her right now."

Matt nodded.

"I'll look into those as well."

Hoyt narrowed his eyes.

"Houston…what's this 'I' thing, this is police business. Why don't you let us handle it?"

Matt rubbed his jawline with one of his thumbs.

"All they've done so far is make her feel like she's done something wrong," he said, "and that's the last thing she needs."

Hoyt looked at him almost as if to say something and then decided not to go there.

"Okay, then what about Jonathan Renfield?"

* * *

C.J. went to the frig to pour herself some lemonade feeling suddenly thirsty. Roy and Will had been making some coldcut sandwiches while chatting. She loved watching the interplay between the father and son who had spent so many years apart.

"Those look delicious."

Roy smiled at her.

"We found some roast beef and ham," he said, "and those yellow peppers will had the right amount of zest."

She smiled at that.

"Are they still talking about the investigation," Roy asked.

She nodded.

"I know I should be listening but it's so hard sometimes."

"Okay then, I was planning to make a salad," Roy said, "Think you can handle that?"

"Yeah, I'll do it," C.J. said, "I have some argula I wanted to try out from the garden if that's okay."

Roy nodded.

"Sure, it's such a nice day, I was thinking of eating outside."

C.J. thought that to be a great idea.

"That'd be great if you can get Houston and Hoyt away from the living room."

Roy winked at C.J.

"We'll find a way…"

She sighed as she rinsed the argula after retrieving it.

"I know that they're really concerned and Houston's been great," she said, "I keep hoping every morning I'll wake up ready to do what I need to do but I don't know if I'll ever get there."

She began to pluck the leaves and put them in the bowl. Roy sliced some tomatos for the sandwich while Will went to get some pickles.

"It's really early in the process," Roy said, "You still have a lot of time. I think if you just take it each day as it comes, you'll be there."

She understood what he meant. The process itself loomed so large and overwhelming but maybe breaking it up into a series of much smaller steps. Maybe that would do it for her.

Something for her to try at least, she thought as she reached for a couple of avocados in a bowl. She sliced the fruit and then whipped out slivers of it for her salad. Will went outside to get the table ready and Roy went to drag his nephew and the police lieutenant from their discussion to get them outside to sit down and eat some lunch. Matt got up and went to find C.J. to help her take the food out.

The afternoon sun shone brilliantly and warmed the air as far as comfortable. The five of them sat down like a family to enjoy their meal. They kept the conversation light as Will related the story of an oppossum that had taken up residence in his tool shed. Matt glanced over at C.J. and saw the look of contenment on her face at being surrounded by so much love.


	29. Chapter 29

C.J walked into the prosecutor's office inside the impressively glass building that rested in the middle of the downtown justice complex. She had been asked to meet with Millicent who had been assigned to her case for an interview.

Her stomach churned at the thought of it. She wondered what kind of questions would be asked before she remembered.

The most humiliating and wrenching type of questions, no holds barred after all but she knew that's the way it had to be. If she was going to go through with this prosecution, she had to gear herself for the most difficult challenge of her life at a time she didn't want to deal with anything.

Matt and she had flown in his helicopter from the guesthouse of his former ranch to the helipad of Houston Enterprises and then they grabbed his Pontiac Firebird to cruise down the streets to the county building. They'd parked in the garage and he had slipped his arm around her waist as they headed to the elevator.

Millicent had been waiting, she had seemed awfully young to C.J. No doubt, a baby DA but what she appeared to lack in polish, she made up for in determination. It took C.J. about two seconds to figure that out. Matt had brought his laptop to work on some projects while C.J. was at her appointment. He had promised her lunch at their favorite Thai food place and then they'd stroll through the nearby botanical gardens before heading back.

C.J. had followed Millicent along rows of cubicles with attorneys busy working or on the phones. They had gone past the coffee bar into a conference room where a man sat waiting. He packed a gun and a badge of some sort so C.J. guessed he was an investigator.

She sat down and accepted a water bottle from Millicent who pulled it out of a small frig. Her throat had been parched so the water had felt nice. The prosecutor had outlined the process for the interview.

The questions had proven to be as tough as she had believed. Dallas had proven more difficult in recent meetings so the DA's office wanted to see if they could throw some more charges at him to get him to give up any accomplices.

"I know he has someone telling him what to do," C.J. said, "Someone paid him and Clyde and probably some guards as well."

Millicent nodded and jotted it down on a tablet.

"Whoever did that must be someone with a serious ax to grind against you judging by the men he picked to help him."

C.J. had thought long and hard about who might be the person engineering the attacks but it had to be someone she had known and who had known her quite well.

"Did you notice anything unusual before he and Clyde attacked you in your house?"

C.J. sipped her water slowly.

"I…just the internet harassment," she said, "Nothing about my home…not until that night."

"Dallas had enough hatred of you to do it on his own."

C.J. knew that argument already but Matt had convinced her otherwise and she trusted his judgment.

"Then who paid for him and Clyde to escape," she said, "Who paid the guards to look the other way or help them?"

Millicent's brow furrowed and C.J. knew that she had hit her mark with that question.

"I guess it has to be someone who wanted to get back at you for some reason."

"I just can't figure out who that might be," C.J. said, "Houston and I…we handled so many cases and we made enemies but this feels different than that. Not that there hasn't been people who hired others to come at us…"

Millicent nodded.

"Yes I remember hearing about that serial killer who murdered all those women who hired hit men to go after Mr. Houston."

Yes, that had been true. Matt had taken care of a couple of them but then the remaining contract killer had along with Castanos had kidnapped her to use as bait to get at Matt. She had been kept bound and gagged on some hillside over an abandoned amusement park that had been owned by the killer.

"He's dead now," C.J. recalled, "after diving out of the 14th floor."

Apparently Castanos had finally found out that he wasn't immortal after all. Millicent digested that.

"Were you using birth control when you were raped?"

C.J. felt that lump in her throat again. Okay, back to the difficult questions. She would have thought that they'd be at least a little easier to answer the more they'd been asked by different people.

"I've been on the pill for some years and the tests came back clean."

Millicent nodded.

"The defense attorney's going to ask if it comes to that."

C.J. sipped her water again.

"I know..I was a defense attorney."

"How many times…"

"Twice…"

Millicent typed that on her tablet.

"Did he do anything else?"

C.J. nodded, looking at Millicent.

"He…"

She rubbed her forehead…closing her eyes.

"What?"

"He dragged me in front of him to kneel, you know and he wanted me to…go down on him. I know that's not the technical term for it…in between the rapes."

Millicent noted that.

"They were talking about not letting me walk out of it alive…they were trying to decide how to do it. I didn't want to die."

Millicent nodded.

"Of course not," she said, "They're the ones at fault not you and Dallas is going to be punished."

C.J. wondered how he could ever be penalized as much as he had hurt her. She had lain there on her bed, her face with frozen tears pressed against the mattress, watching as the two men argued about whether or not to leave her alive.

"If I hadn't gotten the gun," she said, "I don't know if I'd be here now."

Millicent sighed.

"That might be. Maybe we can pursue the avenue of attempted murder charges."

That would definitely add more time if Dallas were convicted of that crime, C.J. thought. But would the knowledge that he'd be sitting in a cramped prison cell the rest of his life be enough? After all, he had proven to be quite the escape artist.

"His lawyer might move for change of venue," Millicent said, "if it goes to trial."

"I thought he was getting sent back with the escape on his jacket."

Millicent sighed again.

"There might be a change of heart like I said," she said, "Dallas has it in his head that he wants a trial now. He wants his day in court."

C.J. felt like icy water had been splashed on her skin. She just placed her head in her hands digesting that latest news. If he went to trial…she would have to testify against him and relive the worst night of her life.

"I don't know…"

Millicent nodded.

"I know it's tough…"

C.J. shook her head.

"No…with all due respect, you don't," she said, "You don't know what it's liked to be raped and then know how the system works well enough to know it'll be just like that again."

"It's not going to be like that," Millicent said, "Not like it used to be."

"I know what it's going to be like," C.J. said, "I represented men charged with rape and I know what you have to do to win."

* * *

She left not long after that and didn't talk very much while she and Matt headed to the parking garage. He didn't press her at all, just walked alongside her silently.

"You still hungry," he said in the elevator.

She nodded.

"Houston, he wants a trial."

Matt looked at her but didn't react.

"He decided that he's not going to go down quietly but he wants his day in court."

Matt slipped his arm around her waist as they left the elevator to head to the Firebird.

"He's not going to win C.J.," he said, "This is going to backfire on him."

She just looked at him as they reached the car and he clicked off the alarm.

"How…?"

They slipped inside and belted up.

"Because he's not working alone," Matt said, "He's working with someone else and a trial might be the best arena to discover that person's identity."

C.J. considered that and now that she had relaxed somewhat, she got his point.

"Okay so he gives it up somehow," she said, "then they'll go after him or her?"

Matt started the car.

"If they don't, I'll do it."

She heard the steely determination in his voice and it both reassured and worried her.

"Houston…I don't want anything to happen to you."

They drove towards the garage exit.

"Nothing will except that this person's going to be sorry for it."

The sunlight hit them again as they drove down the busy thoroughfare to the Thai restaurant. Being back in the traffic of L.A. had proven to be jarring to both of them after getting back to the easy going lifestyle of the ranch.

"It's scary not knowing who it is Houston," she said, "He or she could be anywhere."

Matt sighed.

"We'll find out who it is and he won't be able to hurt you anymore."

Words that Matt had said to her often enough when she'd been hurt or stalked by others during her life…she knew that he could deliver on his promises to her. She just didn't want him to get hurt or killed in the process.

They reached the restaurant and parked in the lot. The waiter found them a cozy booth after they walked inside it and settled them down with some iced tea.

C.J. ordered up some spicy curried food and Matt had a combo platter. They'd spent so many hours here some late into the night shooting ideas and theories off of each other's heads, enjoying the tasty food.

Back in the days before…she swallowed hard. Was everything in her life going to be defined by whether it happened before or after the night she'd been raped.

"I don't know if Millicent left feeling good or bad about our chances at trial."

Matt looked over at her.

"What did she say about Dallas having direction from someone else?"

"She was open to it, but she didn't know if we could figure out who," she said, "It'd be like a needle in a haystack. We both know we made enemies since we started investigating."

"Yeah but I get the feeling it's more personal with this guy," Matt said, "and I do believe it's a guy."

C.J. considered that.

"I just don't believe it could be an ex-boyfriend," she said, "I had some stormy relationships and breakups but this had to be someone who was much angrier than I thought."

Matt sighed.

"That could have happened," he said, "When I first told Erin I didn't want to get serious, I had no idea she would handle it the way she did."

C.J. heard some of the shock in his voice that remained from that fatal attraction he'd run across a couple years ago. The woman had gone crazy and had even tried to kidnap C.J. and kill her. Now she spent her days catatonic inside a padded cell.

What if there had been someone that angry at her for breaking it off with him, someone angry enough to do something as horrific as what had happened to her? It chilled her deeply just to consider it, but she looked at Matt then, knowing it to be true.

That someone she had been close to had engineered a plan of revenge, someone still out there somewhere.

Someone they needed to find before he got away with it.


	30. Chapter 30

The food had been delicious and she had enjoyed her walk with Matt through the botanic gardens, his arm snug around her waist but she'd been eager to get back to the ranch.

The city in all its size and bustle gave her pause now. Not enough to scare her away but just so she'd feel like she had to watch every move she took there even while with her best friend. She didn't even think about her house and they had gone straight from the gardens to the office and then flew the helicopter back.

When she looked down and saw the spread, and the shadows cast by the setting sun, she relaxed and after they set down, they headed towards the guest house. The ranch had always held the greatest memories for her. The times they had spent with Bo and Lamar the ranch hands before they'd head back to Texas…after the bomb that had blown up in one of Matt's birthday gifts. She couldn't blame them; life around him could be dangerous at times since he started his investigative firm. For both of them, because she'd attracted her share of danger too but neither one of them could imagine doing anything else.

Even now, she knew that at some point she'd return back to work. Maybe just a little bit at a time until she felt more comfortable. Right now, her adrenalin worked on overdrive and it governed her life. Whenever she saw someone who reminded her of Dallas, or heard a similar voice or…she tried to push it all away from her as they headed into the house.

Here nothing reminded her of him.

She also tried not to think about the fact that now there might be a trial. A time when she might have to testify against him in court to tell a jury what he'd done to her in her own home.

Her own bedroom.

She had shared it with men before, and several like Carl had spent a lot of time there but now all she remembered was what happened after Dallas had dragged her in there.

"I'm going to do some research on the computer," he said, "I was thinking maybe omelets later on. Try out some more of those chilies."

Sounded great to her, she thought as she went to pour herself some iced tea and join him in the living room.

He booted up the computer and got on the internet. She knew that he was going to spend time working to find any clues about who masterminded the plot against her.

"I still think Robert has something to do with it."

She looked over at him as he started typing.

"Houston he's in prison," she said, "If he's there, then who did that web site?"

Matt rubbed his jaw.

"Maybe he had help," he said, "He's in Ironwood prison pretty close to here."

She sighed.

"Are you planning on dropping in to visit?"

The way he looked at her provided an answer.

"Houston, I don't think you should go see him."

Matt typed in a search.

"I think it might provide us some answers," he said, "or at least rule him out as a suspect."

"He's going to try to use this to his own advantage."

Just like everything else in his life, just like when he faked kidnappings to boost his career trajectory and murdered people to tie up any loose ends. Cold and calculated, she couldn't believe she'd ever believed he had loved her. If he had, it had only been as a means to his ends.

She really had been sucked in by his sweet talk and his bedside manner. Because he had been an exciting lover, but even in between the sheets, she suspected that a part of him eluded her. After they had made love in her office while nearly everyone else had been downstairs at an Italian eatery, she had asked him what he really wanted from her now that he had popped up again. But he didn't answer, just gave her one of his trademark winks and started kissing her again. She'd been more than willing to let him do that but hours later after he left for his reporting job, she realized he'd never answered her question.

He'd looked at her so hatefully when she had testified against him at a motion hearing. Oh he'd smiled, appeared genteel to those around him, including the media who had dubbed him the Murder at 11 killer. But she knew that he'd never forgive her for betraying him to the cops. If it weren't for her, he wouldn't be rotting in Ironwood without a television camera in sight for the rest of his life.

Still, would he channel his hatred into researching every corner of her life to find easily accessible accomplices who would share that need to grind an ax against her? Would he have the means including financially to hire people to break out of prison and do such horrible things to her?

And what about the web site…there had been photos of her that were damn personal even intimate but she couldn't quite place them. She didn't really want to do that because maybe a part of her didn't want to know the name of the culprit.

The lover from her past who had hired someone to rape and maybe kill her while he sat in prison with clean hands.

"Houston…do you really think it could be Robert?"

He looked over at her and read the apprehension on her face. He knew that if Robert had engineered what happened, it would cause her even more pain because she had loved him once.

"C.J. he's a suspect with some others," he said, "but he might have means to finance a breakout. While in prison, he had sort of a following…a fan club if you can believe it .Mostly women who believed he was innocent and framed by the justice system and by us."

She just looked at him in amazement.

"Who could be that deluded Houston," she said, "I mean I heard him admit to killing his accomplice and doing the kidnappings. I was playing the blackmailing widow after all."

And she had performed that roll all too well, luring Robert into a trap set up by them and Roy at the motel.

Hook, line and sinker as Roy had called it afterward, but life had moved forward. So much had happened since then. She'd gotten shot and in a car accident, Will had been recovered from the missing and Matt had nearly gotten married.

But had Robert been plotting and waiting this entire time? She flashed back to that night with Dallas, when he'd made those comments after he'd raped her the first time. She'd been too dazed, too broken inside to really hear what he had said but something had slipped through about him standing for someone else.

And maybe that had been Robert.

"I don't know C.J.," he said, "But if that's the case, it'll be used as evidence against him if he used those funds to get to you."

She sighed.

"Who are the other suspects?"

Matt looked back at the computer.

"Oh I eliminated most of them," he said, "but Jonathan Renfield from the sorority killing case, that DEA agent who killed Connie and Christian Dean."

She frowned.

"But he's dead…"

"That's right," Matt said, "because you killed him in self-defense."

She remembered back then when he had chased her around the mountains close to Matt's cabin, after grabbing a knife from a tackle box. She had been cornered by him at the top of the ridge when Matt's arrival via helicopter had distracted him long enough for C.J. to take him out.

Police arriving later had found his crumpled body about 200 feet down the ridge.

"Maybe he's got some kin who aren't too happy about what you did."

That might be possible, she thought. She didn't remember too much about Dean but maybe he had siblings or cousins that knew what had happened to him. She couldn't remember if Lt. Hoyt had ever told them whether or not anyone ever claimed his body.

"I'm going to set up an appointment to see Robert in prison."

"What…no…!"

She felt fear permeate her body. If Robert were responsible and Matt called him on it, he could get himself hurt or killed if her ex boyfriend truly welded that kind of power.

"C.J. I'm going to be careful but I need to find out whether or not he's responsible and if Dallas isn't talking, then maybe he will."

She ran her hand through her hair.

"He'll just try to manipulate you," she said, "like he did with me."

Matt rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"He did that to all of us," he said, "He's pretty slick and very charismatic."

Yes, that's what the court appointed psychologist had told them after he had evaluated Robert who he deemed a narcissistic sociopath. In other words, a very dangerous man.

"Houston…just be careful."

"I will be…but I'm going to get some answers."

She heard the quiet determination in his voice and she knew the feeling. She wanted those answers too even as she feared them.

But that would be another day and on this one they were together and he gestured for her to come and join him on the couch and as she did, she snuggled up close to him and neither said anything for a while.


	31. Chapter 31

"Hoyt, I want to just spend an hour with him…"

"Houston, I don't think that kicking the crap out of him is going to do any good," the lieutenant countered, "and they won't let you that close to him."

"It's just to ask him a few questions," Matt said, "I know he's involved somehow in what happened to C.J."

"Then no, I won't put in a good word for you with the warden," Hoyt said, "I know you want to get him Houston for a whole lot of reasons but if he's involved, you need to let the authorities handle him."

Matt sighed. His conversation on the phone with Hoyt hadn't been going very well. He needed someone to vouch for him with the state prison warden so that he could get an hour visit with the ex-newscaster. There were questions that he believed only Robert could answer about who had put Dallas and Clyde up to going after C.J.

"You get your hands on whoever planned this, you know you'll want to kill him."

"I'm already there Hoyt," Matt said, "but I need answers first."

"Houston…"

"No Hoyt, if he had anything to do with what Dallas did, then I will deal with him."

His friend paused on the other end.

"You know you'll go to prison for the rest of your life," Hoyt said, "and C.J. needs you on the outside to help her survive this."

Matt sighed, feeling his emotions roiled up inside of him. He knew Hoyt was right about that but damn, he felt helpless when it came to not having been able to stop Dallas. Not to mention guilt too.

If he could figure out who had engineered it, and then hunt that person then, C.J. could get her life back. She lived in fear now because she had known that Dallas hadn't acted on his own…oh he had an ax to grind against her but someone else had exploited that.

"Well Dallas isn't talking and I'm not letting whoever's responsible go free."

Hoyt took a patient breath.

"Okay then you've got to do some investigating, build a case against a suspect slowly," he said, "but most importantly, you have to stay out of the authorities' way and stop stepping on toes."

"I've been dealing with folks who don't believe there were deeper motives at work here."

Hoyt paused.

"No one's seen any proof of a conspiracy yet," he said, "unless you're holding something back."

Matt ran his hand through his hair.

"Only a ton of suspicion and every hair on the back of my neck standing up straight."

"The police need more than that and you know it," Hoyt said, "I could talk to the warden, pull in an old favor but you've got to promise to stick to the script."

"I can do that."

"I'd like to believe that Houston," Hoyt said, "but I know what you're like when it comes to C.J."

Matt couldn't deny that but he was also a professional, who knew when to bide his time if it accomplished his goals on a case.

"He and I used to be buddies back some years," he said, "I know how to approach him with my questions."

Hoyt sighed.

"He's very slick," he said, "They had one hell of a time getting him in prison."

Matt knew just how conniving and slippery Robert had shown himself to be but he knew how to handle him.

"You help me set up the meeting and I'll do the rest," he said, "and when I finish, I'll know if he's behind it or not."

His voice had tightened and he had clenched his hand around his phone. He knew how he'd like to handle Robert but he didn't want to jeopardize any case they would build against him.

C.J. needed her day in court for these men to answer for what they had done to her.

Finally Hoyt weakened.

"Okay Houston…I'll see what I can do on my end," he said, "Just don't do anything to make me regret it."

"I won't and thanks Hoyt…"

"Later."

Matt clicked off the phone. C.J. walked in from the kitchen bringing them both sandwiches. His look at her told her everything.

"You're going to visit Robert aren't you?"

She sounded concerned but she sat down on the couch and they started eating lunch.

"Hoyt's going to help me set up an appointment with him soon."

"So you really think that he could be responsible…?"

Matt bit into his sandwich and chewed thoughtfully.

"He's a primary suspect," he said, "and he might be able to answer some of our questions."

She sighed.

"I know that he hates me for what I did to him but I just can't believe he would be involved in something so horrible."

No she couldn't imagine it, even as she had betrayed him to the police after it became clear that he had been involved in murder and kidnapping. But before that, he had been in love with her or so he had told her. Even proposing marriage to her in an offhanded way.

But the last time she had seen him, he had looked at her so angrily. So maybe Matt was indeed right and he could do something so evil. It would take a lot of planning but he'd had nothing but opportunity and time to do that while in prison. He'd need money but maybe some of that fan following he had attracted during his prosecution and incarceration had helped him raise the finances he'd needed to get Dallas and Clyde out of lockup.

"C.J. I'm sorry he's even a suspect because I know you loved him…"

She put her hand up.

"I loved him Houston, but not after what he tried to do to you and what he did to others just to get ahead in life."

"Sometimes it's not easy to turn those feelings off," Matt said, "I'm speaking from experience."

Yes he was, and she knew that too. He had his own lovers betray him including one who had been involved in a rip off scheme but he had done what was needed when that time came. Just as she had been compelled to do when it came to Robert and making sure he paid for his crimes.

"I know, but I couldn't love him after what he did," she said, "and yeah it hurt but I think what it did to make me question my own judgment in people was the hardest part."

"It wasn't easy to read into him," Matt said, "He had me fooled and that includes back in college when he got into trouble then."

Ah yes, she remembered that, those days when Robert's silver tongue and near reckless disregard for others had gotten him into a scrape or two including owing money to a bookie after a series of ill-fated bets during a basketball tourney. But back then, Robert had appeared so charming and filled with humor even when he was behaving irresponsibly. They had always brushed aside their misgivings about him and then gone out to have dinner or drinks together. Patching things up between them as if they'd never happened.

C.J. wondered now if that's how it would have been if she'd stayed with him and had left L.A. To New York City when he took that new anchor job and left Matt behind, their friendship broken…not know if they'd ever make up. Matt would never compromise on his values and he would have given her the space for her to make up her own mind about Robert. Looking back, she knew that he had faith in her to discover the truth no matter how painful and to decide whether to leave or stay with him. And when she had decided to trust Matt's judgment and her own suspicions, Matt had been waiting in his office suite with open arms.

It had felt bittersweet to be in his embrace but it had been the first stage of healing for her. Just like now when he so patiently held her when she badly needed his security and warmth.

"But you got wise to him sooner than me and it nearly cost you your life," she said, "If you go see him, you have to promise me you'll be careful."

"C.J. he's locked up in prison."

She shook her head.

"No, if he's guilty of what you believe, then he's still dangerous behind bars."

He signed knowing that she was right about that but he would be careful and he would remain at least one step ahead of Robert. He would ask the right questions and get the answers he needed. He would find out whether or not Robert had planned the acts of violence against her.

One way or another, he decided.

She looked at him then and read the determination on his face and it both uplifted her and interlaced that feeling with some fear. She hoped it was Robert and that it wasn't, not sure which pressed her more.

"It might not be him C.J. but maybe he knows who's responsible," Matt said, "We have to consider different options."

She nodded.

"It's not like there's a shortage of people who hated the both of us," she said, "Sometimes when I try to list them, it seems overwhelming."

He reached over to stroke her face.

"I know but the list of people we helped make a difference with in their lives is much longer," he said, "Don't ever forget that."

She looked up at him and nodded again.

"I wouldn't have done anything else with my life," she said, "Working in investigations has been so wonderful, scary at times but I don't know, it's like it makes life richer."

He smiled at what she said, even knowing the costs that their work sometimes exacted from them. Because they helped so many people and that meant crossing paths and sometimes swords with the people who wanted to hurt them or worse.

Matt knew that Robert would help bring him answers and maybe the trail would end there with him as the culprit. But it might help lead somewhere else too, or might even be a dead end.

But looking at the woman in front of him who he loved more than any other, he knew he had to take that chance.


	32. Chapter 32

The man who smirked at him from the other side of the thick paned glass had walked into the visiting booth that way. Prison hadn't been all that kind to Robert Tyler but Matt had read about his burgeoning fan club so they must be taking care of that. Even though the man was dressed in orange, wearing shadow on his face and all his limbs were cuffed, he still wore a haughty air as he sat in front of Matt. They both picked up their phones after the guard had uncuffed Robert's wrists.

"What a wonderful surprise Matlock," he said, "I didn't expect to see you here today or at all."

Matt knew he had to keep his temper cool even though just seeing the ex-anchor man made him want to pound him against the nearest wall.

"Hello Robert."

"So what brings you here," Robert said, "You know I've been corresponding with C.J. but for some reason she doesn't return my letters."

Matt gritted his teeth, knowing this was going to be difficult.

"I heard somewhere she's been very busy lately," Robert said, "I think that's very healthy don't you? She needs to move forward with her life."

Matt sighed.

"Let's cut to the chase, okay? She was raped by a guy she once represented back in Texas."

He noticed that Robert didn't look all that surprised.

"Oh that's too bad," he said, "Please give her my condolences."

Matt wanted to slam Robert so hard, his hands itched. He had to keep from balling them into fists. But he knew the man was baiting him, to feel more powerful to counter being locked up. After all, Matt had been the guy who put him behind bars.

Along with C.J. who had been in love with him.

"I'm here to ask you what you know about what happened to her," Matt said, "and who's responsible."

Robert arched a brow.

"I would assume the man who did the deed of course," he said, "so you really need to go hunt him down and make him pay for it."

Matt folded his arms.

"He's already been caught," he said, "and he's sitting in lockup waiting to go back to prison."

Robert smiled.

"Then that's perfect," he said, "Hopefully they'll throw the book at him for what he did to that poor woman."

"He had help Robert," Matt said, "Someone greased the way including with money to spring Dallas out of there along with Clyde, another man she represented back when she first finished law school."

"A conspiracy, that might make some sense," Robert agreed, "After all, if they were locked up as tightly as me, they definitely would need help getting free enough to ambush a woman in her own home and rape her."

Matt's brows rose.

"So you know the details about it?"

Robert didn't miss a beat.

"Only what I've heard…What you don't believe that I would be involved in something so nefarious as arranging my ex-girlfriend to be raped by a thug."

"You tell me Robert," Matt said, "I've been drawing up a list of suspects…"

Robert sighed.

"Really Matlock, you should leave it up to the police to deal with and stop running around and playing detective."

Matt looked directly through the thick glass at him.

"You're on the very short list of suspects."

Robert looked startled and then he chuckled, shaking his head.

"Oh Matlock, you're always good for a laugh even when we were barhopping when we were both at Rice."

"There's a web site Robert, all about C.J. and there's photos on there…intimate photos the kind that a woman might have taken by a boyfriend she's very close to…"

"I imagine she looks quite sexy in them," Robert said, "She's got an exquisite body in every way."

"Did you take those photos?"

That brow went up again and Robert leaned back.

"That's a personal question Matlock," he said, "I don't think I'm going to answer."

"Then the police can ask it."

Robert shook his head.

"Somehow I don't think they've gotten as far in their investigation as you have…they lack a certain drive and certainly don't have all the time that you do to engage in what sounds like a vendetta against me."

Matt clenched his jaw, thinking if it weren't for the thick glass and the guards…Robert wouldn't be playing with him. But he needed information from him that would help him nail the individual who hired Dallas and Clyde. And since Clyde was dead and Dallas refused to talk and now wanted a trial that left the man in front of him.

"Really Matlock, this has been fun but are you sure that she was really raped," Robert said, "Maybe she just picked up the wrong guy in a bar, took him home and got what she needed."

Matt's blood began to move from simmer straight to boil. He clenched his hands into fists that time.

"Robert, you're going down for this if it takes everything I've got to get your sorry ass, I'll get it done…"

Robert sighed dramatically.

"Oh but if you do, you'll be missing half the story," he said, "because really do you think if it were me, I could do it by myself from inside here? In many ways I'm as constrained as those two convicts."

Matt looked at Robert who he knew had said that to mock him, but maybe as was so often the case, the drive that fed him caused him to reveal too much. He knew that the man in front of him was involved.

But he also knew that if that were the case, someone else had to be in the mix and he needed to find that person. So he left Robert for now, to go back and continue rotting in prison while he lived vicariously through pulling strings to get at people on the outside like he had with C.J.

At least until Matt came back for him.

* * *

C.J. entered into the office where Chris looked up at her.

"Can I get you anything?"

C.J. smiled.

"No…I just got back from the police station and I picked up a bite to eat."

Chris left her seat.

"I'm going to try some of Roy's pomegranate juice, would you like a glass?"

C.J. nodded and the two of them walked back to the wet bar and after filling up the glasses, headed back to the chaise couch in the back of the office. She knew that Matt had gone to visit Robert in prison and would return here after he'd finished, hopefully with some more information. It twisted her stomach to think that Robert might have been involved in what happened to her but she knew Matt was right. It was definitely a possibility that they had to check out.

If only to eliminate him from the list of suspects…but she knew something that Matt didn't. She had seen those photos on the site and she believed that Robert had taken them. As it turned out, he liked to be behind the camera nearly as much as in front of it when it came to taking pictures of her when she had been wearing less than what she had on right now. She hadn't been entirely comfortable with it but she'd been so in love with him at the time, she hadn't pushed hard to get him to stop doing it.

She needed to tell Matt but she'd been too embarrassed. And she chastised herself for that because there wasn't enough room for that when he was working so hard and in relentless fashion to track down the man who had plotted it.

Chris looked up at her.

"So if there going to be a trial," she asked.

C.J. sighed.

"Yeah…Dallas is insisting on it now," she said, "I don't know why…maybe it's some kind of delay tactic, maybe he's figuring he's got information to spill about who hired him to reduce his sentence."

Chris shook her head.

"The system's way too lenient on guys like him," she said, "Giving them way too many chances."

C.J. shrugged.

"Well it's set up that way," she said, "It's set up in the presumption of innocence until proven guilty. That's a great concept, there's just times it seems less than that."

Chris frowned while sipping her juice.

"Still not fair…he should rot in prison for what he did," she said, "and in your own home. If you can't feel safe there, then where do you feel safe?"

C.J. hadn't even been back to her house since it happened. She felt the weight of that on her whereas before she had felt she could never go back there. Tears stung her eyes when she thought about it but she deftly blinked them away wanting to keep them to herself. Would she ever be able to go there, to step over the threshold and reclaim her own home? Right now, she didn't see that ever happening and it tore at her. But whenever she thought about it, a feeling rushed through her that threaten to smother her. She kept seeing herself opening her door into the darkness and then…they were there. Dallas slamming her into the wall and then dragging her to the bedroom…she knew if she ever left it, she'd never be the same woman again.

"C.J…"

She blinked her eyes and looked up at Chris offering up a weak smile.

"I'm here…I was just thinking…"

Chris looked at her.

"Do you think you'll ever go back…?"

Then the two of them turned their heads as they heard the sound of the helicopter landing on the roof and Matt climb out of it, heading towards them. C.J. got up and walked towards him. He took her in his arms and kissed her on the cheek.

She looked up at him immediately, her eyes probing.

"So what did you find out?"

He wrapped his arm around her as they walked inside. He left her to pour some Scotch and then they returned to the chaise couch.

"He toyed with me the entire time like I suspected but I think he knows a lot more than he told me."

She felt the nausea hit her with his words. God, she hadn't wanted it to be a man she had fallen in love with and had shared so much of herself. After Chris had headed back to her desk to do some work, she turned to look at him.

"I know it's him Houston," she said, "He took those photos of me…the ones on the site."

She wondered if he'd ask her why she didn't tell him but he just nodded.

"Okay that's a start," he said, "so we know he's involved which I suspect because he knew an awful lot more than he should have and he didn't really deny it."

She just looked at him.

"He admitted it?"

Matt shook his head.

"No, I don't think he's ever taken the direct approach to answering questions but if he's involved, he as much said there's another accomplice who did most of the legwork outside of prison."

"The one who set up the web site," she said, "Robert couldn't have done that locked up."

Matt sipped his Scotch remembering what had been uploaded on it most recently and wanting to protect her from all that, knowing that he couldn't always do that.

No matter how much he wanted it.


	33. Chapter 33

C.J. lay back in her bed after waking up from another nightmare, this one involving Robert. She couldn't remember what he'd said to her but she still felt the imprint of his fingers on her though it hadn't really been him.

She still reeled from the realization that he'd been responsible for hiring those two men to come after her. He had told them what to do with her when they had her trapped, though with Dallas it hadn't been that difficult. His rage towards her had been bubbling inside of him with the years he spent locked up in his cell surrounded by four walls. That's probably why Robert had recruited him for the job, of all the men that she and also Matt had put away during the years they'd been investigating cases. But she knew that Matt had been right in that Robert must have had someone helping him, like with building that horrible online site while he'd been locked up as well.

He could manipulate what happened like a puppeteer but only to a certain extent but if someone else had helped him, who had done so and why? Had he lured them to do it through money or picked another person who nursed a personal grudge? She rolled on her side to try to close her eyes and wait until she felt sleepy enough…but her mind still worked on trying to figure it out. She hated that a man she had loved once had done this to her. After all, she had fallen in love with him nearly on sight after he had surfaced in Los Angeles to take that anchor job. It had been almost frightening but definitely very heady to fall so rapidly, almost as if she had free dived off of a cliff into an uncertain body of water below.

Not taking her usual precautions but just following her heart, or what she thought was the instinct that she'd finally found the guy she'd been waiting for all of her life. That dream had been broken along with her heart by listening to his admission that he had killed to achieve his own dreams. Had capturing her heart been one of them, when he had planned his campaign that ended in murder? No, she thought, he'd started setting up false kidnappings ten years earlier when their divergent lifestyles had left them in a more casual friendship.

"You awake?"

She looked up suddenly to see Matt standing there dressed in sweatpants that slung low on his perfectly tapered hips. He didn't look like he'd done much sleeping at all and then she thought, of course not. He'd been working at his computer again no doubt trying to find anything or anybody who'd tie into Robert and the attack on her by the two convicts.

She leaned on her elbow looking up at him.

"I am now…I can't sleep…"

He went over to sit on the edge of her bed. She smiled at him and moved out of his way to give him a path to come closer.

"Come sit next to me."

He did just that and their shoulders brushed, as she looked at him sideways. He appeared deep in thought still.

"So you having bad dreams?"

She shrugged.

"I suppose I will be for a while yet," she said, "I think I'm starting to know they're just dreams."

He grew quiet and she reached over and took his hand in her own as he squeezed it.

"I'm sorry about Robert," he said, "I know he's a killer but I hoped he wouldn't have it in him to do something like this.'

She felt her eyes sting mostly at the regretful tone in his voice.

"I know…I really am not a good judge of character am I?"

He sighed and she knew he'd object to her assessment.

"I don't think that's the case at all," he said, "It's Robert who should be sorry for pretending to be what he's not in a relationship. You didn't deserve that."

She lifted her chin up.

"He didn't deserve me, I know that now," she said, "but I was hard on myself for a while."

"Only natural…it's easy for us to second guess our decisions when the truth is, most of the time there's no sure way to know what's inside a person's heart especially if they hide their true intentions."

Truer words weren't ever spoken about her relationship with a man now locked up for the rest of his life but apparently trying to hurt her anyway. And he'd succeeded with his plan because the injuries inside her still left her raw and vulnerable, unsure of herself and what life held for her.

Whether she'd ever be able to be intimate with a man again…without feeling such intense fear enough to suffocate her.

Matt squeezed her hand again.

"I know it's been really hard, no I really don't know but I just want you to know that I'm here for you, and so are Uncle Roy and Will and your friends."

She smiled at his words and brought their clasped hands into her lap.

"I know that and I never would have made it Houston without you," she said, "It's just that I don't feel like myself anymore…I feel like I have to be extra careful about everything I do, or say and I don't know how to make that go away."

He sighed.

"I think it'll take time more than anything else," he said, "I know when I had PTSD after the kidnappings."

The two divided by a little more than two decades that had both shaken him to the core like a huge temblor followed by an aftershock just when he'd gotten his bearings again.

"You handled everything so well even when you were scared," she said, "I want to be like that."

He looked at her and saw the earnestness on her beautiful face. Her shirt had slipped off one of her shoulders revealing her tanned arm. She was a lovely woman but not only in looks which would knock any guy off his game. He had loved her most for how she had developed into a woman before his eyes inside of her, including the parts she kept hidden away from most people.

But not from him, even though she struggled so much now. She tried to show him those parts of her. He reached out to caress her cheek and she let him, trusting him in his touch. She knew he'd never hurt her and that he'd die protecting her if he could, just like he would have that night if he'd been there.

If that's what it would have taken to stop what happened to her. She pressed her face into the palm which caressed it like she loved to do. She had always loved him in a very special way just like she knew he loved her.

In ways often indescribable through words….but there was always more tactile forms of expression.

She leaned into him as she felt her body relax and he supported her with his own strength as he wrapped his other arm around her pulling her gently down against him.

"We're both tired," he said, "Let's get some sleep okay?"

But she had already closed her eyes and began drifting off, feeling secure in his embrace.

The next morning, they ate some breakfast in the breakfast nook where the sunlight streamed through the windows. She showered and put on some faded jeans and a shirt to go tend to the garden before she'd pick more chilies for a recipe she planned on cooking for Roy and Will tonight.

Matt looked over at her as she ate quietly, before he thought about going through a list of other suspects that might have agreed to be an accomplice to what Robert had planned. The list that he'd run through the database program before he headed to bed had been lengthy but some particular entries intrigued him.

Might be a good place to pick up, but he wanted to find someone who had good computer programming skills at least in web page design on that list. Both of them had ticked off some crooks who were experts in committing crimes using computers but somehow Matt thought it was more personal than that. It had to be someone who had those skills but carried a deep seated grudge for the woman across from him.

"I'm thinking of picking some more cayenne and Serrano," she said, "For some fajitas."

"Sounds wonderful," he said, "We can head into town later on to get some more chicken or steak before tonight."

She nodded.

"I might do some other shopping too if we've got time."

He smiled over his coffee cup as he drank it.

"We've got plenty of time…"

She tilted her face at him.

"I don't know what Perkins wants with another interview tomorrow," she said, "I always wonder if they even believe me."

He reached over to stroke her hand on the table with his fingers.

"If they don't, I'll have a talk with them about it."

She sighed.

"Houston…."

"They've got the job to investigate and help the DA build a case against Dallas," he said, "and anyone else who put him up to this. That includes Robert."

"I tried to tell him about what we found but they still think it's an isolated offense involving a con who had a grudge against me."

Matt took a bite of some toast.

"That's how it's set up to look like Robert but we know better and we also know he didn't even plan it alone."

She just rubbed her forehead with her hand because she still couldn't fathom that a group of people had plotted together to do something so horrible because they hated her that much.

"I know…it's just too big to comprehend sometimes."

His face softened.

"I know but we're going to figure it all out and those responsible are going to pay for what they did."

The certainty in his voice reinforced her own confidence. She knew Matt would get to the bottom of the plot because he was so determined and when he got that way, he was pretty much unstoppable at finding the truth. She got up to put her dishes away but she moved closer to him first and stroked his face, the lines of it she loved so much and bent down and softly kissed him on the mouth.

For just a brief second before she moved her face away and smiled at him.

"Thanks…"

She took her dishes to wash them in the kitchen and he watched her go, a myriad of emotions swirling through him at once.


	34. Chapter 34

**Two months later….**

C.J. sat in the corridor waiting for her turn to go into the courtroom. She'd be testifying in a hearing to determine whether or not there was enough evidence for a grand jury to file charges against Robert, for conspiracy and other crimes. The prosecutor had called her two days earlier telling her that they had compiled enough information and that Dallas had agreed to testify against Robert if…he didn't face rape charges. C.J. and Matt had discussed that deal at length and she had finally agreed to sponsor it. Dallas would be spending the rest of his life in prison on other violations including those associated with his escape but she might need what he had to say on the stand to hold Robert accountable for what he had hired Dallas and Clyde to do to her.

Millicent had sold the deal to her as the only way to have any chance of nailing Robert because there wasn't any way to tie him onclusively to any other activity including the establishment of the harassing web site.

Matt knew why and that was because there was still a missing piece here, meaning that Robert hadn't worked alone. He had an accomplice, he had as much as taunted Matt with that information. He had meant to do that to Matt to drive him crazy, to exert control over him from prison by keeping one secret. But Matt knew he had the skills to ferret out Robert's accomplice and drag him into the light of day. Robert wouldn't be the only one going down for what had happened. But right now he contented himself with sitting next to C.J. after getting them both some watered down coffee as they sat waiting for her to go inside the grand jury room. It'd be like a regular courtroom only downsized with a judge to guide the proceedings but it'd be Millicent's show, no defendant or defense attorney present. C.J. knew that would make it a little easier to give her account of what had happened to her because there'd be no cross-examination and Robert wouldn't be sitting at a table watching her testify.

She would have to answer questions about her relationship with him, every minute detail, some very intimate and personal information would be requested. At least it would give her some chance to testify to her relationship with Robert in a less adversarial situation than she would face at trial.

Julie walked up to her and sat down in the empty chair on the other side of her from where Matt sat. She'd been assigned as C.J.'s advocate during the judicial proceedings and C.J. valued her presence. Her lawyer experience only served to remind her of how brutal the process could become especially if her case did go to trial. Because she wasn't the only one who'd be testifying about a former lover, so would Robert. If he got on the stand and she knew given his narcissism that was a given, he would tell the judge and jury about their relationship as well. The one that had almost led to them being engaged until the day she realized the truth about him and set out to betray him.

"You ready to go?"

C.J. looked at Julia and nodded, after brushing a strand of hair out of her face. She had dressed conservatively in her grey woolen dress and wearing little to accentuate it except for a simple gold chain around her neck.

"It's going to be mainly Millicent asking you questions about what happened and about your relationship with the potential defendant."

"Yes, Millicent briefedme on it already."

Julie smiled.

"Good…I'll be sitting in the audience. The judge has agreed to allow me to be there but I'm not going to be allowed to say anything while the questioning's taking place."

C.J. nodded.

"That'll help…I'm a bit nervous…"

"That's okay C.J.," Julie said, "Just take a few deep breaths when you get inside there and try to listen to the question first before answering."

"I'll try but it's different being on the witness stand than being the one asking the questions."

Matt looked at Millicent.

"How long do you think it'll take?"

Julie shrugged.

"I imagine a couple of hours at least but you never know with these kind of proceedings," she said, "Could be shorter, might be longer but if it's doing the latter, they'll take breaks."

C.J. thought that might be helpful but mostly she wanted to get it over with once she got started. Julie smiled at her again.

"You're going to do just fine," she said, "You're a strong determined young woman and that's going to help you."

C.J. sighed, not feeling like that right now. She had spent part of her night closing her eyes and seeing their faces, Dallas and then Robert's and she knew Matt was right. There was at least another perpetrator hiding in the shadows that she couldn't identify. Someone who had worked with Robert to exact revenge on her. Who could it be, would Dallas' testimony shed some light on it?

He was testifying right now but they'd brought him in the courtroom through a different entrance so she wouldn't have to see him. It'd been a difficult couple of months but she'd returned to working back at the office and that had helped her. But she had moved back in with Roy at his place, still unable to face her own house. She had a neighbor who was more than happy to oversee it including her gardens but she hadn't been able to even drive pass it. Everytime she missed her home, whenver she thought about heading back to it, she felt the fear rush through her striking her so intensely she almost fainted. All of her senses felt as if they were overloaded as the memories of the night of the rape flooded her.

So she stayed away from there. Roy had been more than happy for her to stay with him. He had taught her how to cook up different types of cuisine and she found that preparing dinners and occasional late weekend brunches helped relax her. They'd invite Matt to join them along with Will who lately had been dating a nice girl from the local university. She of course spent plenty of time with Matt who'd often join her and Roy coooking in the kitchen and then gathering around an old piano after dinner and dessert to sing some songs while Roy tickled the keys.

She closed her eyes thinking about how her life had still been so drastically changed by what had happened to her. She still didn't feel comfortable in crowded places where she might brush people as they passed her. She stiffened when people touched her particularly men unless they were Matt or members of his family. Julie said that wouldn't be a permanent part of her life but that it'd take time for her to lower her guard around others. She'd been working very hard on it in therapy knowing that it'd take a lot of time.

Matt slipped his arm around her and she felt warm inside when he did that, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"You okay?"

She nodded, feeling that she was as ready as she'd ever be to testify.

Matt watched C.J. get up and follow the clerk who would lead her into the grand jury room to testify. It could be a couple of hours like Millicent said, it could be all day but he'd be waiting until she'd finished so they could then go out to one of their favorite restaurants to enjoy some good food and relaxation. He knew how arduous testifying could be and that it'd do her good to get her away from all that for a while. She had sat poised next to him though he knew she was nervous more so than she let on. Not wanting anyone to worry, she still kept part of that to herself. He reached to get his laptop computer so he could get on the courthouse wireless and do some researching. He knew that Robert's accomplice could be found, if he only knew where to look and he figured it didn't necessarily have to be someone Robert knew all that well.

Maybe it was someone almost a stranger to him or who would be if they didn't have a hatred of someone in common, meaning C.J.

"You still waiting?"

Matt looked up and saw Hoyt there looking tired.

"She just went in 15 minutes ago," he said, "I'm using the time waiting to try to find who Robert got to help him on the outside."

Hoyt folded his arms.

"You mean besides those two inmate he sprung loose," he said, "the person who started that web site?"

Matt nodded.

"I've got to get through this list Hoyt, but C.J. had some enemies mostly through the work we did together."

Hoyt sighed.

"That's part and parcel of trying to mess around with bad guys Houston."

Matt knew that and he had made his choice to use his skills to help people in trouble, to help make the world a little better and C.J. had fully committed herself to it as well. But had it exacted a high price?

"I'm going to find him Hoyt," he said, "and he's going to wind up in a cell next to Robert's if he's lucky."

Meaning if Matt didn't find him and kick the crap out of him before handing him off to police.

"Houston…leave it to the police if you find this guy."

Matt considered that but he couldn't promise Hoyt what kind of shape the guy would be in by the time he'd be handcuffed and taken to jail. After all, no one harmed the most important person in his life and got away with it. Hoyt knew that much about him that if anyone decided to harm his best friend, all bets were off.

"So who do you suspect?"

"I'm not sure where to start," Matt said, "I eliminated a few suspects but then I thought what if it's not someone with a grudge against her but someone's relative instead?"

Hoyt's eyes narrowed.

"Like who?"

Matt ran a hand through his hair in thought.

"Maybe someone connected with Jonathan Renfield….because the search came up empty on him…he's too busy running his fanclub from prison. ..or Carter…that crooked DEA agent…he died while on suicide watch remember?"

Hoyt nodded.

"The coroner said it was a suicide."

Matt clearly didn't agree.

"Yeah…right anyway…I've got more suspects to go through on my list. I'm trying to find information on the family of her stalker a couple years back."

"You mean Christian Dean, the one she killed in self defense?"

Matt nodded, because Hoyt had gotten that right. He had found out that Dean had been locked up in asylums most of his life but that he had spent time living in a family estate up in Northern California in between those commitments.

"He's got family I know that," he said, "but I don't know how close he was with them."

Hoyt furrowed his brow.

"Didn't several of them come to the inquest on his death," he said, "I know someone claimed his body."

Matt remembered that too but he'd need to search the records to find out who had done that. Maybe that person might have not been happy about Dean's death at C.J.'s hands. Definitely worth looking into he thought, and looking at his watch, he decided he had some time to do that.

"Know where I can get those records?"

Hoyt nodded.

"Let's go…."


	35. Chapter 35

C.J. had gone in to testify in the grand jury and Matt had watched her walk into the room, her shoulders back and looking forward as if she were ready. He wished she hadn't had to go in there alone to face them but at least the defense side wasn't waiting in there as well.

He left her following Hoyt to go look at the data base on Christian Dean that had been created when he had been stalking C.J. several years ago. They went to the clerk's office and a woman smiled at them.

"Hi Clara…"

"Hi Hoyt, how's the family?"

He smiled back at her.

"Very well thanks…how's Cliff…?"

Clara's smile dimmed a bit.

"He's in PT right now and they don't know when he'll return to duty," she said, "He misses it so much…the guys at his station have been very great though."

Hoyt sighed.

"Clara…we need some records on Christian Dean…he was killed two years ago by a woman he had been stalking."

"Self defense…?"

Matt looked at Hoyt and nodded.

"I was there," he said, "He had her cornered on a bluff with a knife. It was either her or him."

And he didn't need to finish with, thank god it hadn't been her. But Clara just looked at him before turning to her computer and typing.

"What do you need?"

"Everything that has to do with any family…friends…who recovered the body…"

It had been pretty smashed up after falling several hundred feet but apparently there had been enough of Dean to collect and turn over to whoever showed up to claim his body for burial.

Clara looked at her computer, her concentration focused on it until she finally looked up at both Matt and Hoyt.

"I've pulled up a file…I'll go print it up for you Lieutenant."

Hoyt nodded and she got up to go collect it. Matt turned to look at him.

"What if it's got something to do with what happened to Dean?"

Hoyt reached for some rolaids in his shirt pocket to ease his stomach.

"Houston, even if the file provides information…you can't go running off after this person."

Matt's jaw clenched as he took in Hoyt's obligatory warning.

"Hoyt, I can't let him get away with what he's done if someone connected to Dean is responsible."

Hoyt folded his arms.

"Houston…let the police handle it…"

Matt sighed, feeling the impatience build inside of him. Threatening to override that was the need to find someone responsible who was actually accessible or long enough for him to pound at him. But so far…they'd all been in prison or on their way back to it. They both looked up as Clara returned and then without a word handed Hoyt a stack of papers.

"Knock yourself out."

The two men moved over to a table to do some reading.

* * *

C.J. sipped from her glass of water after her mouth had suddenly gone dry. She'd been on the witness stand for an hour answering questions Millicent asked her to lay out the events of that night, the one she'd just wanted to forget.

But she couldn't, not if she wanted to find a way to get Robert indicted on conspiracy. Yes, he was in prison for the rest of his life but Millicent had told her that if he ever had his current convictions overturned on appeal, it might help to keep him behind bars if he had other prison sentences to serve out. C.J. had agreed, not wanting to even think about Robert being loose on the street. After all, he had tried to send her letters from prison asking for her to answer them even after she had helped put him there.

She had ignored all of them.

Only now she had discovered that he had been responsible for what Dallas had done to her after he had helped spring him and Clyde from prison.

Reliving the rape again through her own words made her feel it all over again, not just the terror and the humiliation of it but the physical sensations as well and she had to stop several times. But Millicent made allowances for that, the judge didn't press her and the grand jury of men and women listened intently, some taking notes. She just looked steadily at the prosecutor because she felt she could do that, she had come some distance since the rapes but still…now when she felt herself return to that night…she did feel some detachment but her stomach still clenched and she felt her palms grow sweaty…and she didn't want anyone to know that.

"So let's switch the line of questioning to your prior relationship with Robert Tyler…"

C.J. closed her eyes remembering how she had met him in college when she and Matt had been interviewed for an article in the collegiate newspaper written by Robert as part of his journalism degree program. They had both liked him for his humor and wit though he had a way of getting himself into jams that they had to bail him out more than once. At the time, neither Matt nor she had viewed that as a warning sign.

"So when he returned to L.A. years later…?"

She had fallen for him way too quickly, she knew now. But life had been returning to normal after the whole episode of Matt being brainwashed by some old adversaries and framed for the murder of a woman. He'd been on the run for weeks aided by his uncle and she'd been recovering from a bullet wound to her shoulder while trying to break the code that would lead to his freedom.

Not to mention that she had told him that she'd loved him and he hadn't responded back. She hadn't expected him to given that they were taking cover amid a hail of gunfire and had watched Max's ex-girlfriend get struck by one of those bullets. But they hadn't died themselves as she thought they might, they'd escaped with their lives and they ultimately had put that nightmare behind them and returned back to business as usual in L.A.

Roy had joined them and started working closely with Matt. She had been buried in legal work and then Robert had waltzed into town to accept a job with the news station as a reporter. He had taken to it like he had everything else that put him in the spotlight that she now knew he craved like a drug. That and his own career ambitions had driven him to engage in crimes and fraudulant behavior even before he'd come to L.A.

Her ire had been raised when Matt had launched accusations against the man she thought she had loved but her heart broke when she realized that Matt had been right all along. They had bruised their long-time relationship but what had been done had mended soon enough.

"So what did Robert say to you after he was arrested?"

He had been so angry with her, but not enough to hurt her even when he had been about to kill her because he believed she was someone else. But now…what he had done was far worse. The price to pay for what he believed had been her betrayal had been high. He had been planning this for months, coordinating it from his prison cell out of her sight and she hadn't known.

She felt her eyes sting at her own vulnerability and what she had set into motion through what she had done to get him arrested. Then she remembered what Dallas had said to her when his weight had her pinned on her own bed…as he tore at her clothing and realized she should have known.

* * *

Hoyt and Matt studied the file in front of them, each paging through different portions of what detailed the sorry life and death of Dean. His parents had both died when he'd been a child. He'd been shipped off to live with an elderly aunt who hadn't been of good health. He had been hospitalized twice in high school himself for short periods including once for exhaustion.

Matt looked at Hoyt.

"Was this a commitment?"

Hoyt didn't know because maybe there'd been attempts to hide any part of Dean's history that might have given them some answers.

"Maybe…there were three of them his senior year."

"But he graduated from high school," Matt said, "and then he went to UCLA and then a performing arts school."

Hoyt read further.

"Then it gets more vague…some time spent in a mental institution…a private one ."

Matt nodded.

"C.J. had found that in her own research," he said, "He had just gotten out before he came looking for her."

Back when Matt had flown to Houston to give a deposition on a court case stemming from a fraud ulent scheme against one of his subcontracting companies. As usual he had combined business with pleasure dallying around with one of the stenographers assigned to take his deposition. All while C.J. had her runins with Dean a man she hadn't remembered from high school.

Her boyfriend Carl had been murdered one night on a deserted street simply because he'd been her boyfriend and had been an obstacle to Dean's own plans for the target of his obsession. He remembered the man's singlehanded focus at tracking down his best friend even after they had hidden her away in his mountain cabin with a police officer. It hadn't taken him long to find her anyway.

Matt perused over the sheets of paper again looking further into Dean's life before his death. Then he flipped through some pages that showed photos of Dean with what looked like members of his family.

The aunt he definitely picked out because she looked a lot like him and then he picked up an even older photo of a couple with two children, one of them a young boy of about five and next to him, a younger child, a girl with dark curls.

"Is this his sister?"

Hoyt looked at the photo and then at Matt.

"I didn't know he had a sister," he said, "There was a younger brother who died in his crib one night…SIDS probably."

Matt nodded and then looked at the photo again. He turned it over and saw that the girl's name had been Abigail.

"Anybody know what happened to her?"

Hoyt shrugged.

"She's….."

Hoyt flipped through more documents searching for the one he wanted and Matt knew which one even before he located it.

"She's the one who signed for his body…his aunt passed some years ago before one of his commitments."

Matt read in the document that Dean had been cremeated not long after and that his ashes had been interred up in San Francisco. Maybe that's where Abigail lived now. Matt wanted to find out and learn more about her like what she'd been doing lately. Maybe nothing of significance would be learned by talking to her but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

They heard footsteps and Matt looked around and saw C.J. approaching them. She looked tired but she smiled at them. He got up and went to her.

"You finished?"

She shook her head.

"No…it's lunchtime…I got to come back this afternoon and finish."

Matt stroked her face and hair.

"Why don't we go and pick up something to eat okay?"

She nodded and looked over at Hoyt, eying the paperwork.

"What's all that?"

Matt and Hoyt looked at each other and Matt decided she needed to know what they found out.

"It's Christian Dean's file."

C.J. frowned at them, looking from one to the other.

"What's his file doing here," she said, "why are you reading it?"

Matt paused and she waited for an answer.

"Dean has a younger sister…."

"So he does…what does that have to do…"

And then she stopped speaking as it hit her and she looked at him again.

"You think that she's somehow involved in what happened to me," she said, "that she and Robert…"

She couldn't finish because she didn't want to even think about it. Matt just slipped his arm around her.

"Come on…let's get some lunch and we'll talk about it…"

She walked with him, her mind swirling with questions, her heart filling with dread.


	36. Chapter 36

When Matt meant lunch, he meant them going to this charming Mexican restaurant that had grown famous for its tamales. They both ordered several and settled for eating some chips and salsa while they discussed what Matt had learned about Dean's family.

"I didn't even remember him from high school," C.J. said, "I wouldn't have known anything about his family."

Matt looked at her and noticed that she looked strained from her testimony this morning. He didn't know how he'd take what he had to tell her but she needed to know.

"It turns out that Dean had a younger sister as we told you," he said, "named Abigail. She's living up in the Bay Area according to some records. Dean was interred there after his death."

The one that C.J. had caused but in self-defense, not wanting to be another person to die at his hands as he had killed at least twice and nearly killed their friend Too-Mean.

"I don't remember a sister but like I said, I don't know much about him except what I found about him before he attacked Too-Mean."

He heard the trace of sadness in her voice because like him, she still missed the ex-football player turned protection for hire. He'd given up his own life so Matt could rescue his cousin who he'd believed dead for over 10 years.

"She went to school at a girl's academy in Austin," Matt said, "then to college at MIT before earning her post-graduate at Caltech."

"What does she do now?"

Matt sighed.

"I'm not sure," he said, "Her specialty was computer technology that could be applied to geological surveys."

C.J.'s eyebrows rose.

"So she's a computer expert."

Matt watched her carefully.

"Yes she is…and she apparently was very close to her brother," he said, "visiting him in the sanitariums where he stayed after commitment."

C.J. sipped her drink as the tamales arrived.

"So she must have been upset when she found out he was dead," she said, "and who killed him."

"C.J…."

She shook her head.

"No Houston, I did but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to die."

He studied her face watching the emotions play over it, as she remembered that day on the ridge. Dean had found out from an officer that she'd been hiding at Matt's cabin until Dean's capture and then had somehow gotten there before Matt figured it out and sprinted quickly to the helicopter knowing he didn't have much time. He had been hovering over the ridge, distracting Dean who had been welding a knife at C.J. as she stood at its edge just long enough…and she pushed him over it, his body crumbled as it fell several hundred feet hitting the rocks at the bottom.

"I know…and you didn't," he said, "Thank God."

She bit her lip.

"But did she blame me for it," she said, "Did she hate me enough to help Robert?"

Matt sighed.

"I don't know C.J. but we'll find out and if she did, we'll make sure she gets put away for it."

C.J. bit into her tamale, clearly enjoying it. But Matt knew the news had shaken her though she didn't show him that. She didn't want him to worry about her but he couldn't help it. He wouldn't stop until every party guilty in any way to what had happened to his best friend was put away for good. Either locked up in prison or buried six feet deep, it didn't matter to him. He wanted her to feel safe again.

"We don't have enough to take to the police," Matt said, "but Hoyt's looking into a couple areas for us."

"Unofficially," she asked.

Matt nodded.

"He'll call me back if he finds anything and I have Roy checking out some names in the report back at the office."

She sipped her drink again and smiled at him.

"I know you're not going to stop with this but be careful," she said, "I don't want anything to happen to you."

Matt knew she worried about him too, as he did about her. It seemed to be almost instinctual to both of them because they'd known each other so long.

"I'll be fine," he said, "After you finish testifying today, Roy's invited us for dinner with him and Will tonight."

"I'm staying there and I promise I'd help him with dessert."

A brow of his arched her way.

"And what would that be?"

She smiled softly.

"It's a surprise," she said, "You'll find out after dinner…if it turns out right."

He smiled back at her knowing that she felt self-conscious about her cooking skills sometimes.

"It's nice of Roy to let me stay there."

"He enjoys your company," he said, "and like me, he just wants you to be somewhere you feel safe."

She wrapped her arms around herself, her face troubled.

"I wish that was my house but…I just can't face it," she said, "I'm working on it with the counselor."

"Just take it at your own pace," he said, "There's no rush. The neighbor said it's doing just fine."

C.J. nodded knowing that the plants in her gardens were doing just fine but she missed them so much and the time she spent at home. But the last time she'd been inside her home, it'd been a crime scene.

"I just hope I can get there soon," she said, "I hate them having that much control over me."

"It won't be forever," he said, "You'll regain your life one piece at a time."

* * *

She resumed testifying after Matt dropped her back at the courthouse and she answered the questions that were asked, trying to put them in some place apart from herself so she wouldn't be drawn back to that night. Sometimes she almost succeeded but when she felt the emotions start pushing up through her, Millicent would stop and allow her to collect herself, to sip some water before continuing. She remembered as difficult as it appeared now, it would be much more so if she went to trial because then she'd be cross-examined by an attorney solely to cast doubt in the minds of the jurors on her veracity.

"Okay I think we're finished," Millicent said finally, "the people rest Your Honor."

The judge nodded and then said she could have her final words the following morning but for C.J., her part was done so after saying goodbye to the prosecutor, she left the courtroom and the grand jury. She hoped that the men and women sitting there would decide to issue indictments against Robert and Millicent said she'd notify her as soon as the decision was reached either way.

For now it'd be a waiting game and C.J. didn't want to dwell on that part of it so she focused on heading back to Roy to work on the dessert menu for tonight.

* * *

Matt got there early after changing into his casual attire and started tossing a football with Will out in the yard. Being a star quarterback back in college, Matt tried to cut his cousin a few breaks but Will proved to be pretty fast with his hands, a quick study even though he'd been more of a soccer player while growing up.

"So C.J.'s done then."

Matt nodded.

"The grand jury will then have to decide whether to indict Robert on conspiracy charges."

Will shook his head.

"I can't believe it, I mean I know she had to turn him in but he had to know she had no choice."

"He didn't care Will," Matt said, "He just wanted his revenge and he'll win unless he goes down."

"He's already doing life Houston."

"I know but he needs to be held responsible for this crime just like the others," Matt said, "C.J. deserves that for the hell he put her through."

"She's a strong woman."

Matt knew that but he also knew the future she faced to heal from such a traumatic experience. She'd been injured in more ways than physical, he knew that when he looked at her even when she tried not to show him.

"She is but it's been so hard on her," Matt said, "She shouldn't have had to go through it."

Will sighed holding the football as they both went to sit on the steps.

"You couldn't stop it…no one could," he said, "You can't blame yourself. Hell, you had just lost the woman you almost married."

"I know but if I hadn't left…"

Will shook his head.

"Stop it Houston," he said, "You're not responsible for what that animal did to her…just like you weren't for what happened to me years ago."

Matt just watched him in silence. That wound wasn't nearly as raw as it had been for years but it still smarted because he had felt responsible for Will. But now he had gotten him back and his cousin had been rebuilding a new life for himself albeit having to navigate through some bumpy patches. Not too long ago, he had nearly killed himself but Matt and C.J. and Roy had stopped him from going over the brink and he had worked hard to live with what he'd lost and his PTSD.

C.J. arrived and got out of her car walking towards both of them.

"Hi guys…you beat me here."

Matt looked at Will.

"I owned him a couple scrimmages."

C.J. smiled at Will.

"How'd that go?"

Matt's cousin smiled broadly, jostling Matt with his shoulder.

"I let him down easily," he said, "and let him think he won."

C.J. shook her head at the both of them, one of her hands on a hip.

"I got to go change and then I'll start the dessert but no peeking."

Matt and Will looked at each other as if neither would even consider it but she knew better.

"I bet it's banana cream pie…"

"No strawberry shortcake," Will countered, "She always made the best."

C.J. just chuckled at them as she walked inside, as they both watched. Then Will gazed back at Matt.

"She's looking pretty good to me," he said, "But then she always was easy on the eyes. A real beauty."

Matt narrowed his eyes at Will who just chuckled back.

"Hey I'm a guy and she's sure pretty," he said, "but before you even ask cuz, I'm not thinking that way."

Matt sighed.

"She's been through a lot Will."

His cousin looked at him and sighed.

"That's not why and you know it," he said, "It's because I don't move in on my cousin's girl."

Matt looked at him sharply.

"What are you saying?"

Will just looked at him.

"Oh, that I know that you don't just think of her as being your best friend," he said, "That's the one constant that I remember from way back when that didn't change all the time I was gone."

Matt just looked at Will not knowing where he planned to go with this talk. He and C.J. had always been best friends and they always would be.

"Don't give me the best friends speech either," Will continued, "because I know it's more than that. You love her cuz…but you won't admit it."

"I do love her, always have as my best friend."

Will shook his head.

"No…you're in love with her and you know it. I know it…and you finally figured it out and you don't know what to do because everything's changed."

Matt sighed.

"You don't know what you're talking about," he said, "We're friends and that's what she needs right now not anything else."

Will watched him carefully and Matt knew he'd noticed something that Matt had let slip out.

"You're right about that but some day you're going to be at the same crossroads you've put yourself in before when it's come to her and you're going have to decide…"

Matt flexed his jaw, starting to get up.

"I need to hear this from you," he said, "The last thing she needs right now is a boyfriend."

"No you're right she needs you," Matt said, "and you've always been in love with her whether you know it or not and that's not going to change."

Matt just looked at his cousin wondering where all this was coming from but he didn't need it right now and C.J. definitely didn't either. He just shook his head again as he left his cousin sitting on the porch, but his words followed him into the house.

Because deep inside, Matt knew his cousin did know him that well.


	37. Chapter 37

They washed dishes together after Will had left and Roy had gone into the living room to read his novel. She'd rinse them in the soapy water and then hand them to him to dry with the towel before setting them in the dish rack. A comfortable silence rested between them as their shoulders occasionally brushed.

C.J. looked over at him and thought of their conversation earlier. When they had discussed what they had discovered about Abigail who after learning of her brother's death had been the only one left to claim his body.

About what she might have done as an act of revenge against the woman who killed the brother that she had loved and how she had somehow hooked up with Robert…the man she had betrayed after she found out he'd been an opportunistic killer. But she also felt the weight of her testimony inside the grand jury room weighing on her.

One reason she had been so quiet when they had cleaned up after dinner and dessert, even though she had thoroughly enjoyed the meal with her closest friends. Matt hadn't said anything seemly deep in thought.

Suddenly she wanted to break the silence.

"Great meal…."

"Great dessert too…"

She smiled at his compliment and her shoulders relaxed from the load they'd been carrying since she had entered the grand jury room. She had done her best to detail what happened to her to the jurors and the judge under the prosecutor's careful questioning. To be able to relate what happened to her at the hands of one man to the ruthlessly meticulous planning of another. And now there might be another person involved who also hated her for what she had done.

"Thanks….Will seemed happy about what he's been doing."

Matt nodded.

"Yeah he's finally coming out of himself," he said, "I think he's come a long way since he first came back."

C.J. couldn't argue with that remembering how shaky he'd been when he'd gotten off the plane with Matt and Roy after returning home for the first time in over a decade. Then he'd been nearly over the edge literally when he had gone suicidal not too long after his return.

"I'm so glad for him…and for Roy and for you…."

Matt smiled at her.

"But what about you…I know today was tough."

She nodded.

"Yeah it was….but that part of it's over at least…"

She left unspoken what would come next…meaning the long wait until they found out whether the grand jury would indict Robert and if so, would it be taken all the way to trial where she'd have to tell her story all over again in much more adversarial circumstances.

How her whole sexual history would be used to put her on trial instead…just like she would have done if she'd been the defense attorney….just like she had done in the past.

"C.J…you're not going to be alone in this…you've got your family here."

She reached over to run her hand over his shoulder and down his arm.

"Houston I know…it's just that I've never been through anything like this before and sometimes…I just don't know what to do…I don't even know how to feel sometimes…like I'm just numb."

He paused.

"It's like that when you're in shock…Will's been through that, so have I…it does lessen over time."

She leaned against him slightly perhaps not aware of it.

"I hope so…but you all have helped so much already."

"You would have done it for any of us," he said, "In fact you have when we've needed you."

She smiled at him, her hand moving to his lower back where it rested. He looked at the doorway into the dining room.

"Come on, why don't we move to the den and watch a movie?"

She thought about it and nodded.

"Something funny and sweet…if you don't mind…I know you're more into westerns."

"No…that sounds great…," he said, "I think my uncle has a pretty good selection of those kinds of movies hidden somewhere…let's go take a look."

They did and they crouched on the floor to pick out a movie which they did after a minute or two. He put it in the player while she moved to the couch. He picked up a folded comforter and handed it to her and she draped it over herself, and then invited him to join her.

He did and she covered them both with it as they rested their feet on the coffee table as the movie started. They watched it for a while, her head slowly leaning towards his shoulder until it rested against it. The scent of her lilac shampoo reaching him, making him aware of how lovely she had always been even though he hadn't focused on her beauty. Her body relaxed against his and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"It's nice to be like this Houston…"

"Yes it is isn't it?"

"That's one of the things I love about you….is how you touch people when you're with them in different ways. Whether it's holding hands or wrapping an arm around them like now…"

He sighed.

"Well that's the way I was raised I guess," he said, "but it's easy with you."

"Hmmm….me too…because even after what happened…I'm not afraid of you and I'm am with everyone else."

"Everyone…?"

"Men I mean….I think about what it was like in my relationships with them in the past and I can't remember what it was like…how much I enjoyed it because all I can see or think about is what he did."

Meaning the man who raped her of course….would he forever define how she felt about even the men she wanted to get close to her? Her therapist had warned her that intimacy with the opposite sex would be her most difficult challenge she would face while she healed from her experience. She already knew that to be true…but somehow with Matt, she felt differently.

She felt secure and safe with him because she'd always trusted him and the fact that he'd never hurt her. Not intentionally and not unless he was helping her avoid even more pain than what his actions inadvertently caused.

"I don't know whether I'll ever get it back Houston…"

"Get what back?"

A long pause followed his question and he turned his face to look at hers. Her brows were knit in concentration as if she were thinking about it.

"Who I was before it happened," she said, "I feel like such a different person know, someone I don't know."

"C.J. it's going to take time but I think you'll more than get your life back, you'll build something great out of it because that's what you do when you face the bad things that happen."

She listened to the certainty in his voice, of the one person who knew her better than anyone else. The one constant in her life especially after her parents had died.

"Those men took something from you they had no right to take," he said, "but you're a much stronger woman than maybe you know….when those men kidnapped me and I looked in the mirror and saw a stranger…maybe a killer, you kept me from going down from pretty dark paths."

She reached over and brushed her fingers against the face she knew so well.

"Houston, you could never have done those horrible things you were framed with doing," she said, "and nothing and no one was going to convince me otherwise."

He sighed.

"I doubted myself anyway, but I know what it's like to question what you think you know about yourself and what you'll do…I'm just damn lucky I had people like you in my corner."

She smiled.

"Not just me…You've got a lot of people who care about you Houston," she said, "Uncle Roy…Will and your friends."

"So do you…my family's yours…"

Her heart swelled at his words.

"Thanks so much for that….you…they've been great…I don't know how I would have made it through these past weeks if it hadn't been for all of you."

"I'm always going to be there for you C.J. no matter what," he said, "That's a promise."

With that she leaned against him again and his arm tightened around her as they watched the movie together, shutting everything else out for a while.

* * *

The next day, Matt set out for the office after he overslept past the time his alarm had gone off. He had stayed at his uncle's until past midnight wanting to make sure that C.J. had fallen asleep in her bed before he left. Even then it had been hard to leave her there and go on home to sleep in his own bed but he knew that there were sentiments inside that he had to keep to himself when it came to her.

They both needed to be focused on her healing from her ordeal and in making sure that those who had engineered it wouldn't ever see outside a prison cell. Matt remained determined that both Robert and this Abigail character would go down for what they had done. He knew he had Robert and his gut told him that Dean's sister had played an instrumental role in what had been planned from inside one of the securest of prisons.

He nodded at Chris who was on the phone with a client and Roy had gone out to interview another client so he sat down in front of his computer after getting some coffee to do some more research on Abigail. He found that one of her Cal Tech classmates still worked in L.A. at Caltech so he phoned up the institution and asked if he could talk with her. She had a research fellowship that allowed her mainly to do some periodic teaching but left her free to research in the field the rest of her time. The head of her department said that she'd be in her office for some meetings the following morning so Matt said he'd call her to make an appointment at that time.

But what he didn't want to do was to give her any advance warning because he felt pretty sure if she were guilty of what he suspected, she might try to flee or otherwise avoid contact with him.

Chris walked in as he hung up the phone to hand him more paperwork.

"Mac Dexter is going to cancel the meeting with the shipping yard in Singapore," she said, "and the office in London's going to send a rep to address Parliament on the grain crop projections."

Matt nodded, flipping through some of the paperwork. It all looked like routine business that could be handled quickly enough leaving him the rest of the day to do more investigating.

"What about Murray, is he going to close escrow on that new building in Rotterdam?"

She nodded.

"At the end of the week….that's pretty much it except C.J. did call and say she's going to be in later after she meets with the prosecutor again."

"Any news from the grand jury," he asked.

Chris shook her head.

"C.J. did say that it might take hours or maybe days for them to reach a decision."

Matt figured as much, wishing the process could move along much faster because he knew that it weighed on her, adding to the rest of what stressed her.

Roy walked in behind them and Matt arched his brows.

"That was quick…did it go well?"

Roy nodded.

"The meeting did but I ran into another ex-client who might know something about Dallas, he had a run in with him not long after he came to L.A. He was pretty drunk at the time."

"Meaning he might have spilled out some valuable information?"

"Bingo…he dropped some names of his contacts," Roy said, "didn't mean anything to my client, a guy by the name of Dick Hendrix but maybe if you talk to him."

Matt felt eagerness rush through him, hoping that Roy's source could provide them with some valuable leads…because while he guessed that Robert and Abigail were involved, he still needed much more to tie them to Dallas and his deceased partner Clyde.

"Then let's set it up as soon as possible."

Roy smiled.

"I can do better than that," he said, "Dick's on his way to the Zen Garden…we can meet him there in an hour."

Matt got up out of his chair as Chris looked at the both of them.

"Then let's get going shall we," he said, "and find out what he's got to say."

The two of them left the penthouse suite to go off to their meeting hoping that it would get them closer to finding out the truth.


	38. Chapter 38

Dick Hendrix looked at Matt as they sat in the Zen Tea Garden over a menu of sushi which Matt picked at and some green tea. Roy decided that he would just sit there and listen…have Matt do all the talking.

"Yeah I ran into him…he was at the bar section of the eatery that I stopped in for some refueling after a marathon meeting with a client."

Matt sipped his tea delicately.

"So Dallas and Clyde were there?"

Dick frowned.

"I only saw one guy," he said, "He did drop his name as being Dallas…shot a mean game of pool but I'm not into that. Talked a lot of trash when he got sauced up…"

That didn't surprise Matt. He already knew that the man ran his mouth off with each ounce of booze that had passed his lips.

"What did he talk about?"

Dick looked directly at him.

"You know I don't usually go to establishments like that…"

Matt sighed.

"No one's going to know you were there unless it's absolutely necessary for your testimony…"

The man put up two hands to ward him off.

"Now hold on a minute…I never said anything about going to the cops with this…"

Matt tilted his face at him.

"This man broke into a woman's house and raped her," he said, "terrorized her until she shot and killed the other guy."

Dick's eyes widened.

"Damn….really. In her own house…that's terrible…but then this city's not what it used to be."

Matt just stared at him.

"She was a friend of yours…a girlfriend?"

Matt leaned forward.

"What can you tell me about what Dallas said in the bar?"

The man looked around the room as if worried that someone would know he was in a sushi establishment and Matt wondered what his problem was…but then decided he really didn't want to know. He just wanted information that would link Dallas to Robert and to Abigail so that they would pay for what they did to C.J. Matt thought he would never open his mouth and say anything and then the man took a deep breath.

"Yeah he did mention some dude named Robert…sounded like that guy wasn't around…like he was locked up somewhere yet somehow still calling the shots."

"So what did he say about Robert?"

"Only that he was paying him a shitload of cash to do a job for him," Dick said, "He didn't say exactly what it was…oh except he had to pay an old friend a call."

Matt digested that wanting to squeeze the life out of Dallas…if he'd only been there…if he'd only known but he hadn't even been in town. No, he'd been running away after not dying in the plane crash with Elizabeth.

"He had plans on how he was going to spend the money…once he collected the rest of it after doing his job."

"Yeah so…what else did he say?"

Dick stroked his jaw with a finger in deep thought.

"Oh…yeah he was talking about Abigail only he called her a bitch a few times," he said, "Didn't seem to like her very much…especially the more he drank."

"What else did he say?"

Dick appeared to think about it.

"He was pretty drunk later on and he mentioned having to meet up with her," he said, "It was supposed to be later that evening but he was too sauced at that point to do anything…he left not long after that."

"Know where he went?"

Dick raised his brow as he sipped his tea.

"Do I look like the man's keeper? He was one angry, mean dude."

Matt didn't doubt that but the tie between him and Abigail seemed particularly tenuous so far and he wanted to nail the conspirators, the ones who dangled money in front of Dallas and pulled his strings. But so far…

"He did say that this Abby chick had promised him more money than she delivered…and he was going to collect."

Matt nodded.

"But she didn't want to pay him too much for doing something he'd told her he'd do for free," Dick said, "to get back at the bitch who put him away."

Matt's hands clenched and if Dallas hadn't been safely locked up in a jail cell awaiting his fate…but he had to check his emotions out of this to get all of them. But that hadn't ever been an easy thing for him to do when people went after his friends or family especially….he reached for his tea, he hated the stuff but it helped him take the focus off of how much he wanted to knock some heads together.

Roy just sat there and shot him a look telling him he understood.

* * *

C.J. checked into the office at work and saw Chris sitting there with her stack of paperwork in front of her and she knew that Murray had already arrived.

"Where is he?"

Chris grimaced and started sorting through her files.

"He's already gone to that meeting across town."

C.J. went to pour herself some coffee.

"Damn I promised to have those contracts signed."

Chris shrugged.

"Don't worry about it, he never even mentioned them," she said, "He's focused on the upcoming acquisition of the electronics firm."

C.J. remembered having reviewed that deal that Murray had dropped on her and Matt several months ago…before…she sucked in her breath and pushed a smile on her face.

"Oh yeah, we met on that before Elizabeth came back to town."

Chris shook her head.

"Yeah…seems like yesterday sometimes but at others…"

"It seems like forever ago," C.J. finished for her, "yeah I feel the same way."

Chris grew silent a long moment and C.J. knew she felt uncomfortable but then her friend cleared her throat.

"Yeah well since the guys are gone," she said, "We can get some lunch at the Red Onion."

C.J. smiled and nodded.

"Okay…but where's Houston?"

Chris paused.

"Oh he's at some meeting but he didn't say what it was about."

C.J. knew what it was about and she sighed. She knew what he was doing to help her build her case but she wanted him to be careful…and to stay out of jail.

"I guess he'll be back later then…did anyone call?"

Chris sifted through her message pad.

"Just a couple clients whose cases are being closed out," she said, "and someone from the DA's office saying the grand jury's still deliberating."

C.J.'s body tightened and she knew that the longer they deliberated…well all she could do was hope that they returned with indictments. She didn't know what would happen if they decided not to charge Robert with conspiracy. But did they have enough to get him…she didn't know that and they weren't close on Abigail if she were really involved. It seemed like she resented C.J. for killing her brother even in self defense enough to do something about it?

But she didn't want to think about that right now. She didn't want to think about the grand jury deliberating downtown that held her future in their hands. She needed them to make the right decision so she could move closer to putting this all behind her. She looked up at Chris.

"Come on, let's get some lunch and leave this for a while."

Chris nodded and reached for her purse.

* * *

Matt and Roy walked back to his Porsche.

"That worked out pretty well."

Matt looked over at his uncle.

"It's a start but it mostly nails Robert and that's been left up to the grand jury."

Roy sighed.

"They could be deliberating for hours or days," he said, "I'd hoped we'd hear something soon."

Matt ran a hand through his hair.

"I just wanted this to be over for her, but it's getting more and more complicated."

They reached the convertible and slipped inside of it.

"Matlock…you have to be patient and let the system work…"

He turned to look at his uncle.

"That system wanted to stop when it arrested Dallas."

Roy nodded.

"We're going to get the other two Matlock," he said, "This isn't over…"

Matt focused his attention on his driving as they headed back to the office.

"No it's not…"

He knew that C.J. had decided to come to the office and do some paperwork and that she needed some space to do that from everyone. To prove to herself that she could handle returning to work but they'd made dinner plans for that evening at their favorite barbecue spot.

"And if Robert gets indicted by the grand jury and they go through with prosecuting him, he's going to give everyone up like the coward he is…"

Matt knew that would be likely. Robert's bravado was just that bravado and not backed up with any action. After all, when they had exposed him as a murderer at the seedy motel, he'd taken off like a scared rabbit until Matt pushed him in the water at the nearby marina. But then again, he was already in prison, what more could they do to him?

"I hope so Uncle Roy…I don't want him to get away with it even if he's already in prison."

"Well we'll know more when the grand jury releases its decision."

Matt drove back in silence thinking about that, not wanting to imagine it any other way than in indictments against Robert and then if that happened….Abigail would be the last domino to fall.

* * *

C.J. sat with Chris eating at the Red Onion talking about whether or not Chris should dress up for her concert date that night when her phone buzzed. She looked at the Caller ID and saw that it was the DA's office.

Damn, that must mean…she looked at Chris who'd stopped eating and then clicked on her phone.

"Hello this is C.J."

The prosecutor was on the other end of the line and C.J. knew what the words would be before they were spoken.

"The grand jury has reached a verdict…."


	39. Chapter 39

C.J. and Chris left the restaurant to head back to the courthouse to await the grand jury's decision. The one that would tell them whether or not Robert would be facing conspiracy charges for the attack against her.

It might not mean much in terms of punishing more than he had been already through his prior criminal convictions. He had been given a life sentence after all, but she didn't care, she just wanted him to be held responsible for what he'd done to her. Besides, if the grand jury issued indictments against Robert, then maybe the prosecutors could use that to pressure him into giving up any accomplices.

They still had no proof after all that Dean's sister, Abigail had been behind the plot against her. Matt had found out a lot of circumstantial and here say evidence but that wouldn't be enough for charges to be lobbied against her.

"So you think they're going to indict him?"

C.J. looked over at Chris as they hit the downtown traffic on the way to the courthouse.

"God I hope so but I just don't know…the conspiracy's a bit of a stretch if they don't believe the evidence."

Chris flipped a strand of hair back.

"Look…they must know he's involved," she said, "Even though he was in prison."

C.J. stopped at a red light as people milled around them at the crosswalks. Downtown always gridlocked on the sidewalks and streets in the afternoon. But the prosecutor had given them plenty of time to arrive for the decision. Still, her body had tensed as soon as she heard the words she'd been waiting to her. She'd been so on edge the past few days and hadn't realized it. Pretty soon, she might be able to let go…to relax just a little or at least she hoped.

She didn't want to hear that the jury decided not to indict and be back at square one with Robert. Even though Dallas had been the one that had physically raped her, he'd only done what someone with even greater hatred had paid him to do. He'd been sprung from prison along with Clyde to carry out someone else's plan for revenge.

The day that she had turned Robert in by posing as a blackmailing widow of a man who kept his secrets, he had been planning on how to get back at her. During that time, she'd gone through one of the most turbulent years in her life with getting shot by the religious cultists, suffering amnesia in Arizona and then…Julia dying while Matt and she investigated corruption and graft inside a small town.

"I know he did it…I do but will the grand jury see that?"

Chris glanced over at her.

"I'm sure they will," she said, "All we can do is hope for the best…"

And prepare for the worst, those words were left unspoken between them but C.J. knew she had to brace herself to accept that Robert might get away with what he'd done. Even locked away in prison for the rest of his life, he would be smug that he had hurt her and had gotten off for that scot free.

They arrived soon after that and after finding a parking spot, they walked into the grand hallways of the courthouse to where prosecutors would meet with them and they'd walk in to hear the verdict together.

"Is Matt coming?"

C.J. had called and left a message on his voice mail, figuring he'd been in a meeting with a client and would head on down to the courthouse as soon as he heard about it.

"I know he will be…as soon as he gets the message."

Millicent walked up to them and C.J. tried to read her expression to see if it would be good news or not but then she realized that the prosecutors would find out when she did what the jury had decided.

"Is it time to go inside?"

Millicent smiled then.

"In a few moments…and once we are inside and the judge gets seated, he'll announce the decision."

* * *

Matt received the message from his voice mail after he reached the office and then headed on out to the courthouse. The traffic would be heavy, leaving him to wish he'd taken his helicopter instead but he'd get there.

He had called Roy and told him what had happened and his uncle said that he and Will would cook up some dinner for them when they returned afterward.

"I'm sure it's going to work out Matlock either way…"

Matt clicked off his phone hoping that to be the truth but knowing it'd be much better news if the grand jury would indict Robert. If they didn't…he knew she'd be devastated. But he also knew he'd be there for her no matter what.

As soon as he parked his car, he went inside the crowded building with lawyers and their clients coming and going amid groups of people wearing juror badges being escorted to courtrooms by deputies. Robert deserved to go down for what he did to C.J. and a jury of strangers held his fate in their hands. He looked up and saw C.J. standing there with Chris and the prosecutor. She saw him then and smiled at him, though her eyes…he saw the tension there and the fear. So when he grew close enough, he reached one of his hands to cup her face for a moment before drawing her in an embrace. She held onto him tightly and he sensed every emotion rushing through her body just then.

She finally pulled away and looked up at him.

"Houston…you're here."

"Where else would I be?"

She smiled at him, and this time she reached out with a hand to touch his face.

"I'm just glad to see you," she said, "but I'm nervous about going inside there."

He saw her try to be brave for him and for herself. Millicent watched the two of them and smiled reassured.

"Just a moment and we'll go inside."

Matt wrapped an arm around C.J.'s waist.

"You going to be okay?"

She paused and then she nodded.

"I can do this Houston…I just have to hope…hope that whatever happens I can deal with it."

He tightened his hold on her for a moment.

"You won't be alone, I'll be right there with you and Will and Uncle Roy are back at the house waiting for us."

She nodded and rested against him as they walked towards the courtroom and even though she still hadn't received the verdict yet she felt much better with him there.

* * *

C.J. closed her eyes as the judge read the verdict in a matter of fact voice as if there weren't great stakes attached. Then she felt her entire body relaxed, she hadn't been aware of how tensed it had become in the past few moment after the judge received the envelope from his clerk.

The jury had indicted Robert on two out of the three conspiracy charges. They had declined to indict him on rape and kidnapping but at least he'd be facing felony charges for what he'd done. After the judge finished reading she felt her eyes sting and then moisture and she leaned her head against Matt's shoulder.

He looked over at her.

"They did it…they got him."

She smiled at him.

"No you did Houston," she said, "You made the connection and got the right people to listen."

They got up to leave and Millicent nodded and smiled at C.J. when their eyes met. Then C.J. looked at Matt.

"I want to go to your uncle's and just forget about this for a while."

"Then let's go," he said, "I think they're cooking Tex Mex tonight."

She nodded approvingly.

"That sounds great…"

They headed out to the parking lot and got in their separate cars to drive to Roy's house. C.J. let the verdict fully sink inside of her as she drove down the main street. Now Robert would head straight to trial unless he plea bargained his case. Millicent had told her before the verdict that he'd get more time but since he already had a life sentence attached, its meaning would be mostly symbolic.

That would have to be enough. Clyde was dead; Dallas had been caught and would be incarcerated in a different facility. Now all that remained was Abigail and Matt had already gotten that process rolling. She sighed as she turned off on another street. None of this would undo the horrible crime that had happened to her, the one that still defined almost everything in her life.

She didn't know if getting justice would change that and make the parts that still haunted her life go away. The numbness that had become a part of her for so long had started receding and she felt assaulted sometimes by pain, the kind that a nerve might experience if it were regenerating only it was inside her heart.

The nightmares too…her therapist had told her they would fade overtime especially when she mastered the fears that fueled them. Matt had seen part or most of it and he hadn't run away.

She stopped at a small bakery to pick up some dessert before heading off to Roy's and as the sun began to set, she felt herself begin to truly relax for the first time that day.

* * *

Matt saw her walk inside Roy's house and she took her bag into the kitchen. Roy smiled at her and helped her open it.

"Is this what I think it is?"

C.J. nodded with a smile.

"Crème Brule…from one of the best places in L.A…"

Roy looked for a place to keep it until after they'd finished the main courses. Will had made some more of his grilled vegetables which were on the stove.

"It smells delicious," C.J. said, "I'll go set the table outside on the patio."

She went to get the utensils and napkins and Matt helped her by carrying out pitchers of iced sweet tea. The sunlight had faded; transforming the sky to dusk, yet warmth still permeated the still air. She felt his nearness and felt comforted by it as they set the table. Somehow he never scared her.

"This is so nice…the perfect way to end this day."

Matt's shoulder brushed hers.

"Yeah isn't it…I was on edge until the verdict…but I knew the jury would do the right thing."

C.J. smiled.

"I didn't know but I hoped so much," she said, "I wanted Robert to pay for it even though I know he really can't…"

"They can use him to get Abigail."

She knew that too but her feelings about Dean's sister were more mixed. After all, she had never really known the sister of the man she'd killed. Why had some stranger gotten enraged enough by her brother's death to engage in such a horrible and twisted plot of revenge?

"I guess…"

Matt turned to look at her.

"You okay with what happened?"

She nodded.

"I am…it's just that it's a part of it Houston…and the rest of it is inside me."

He stroked her back reassuredly with one hand as she paused to let it sink inside her what happened and what might come back.

"There might be a trial…and that means testifying all over again."

"He might just plead out C.J. and then you won't have to do anything."

She knew that might be the case but knowing Robert…he always needed to be in control and a plea bargain…it just didn't sound like that kind of situation.

"I have to survive this and sometimes I think I can and then other times…it's hard I guess and I'm living with that."

He stroked her hair back behind her shoulders as they stood next to the table.

"You're doing the best you can and that's all you can do," he said, "but you're going to get through this and realize all the good in life."

She smiled at him as he led her back into the house where the rest of their family finished preparing dinner. She knew she was lucky to have them with her now.

And then the phone rang.


	40. Chapter 40

C.J. put down the phone and turned to Matt.

"That was the prosecutor," she said, "The indictment on Robert is being suspended pending an interview with him in jail by the investigator."

Matt frowned.

"What does that mean exactly," he said, "Unless they want to use him to go after Abigail."

C.J. ran a hand through her hair feeling suddenly very frustrated.

"Houston I want him to pay for what he did to me," she said, "You know in a way I feel like he's the one that raped me."

The pain etched in her voice made her wish she could hide it from Matt and the others because she wanted to sit down with them and enjoy a meal to celebrate the grand jury's decision. Only now it had changed unless Robert refused to give evidence against his accomplice.

"Besides, I don't think there's enough of a case against her," she said, "If it hadn't been for you, they'd never even looked at her."

"Yeah…I was surprised that Dean had a sister who'd seek revenge for his death," he said, "Didn't she know from growing up with him that a woman might have to defend herself from him?"

C.J. pursed her lips.

"She loved him Houston. He was her brother and maybe they were tight," she said, "I did find out that she visited him during his commitments."

That had been a huge portion of his life spent in mental hospitals for anxiety and depression though she suspected his problems lay far deeper. Dean had truly deluded himself into believing he owned her and that he could just possess her and kill anyone who tried to interfere with that. Carl…all he'd done was fall in love with her like she had with him and he'd paid for that with his life.

But Dean had paid for his obsession with his and now his sister had enacted her revenge.

"She really did get back at me for killing him," C.J. said, "I can't think of what else she could have done that could have hurt so bad…why…all I did was stop him from killing me. How could that be wrong?"

He reached over with a hand and stroked her face soothingly and she felt herself relax. Her throat had tightened and she had tried not to cry. But the thought of some stranger hating her so much to do something so vile and evil…it made her scared and sad at the same time.

Angry too but she'd learned long ago that didn't get her that far.

Matt looked directly at her so she couldn't move her eyes away from him. Not like she wanted, to just hide a part of herself while standing in front of him.

"C.J. it's going to be okay," he said, "They're going to get Abigail and make her pay for what she did and they'll get the others."

She sighed in response. It'd gotten so convoluted with Dallas getting some credit for turning against Robert who was being enticed to rat out Abigail. Roy came out to tell them dinner was ready until he saw their faces.

"What happened?"

And she told him which made his face line with seriousness and his eyes looked at her with great compassion. She'd been like a daughter to him after all and inviting her to stay with him to feel safe hadn't taken much time to do.

"My nephew and I will do whatever it takes to make sure none of them get off," Roy said, "even if the DA cuts deals to turn Peter against Paul, these thugs will be doing serious time."

C.J. just looked at her hands, her body so tense that if someone touched it, she'd jump. She'd gotten so much like that lately since…she sighed not wanting to go back to the last night she'd lived without fear. Staying at home in her own house and sleeping in her own bed. She hadn't even seen her home since the night of the rape. She didn't know yet if she'd ever return. But Viola had been putting her through some form of desensitization therapy that she hoped might change that. But damn, it was hard work and left her feeling shaken and vulnerable after her sessions.

Matt had known that and had picked her up those times taking her to his house where she'd sit on the couch while he'd cook her up some dinner or they'd eat takeout in front of the TV. They'd watch movies together while they ate but only comedies. Sometimes she'd snuggle in his arms and use his chest as a pillow, until she fell asleep in his embrace.

He'd been so damn patient with her as she tried to work through what had been wrecked by what had happened. Sometimes she didn't know if she'd ever come back to where she felt like herself. The way she'd been before…she swallowed harshly at how everything was defined as before and after…the rapes. Damn her whole life couldn't be defined by the vicious actions against her.

"I just want to eat dinner and act normal okay?"

Matt looked at her and nodded. He knew that right now she needed some space and he gave that to her.

"Let's go and see if that crème Brule's as good as they say."

* * *

They walked into the patio area where Will had put the food dishes out so they could serve themselves. He had invited a friend of his named Olivia who was a school teacher. He's been taking classes at a local university and had met her there. Matt thought they seemed to be getting along very well. After the tremendous turmoil that had shaken his own life for years, Will deserved to be happy and his father and Matt had hoped he'd find a nice woman to share his life with.

C.J. seemed to get along with her quite well too.

"So how do you like teaching?"

Olivia smiled.

"I like my job now teaching junior high," she said, "English Lit and composition. So many kids come into class unable to write very well and some are afraid to try but they come out in much better shape."

Will beamed.

"That's because she's the best teacher in the district."

Olivia blushed in response.

"Will…I enjoy my job tremendously and I do my best but I'm pretty average."

"Hardly…had she had four students make it the finals in the science fair in Sacramento."

C.J.'s eyes widened.

"That's very impressive," she said, "so you teach chemistry and physics."

"Not much…only when the regular guy's out sick," she said, "but I do enjoy the sciences…that's why I'm going back to school…to get the proper credentials."

C.J. nodded.

"That's great…sometimes I think about teaching law of some form at a school around here…but maybe if I ever get married and have kids."

Olivia smiled warmly.

"Yes…teaching's good for when you are starting a family or have already done that."

C.J.'s smile wavered. She wanted that dream for herself but with everything that happened, did it seem possible? After all, she couldn't even stand a man to touch her unless she knew him very well and when it came to romance and sex with a man, she couldn't even imagine it. Every time she tried it's like accessing a part of herself that had died. Leaving her feeling numbness permeate her body.

"Yeah…I imagine so…"

Olivia leaned closer.

"You thinking of having it all," she said, "You know the whole career and family balancing act."

C.J. paused, uncertainty filling her and damn that hurt. She'd always wanted to find a way to do the work she loved and use her degree to help people and have time to spend building her own family. She hadn't grown up with one after all, if it hadn't been for Matt and his own family, she wouldn't have understood what it meant to have one.

But with the rapes…anytime she thought of a man touching her, she flinched and just went cold. She felt disassociation strike her as if she were watching her own body from outside of it, and her arms and legs would tingle almost as if they were asleep.

Viola had explained to her about panic attacks and C.J. knew the signs of one enough to know she'd already experienced them. The intense fear, the paralysis, the sense of foreboding growing quickly into outright panic…not being able to catch her breath or stop her heart from pounding.

They always passed within 20 minutes or so but left her feeling exhausted for a couple of days and she couldn't afford those adrenalin crashes, not when she had to do work or focus on her case.

* * *

She lay with Matt on the couch at Roy's house after Will had left with Olivia and Roy had headed to bed. Matt had his arms wrapped around her and she'd snuggled against him wanting him to hold her so tightly she'd feel encased in his warmth.

"Houston…I really wanted it."

"You wanted what?"

"A family of my own…but now it just seems so far away."

He pulled her closer and he did tighten his hold protectively. He turned her face gently to look at his own.

"C.J. you will have a family…you deserve one and whatever I…Uncle Roy and Will can do to help you get where you can see that, we'll do…we love you."

She smiled at his words, hearing his voice taut with emotion but she still feared the future.

"I hope you're right."

"I know I'm right," he said, "You'll fall in love with someone that you'll want to be with and it's going to feel like it's the right place to be…you'll get married and you'll have a household of kids."

She arched her brows at him.

"I don't know about a household, I was thinking maybe two or three."

He gazed at her smiling.

"Sounds perfect," he said, "They can play sports like football and baseball."

"Soccer and ride horses," she said, "and climb trees and mountains."

He sighed.

"Yeah, they'll do all kinds of things," he said, "Because they'll be smart just like their mama."

She heard the wistfulness in his own voice, reminded again that he hadn't known his own mother most of his life. She touched his face with her fingers looking at him.

"Yeah they will…and Houston, you'll have the family you want too. Meet some great lady who you'll love and want to share your life with, family and everything."

He nodded.

"Sounds great…I guess we both have a lot in common wanting the same thing."

She narrowed her eyes in response.

"Houston, most people feel this way at some point in their lives."

"I know but I just want you to know you're going to get what you want C.J.," he said, "You deserve the best that life has to give."

She felt her eyes sting.

"I don't know…I feel so helpless about it sometimes. Like what I want is gone forever even though I know that's just fear talking."

He drew her close to him then and she tucked her face against his chest as he marveled that they were so much alike in important ways. They wanted the same things and maybe…

No he couldn't tell her that, not while she recovered from what had been done to her. No it would just have to wait.


	41. Chapter 41

Olivia and C.J. went out for coffee at a new place hidden away in Santa Monica just a few minutes from the road that would take them to PCH. Will had been working on a clinical he had been attending on traumatic psychology so Olivia had gone to hook up with C.J. after her own time studying for midterms in the library. It had been a beautiful day with the sunlight interrupted by a few stray clouds.

C.J. had received a phone call from the prosecutor that they would be heading forward with the case against Robert and would review any information she had provided on Abigail as an accomplice. It was still not enough to serve any search warrants against her but it was a start.

"I didn't get any assignments to sub today," Olivia said, "but I did get some good studying time in before my midterms."

"Ah, I remember those days," C.J. said, "Julia and I spent entire weekends studying, never thinking it was enough."

"Julia?"

"One of my closest friends while growing up," C.J. said, "She got cancer during first year law school and dropped out. She made it into remission a few times but last year…it came back much worse and she didn't live long after that."

Olivia shook her head.

"God, that's tough. I remember when my sister got breast cancer…she had some pretty tough years but she's been a survivor for seven years now."

C.J. smiled at one woman's victory against a horrible disease.

"That's wonderful," she said, "Julia had a lot of good years. She started a research foundation to fight the same disease and met a great man and got married…"

"Sounds like a good life."

C.J. nodded.

"Yeah…She and Brad were so close…he supported her through everything. They tried to have kids but…they did adopt a son and daughter."

"Yeah my sister had just had a kid when she got diagnosed," Olivia said, "She thought it was an infection in her breast at first but it was stage 2 cancer."

C.J. looked at her hands.

"Life can really be hard sometimes."

Olivia sipped her coffee.

"Can't argue with that but it's got its rewards."

C.J. knew that Olivia was thinking of Will based on the smile that lit up her face. She knew that the two really cared about each other.

"I know…I try to remember that but it's not always easy."

Olivia reached out to touch her arm. C.J. looked up at her, the woman's eyes flashed sympathy and C.J. wondered how much she knew. Not just from Will but because there had been some coverage of her case in the media, mostly for its sensationalist value. She didn't pay much attention to it and Matt and the others had made it clear to the press that she was off limits.

But she saw something in Olivia's face that…well she did know something. She picked up her coffee to take a sip of it, rolling it over her tongue first.

"Did you know I was raped?"

Olivia looked at her and nodded.

"I heard about it on the news," she said, "Not much...just that it happened in your house. Will's not told me anything about it."

"It's all right. He's been very great about it, very supportive with his father and…Houston."

Olivia smiled.

"Yes, he seems to be a very nice guy," he said, "Will thinks the world of him…said he saved his life more than once."

"Houston, Roy and some other guys rescued him from a warlord last year," C.J. said, "but you probably know about that."

"Some…but it's not very easy for Will to talk about but I told him he can take his time, do it at his own pace and I'll still be there."

C.J. smiled at that, hearing the caring in the other woman's voice.

"Yeah…he's helped me a lot, especially with the whole PTSD thing."

Olivia nodded.

"Ah yes…that…it's been a real struggle for Will to work through it but he's got a great doctor."

"So do I…She's been great, made it clear it's not a sign of weakness," C.J. said, "It's just the way the mind and body cope with trauma."

"Yeah…that's important," Olivia said, "but it's a long road…"

C.J. knew that. Some days she woke up feeling as if she were back to the night it happened but most days she could almost if not forget what happened, push it back so that she could feel almost normal. Nights were a different story. Just the darkness itself served as a reminder and closing her eyes didn't help.

"Houston's been great about it…I've been living in different places since it happened," C.J. said, "I still can't go back home…haven't been there since that night."

"Someday you will…Will still has things that scare him…loud noises and bright lights, they remind him of the war and since his time in the prison camp, he's had claustrophobia."

C.J. knew that too. Matt and she had realized that not long after his return to L.A. after all these years.  
But then his whole sense of time had been distorted after years of feeling as if it had stopped at least for him. Still he'd made a lot of progress since he'd been standing on the edge of a skyscraper thinking of ending it all.

"Yeah I hope so…I'm really working on it," she said, "but in the meantime, Roy's been very welcoming, opened up his home to me."

Olivia chuckled.

"Roy's great…he's so sweet. He offered to do a presentation at one of the schools where I sub. He's really talented with his art."

That surprised C.J. because Roy hadn't really mentioned it. But he had volunteered at a youth center coaching basketball, sometimes even games in the midnight leagues set up for at risk youth.

"Yeah he's wonderful…known him most of my life," C.J. said, "Losing Will really hurt him a lot…but it's so great to see them reunited. One of the best days ever when they both got off that plane together."

"Must have been quite a sight."

"Oh it was, Houston of course got himself dinged in the shoulder so I gave him a bit of a hard time but we both couldn't shed some tears at the homecoming dinner."

Olivia sipped her coffee, looking at C.J.

"So what about you," she said, "You and Houston…you go way back too. I can tell."

C.J. nodded.

"Yeah we do," she said, "His ex-fiancée was killed in a plane crash after they broke up."

Olivia sighed.

"I heard about that…the Irish heiress right?"

"Yeah he took that hard," C.J. said, "Left town after to see an old friend. He wasn't in L.A. when I was attacked."

"Sounds like you two have had some tough breaks," Olivia said, "Seems like you're ready for some better times…they'll come you know, just like the sun comes out after a rain storm."

C.J. listened to the other woman's words and the certainty locked in them and tried to believe that it might be true.

Matt met Will after he had his meeting with his trauma psychiatrist after he'd finished the clinical. He looked beat so Matt and he headed out to the beach house to relax a bit. Matt had been doing research all day interviewing anyone who knew anything about Abigail at this genius organization she had joined a couple of years ago.

People said that she was intelligent, successful and driven but when it came to her personal life? Not so much. She'd dated a guy who was also a member of the genius club.

"Yeah we went out a couple of times," he said, "but then she just stopped returning my calls and I figured she was brushing me off."

"You mean Abigail? We went out to the concerts a couple of times but then she said she no longer had time in her schedule for dating and we just went our separate ways."

"She was hot and cold," another man said, "Very intelligent but chilly…not very friendly and I wanted a woman who'd hang out with the guys."

"I went out to dinner with her twice….and no, I had no idea she had a brother. She never talked about her family and I never really asked."

Matt had put together a composite of the woman who had probably helped mastermind and finance the horrible crimes against his best friend. A lot of this additional information fit his profile, highly intelligent, driven and not very strong in her emotional relationships. No signs of instability at least in this part of her life but he needed to keep digging.

"Houston…so you coming over for dinner," Will said, "My dad's got me helping him with some crepes later on."

Matt nodded.

"Sounds great…I'll bring some chili I made a couple days ago as a side dish."

Will laughed.

"Okay that'll work great…"

"It'll work fine," Matt said, "C.J.'s going to be doing some errands but she'll be by later. She's had a day off, one she really needed."

"I know…she's gone to get coffee with Olivia…the two really hit it off."

That pleased Matt because he really liked Olivia and she tapped into some part of C.J. that others didn't mainly because she hadn't known her long enough…to know what she'd been like before what happened.

"She's had such a tough time Will."

His cousin sighed.

"I know but she's a strong woman and she'll get through it," he said, "It's not going to be on our schedules though. She's got to work through it, we can help and support her but a lot of it is something we can't do for her."

Matt paused.

"I know that…putting these thugs away will do a lot."

"Yeah but not everything," Will said, "There's still a lot that she has to deal with even after they're locked up."

Matt knew that but at least she might start to feel safe again once they rounded up Abigail and tossed her in a cell where she belonged. But he didn't think the prosecutors were really ready yet to even think about indicting her on anything let alone conspiracy to commit violent felonies. So he had more work to do.

"I might need your help Will on something," he said, "You willing?"

His cousin looked at him and Matt knew it wouldn't take long for him to answer.

"Damn straight I will," he said, "Just tell me what you've got in mind and what I can do."

Matt thought back to something that had happened back when Dean had been stalking C.J. at first without her knowing it. Something that he hadn't been around to see, something that he'd missed.


	42. Chapter 42

Matt walked with Will outside of the building and headed back to Matt's Porsche. They had been doing more research on Abigail's background through a records search at the county clerk but had come up empty. No signs that she had ever had any similar mental problems as her brother who had been institutionalized regularly since high school.

"You think she's psychotic like Dean?"

Matt shook his head.

"No…more like sociopathic which is much different," he said, "but nothing showed up as a criminal record which would be more likely than her being institutionalized."

Nothing had suggested that Abigail was anything but intellectually very gifted and much more driven than her brother. Maybe she'd been compensating for him, maybe she'd just had herself more together and her brother couldn't match her accomplishments sending him into some sort of tailspin. Matt didn't care much about the backstory at this point. He just wanted her to pay for what she had done to his best friend. C.J. had paid too high a price for something she'd only done to save her life.

"She acts so normal…when I read about her including her interview with police after her brother's death nothing stands out."

Matt agreed and he had been as baffled as Will when he'd gone back and reviewed the information. He and Roy had been training Will in investigation even though Will had other ideas what he wanted to do while reclaiming his life. But his cousin always had sharp instincts, probably honed by his years as a POW.

"She did but she might have been plotting even back then," Matt said, "She was the one who collected his body from the morgue and did the funeral arrangements."

"Not many people attended…"

Matt shook his head.

"Just family…he didn't really have any friends. C.J. said he kept to himself in high school and he wasn't out of institutions for very long. His family came from money so they could afford it."

"He was severely depressed?"

"So the paperwork stated but he was much more than that. He was obsessed with C.J. for a long time, over 10 years."

Will shook his head.

"I can't even imagine such a thing," he said, "You think he'd get a clue that she didn't even know he existed."

Matt sighed.

"He didn't care and after he showed up in L.A. he went after everyone who stood in his path. He killed Carl, made it look like an accident right down to the car breaking down and Too-Mean…"

Will remembered him, if it hadn't been for the ex-football player, they would have never gotten away from the war lord.

"He wound up in the hospital right?"

Matt nodded remembering his old friend too.

"Dean didn't look it but he was incredibly strong when he was enraged," he said, "Fast too…he ran away from me quite easily on the overpass until I lost him."

"Then he showed up at the cabin?"

Matt nodded.

"I knew that's where he'd go and one of Hoyt's cops wound up telling him."

After that, Matt hadn't bothered to take a car, he ran straight to the helipad and took the chopper out to the cabin and just in time as it turned out. He'd seen C.J. and a knife welding Dean on the ridge and saw C.J. push him off a cliff to fall 200 feet down to the bottom.

Then he'd landed the chopper to rush to her because she just sat there not daring to look over the edge. He'd just wrapped his arms around her tightly.

Now a couple of years later, they were investigating Dean's sister and Matt felt the past come back. Will hadn't been found yet when all this had played out but part of catching his cousin up on the years he missed had been talking about tragedies like this one.

"She didn't show any emotion at all," Matt said, "I didn't pay much attention because Carl's sister and brother showed up to claim his body and C.J. wanted to do a local memorial service."

"And your mind was on that," Will said, "That's understandable. Houston you can't anticipate everything out there."

"I know that but look at the cost of missing the signs on this one…C.J. having to go through a nightmare."

"Maybe there were no signs."

"Oh there were…there had to be and I missed them all. Then I should have known that her turning on Robert like she did would make him want revenge."

"Robert was locked up wasn't he, after pleading guilty to murder?"

Matt nodded.

"But they weren't watching him close in prison," he said, "He masterminded the whole thing and the Web site…he found out about Dallas and Clyde and how they tied back to C.J. years ago back in Texas…"

"That was slick…maybe he got someone to talk."

"Robert had plenty of time to do his homework and Abigail to help him on the outside."

Matt felt frustrated even though it looked like Robert would be facing more time, Dallas was back in prison and Clyde had been shot dead. Will slapped him on the shoulder before they got into the car to drive off.

"You'll find out a way to bust Abigail," he said, "You're very good at your job and somewhere I'm sure she's slipped up."

* * *

C.J. drove back to Roy's house and Millicent said that she'd meet her there with the latest on the court case. She'd tried to convince the prosecutor that Abigail had ties to Robert but so far, no proof. She hoped she and Matt might change that.

"Hi Millicent…"

The prosecutor had walked out into the back garden where C.J. had dressed up in a faded salmon colored shirt and jeans. Roy had been planting some new flowers there and she'd decided to help him, mostly to get her mind off of her case.

"Any news…?"

Millicent sighed.

"No…the police are following leads on Abigail but so far nothing. Unless she's committed a crime…"

C.J. knew the drill. No proof, no probable cause to even bring Abigail in for some serious questioning and the woman had made it clear she wouldn't be volunteering information to Matt.

"I know she's behind it but I do understand the problem," she said, "You need proof and we don't have any."

"I know that giving Robert Tyler more time doesn't mean much since he had a life term but we got Dallas for good."

"That's what they said before but he escaped."

"He's in a much tougher prison this time," Millicent said, "That won't happen again and he'll never be up for parole."

C.J. knew that officially that was the story but she didn't trust in that anymore after what had happened to her. Not that she felt that way about Millicent but what she represented.

"I still don't know what will happen if either of them have enough money to pay off the guards."

Millicent sighed.

"The prisons looked into that and the guards are facing criminal charges," she said, "That loophole will be closed."

C.J. didn't know if she believed that. The problem was too widespread through the different penal systems to ever be controlled.

"Robert probably will take the next deal," Millicent said, "then you won't have to testify at trial."

C.J. got up and brushed her hands on her pants.

"Unless Abigail gets charged," she said, "Because I don't think she'll take the deal."

Millicent shrugged.

"Like I told you, we're a long way from there," she said, "I just believe in being honest and even when you sell me on it, I'll have to convince the DA."

C.J. knew that wouldn't be easy which is why Matt and Will were out looking up records on Abigail right now.

She'd wanted to help him but he'd told her to go to Roy's and get her mind off of it for a little while. He said he'd meet her to help cook some dinner.

Roy walked out to check on her. She and Millicent looked over at him.

"I was thinking that it might be nice to make some lasagna tonight…with salad and vegetables."

C.J. smiled.

"That sounds great," she said, "Houston and Will will be heading on over here soon."

"We might need some salad fixings," Roy said, "I'll head out to the store."

"Oh I can do that," C.J. said, "I'll stop on the bakery to get some tiramisu for dessert on the way back."

Roy smiled.

"That would be great," he said, "Okay I'll start on the lasagna then."

C.J. and Millicent walked out of the house and C.J. said goodbye to the prosecutor who walked to her car to drive off.

C.J. walked to her own car and got inside of it. She started it up and drove down the street towards the supermarket.

Behind her, a blue car that had been parked across the street began following her.


	43. Chapter 43

The dinner went well with Roy's lasagna being a hit and the dessert that C.J. picked to go with it proved popular as well. She didn't know how to cope sometimes with what life delivered but being among her friends…family really made it easier sometimes.

She'd told Matt what the prosecutor had told her and he expressed his frustration. But he knew he'd come up with a way to nail Abigail like they'd gotten the others. He wouldn't rest until he did; she knew that about her best friend.

Dixie came over and she was someone who seemed to know Roy awfully well. She'd been friendly to C.J. Matt and Will and she went off into the kitchen to go help Roy and laughter erupted from there after a few moments.

Will looked at C.J. smiling.

"Looks like my uncle's been busy when he's been at the art gallery on the beach," he said, "Dixie has a small gallery there."

"She an artist…?"

Will smiled.

"Painter and she does some sculpture too," he said, "It's great to see my dad happy."

C.J. nodded.

"He's a great man. I think Dixie's lucky to find someone like him…I might go check her gallery out."

Will went to get himself another beer from the mini frig.

"I like painting…to ease the stress," he said, "My therapist got me hooked on it…and it's really helped."

"Maybe Dixie can give you some pointers…"

Will flipped the tab off his beer and looked at her, serious all of a sudden.

"So how's it going?"

C.J. went to fetch herself a wine cooler and sipped it thoughtfully before answering. "

"I don't know…no yes I do," she said, "I'm frustrated that they're not taking the information that Houston found against Abigail seriously."

"They need more evidence do they?"

C.J. nodded again.

"Abigail's in it up to her eyeballs," she said, "Proving it's not going easily…she's the mastermind behind the whole thing and she used Dallas, Clyde and even Robert to shield her. "

Will sighed.

"She won't be able to hide forever. My cousin's good at ferreting out the guilty and you're not so bad at it yourself counselor."

C.J. had to smile at that.

"I know…and I understand from a DA perspective how difficult it's to bring someone like her in," she said, "An arrest warrant's pretty far off right now the rate it's going."

Will paused.

"C.J…are you…do you think what you'll do if she doesn't get brought in for what she did to you?"

She looked down at her bottle, yeah she'd been thinking about it a lot. It haunted her dreams and in her waking hours, it wasn't always easy to put it aside. But she had to sometimes just to get through the day.

"I don't know Will…I'm not sure that's possible right now," she said, "I'm so focused on going after her like the others…I think it helps me from having to think too much about what happened to me…"

He nodded sympathetically.

"I've been there…Houston and Roy…you and the others helped get me out of that hellhole," he said, "and I'm more grateful than you could ever know but sometimes I wonder about other men like myself growing older each day they spend like I did…their families thinking they're dead."

C.J. knew it weighed on him a lot. He was like his cousin in so many ways and one of them was the need for some sort of closure when faced with the evil of the world. Matt didn't rest until he solved his cases…even if it meant risking his own life to bring killers to justice. She had a lot of that in herself too.

"Someone will bring those bad men down…at some point," she said, "and Matt and his friends took a few of them out of business for good."

Will smiled grimly.

"I'm very thankful for that," he said, "and therapy's helping me come to terms with the rest of it. It'll help you too C.J."

She sipped her wine cooler.

"I know…god it's just that I want my life back and I'm not always the most patient of people."

"Me neither…but Olivia and others help keep me grounded," Will said, "though sometimes I'm still wondering what it'll be like when the day comes…if it comes when I don't think of what I went through the first moment I wake up in the morning."

C.J. knew how that felt. Every morning she woke up she remembered having been raped by Dallas, what it felt like and then the rest of it came to her. This elaborate, sick plot concocted by Abigail and Robert. Not to mention that often it was simply an extension of her nightmares.

"So do you think that Abigail's dangerous to you right now?"

C.J. looked at Will.

"I suppose…but I think mostly she's just lying low trying to keep everyone from learning the truth about her and finding that evidence to nail her."

C.J. promised herself silently that they'd find it soon.

* * *

Matt drank his beer watching the street from the front porch. He'd seen a couple cars that had been parked that he didn't recognize but they likely weren't suspicious. A couple with people sitting in it including a blue car so he went down the steps to take a closer look but then that one's engine started up and the person drove off.

Too far away for Matt to make out who it might be. Probably a resident of a nearby house or a visitor…he thought walking back into the house. The aroma of lasagna and garlic bread permeated Roy's house.

He walked into the kitchen and saw Roy chatting it up with Dixie. He'd met the vivacious woman in her sixties earlier and liked her on sight. He knew his uncle sometimes longed for company from his generation.

"You see anything outside?"

His uncle clearly knew what he'd been doing but Matt shook his head.

"No…just the neighbors…but I had to look," he said, "I've got a feeling in my gut that Abigail's keeping tabs on C.J. I don't think she's done yet."

Roy sampled the lasagna and handed a spoon to Dixie to do the same.

"I think the sensible thing would be to lay low Matlock, lest she slip up and the police close in on her."

Matt felt too frustrated at this point to believe that was even possible. But then he'd wanted Abigail picked up and taken to jail like yesterday and she still remained free to do whatever she wanted to a woman who'd been through enough already.

"I can't do that…someone's got to look out for her in case she tries anything."

Roy nodded slightly.

"That'd be you and you can do that tomorrow or even later tonight," he said, "but you need to enjoy a good meal with family and friends. The stress will take its toll otherwise and you won't be a help to her or anyone."

Matt finished off his beer and put it in the recycling container.

"I know that Uncle Roy…it's just always been hard for me to sit around and do nothing."

"I know that…try impossible," Roy said, "I've been there myself but my line of work…it taught me the importance of patience even if it never got any easier."

Matt sighed.

"I just want her to get her life back. So much was taken away from her and she never saw it coming…I see her now and she's doing the best she can…"

Roy interrupted.

"Matlock, you can't rush her towards it being all right again," he said, "She's got to get there herself and it's going to take a lot of time."

"Alone…I can't let her do that?"

Roy sighed.

"No not alone…and we'll do everything we can to help her," he said, "She's doing as well as can be expected."

Matt went to fetch another beer.

"She'd be doing better if Abigail was locked up with the others."

Roy shrugged.

"Maybe…but she wouldn't be recovered from it Matlock. It doesn't work that way."

"I know…I know about that from the Nightmare Man. He's gone now and that helped my nightmares go away."

Roy shook his head.

"Took long enough to get him out of circulation…"

"You don't need to tell me that…but my point is that if we can just get Abigail on this, it'll help C.J. get a lot of better. Maybe she can sleep better at night…"

Roy and Dixie looked at each other.

"Time Matlock…it's still going to take some time…"

* * *

Meanwhile, a young woman appeared in the garage off an alley near Chinatown. The man looked at her, a big grumpy but when he saw what she pulled out of her wallet, his mood improved and he was all busy.

"You give me all that and I'll arrange that surprise for your…friends."

The woman smiled, handing him the money.


	44. Chapter 44

They sat together on the back porch, drinking some beer after cleaning up the dishes. It'd been an incredible meal, tasty food and great company. C.J. had marveled at the chemistry between Roy and Dixie and how they looked at each other when they thought no one else noticed. She knew Will had picked up on it too and he'd said afterward before he left how happy he was that his dad had found happiness with someone after the death of Flo.

"It'll keep him from worrying too much about me," Will said, "Dad's been watching me like a hawk for so long and now…he's got someone else to watch."

C.J. had smiled at him.

"He's just being a father," she said, "but I'm happy and she's so nice…she's got a wicked sense of humor too."

Will had noticed that too and they'd laughed at some of her hilarious accounts of her travels including those with her late husband who'd been heavy into archeology. They'd gone on digs together and met an assortment of interesting characters along the way.

"Yeah…but I worry about him too," Will said, "That this last year's been stressful with him…between Houston and me…"

She nodded.

"He's been so kind to me…letting me stay," she said, "He's been so understanding yet he gives me space too."

Will glanced over where Roy had been talking to Matt.

"He understands what it's like to deal with PTSD," he said, "He's never had it I guess despite all he's faced…but he's helped me figure it out…along with the therapist."

C.J. nodded.

"Yeah me too… I haven't made it easy for him…or Houston," she said, "but I don't know if Houston would handle it as well. He worries enough as it is and he wants to fix it…fix everything and he can't."

Frustration laced her voice though she hadn't intended that. God, she loved him more than anyone in so many different ways including those she couldn't articulate but sometimes…things weren't for him to fix even if that were possible.

"He's going to find a way to get Abigail to pay…along with the rest of them."

She paused.

"I know that…and it scares me Will," she said, "I don't want him to pay for it too."

She meant that…her ordeal had ripped her apart in ways she'd been trying to mend but it'd taken a toll on him too…what with him trying to hunt down every lead, every rumor of anyone who might have been part of the increasingly tangled web of conspiracy against her.

Will smiled.

"My cuz can handle himself," he said, "though he's relentless but thank god for that. If he weren't…"

He didn't need to finish for her to understand. He'd still be living in that hellhole a crime lord had condemned him to for over a decade. If it weren't for Matt…he wouldn't be here trying to rebuild his life and come to terms with what happened and what he lost.

"I'm glad for that…more than you know," she said, "but if anything happened to him…I don't know what I'd do…it'd be like being ripped apart."

She didn't need to explain herself either. Will got the closeness between her and Matt even if he didn't understand why he…they hadn't gotten together. The two of them had hashed that out during Will's suicidal binge on the top of the skyscraper while Matt ran around hunting down the woman who led him to the precipice.

Holly had been truly sorry for what she did and had gone off to start a new life with her son…though the two kept in touch.

"Well between the two of us, we've certainly kept him busy," Will said, "but that's part of his fabric, part of him that can't be pulled away. He wouldn't be the same person then."

She nodded, understanding that and smiled as he walked towards her and handed her a beer. He glanced at his cousin.

"Dixie's sure a hell of a lot of fun," he said, "Haven't seen your daddy laugh so much lately."

Will smiled.

"I know…They're heading out to Catalina tomorrow," he said, "they invited us."

Matt and C.J. looked at each other.

"I'd like to go," C.J. said, "It'd be nice to get away for a day."

Matt agreed.

"Yeah…should be fun," he said, "if you'd like company."

Her smile gave him an answer to that.

They sipped the beer after Will left and Roy took to painting in the living room. The sun set earlier but a remnant of the day's heat permeated the air.

"I like moments like this Houston…," she said, "When I can just forget…"

The wistfulness in her voice, he must have heard it. He slid his arm around her where they sat on the chaise.

"I know…me too," he said, "Beautiful night, warm and as many stars as you'll see in an L.A. sky."

She smiled sidling closer to him.

"I know she's out there Houston and right now she's out of reach," she said, "I just don't want her controlling my life…I want to get her but I want to live too…and share moments like tonight."

"Anytime you feel like it…I'm here no matter what."

"I know…you've been so patient," she said, "I know it's not been easy…but you do help me forget."

Nothing could make her forget Dallas and the mark his act of violence had left on her…let alone the ones who'd pulled his strings. But she felt she could relax with him…spend time with him like they had since they'd been children. Tonight she laughed along with him during dinner and right now, she felt herself soften in ways that she hadn't since…she bit the word back still not wanting to say it. Her own feelings overwhelmed her sometimes when she remembered…and then these newer feelings which slipped through her defenses sometimes.

Feelings about Matt…feelings that weren't just about friendship.

"Houston…I want more times like that."

He put his beer down and with that hand he stroked the skin on her arm. She didn't flinch at all…she closed her eyes and savored it…as if she'd been lacking for too long. Matt was a man who loved to touch women…and not only those in his bed.

"Then you'll have them," he said, "You're my favorite person in the whole wide world and I wouldn't be anywhere else."

She smiled at him, her skin warming where he stroked it.

"Me either Houston," she said, "I'm still feeling…I don't know like someone I don't know or understand but you…,you and Roy, and Will help keep me grounded."

She didn't know how to put it in other words…because what Dallas had done, the scars would never fully heal. She'd been changed forever but there were still parts of her he hadn't destroyed.

Good parts of her that when the numbness started wearing off…she'd welcomed back like old friends.

Matt loved the way her skin felt like soft silk beneath his fingers. She'd relaxed leaning against him and he'd put the beer aside to caress her arm. She didn't pull away or even flinch like he thought she might but seemed to enjoy it.

Feelings rushed through him that surprised them in their intensity. Different feelings which whenever they appeared he reined in quickly enough. This wasn't the time for those kind of feelings…not after what she'd been through. But when he looked at her, he didn't just see a friend.

He had to pull back because the last thing she needed was for his feelings towards here to change…into something she'd not be ready for…maybe for a long time.

So he pushed them out of his mind and focused on being what she needed right now.


	45. Chapter 45

_**Six months later…**_

Dixie brought something out in Roy that C.J. hadn't seen before. It was more than just a light side that listened to funny anecdotes told by her as they stood by the railing on the ferry that took them to Catalina Island.

Will had commented on it before heading down to the snack bar to get some coffee and a Danish. That left C.J. with Matt standing apart from the others. He'd taken his hand and wrapped it around her own as they'd walked up the steps to the upper deck. It was a beautiful morning with the streams of sunlight striking the smooth glassy ocean.

"So when you going to tell me about your date?"

He glanced sideways at her.

"What's there to tell? We went to see that wind quartet playing at the Chandler."

Matt had been dating a blonde that had hired him to solve a simple jewelry theft only nothing simple ever turned out that way. He'd uncovered a huge ring of ruthless thieves who of course took Saffron as she was called hostage only to be rescued by him.

Some things never changed.

"So you've been out three times now…is this one going to make it to the Medallion Ball?"

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"That's six months off. I can't answer that."

She chuckled at him.

"If you pace yourself Cowboy…you'll get there."

He looked back out at the ocean, looking more than a bit tired from putting in 48 hours straight on a stakeout with Roy. Business had been booming as usual, he won another investigative award from a business group this time and his rolodex of women had only grown.

For her, life hadn't been as smooth but she'd kept herself busy. The case against Dallas had hit a few obstacles, Robert still kept mum on much of anything that might lead them to proving that his silent partner had indeed been Abigail Dean. That woman had surrounded herself with a team of lawyers which kept everyone at bay. A development that as an attorney herself C.J. got but that didn't mean she had to like it.

Still life had to go on even if difficult because she didn't want to get stuck. So she did her work at the investigative firm and when she had spare time, she started volunteering at a Legal Aid clinic where she helped women write restraining orders against violent husbands and boyfriends. It made her feel better to be able to help someone else.

Today she was just chilling out. At least she could do that in the daytime. At night, those were when the dreams revisited.

She shook that line of thinking away and focused on the serenity of the ocean as the ferry headed to Catalina.

"I shouldn't talk about…"

"Yes you should Houston…nothing's changed…you still got your life to live just like I do."

He grew really silent then and she knew he was thinking about it like she had too much. About how Abigail Dean could still be allowed to live her life unfettered by complications for what she'd set in motion.

Not enough proof to nail her was the explanation that C.J. had gotten most often for that. The police detectives and prosecutors didn't like it much but that was reality speaking.

"Houston…don't…because if you do, I can't move forward and I have to do that."

"C.J…."

So much emotions in just one word.

"Houston I'm okay…really," she said, "Especially working at the clinic with Maureen and helping other women…it's meant a lot to me."

He smiled at her sliding a hand to rest on her back.

"I'm glad C.J. but I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly in my life…or to catch someone and make them pay."

She heard that in his voice, felt it with his touch. He didn't like loose ends that couldn't be ultimately tied up and he didn't like it when his family and friends got messed with. She leaned towards him.

"I know but it's not going to happen…at least not right now and I'm not giving any of them any more than they've taken already."

He clearly digested that and well, she didn't know what else to say and didn't want to keep saying it.

"It's not going to define my life or who I am."

Oh, but it did a lot already and it's one thing to say it out loud and another to believe it inside. But she was really trying.

The ferry drew closer to the harbor in Avalon and Roy and Dixie walked over to them joined by Will.

"Let's hit that restaurant," Roy said, "Just opened and I heard the food's great."

Matt looked over at C.J.

"Then we can hike that trail with the great view up top."

Dixie nodded.

"I'm up to that…I brought my camera."

The ferry landed at the moor and they disembarked. Matt slipped his hand in C.J.'s and squeezed it before they followed the others onto dry land.

The scenery was breathtaking into the valley and out over the ocean. Roy and Dixie had stopped near a craggy overhang and she shot many pictures of a herd of burros. Members of a string of them running wild that had defied capture.

Matt and C.J. stood together. He moved to a flat rock to sit down and patted the spot next to him. So she went to sit.

"So how do you like the new place?"

She sighed.

"It's fine…my house rented out quickly enough and this place came with most of its furniture."

She'd rented a small bungalow in Venice Beach which wasn't too far away from where Matt lived in Malibu. It had an option to buy but she hadn't thought that far along yet. She still hadn't spent time in her old house, the memories of her last time there too raw in her mind still.

A restaurant a block away had attracted her and Matt there to eat once a week. Where they talked about anything but.

Like right now.

* * *

Matt enjoyed having his best friend in the whole world sit next to him but only part of her was there. He knew that what he'd seen lately wasn't the woman that he'd known most of his life. But she'd closed off a part of herself to him and everyone else.

Moving forward with her life, she said. He called it, survival.

But he couldn't touch Abigail right now. He had to keep working hard with Roy to try to learn more about her and her activities the past year to be able to prove the ties between her and the others who were either dead or in custody.

She might think she was slick but she'd never stay a step ahead of him. The day would come when he'd nail her along with the rest of them.

C.J. leaned her head against his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her. At least she allowed him to get that close. She'd struggled a lot in ways she wouldn't admit to anyone even him.

Maybe someday he'd bust Abigail for good and she'd be able to open up again.

Then maybe he could tell her the truth.


	46. Chapter 46

Saffron fiddled with his tie. He'd wanted to use a clip on to go with his tux but he didn't have one in powder blue. She said not to worry about it, she'd do it for him. He closed his eyes as images flashed of C.J. chiding him for being so fussy when it came to his ties while Saffron sorted this one out.

She patted his chest.

"There…it's done," she said, "Now it's off to the Crystal Vase Cotillion…we don't want to be late. All the society columnists are going to be there."

Matt sighed. He'd paid for his tickets to the Cotillion which raised money annually for the renovation of the Museum of Contemporary Art in downtown L.A. The high ticket event at the museum attracted the usual A list crowd, a generous mixture of old and new money from the upper echelons of society. Roy and Dixie were on the fundraising committee for the museum and had spent the past six months working on the logistics.

C.J. would be going with Daryl who she'd been dating for a couple months. They'd meet up at the Cotillion and share a table with Roy and Dixie along with Hoyt and his wife, Annie.

He never liked these fancy events, he'd rather spend the evening watching the Dodgers when they were in town from his box seats or at the prize fights at the Olympic with Vince when he'd still been living in L.A. But Saffron had wanted to go and had talked about nothing else the past week going out and buying herself a new gown and shoes for the event.

She fiddled with his lapel now before lowering his mouth on his and kissing him, settling her hands on his hips. The sex between them had been hot and heavy the past couple of months…as far as bed partners went, what was there not to like? It's just that in between those hot sessions they shared, they didn't have much in common.

"I wish we had some more time before…"

Matt kissed her on the mouth briefly.

"We best get a move on," he said, "I don't want to hit the traffic."

She nodded and went to get her purse and her elbow length gloves to complete her outfit. They headed to his Porsche and were soon on their way to the Cotillion.

* * *

C.J. and Darryl arrived at the Cotillion neither in the best of moods. They had quarreled in his car on the way to the dance. She hadn't started it…or mean to…it was him venting some frustration over what had happened…or hadn't happened the previous night.

She knew he wanted more from her than she'd given him…in certain areas mainly in those involving certain intimacies. She'd been wanting to take it slowly with him and she'd told him why earlier in the relationship. He seemed okay with it, even understanding that she wasn't ready to hop into bed with him.

It'd just taken longer for that than he'd anticipated was her way of guessing. They really didn't talk in that much depth about anything.

Last night, he'd been drinking a little, they both had and he'd come on hot and heavy with her and started kissing her, which she enjoyed. Fondling her which started out nice…leaving her breathless but then she started tensing up. She couldn't help it, her body had its own way of responding mostly because of how its own memory worked.

They'd wound up in the bedroom minus most of their clothes and on the bed. His weight on top of her and then the flashbacks started. She pushed them back as hard as he could, trying to focus on the here and now rather than to what one man did to her months ago.

Her body tensed and her heartbeat quickened and she closed her eyes to make it all go away. No…I can't think about it, I have to move on…and Darryl he's not Dallas…he's…and she told herself that while Darryl kissed her neck and ran his hands over her breasts, her abdomen and lower….she had closed her eyes then trying not to pull away from him.

They'd had sex and she'd survived it. She just hadn't enjoyed it. She'd been too busy feeling scared and reminding herself that it was Darryl and not... She wish he hadn't been impatient. But she'd been dating him for several months and he'd waited long enough. But she didn't want to do it again and didn't want to get into an argument over it.

It left her tense and moody in a way unfamiliar to her as everything else in the past nine months. So they had been bickering…and he'd been testy. Maybe on some level, he understood that she hadn't enjoyed it.

They walked down the red carpet with bulbs flashing around them but she didn't worry about it. Neither of them would likely wind up published in the society columns in the city's newspapers.

She ran into Matt at the bar where he'd gotten a Scotch for himself. Saffron had gone off to talk to her other socialite friends. She ordered herself a double. Matt's eyes widened when he saw it.

"C.J…"

She put a finger up.

"Houston…don't…it's only my first."

He sipped his own drink.

"I didn't say anything. You're a grown woman who knows how much liquor she can hold."

She nodded.

"I sure do…Houston I don't…"

"I know you don't…," he said, "I'm sorry…I just know when something's wrong."

She took a big sip of her drink.

"Nothing's wrong. I just had a long day at the clinic and Darryl and I…well I don't think I'll go into that."

He narrowed his eyes.

"Did he do anything, say anything?"

She turned around to face him again quickly.

"What he did or said I can handle," she said, "I don't need any help, okay? It's just normal couple stuff."

He nodded, digesting that. She looked up and saw Darryl heading towards her.

"What you drinking?"

"A double?"

"I'll take one too," he said, "Matt…your date's looking for you. Should I send her over here?"

C.J. noticed the tension in her boyfriend's voice. She really hoped he wouldn't start something with Matt.

"Darryl…Houston's more than capable of finding Saffron on his own…he's just getting a drink," she said, "Come on…let's go dance."

He seemed content with that and after getting his drink, the two of them left.

* * *

Matt watched them go and noticed the tension in the air between them. Something was going on and he knew it wasn't any of his business but he cared about his best friend. He thought he knew what it might be…the frustration of not being able to nail those who hurt her so badly must be eating at her. She was like him…anytime a case went cold or unsolved for even a brief spell, it was hard for both of them to put it aside and move forward. The downfall of being so committed to investigating and solving their caseload was that both of them loved the feeling of closure too much.

At this point, he didn't know if that would ever happen with C.J. involving her rape case.

Saffron sashayed over to him, a look of petulance on her face.

"Where were you? I was looking all over…"

"You were with your friends," he said, "didn't want to interrupt that."

She shrugged.

"They're just girlfriends…you're my man Matt and let's go do some dancing."

He put down his glass and went to join her on the dance floor glancing at where C.J. was dancing with Darryl.

Darryl looked down at his girlfriend who'd tensed suddenly.

"What's wrong now?"

She felt confused.

"Nothing…why are you asking?"

He sighed.

"You've been so on edge lately," he said, "Don't think I haven't noticed."

She forced a smile.

"I've been busy at work," she said, "I filled out a half a dozen TROs for Maureen yesterday."

"I don't mean work," he said, "I mean with us."

He meant last night and she knew it.

"Damn if I was that repugnant to sleep with you could have said no."

Icy water hit her face. She blinked her eyes.

"Darryl...that's not true," she said, "I wanted to be with you."

"Like hell…you were acting like you just wanted it over…if you didn't want it…"

She sighed.

"I did…I just…I'm trying so hard to not get…uncomfortable but it's hard sometimes."

"So you don't feel comfortable with me then?"

She glanced around her at the other couples.

"I don't want to discuss this here with you," she said, "Why not later on?"

He released her.

"Why not just break up? You're not comfortable with me in the sack and I…I'm not getting what I need either."

More icy water splashing her it felt like. She flinched.

"Darryl…I'm doing the best…"

He shook his head.

"It's not nearly good enough…"

He walked away from here just then and left her in the middle of the dance floor. She stood there for a long moment, so many emotions swirling around her and then walked away herself.

She kept walking outside the ballroom, out the French doors and into the museum garden.

* * *

Matt saw it all play out, though he heard nothing. When C.J. left the ballroom, he turned to Saffron.

"Excuse me…for a moment…"

She let him go with an irritated look and he took off after his friend.


	47. Chapter 47

C.J. had walked out in the garden which was nicely manicured to accommodate the sculptures dropped in the midst of it including those inspired by Rodin and others. She went to sit on a bench next to a fountain that shone different hues of the rainbow at this time of night.

The heat of the day had cooled which made it perfect if only she hadn't come out here after being dumped by her boyfriend in the middle of the Crystal Vase Cotillion. She couldn't blame him…he'd been frustrated by her behavior in the sack the previous night. It hadn't started out so badly…she'd enjoyed his ardent kisses, his caresses of her body above her clothes and then beneath them. But then when it became more intimate between them, she'd just gone numb inside of her like someone had flipped a switch. It wasn't something she'd done deliberately.

Then instead of pushing him away and off of her…she'd just tried so hard to pretend to be someone else. The girlfriend he deserved and she thought she'd pulled it off. If she could just act like she enjoyed it, the day would come when she did again.

She heard footsteps and froze until she turned around and saw that it was Matt heading towards her. He didn't have his date with him.

"C.J…I thought I'd find you out here."

She looked up at him.

"Why are you looking for me? Shouldn't you be with Saffron?"

He sat next to her on the bench and she didn't object to that.

"Why are you out here instead of inside at the dance?"

She looked down at her hands.

"I needed some fresh air…it was stuffy inside."

He sighed.

"Me too…I saw you there with Darryl…he looked angry…you okay?"

She paused and then nodded.

"I'm as fine as I can be Houston considering that we broke up."

She wrapped her arms around herself and grew quiet just looking at the fountain and the sparkly colors shimmering in the water.

"I just wanted to feel normal again."

He brushed a tendril of hair out of her face and then stroked the side of her neck.

"What's going on here? You can tell me anything."

She looked upward for a long moment not really wanting to go there. He looked concerned sitting there next to her but he really should be enjoying the Cotillion with his date.

"Darryl dumped me…and since that seems to be a trend I'm on as of late, it's not exactly news."

She didn't want to look at him because then she'd start crying and she'd promised herself no more tears over boyfriends who never seemed to stay with her very long before the past got in the way of her attempts to move on.

"I'm sorry C.J."

She shook her head.

"There's nothing to be sorry about Houston…I shouldn't be getting involved with these guys…promising what I can't deliver."

"What do you mean promising?"

She sighed.

"You know exactly what I mean," she said, "It's not like I lead them on or anything. I really do think I'm ready for it but…then I just can't…"

"You mean…"

"Of course I do and I really thought with Darryl I could make it work. I did…but when we…"

She swallowed noisily trying to pace her words ahead of her emotions.

"You…"

"Yes…I just…I just feeling anything at all," she said, "It's like I'm not even there Houston or I'm even me. I'm someone else."

"Did Darryl know what happened to you?"

She paused and then she nodded.

"I told him before…and he said he'd be patient but he had to be really patient if you get my drift."

He appeared to digest that and she didn't really want to talk about it any longer. She just wanted to get home and soak in her bathtub with some suds and a glass of wine to help her forget. Yeah that might do it so she stood up.

"Where you going?"

"I'm going to tell Darryl good night if he'll even speak to me and take a cab home."

He shook his head.

"No…I'll give you a ride to your house."

She narrowed her eyes.

"You, me and Saffron….that'll be a bit crowded don't you think?"

He got up too to walk back with her inside.

"I'll hire a limo to take her home," he said, "She'll really like that…more than the company I think."

She linked her arm with his as they walked up the steps to the French doors, thinking that they might just have a plan.

* * *

Together they sat on her back porch, drinking some wine and looking out onto the garden she'd started planting out back. Even though she hadn't set foot in her old house, she found herself missing the patio that had been bordered by beautiful flowers of all kinds including roses.

"It's a beautiful night."

She smiled at him.

"I take it Saffron wasn't too upset?"

He shook his head.

"Nah…she was talking to one of the Lakers and I thought she might take off with him in his limo."

She sipped her wine thoughtfully.

"You too weren't that serious?"

"No…I haven't been serious with anyone since…"

Since Elizabeth. It'd been months since her passing in the plane wreck, the one that could have taken his life too.

"Maybe you're just not ready Houston…any more than I am."

"Maybe not…but I got a confession to make…I don't think I'm enjoying the bachelor lifestyle like I did when I was younger."

She rubbed his arm.

"Houston…you're not much older…maybe you're just getting wiser."

He paused a long moment, staring at his wine glass.

"Maybe I just can't stop thinking about a certain woman…who just happens to be my best friend."

She had picked up her glass to take a sip but it stopped. She didn't do or say anything for a spell.

"C.J.?"

She blinked and looked at him.

"Houston…did you just…you didn't just say…"

He glanced at her.

"I just did…I can't stop thinking about you."

She sighed deeply.

"Houston I spent all that time telling you that I can't…I can't give any man what they want. I couldn't give Darryl…"

"He's a jerk C.J. Any man worth his salt knows not to push a woman on certain things," he said, "sometimes you need to just slow things down."

She chuckled in depreciation.

"With me, it might come to a grinding halt."

He shook his head.

"I don't believe that," he said, "you just need time and I've got plenty of time. I love just being with you…sitting back with some good wine…or beer and talking."

"But what about…"

She had long fantasized about, what about but now…it'd all been wasted. That part of her had just died. Like the man who hurt her, she was in prison just a different type of bars.

"Don't worry about it," he said, "Why don't you just forget about all that…"

"I can't forget about it and neither can you..."

"Just let me finish okay? You don't think about it and let me do the thinking okay?"

Oh she had serious misgivings about that!

"I don't know Houston…I don't know if it'll work."

He tilted his face.

"I told you not to worry about it," he said, "now just sit back and finish your wine and tell me about how much you like working at Maureen's clinic…"

She felt herself warming to it.

"Okay…I think I will…just hand me that wine bottle and let me refill my glass."

He did that and she started talking to him about that part of her life. She relaxed as he listened and a part of her, the part that wasn't afraid of anything marveled at the challenge he had placed in front of her. He'd just shared his feelings with her and she wanted to do the same with him.

She just had to get there first starting one step at a time.


	48. Chapter 48

C.J. settled into her cubicle at Maureen's clinic. Her friend and sorority sister had finally severed ties with the hoity totty corporate firm she'd been working at for years and dropped herself full tilt into doing legal aid work in a somewhat less than dilapidated building near the marina.

She spent her hours there mostly working on family law type cases, mostly DV and TROs and the like. Some of the women who came back, mostly those who couldn't afford to hire attorneys reminded her of herself.

Like her, they'd hid a part of themselves from the world around them, like a concrete wall so that no one could ever figure out how vulnerable they really felt.

Weaknesses could be exploited by others and in the cases of these women, by husbands and boyfriends, the very people they should most trust. Women were raised to be wary of strangers especially men but they weren't taught in many cases to be wary of those that were closest to them.

She went to refresh her coffee for the second time that morning, and sat in the lounge area feeling totally comfortable in her faded jeans and Harvard sweatshirt. Maureen joined her looking somewhat more harried.

"Busy?"

Maureen nodded, filling her own mug.

"A dozen women waiting in the lobby as walk ins. I might have to get more lawyers to volunteer. Some firms looking for pro bono work outside criminal law."

C.J. smiled sipping her coffee.

"If it helps, I'm really enjoying myself," she said, "I'd been looking to use my degree in some way that didn't involve contracts and corporations."

"Me too…when I went to Boalt I planned to use my degree to save the world one lawsuit at a time."

C.J. nodded.

"Yeah my friend Julie, you know the one who died last year. Well, before she got sick we were planning to start a law firm after we got out to help women."

"Sounds like a plan."

"She went on to start a foundation for researching to find a cure for cancer," C.J. said, "the same disease that took her life."

Maureen shook her head.

"Sometimes life has a way of messing up our plans," she said, "After our sorority sisters got murdered, I thought how lucky I was to still be here. If it weren't for you and Houston…"

C.J. grimaced.

"That was a crazy situation. Just when you think you know people…Aunt Liz a murderer? Sometimes people really fool you."

"Isn't that the truth? At least they're both locked up where they belong…and I'm glad Houston threw in some extra punches at Rensfield."

Matt had walloped him from what Vince had said just before Rensfield had been hauled off in handcuffs. She knew it had been because he'd been responsible for what nearly happened to her. Killing a bunch of women because they might recognize Aunt Liz's groom from an earlier wedding.

"So it's true you and Houston are an item now?"

C.J. paused and then nodded.

"Yeah we're giving it a try…I don't know how it's going to work out with us. With things being the way they are now."

Maureen rubbed her shoulder.

"It's been tough hasn't it? But he loves you, I know it and you know it," she said, "Carol figured it out when she made a play for him."

C.J. remembered that relationship hadn't lasted long but she'd figured Matt had just been interested in a fling with the pretty doctor like with most of his hookups.

"I love him too. For longer than I'd ever admit I'd guess. But with this case hanging over our heads…I don't know if it'll ever make it to court."

Dallas was sitting in prison again. Robert had more charges tacked onto his current life sentence but Abigail still remained free.

She'd left her job and had moved to San Francisco to take a position there.

"If there's a way Houston will find it. He'd do anything for you…"

C.J. looked at her mug.

"That's what scares me sometimes…"

"You think he'll get himself hurt?"

"Or killed. I couldn't bear it if anything bad happened to him."

Maureen sighed.

"Nothing will…the man knows how to take care of himself. He won't let anything happen to him."

C.J. understood that but she still worried. She knew he wouldn't rest until they found a way to nail Abigail.

* * *

Matt sat in his car with Roy staking out a jewelry store. Some fencing had gone on in the vacant unit next door in the strip mall and they were taking photos for a client. The police had said there wasn't enough suspicion yet to merit a full scale investigation.

No matter, Matt told them, he'd do it for his client and if the police wanted to hitch to their wagon later, that'd be just fine.

"So you think he's going to show today?"

Matt aimed the camera lens at the front of the abandoned unit.

"I hope so…my client's getting antsy."

"Understandable if he thinks that over $2 million in jewelry has been illegally sold off so far."

Matt saw a man but he looked like a homeless guy collecting cans for recycling. Nothing overtly suspicious.

"It's been quiet the past couple of days…"

Roy unwrapped his ham sandwich on rye and ate it. Matt watched him as the aroma filled the car.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Deli at 12th and Broadway…just opened up."

Matt frowned.

"Why didn't you get me one?"

"You didn't ask."

He continued eating his sandwich clearly enjoying it while Matt watched, his stomach grumbling. Roy ignored it.

"You got plans tonight?"

Matt nodded.

"C.J. and I are going to check out that new spy film that's coming out. You could join us."

Roy chuckled.

"No thanks I lived it," he said, "I'm going to meet Dixie at the art gallery in Venice. Will's bringing Olivia to join us."

"Sounds like fun…"

Then suddenly he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. Their homeless guy had ditched the bag of cans and was standing with someone dressed in a business suit in front of the jewelry store. Matt grabbed his camera.

"Look at what we got here."

Roy nodded.

"It's an old trick. Get some good close up shots and we can text them to Hoyt's guys."

Matt snapped away as the jewelry and money exchange took place right out in daylight. Then the man in the suit walked back to his car oh so casually and the homeless looking guy slipped into the vacant unit.

But just when Matt had finished, the homeless guy caught him watching him and started towards the vehicle pulling what looked like a gun out of his pants.

"Better duck!"

Then the bullets started flying…


	49. Chapter 49

Maureen handed her a tougher case and the woman looked so upset. Talia her name was and she'd just left her boyfriend who'd smacked her around in between times where he told her he'd loved her.

"I think it's time to get out of there," Talia said, "I don't want to die loving him."

She blew into a tissue and C.J. helped her fill out the TRO that would begin the steps of helping the young woman with the bruised face extricate herself from the toxic situation that could turn lethal any moment.

"Well, let's get this finished and we'll file it to the clerk before the courts close today okay? Do you have anywhere to stay?"

Talia nodded.

"I'm with a friend of a friend so he won't be able to track me down," she said, "I called a shelter but they can't take me in for a couple of days."

C.J. smiled at her.

"You'll be safe until then and we'll make sure that Dirk doesn't try to find and hurt you…"

Talia nodded.

"It took me way too long to get to this point. I'd been going out with him since I was 16…and now I'm not a teenager anymore for sure."

C.J. touched her shoulder.

"Don't blame yourself…you did get out of it. He's going to get himself behind bars if he keeps this up."

The woman bit her lip.

"I hope so…you just think I'm pathetic having gotten hooked up with a guy like that. But it wasn't always like that with him…"

C.J. smiled warmly.

"I don't think that. You trusted him and he violated that trust. Now you're taking steps to deal with it and protect yourself."

"I hope so…"

"I know so…it's going to work out. Not right away but it will work out."

The woman narrowed her eyes.

"What about you? You ever been messed up by a guy?"

C.J. felt the familiar iciness inside her that might never go away.

"Yeah I was…in a different way. I didn't even know him except years ago through my job. He didn't like the way I did it so he came back into my life for payback."

"Wow…sounds like a real bad guy."

C.J. paused.

"Yeah he is…he's back in prison. He'd escaped but not before…anyway hopefully he'll go away for a long time."

Talia smiled.

"I hope so…I hope they all go away for a long time."

C.J. couldn't argue with that. Talia picked up her copies of the paperwork and left C.J.'s cubicle and she settled back picking up her bottled water and drinking it.

She'd helped five women that morning filling out TROs and that felt good but listening to them tell their stories, asking questions to flesh them out to use on the declarations…it'd been hard. Maureen stopped by and told her they'd ordered Thai for lunch.

That sounded good. She was pretty hungry.

* * *

Matt sighed as the paramedics tended to a gash on his arm where a bullet had grazed him during the shootout. The surveillance operation with Roy had turned into an altercation and a shootout though Matt had his own gun out quickly enough and shot the "homeless" man in the leg, downing him. Police swarmed the area a few moments later with much fanfare and cuffed the man to haul off down to the station.

EMTs had tended to Matt who didn't like being fussed over.

"It's just a scratch…ow…what's that stuff anyway?"

The EMT looked at him.

"It's just to clean the abrasion. They can get badly infected if they're not cleaned out right away."

"I know that…I'll do it back at the office…now where's my shirt?"

The EMT sighed.

"After I'm done here Mr. Houston. Just a few minutes more."

He wanted to get out of here. He had work to do and he was going to check in on C.J. He certainly wanted a chance to tell her about what happened before she found out from someone else. They were supposed to meet tonight for dinner after her work and therapy session.

Roy walked up to him.

"You almost done here…or you still giving these hardworking folks a hard time?"

Matt shot a look at his uncle.

"I'm being good…just got a lot left to do before I meet up with C.J. later on today."

Roy nodded.

"She's enjoying working with Maureen at the clinic?"

Matt winced as the EMT put more battery acid like stuff on his latest war wound.

"Yeah…she's really enjoying it. I think she missed putting her law degree to use in helping people and Maureen's Legal Aid program's really taken off."

Roy nodded.

"Not surprised with the cost of legal services these days. Most people who need them can't afford them."

Matt only knew that C.J.'s eyes lit up when she talked about the work she did in ways that he hadn't seen in a while since…Dallas and company had tried to mess up her life. It was a beautiful sight to see her like that.

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

* * *

C.J. enjoyed the green curry dish most of all with chicken and veggies. She sipped her tea between bites and listened to Maureen talk about a new grant they'd received to start a program to teach women how to file divorce papers. Not C.J.'s favorite part of family law but necessary for women to be able to do if needed.

"I'll be done with some of those TROs to drop off at the court on my way to therapy."

Maureen smiled.

"Thanks…how's that going?"

C.J. looked at her food.

"All right…I'd been having these flashbacks…to that night just out of the blue and they just stop me in my tracks."

"Is she helping you with that?"

C.J. nodded.

"Desensitization training. That means deliberate exposure to the triggers which seem so random most of the time."

"It'll take time but it'll help you."

C.J. poked at her curry dish.

"I know and Houston's been so patient."

"He loves you so much…."

C.J. sighed.

"I know he does…I love him too but he's so frustrated that he can't get the people who did this…not all of them and not Dean's sister who'd totally untouchable right now until we get definitive proof."

"Must be frustrating…"

"It is…but Houston's so used to always getting the bad guys and putting them away but this time…it might not happen. I know it and I'm trying so hard to live my life anyway…but for him…it's harder."

"He just hates it when someone hurts you. Men like him want to protect the ones they love from bad things…it's just not always possible. So he might be struggling with that too."

C.J. nodded knowing that made sense.

"I know…I just wish I could find a way to help him…"


	50. Chapter 50

C.J. survived another arduous therapy session, feeling more than a little beat up by it. Her muscles ached where she held her stress before doing the relaxation exercises that would release it. One muscle at a time.

She was making progress…slowly and she knew it but she didn't always feel that way. Still she knew she had to keep working the program no matter how difficult it proved to be at times.

Millicent met her outside the office building. C.J. arched her brows in surprise.

"Hi…what are you doing here?"

The prosecutor smiled.

"I'm here to discuss some expert testimony with one of the therapists on another case," she said, "I see you're still attending therapy?"

C.J. nodded.

"Yes…twice a week and lots of homework."

Millicent pursed her lips.

"You still doing volunteer work at Maureen's clinic?"

"Yes…mostly family law cases including TROs but it's very rewarding…a lot of women out there need legal help but can't afford it."

"I know. I did an internship in family court before I decided on criminal law," Millicent said, "that's where I got most of my experience in DV."

C.J. inhaled slowly and released her breath. She knew all about those cases. Some of the hardest of all legal situations to deal with…and the most volatile in terms of emotions on all sides.

"I dealt with the battering side when I did PD work," she said, "but I admit I like helping the survivors of it so much more."

Millicent smiled.

"I can understand that. So how are you sleeping at night?"

C.J. looked at her hands for a moment.

"It's not easy…I still have nightmares…of him," she said, "and I'm living in a new house, still getting used to all its noises, the creaks and groans but I like it…I feel comfortable there. Comfortable and safe."

"That's great….listen we are doing what we can to keep you save C.J.," Millicent said, "Dallas is still locked up. He'll be doing a lot of time and Robert…he's looking for a deal…it's just…"

C.J. sighed.

"Abigail Dean because we can't prove it that she's planned this whole thing…I understand that you have to build a case. It's just frustrating because Houston and I…we know she's involved."

Millicent paused.

"We still need a lot more to take back to the grand jury on her," she said, "It's not that I don't believe you. Please understand that."

C.J. felt her muscles tense but reminded herself that the woman in front of her was on her side.

"I know…it's just hard and Houston….well he's not the most patient man in the world when it comes to family and friends."

Millicent smiled.

"You two are quite close…"

C.J. nodded with a smile.

"Yes we are. He's always been my best friend and if it hadn't been for him…"

She paused, taking a deep breath.

"I don't know what I would have done. I wouldn't have known about Abigail for one thing…"

Millicent didn't answer. C.J. knew that her office wasn't convinced about Abigail's involvement. She knew if Matt had his way, they would be soon.

"C.J. we're really trying to find out if other people are involved in what happened to you…"

C.J. felt her body tense, her eyes sting, unable to stop the images from filling her head again.

"She was the one…to get back at me for killing her brother," she said, "and she had the money to pay off both Dallas and Clyde and help Robert fund the web site. I know it's her, I just can't prove it yet."

C.J. knew that as sure as anything but understood Millicent's reluctance. She just couldn't settle for it. She wanted to work with Matt to find a way to get Abigail busted but she knew it'd take time. In the meanwhile, she wanted to live her life.

Matt was a huge part of that now that she'd begun to own up to her feelings for him. He'd moved past the death of Elizabeth in the plane crash resolving his guilt.

She just wished she felt like more than a part of a broken woman around him.

* * *

Matt had been shot at and pierced by bullets before so a graze wound was no big deal to him. He sensed C.J. wouldn't share that sentiment and he'd been working hard to help her feel more secure since…but his own profession made that difficult.

"You going to tell her?"

Matt looked over at Roy whose eyes looked at him expectedly.

"I will…nothing happened. The bullet barely grazed me."

Both of them sat in the office drinking Scotch after the shootout. Matt's wound had been treated by medics and after a glass or two he barely felt it any longer.

"Matlock, C.J. will worry so I think you should be straight with her."

Matt nursed his Scotch carefully.

"I plan to be Uncle Roy. I don't want to worry her. She's been through so much already."

"She can handle this," Roy said, "if you're honest with her."

"I am…but this really was no big deal," he said, "and besides both of us have been shot before as part of the job."

Roy sighed.

"I know but she's going to find out and she'll need to know you're all right," Roy said, "Will told me she worries about you a lot."

Matt knew all about that. He felt the same about her.

"I know but it's just a flesh wound. Nothing like what's happened to her more than once and I know how hard that was when I didn't know whether she'd make it or not."

His voice turned ragged at the memories of those times spent doing vigils at her bedside at the hospital. He couldn't help it, because the few times in his life he'd been scared had to do with her. But he also knew she was going through so much right now, after everything that had happened…then the realization they'd shared that they were more than just best friends. He'd promised her he'd take the lead in their new relationship until she trusted herself…

"I know Uncle Roy and I'll tell her as soon as I see her."

Roy nodded approvingly.

"Good…she can handle it you know Matlock, you just got to be honest with her rather than not with the excuse of protecting her…"

Matt knew that but he still wasn't looking forward to the conversation. He was more concerned about what she was processing these days than his own experiences.

"I will…I'll be seeing her for dinner tonight…"

Roy nodded, pleased.

"You and her…you always had something special between you. Bill saw it and so did I even if you two were too foolish to realize it…"

Matt knew what his uncle was saying but he'd already started planning his course of action.


	51. Chapter 51

"It's just a flesh wound C.J…"

Matt sounded weary when he said those words because he'd been saying them over and over while C.J. stood with her arms crossed, her eye on him. She had looked worried but also angry with him but she'd heard about the shootout on the radio before he'd had a chance to explain it.

She didn't like finding out when something bad happened to him second hand. He knew the feeling. He didn't like it either when something happened to his best friend or he wasn't told directly. But he'd not wanted to worry her and really, just a flesh wound. Injuries like the occasional gunshot wound in the line of work. They'd both collected scars but right now, her internal ones trumped his own more visible ones. Yeah he'd grieved the loss of Elizabeth mostly because of how he'd avoided death himself by canceling the wedding but what C.J. faced…

The way she looked at him now…he felt guilty that he'd worried her but really it wasn't anything serious. He'd live to fight another day, solve another case, find another missing person.

"Houston…I don't care what you say," she said, "You could have been killed."

He sighed.

"I wasn't…just got dinged in my wing."

He wore a damn sling. She had worn similar when she got shot in the shoulder while they'd been on the run together trying to clear his name in the murder of a woman.

"It could have been worse," she said, "I just got worried about you…"

He heard that in her voice, and reached a hand to stroke a tendril of hair out of her face.

"I'm sorry…that wasn't my intention…"

She smiled.

"I know…it's just that things are different. We're different and I'm not sure how to act sometimes."

He pursed his lips, noting the lines on her face. The kind that betrayed her concern, the kind he didn't want to see.

"You're doing fine C.J. You've been through an awful lot."

She steeled herself knowing his tone was genuine but after what he'd done…treated an injury so casually even when she'd been so scared. Not that she knew exactly why when he had a laundry list of bullet scars and knife wounds from the choices both had made years ago. The corporate world with its conference rooms and Lear Jets was much safer but the rewards of their agency far outweighed the dangers or so she told herself.

Like now.

She put a hand up almost to ward him off.

"Houston…"

He sighed, reading her so well even while he winced at moving his shoulder.

"Look I know you don't want to be reminded of what you've been through the past months so why don't we just both call it a day and head out and get something to eat?"

Relief filled her and she nodded. Sweat had beaded on her lip and this…it was so much safer. They would pick easier subjects to talk about over barbecue ribs at one of their favorite eateries.

She nodded.

"Okay…just let me get my things."

She went to get her purse and sweater as he watched her leave. He'd worried her and he hadn't wanted that.

They chose their favorite place that had been started a decade ago by a man who'd once worked for his daddy's oil company before retiring and using his pension and cashing in investments to move to L.A. and start his own restaurant.

Cal greeted Matt and C.J. at the front door dressed in a worn hat and faded jeans, scuffed boots from life spent on the ranch during his free time. He led them to a corner booth with a rack of horns from a Texas Longhorn hanging on the wall.

"I'll bring you some of the house beer," he said, "brewed special by one of my waiters at a microbrewery."

Matt nodded and the man left. C.J. settled back in her seat taking in the comfortable ambience of a spacious room that took her back home to the small town south east of Houston where she'd grown up.

"Sometimes I wish I was back there…"

Matt watched her trace a crack in the table with her fingers. He tilted his head.

"How so?"

She paused a moment, her finger still tracing the crack carefully.

"I miss Texas…growing up there. Don't you?"

Matt considered that and he knew she awaited his answer. But it wasn't something that could be said in few words.

He chose them carefully.

"Sometimes…but I love the life I've built here C.J.," he said, "I needed to build something of my own apart from my father."

She knew that. She'd been right there with him when he'd made the decision to break away from the job his father had saved for him once he returned from the Iraqi war. His decision had hurt his daddy at first…but it hadn't been his intention to do that.

She looked up as the waiter brought them a hefty pitcher of the house brew and Matt poured them both tall glasses of the amber liquid. She sipped hers before continuing and the flavor melted on her tongue as the beer warmed her throat.

"I know…it's just that sometimes I think things were simpler back then…"

"In some ways maybe…"

She knew he'd had his own demons to battle. His father's plans for his only one that conflicted with his own dreams and then the loss of Will….

But they'd found Matt's beloved cousin and they bonded into a family. If it hadn't been for that family…she didn't know if she'd had made it.

She swallowed a huge lump that rested in her throat while Matt nursed his beer.

"In many ways," she said, "I thought I wanted to be a defense attorney. So I worked with Houston's PD office…but then that wasn't the right decision was it?"

Matt studied her for a long moment.

"Because of what those two men did? That has nothing to do with the fact that you're one hell of an attorney, C.J."

She looked down at her glass.

"I didn't want to represent them Houston…because I knew they were guilty. That goes against the mission of where I worked. If I hadn't…"

She stopped then and sipped her beer thoughtfully leaving him to fill in the gaps.

"C.J…it had nothing to do with the way you did your job," he said, "It's all on them for the choices they made…choices which had consequences…"

She nodded slowly.

"I know that…I remember that every single day Houston."

He saw the weariness on her face amid its beauty. He wanted to say something that would ease her feelings somewhat but what?

His mind worked quickly.


End file.
